Reflections of Things That Never Were
by BabbleBaby
Summary: Haley Scott never let herself dream of a life outside of Tree Hill. Nathan Scott never dreamt of staying. Happily married there's still something missing in both their lives. Is it something that they can give each other...? AU Naley
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Reflections of Things That Never Were

**Rating:** T – but more for later I guess!

**Disclaimer:** Nothing but the plot is mine

**Summary: **Haley Scott never let herself dream of a life uotside of Tree Hill. Nathan Scott never dreamt of staying. Happily married there's still sometihng missing from both their lives. Is it something they can give each other, and is their love strong enough to survive it if they can't?

**Authors Notes:** I probably shouldn't start a new story. But none the less here it is! I was going to work on a fluff idea after the fun I had writing Two More Weeks but this wouldn't stop niggling at me. I hope you like it! Italics are flashback. Backstory should clear up as it goes along!

**One**

As far as Haley Scott was concerned, the only reason she was the one to marry her husband was because they were both left behind in the small North Carolina town of Tree Hill. His dreams dashed out from underneath him, her never confident enough to pursue her own. He didn't remember her from high school. The few encounters they'd shared, the ones that had been burned in her brain from when she was a fifteen year old tutor dreaming that one day the basketball star would notice her, were lost on him. The times she'd brought it up he shrugged, claiming he was a different person then. 

When they'd first slept together, three months after he'd walked into the same cafe she'd worked in for the past 8years of her life and asked her to go for dinner with him, it had been under the stars on a flat weathered rock on the beach. He'd stared shocked at the bright red streak that marked the grey, astonished to discover at 22 she was still a virgin. He'd been angry with her at first, claiming if he'd known it would of been different, it would have been of perfect. To her it was perfect, everything with him was. She knew he didn't feel the same though, and she lived in fear that one day, someone would come back to the town. It'd no longer be the two of them, and they'd take her perfect life away from her.

"You can go now if you'd like, Haley." Karen smiled at the girl she'd grown to think of as a daughter as she watched her stare out of the window of the nearly deserted café. "I doubt anyone will be braving the storm to come in and you've been here all day."

"Oh, thanks Karen. But I may as well stick around. Nathan's going to come by and get me after work. He doesn't want me driving in this weather. He's so over-protective."

"He loves you." The older woman smiled, knowing it was true. Her nephew was a completely different person since he'd met and fell for Haley James – now Scott. Never would she of imagined the petite girl who'd nervously chattered her way into a job nearly 10years before would be the one to tame him. If she'd known, she'd never of waited years to introduce the pair.

"I know." Haley responded, and she did. She knew he loved her, as much as he could, but she also knew he'd never love her in the way she loved him. She'd read an article once on how no couple are equally in love. One person is always more in love, more willing to sacrifice for the other. She'd asked Nathan if he thought this was true and he'd laughed saying they were both as stubborn as each other, and then asked her to turn off the light. As she'd laid there in the darkness, the fact that he didn't dispute it lay with her.

"You should call him. Maybe Dan would let him leave early. If people aren't venturing out for food, I'd bet they're not coming out to buy cars either."

"I doubt it, but yeah, I'll call if you don't mind." They shared a smile as Haley walked into the back.

_"Well my nephew, the superstar, you grace us with your presence." Haley watched as Karen walked over to where Nathan had just hobbled through the door on crutches, hugging him quickly before guiding him to sit down. Trying not to draw attention, Haley moved so she was cleaning a table closer to them. That's what happened when you didn't leave the town you grew up in, things like childhood crushes on the captain of the basketball team never go away; especially when said captain looked like that._

_"Superstar I ain't, Aunt Karen." Nathan responded, motioning to his knee._

_"Oh be quiet you, you're going to heal fine and you'll be back playing before you know it."_

_"Whatever you say." His darkened tone didn't escape Haley before it quickly disappeared and was replaced by a happier one as he asked after his Uncle and cousins._

_"Oh Haley!" Haley looked up, hoping she hadn't been caught in her eavesdropping. "You remember Nathan?"_

_"Um vaguely." She could feel her cheeks flushing as she looked up shyly from underneath her bangs and smiled at the young man in question. "Hi."_

_"Hi." He smirked at her and she felt her knees go weak. Taking a deep breath she chastised herself for it. "Haley was it?"_

_"Yep. Did you want me to get you guys something?" She turned toward Karen, feeling herself shake under his gaze._

_"Oh, no honey, I just wanted to introduce you guys properly."_

_"Oh okay, well I'm going to get back to work then. It was nice meeting you again Nathan."_

_"I've met her before? Where?" She heard Nathan ask when he presumed she was out of ear shot. She wasn't sure whether to be upset he didn't remember her, or giddy at the fact he'd asked._

_"You went to school with her."_

_"Really?" This surprised Nathan, he didn't think she could be any older than eighteen._

_"Yes, and she worked here all through high school. Oh Nathan you do live in a bubble."_

_He watched the petite honey blonde smile at an elderly couple in the corner, she poured them coffee and laughed openly at something they'd said. Throwing her head back and laughing, really laughing, from deep in her belly, the melodic sound carrying across the café. He didn't think he'd ever seen something so free. It was a stark contrast to how he viewed this town, he felt completely suffocated the moment he crossed the state line._

_"I don't remember her."_

_"That's a shame, she's a lovely girl. Wouldn't do you any harm to associate with someone like that." Karen nudged as she watched her nephew fixate on the girl. "A pretty little thing don't you think?"_

_"Sure." He hadn't really paid much attention he had to admit. He was used to attractive girls throwing themselves at him. Gorgeous people were just a way of life to him these days, but he looked now it was pointed out to him and he had to agree. She was tiny, but from what he could tell from her jeans and t-shirt combo she was far from a stick, she might not be instantly striking, but the more he looked the prettier she seemed, in fact she was starting to verge on beautiful._

_"I'll be back." Karen promised, standing up when a new group of people walked into the café and she went over to take their order._

_"You seem busy." Haley stopped, a little startled when Nathan spoke to her as she walked past; shaking her head a little at the girlish butterflies that started up in her stomach. She felt like she was back in high school again._

_"No more so than usual." She answered, cleaning up the table next to him to avoid meeting his piercing gaze._

_"Karen tells me we went to school together?"_

_"I was a couple of grades below you and your brother." She nodded._

_"You remember me then?" That cocky smirk graced his lips and she giggled, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear._

_"You were Nathan Scott, how could I not."_

_"I'm still Nathan Scott." He laughed, confused._

_"Well, yes, I mean…" She smiled sheepishly as she stumbled a little over her words "you were a bit of a legend at Tree Hill."_

_"They were all true you know." He grabbed onto her arm trying to coax her to sit down._

_"What were?" She shook her head at his silent invitation, continuing to clean around him._

_"The rumours." His voice went a little deeper and Haley stopped to ask herself if he was flirting with her, only entertaining the possibility for a second._

_"Well, for both our sakes, I hope that's not true." She laughed and he smiled, there was definitely something about that laugh. "And that's not quite what I meant. I just meant you were the basketball star, the king of Tree Hill High, at least during my time there. Even after you'd left nobody seemed to live up to the shadow of Nathan Scott."_

_"For the school or for you?"_

_"The school." She bit out with an eye roll, suddenly that famous smirk she'd found endearing grated on her a little. She motioned to the tub of dishes. "I need to take these back. Do you need anything?"_

_"Some pie would be good."_

_"I'll bring it over in a minute. Or I could send it with Karen."_

_"I'd prefer you did." And damn the thing was endearing again._

_"Okay." She smiled at him before turning and placing walking into the back._

_"What were you and Nathan talking about?"_

_Haley jumped at the sound of Karen's voice, she'd been replaying their conversation in her mind._

_"Oh, um, nothing; just high school really. He wanted pie."_

_"I'll take it to him."_

_"Oh no I'll…um." She trailed off, blushing and giving Karen an embarrassed smile at how eagerly she'd jumped to stop the older woman._

_"He's an attractive man, isn't he?"_

_"I uh..."_

_"Don't be embarrassed honey. You certainly won't be the first to agree with that statement."_

_"Well, of course he is, he was, but..."_

_"But..."_

_"But, I'd better take him his pie and start serving coffee again before we lose all our customers."_

_"Yes, you get back out there to Nathan."_

_"Karen." Haley warned, but brunette just laughed in response._

_"I mean, get back to your job young lady!"_

_"Yes Ma'am."_

_"I thought you'd run away." Nathan spoke up as Haley put a plate down in front of him and poured a cup of coffee._

_"You're not my only customer."_

_"But I'm your favourite."_

_"I don't even know you."_

_"Maybe so, but you didn't deny it." Haley held his gaze for a minute before shaking her head. It was becoming harder to convince herself he wasn't flirting._

_"Excuse me, Miss!" A voice rang from behind her and she blinked before turning away. Signalling to the customer she'd be with them in a moment._

_"Enjoy your pie."_

_"I'm sure I will."_

_"Okay then." She laughed, a little uncomfortably, under his scrutiny, before turning and walking across the room and tending to the other patrons. She walked around exchanging the odd words with him as she passed his way. Both grateful and annoyed at the sudden influx of people entering the café and stopping her from speaking to him more._

_"Haley, you can take your break now if you want." Haley nodded at Karen's suggestion and started moving to the back of the café, clearings as she went._

_"Are you leaving?" She asked as she passed Nathan who was reaching for his crutch._

_"I was going to, but if you're going on your break maybe I could keep you company."_

_"Oh, you don't have to! Busy as this place is I'll probably be called back in at any moment. You don't have to stay on my account I'd hate to keep from anything."_

_"You're not keeping me from anything, Haley. What is there to keep me from in Tree Hill? What would you say if I told you I wanted to sit and talk to a pretty girl for an hour?"_

_"I'd ask who you were planning on talking to." She flushed pink and he was surprised at how appealing he found it._

_"I want to." He assured her._

_"I'd ask you why, but I get the impression you don't enjoy that question."_

_"Not much. Do what you do, because you want. That's my motto."_

_"Must be nice."_

_"What?"_

_"Not worrying about other people."_

_"Well, I never said that. Now, I'd be a gentleman and pull out a chair for you but at this point I think you're a bit more agile than I am, so come on. Sit down. I promise I won't bite."_

_"And I thought you said all the rumours were true. I'll be back." She promised before walking back to the kitchen and dropping the dirty dishes and her apron on the back counter, unable to stop herself fussing with her appearance in the small mirror that hung on the back of the door before she walked back onto the café floor. The one lunch break, turned into more of the same, he'd come by around midday, and sit with her while she ate her lunch. She tried to question him on why he'd waste his time talking to her, and he'd responded that he just needed to get out of the house; she was just a happy bonus. Two weeks of shared lunches, and he asked her to share a dinner._

"Dan Scott Motors, Nathan Scott speaking."

"Hi Sweetie."

"Hey Hales." She smiled at the relaxed sigh that was audible when he realised it was her on the line.

"Selling any cars today?"

"In this weather?" He laughed, and she smiled; God she loved it when he laughed.

"Well that's what I figured. They're not coming to buy food either. Karen's offered me the rest of the day off. Any chance my favourite father in law would do the same?"

"I doubt it."

She sighed, twisting the phone cord around her finger. "Yeah I figured. Could you ask?"

"I could…if he were here."

"So just leave." He could hear the glint in her eye she always got when she was doing something that could be deemed somewhat wrong.

"I can't just leave."

"And why not? You've been working so hard lately I feel like I never get to spend any real time with you. An afternoon where we both have nothing to do? Sounds like heaven to me."

"Me too, baby, but we do have things to do. Or at least I do, and you working the next few hours would come in handy pay day."

"I guess, I just feel bad taking money when there's not going to be any work to do."

"You're telling me to leave work I have, but you feel bad for taking money for hours you were supposed to work anyway."

"Karen's nicer than your dad." She pointed out, and they both laughed in agreement.

"This is true. I'm sorry Haley. If I could I would, but it's just not going to happen today. I'll pick you up in a few hours."

"Okay. I'm sorry I bothered you." Her hurt tone came across a little snippy on his end.

"Don't be like that, Hales."

"Be like what? I'm disappointed Nathan that's all. I think I'm entitled."

"I am too."

"Really? Cause you didn't exactly try hard!"

"Dad's not here to ask! Even if he was you know him well enough to know he wouldn't let me, and the hassle of asking wouldn't be worth it."

"He's not the devil, Nathan! Glad to know the possibility of an afternoon with your wife isn't worth the hassle!" She hung up the phone and grabbed a mop next to her and began ferociously cleaning the floor.

"Woah! Is it safe to come back there or will I be attacked with a cleaning instruments?" Karen joked as she stood in the doorway watching Haley move the mop over the floor.

"I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"Well, I should be saying it to Nathan but he's not here so I figured you'd do for now."

"I take it he's not coming to pick you up?"

"He has to work. Oh Karen, I just hung up the phone on him because he has to work. I'm the worst wife in the world." She sat down a chair and held her head in her hands.

"Oh now don't talk such rubbish." Karen stroked a hand up and down Haley's back trying to soothe the younger woman.

"I have no idea what's wrong with me." Haley swiped at the tears that were welling there. "I must be all PMS or something."

"What about the 'or something'?"

"What?" Haley looked up confused, even more so when Karen smiled expectantly at her.

"Pregnancy?"

"Oh, no, I mean I can't be."

"Haley you're a married woman, I'm sure the possibility is there."

"Well, I mean of course I could be. But I'm not. I've not skipped a period or anything, and I'm like OCD about taking my pill."

"I didn't mean to freak you out hon. It's just you've been a bit on edge lately, and I know when I was pregnant I was constantly screaming at Keith for no reason."

"I'm just missing Nathan. He seems to be working all hours god sends these days. We rarely eat dinner together, some days I'm not even awake when he gets in, especially if I've worked the opening shift. Then those days when I am, he's too tired to hold any kind of conversation. I thought the first year we were married we'd spend all our time together, and now… I'm so sorry Karen, if my stress at that has been carried over into my work."

"Oh don't you be silly. We both know my concern has nothing to do with your work, Haley. And don't you worry about Nathan. I can guarantee you he'd much prefer to be at home with you than at work with his father. You're just over thinking things sweetie. Things will go back to normal before you know it. I've never seen a couple more content with just being with each other than the two of you."

"I hope you're right."

"I generally am."

"I think I should call my husband."

"I think that'd be a good idea." Karen smiled sympathetically at Haley before walking out of the room.

"Dan Scott Mo…"

"I'm sorry, I love you." Haley rushed out before Nathan could finish his greeting.

"I love you too." He smiled; he'd be staring at the phone since she'd hung up at him.

"I'm a horrible person; a completely useless wife."

"You are not. You're the best wife. I'm your husband, how could you not be?" He leaned back in his chair placing his feet up on the desk before him. "Listen, when dad comes in I'm going to ask him…"

"No, you don't have to. You're right. We need the money, and if you have work to do, you have work to do. I'd just let myself get carried away with the idea of having an afternoon to ourselves."

"Seeing as I won't be making any sales this afternoon I doubt I'll have any reason to stay any later tonight, so why don't we go out for dinner?"

"In this weather?" She laughed at the thought as she watched puddles splashing up as a fresh downpour hit. "I'll cook. But maybe we could just eat together, like actually at the table. Talk a little."

"Sounds nice."

"I think so too."

"Just because there's no customers doesn't mean there's no work, Son." Dan Scott's voice boomed as he walked into Nathan's office, and Nathan immediately removed his feet from the desk.

"I've got to go Hales, I'll see you soon."

"Talking to the little woman when you should be working?"

"Well unlike you, I don't use work to escape my wife." Nathan sneered back in response as he hung up the phone, silently sending a prayer that Haley had hung up before Dan's condescending statement had been spoken.

"Apparently you don't use it to actually do work either."

"It was a two minute phone call, Dad, lay off. We haven't had anybody come in to buy a car in this ridiculous weather, and I'm working my way through these papers. I'll stay an extra two minutes tonight if you really want."

"Oh you'll be staying longer than that."

"Jesus dad we weren't having phone sex! It was a two minute conversation. You can check the phone records."

"As much as I enjoy that insight into your personal life Nathan, and I have to say I never would of pegged Haley for the type-" Nathan's eyes darkened with anger at the mention of his father thinking of Haley in away other than just his daughter in law, and Dan laughed at the possessive stance his son took. "-I meant that I'm changing the cars in the show room."

"And that involves staying behind how?"

"I need you to supervise."

"Supervise yourself, I have plans with my wife."

"She'll understand."

"I'm fed up of telling her to understand! I'm going to finish my paperwork, and then I'm going home. We won't be getting any customers today."

"I'm your boss Nathan, and you'll do what I say. When you agreed to take this job you said you didn't want any special treatment. Well you're not getting any. You chose this life for yourself, you need to live it."

"It was hardly a choice, Dad."

"Well, maybe if you'd spent more time with those physical therapists, and less time pursuing that girl we'd be having a very different conversation now."

"That girl – is my wife. And she has nothing to do with this."

"I know she's your wife. I like Haley, I do. I just don't think she realises how much you gave up for her."

"I didn't give up anything for Haley. Your damn specialists screwed up their job before I even met her. I'd appreciate if you stopped saying otherwise, 'cause I swear if she ever hears anything you'll pay. You know what, screw the damn paper work. I'm going to pick up my wife. I'll see you tomorrow Dad."

-----

"Hello?" Nathan called, pushing his way out of the rain and into the café.

"Hi!" Haley looked up shocked from where she'd been sat at the counter reading over a magazine. Jumping up she wrapped her arms around his waist laying her head against his chest. She laughed seconds later pushing away from him and wiping at the dampness of her cheek. "Ew you're all wet."

"Yes, rain does that Hales. I thought you were supposed to the smart one."

"Hush you. I am the smart one!" She stood on her tiptoes kissing him lightly before turning back round to cleaning up her things. "I thought you couldn't come till later?"

"I decided you were worth the hassle."

She shook her head grinning before sending him a beaming smile. "Do you have like a perfect husband handbook or something?"

"Not hardly." He snorted. "Can you go now?"

"So you come up with all those little perfect lines on your own huh?"

"Yup."

"Well, maybe you are the smart one mister. Let me just get my purse."

As he watched her walk around the café grabbing her things and call goodbye to Karen, he was hit by a familiar uncomfortable sensation that came from how freely happy she was around him. It had been one of things that attracted him to her in the first place, but lately the fact that it was so easy for him to make her happy, that he had that kind of power over her, was starting to unnerve him.

"Are you okay?" She took in the pensive look on his face in concern.

"I'm fine, Hales." He forced himself to smile at her, helping her into her coat and placing his hand on the base of her spine, guiding her out of the door as he called goodbye to his aunt. "Just had a run in with Dad."

"I'm sorry. You shouldn't have asked him about coming. I don't want you two fighting…"

"We'd argue anyway. Don't worry about it, I wanted to. Come on." He held his jacket open for her to duck under in shield from the rain as they quickly made their way to the car.

They sat in mostly comfortable silence, exchanging the odd words about their day during the short drive home.

"I can't believe how soaked we got just walking up our driveway!" Haley laughed, shaking her hair out as she walked through the door and into the house; quickly running in toward the linen closet and passing Nathan a towel.

"It's ridiculous." He watched concerned as her teeth chattered as she tried to dry her hair. "You should go have a bath or a hot shower. You're going to get sick." He pushed a wet tendril out of her hair smiling down at her. "I'll see if we've got anything for dinner."

"Or..." She started, her lower lip working its way into her teeth, a blush already creeping its way up her neck. A coy giggle escaping as she stroked a finger up his chest. "You could join me? After all, we can't have you getting sick either."

He smiled adoringly at her; although they had a decent sex life it was rare still that she initiated things other than late at night in their bedroom. Sex had been the furthest thing from his mind this afternoon. He actually had wanted to have dinner with her and just talk, and that was still what he wanted. He'd been lying though if he said hadn't presumed they'd end up in the bedroom. He watched her smile waiver, obviously he'd taken too long to reply, and he could see her about to backtrack and apologise. Before the words could leave her mouth he took the towel he'd been running over his hair and whipped it playfully across her bottom, before taking off up the stairs. "Race you."


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you all so much for your reviews! I'm so glad that you're liking the story so far! Big thanks for Kristen for beta-ing for me. She's the best! And Britt too! **

**Italics are flashback!**

_---------_

_Mom!!!" Haley screamed down the stairs as she stood at the top, her hair in rollers, a shirt clasped to the front of her chest, pyjama bottoms hanging low on her hips. "MOOOM!!!"_

"_Good God Haley, what?"_

"Help me." Her brown eyes so wide, pleading and childlike Lydia James couldn't help but laugh at her youngest daughter.

"_Anal retentive daughter of mine, I think at least one of your drawers is out of order." Lydia spoke up, walking into Haley's room to find clothes strewn across the bed, drawers hung open. _

"_You're not funny. Help me!"_

"_Haley James, in the six or so years you've been dating I have never seen you like this." _

"_I've never been on a date with Nathan Scott before!" Haley rolled her eyes at her mother like it was the most obvious thing in the world before stamping her foot on the ground. "Help Me!!"_

"_Okay, sit down." Lydia took Haley's arm and led her to the bed, pushing some clothes aside she coaxed her to sit on the edge. "This is ridiculous. You're a 22year old young woman Haley. Whoever this boy was in high school doesn't matter." Haley cut her a disbelieving look and started to get up again but Lydia put her hands on her shoulders holding her down. "He wouldn't have asked to take you out tonight if he didn't like you, and he wouldn't have come by the café every day for the past two weeks if he didn't like you. Would he?"_

"I guess…" Haley reluctantly admitted, fixating on the bedspread.

"_You know." Lydia affirmed picking up a simple dark green wrap dress that tied at the waist, and danced around her thighs. "Wear this." _

"_You don't think it's too plain?"_

"I think it's beautiful, and it'll show off that little waist of yours. Now get dressed before he comes, and your daddy attacks him at the door. A little like yourself tonight, he has trouble remembering you're out of high school. You might want to clean up a little in case you want to bring him back; finish the night off with a bang." 

"_Oh My God!! Goodbye mother!" Haley threw a top at her mom's retreating figure, shaking her head at her boldness. Sitting down at her vanity she started applying her make up, before taking the rollers out of her hair and separating the curls until she was satisfied with the loose tendrils. _

_This is ridiculous. Her Mom was right. She's been on dates before, dates with great, attractive guys. So why couldn't she seem to hold her hand steady when she was applying her eyeliner? Or why was she swiping on yet another layer of antiperspirant just to be safe from the way her body was over heating?_

_She was in the process of securing the ankle strap of her shoe when she heard the doorbell ring, not thinking too much of it having told Nathan to call her when he was outside so he wouldn't have to struggle to the door on his crutches. _

"_HALEY! HE'S HERE!" Panicked she quickly applied another layer of lip gloss, checking herself in the mirror once last time before grabbing her purse and making for the door. A quick glance behind her at the messy room she shut the door praying it wouldn't distract her all night. God, her mother was right, she really was anal. _

"_Oh my little girl, on a date with the star of the basketball team! I'm so proud." Haley rolled her eyes and sent Nathan an apologetic smile before pushing him out of the door sending a quick shout to her parents._

"_I am SO sorry! My mother tends to speak before she… well she doesn't really do much thinking."_

"_It's fine Haley. She seems fun."_

"Fun, crazy, I guess they're interchangeable." She smiled as he opened the passenger door to his car and motioned for her to get in. She looked at him curiously trying to place what was different as he got into the drivers seat. "Oh! Your crutches!"

"_The doctor said I could try without them for a while – and I figured what better time to do than on a date with the prettiest girl in Tree Hill? Everyone will be looking my way anyway." _

"_You may not have noticed, but everyone always looks your way Nathan."_

"_Not true. You're not one for taking compliments are you?"_

"I 'm not exactly practised in the art." She agreed with a small self deprecating shrug.

"I find that hard to believe."

"Believe what you want I suppose." She gave an obviously nervous sounding giggle and wanted to kick herself. 

"_You look beautiful." He said turning to face her as they sat at the stop sign at the end of her street. Giving her a sincere smile._

"Thank you." She gave him a small smile before turning to look straight ahead again.

"There you go! That's how you do it. You're a fast learner."

"Well I'm very smart." She laughed, the tension disappearing.

_-------_

"_Did you go away for school or…?" He asked as the waiter cleared their plates. They'd shared a mostly easy conversation over dinner, covering the usual topics without any awkward silences._

"_No. I stayed home. Initially I wanted to go away, study music. But after my sisters dance degree only served to make her the most qualified stripper in the club, my parents weren't too keen on helping finance another liberal arts course. I got offered a couple of scholarships but none were enough to cover everything I needed so I stayed home, went to THCC, tried to get my teachers degree. I thought maybe I'd transfer after a couple of years, UNC, or Duke maybe. But my mom got sick and I ended up dropping out to take care of her."_

"Woah, that must have been really hard."

"_Not really. I mean, she needed me. She's taken care of me my whole life what kind of a person would I be if I wasn't there for her?"  
_

"_Is she? I mean..."_

"She's fine now. Has been for about 18months, give or take. I keep saying I'm going back but," She paused shrugging, shaking her head at his silent offer of refilling her wine glass. "I don't know, I'm happy working in the café, it's like second nature to me now. For example I can see out of my corner my eye that the table behind me to our left hasn't been cleared, and I can't help it, I'm itching to go over and take them into the kitchen."

_He laughed smiling. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been on a date where he was actually enjoying the conversation, and not trying to work out the easiest way to get his date out of her clothes.   
_

"_Do you think you ever will?"_

"Go back?" She asked and he nodded. "I don't know, maybe, see where life takes me I guess. I used have this plan, and I quickly learned, the best way to get off track, is to give yourself a track to be on."

"_What kind of plan?"_

"A life plan. All the things I wanted to achieve and when they were supposed to be achieved by."

_That sounds familiar he thought riley but just smiled across at her, hypnotised by the way her thin fingers played lightly with the rim of her glass. "And what exactly was in this life plan of yours, Haley James?"_

"_Hmm, go to a good four year school, get a good job, marry my senior prom date, buy a house with a white picket fence, have 2.4 children and a dog. Just normal stuff really."_

"Well, I've got to say I'm glad you never married the boy you went to prom with. Or am I just a stopover until the dream boy comes back?"

"Well, dream boy lives in Chicago now. With his life partner." She grinned as he choked a little on his drink.

"_Your senior prom date was gay?"_

"_Yep"_

"Did you know this?"

"Oh yeah, did I leave that little tidbit out? Part of the life plan was for the husband to have a boyfriend." She giggled, covering her mouth when it came out a little louder than intended. "Oops."

"I don't think anyone noticed." He assured her before continuing. "Did he?"

"_Uh huh. I've since found out the reason he asked me was because he had a thing for my older brother and he'd noticed we had near identical eyes. An insight I could of lived without knowing."_

"_Ouch."_

"_Yeah, didn't really do wonders for the old ego." _

"_I'm sure there were plenty of guys ready and waiting to pick up the pieces of your broken heart."_

"Don't bank on it. I wasn't exactly in demand with the boys in my class."

"_Well, then I'm guessing the GPA must of really dropped after I left because no way a pretty girl like you would have got over looked when I was there."_

Haley suddenly became fixated with the table cloth, her cheeks flushing, a shy smile on her lips. He reached out across the table stroking at her jaw until she looked up at him. "You're so cute."

"_Cute's what you call your little sister."_

"Well, good job I don't have a little sister then." He winked at her. "Ready to get out of here?"

"_Oh, uh, sure if you want."_

"_Maybe we could go for a walk or something?" Where did that come from? He wondered to himself but didn't feel the need to backtrack. A walk, since when did he take dates on walks? _

"_A walk sounds really nice." she agreed. "Oh, your leg!"_

"_It's fine. They said I should walk some on it every day anyway. We'll just drive the car somewhere."_

"The beach?" Haley suggested.

"_Wherever the lady wants."_

"_The beach then." They shared a smile as he signalled for their bill._

_--------_

"_I really love it down here." Haley said as she slipped off her heels and dangled them from her hand. Giggling a little as Nathan lifted her up at the waist helping her from the steps onto the sand. "I told you not to give me anymore wine. I'm not exactly a big drinker." _

"_Why doesn't that surprise me?" _

"_What do you mean?" She eyed him curiously, wondering if she should be offended._

"_I just meant you're different that most girls I've been out with." _

"Good different or bad different?"

"Definitely good different."

"Oh good. I don't mind then." She felt herself shiver as he locked eyes with her. He had the most intense eyes. 

"_Are you cold?" He asked, starting to slip off his jacket. _

"_No." As soon as the word left her mouth she regretted it. The idea of being wrapped up in his jacket, discreetly inhaling his scent was really appealing. "So, do you like the beach?" _

"_Sure." He gave her a curious glance as she cursed under her breath at her question. _

"_That was kind of a lame question huh?"_

"_A little." He agreed "Do you come here often?"  
"Okay, that was too so now I don't feel so stupid. Yes, Nathan, I do come here often." She have him a giddy smile laughing a little before turning back in the direction they were walking, her small feet almost bouncing along the sand and he noticed again how free she seemed. "Ever since I was a kid I've loved the beach. I think maybe it's because we didn't get away much. So our parents used to take us to the beach when they could. Pack a lunch and it was just a mini vacation day, all of us together."  
_

"_All of you? How many of you are there?"  
_

"_Six."_

"_Big family. Where are you?"_

"The baby, and don't you dare Aww."

_He held up his hands in mock defence. "Wouldn't dare."_

"_I feel like you've turned every question around to me. What about you, Nathan? What's there to know about you? I mean, I know you went from high school, to Duke, to the NBA."_

"_Yeah." His voice took on the same tone it had the day she'd listened in on his conversation with Karen. She bit at her lip nervously, hoping she hadn't said something she shouldn't have._

"_You do that a lot."_

"_Do what?" Suddenly she felt really self conscious._

"_Bite your lip."_

"Oh." She released her lip, bringing her finger up to touch the tissue she'd been chewing at. "I hadn't really noticed."

"_I had." His voice was low and gravely, sending tingles down her spine. "You do it so often, I've been wanting to know what the fascination is." Before she had a chance to think about what he was doing he stopped turning her toward him and taking her lower lip between his own, nibbling at it a little before swiping his tongue across; stroking it at her own when she let out a surprised gasp. He smirked at her drawing away. "I can see how that could be addictive." _

_She gave him a coy smile, her fingers playing at the ends of her hair before she made her way over to a flat rock and sat down; staring out at the waves crashing and falling in front of them as he sat down beside her. They were silent for a few minutes before Haley spoke again. "It's so beautiful don't you think?"_

"_Yeah I guess." _

"_It always surprises me how the most natural, simple things can be the most beautiful."_

_He watched her, her hair twisting around her shoulders in the wind, her cheeks flushed from the breeze, her eyes sparkling, and when she looked over at him, a bright smile crossing her features before gazing back out at the waves. He reached out and put his arm around her, her head instinctively lying on his shoulder. "Yeah. I'm starting to see that…"/i_

--------

"We should try this!" Brooke tapped at the sheet of paper on the wall in front of her as she stood in the locker room drying her hair.

"Try what?" Haley asked glancing sideways as she gripped up her wet hair, curly tendrils hitting her face and neck.

"Strip-ercise"

"Uh yeah, I'll get right on that. Let me just tell Nathan I'm installing a pole in the bedroom first."

"I'm sure he'd have no complaints." The brunette girl laughed as she unplugged her hairdryer and stuffed it into her gym bag. "I've heard it's amazing for your legs."

"Are you trying to tell me I have fat legs, Davis?"

"Uh yes, of course I am Haley."

"Thought so." Haley nodded confirmation before giggling. "Ready?"

"Yep. Are you looking forward to tomorrow?"

"Oh yes, because Scott family functions are always such relaxing affairs."

"Why Deb keeps doing it is beyond me."

"Because we keep turning up?" Haley suggested as they walked out to the car park and stopped before walking off to their own cars.

"Shall I meet you at your house?"

"Um, no. Come to the store. I need to get groceries other than for your famous pasta salad. Plus, seriously, one of these days you're going to have to pay attention to what goes into it."

"Hmm, if you say so. I'll see you in a couple of minutes." Brooke grinned, her heels clicking across the car park. Haley marvelled at how perfect the other woman looked; no one would dream she'd just been sweating her ass off in the gym for the past two hours. As opposed to herself with her wet hair, sweatpants and sneakers.

"I'll go grab the pasta." Brooke said as they walked into the store.

"Because that's the only ingredient you remember?" Haley laughed as Brooke gave her a mysterious smile walking off.

Shaking her head, she began pushing the cart in the opposite direction, picking up various pieces as she went. As she finished putting away the few things she needed to pick up, she found herself being drawn to the small section of the store that housed some baby and children's clothes. These days she couldn't walk past baby things without her stomach fluttering. Unable to stop herself, she picked up a small pink ruffled dress, glancing over her shoulder as if she were doing something wrong.

"Are you pregnant?" Brooke asked, coming up behind Haley who dropped the little dress she'd been coveting to the ground as if it burned.

"God, Brooke! Must you creep up on me?"

"Sorry I'll make sure to announce myself in a busy grocery store in the future." The brunette rolled her eyes as she placed the pasta into the cart. "So are you?"

"No, Brooke, I'm not pregnant. But I'm thinking maybe we should try that new class. You're the second person to as me that question in as many days."

"You seemed pretty interested in those baby clothes." Brooke watched Haley curiously as she hurriedly picked up the dress and pushed it onto the rail, turning the cart and moving away.

"Iwas looking to see if there was anything for the nieces and nephews."

"Isn't your youngest niece like two? That dress was newborn."

"It just caught my eye is all."

"Uh huh."

"Drop it Brooke."

"Defensive. What is it? You think you're pregnant? You know you're married Haley, you and your husband both work good jobs it's not the end of the world. You're in a better position than I would be."

"No, Brooke, I'm not pregnant, I don't think I'm pregnant. Can we just leave it? And you and Lucas have been together longer than Nathan and I. It wouldn't be the end of the world for you either. Why the hell are we still talking about this?"

"We may have been together longer, but I've yet to see a ring like that pretty little diamond thing on your finger."

Haley sighed, twisting the aforementioned ring; this was becoming a familiar conversation with Brooke. But if it got them off the pregnancy subject, she wasn't going to complain.

"Sweetie, it'll happen. Have you talked to him?"

"I've brought it up, he just tells me to be patient. I moved my life half way across the country for him Haley. What more do I have to do for him to see I'm in this for the long haul?"

"At least he's not telling you it's never going to happen…" Haley gave a small shrug and a sympathetic smile.

"How did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Get Nathan to propose?"

"I told you before Brooke, I didn't do anything. I wasn't even expecting it."

"Can you talk to him?"

"Nathan?" Haley's face screwed up in conversation, how would that help any?

"Lucas."

"And say what? 'Oh Luke, I know Brooke's tried talking to you about this and you obviously don't want to, but as your sister in law I demand you to tell me when you're going to propose to my friend.'"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"I'll see what I can do."

-------

"Pass me the avocado," Haley waived her hand in front of Brooke's face, which was buried in a fashion magazine, trying to get her attention.

"It has avocado in it?"

"Yes." Haley laughed and Brooke shrugged.

"Oh."

"Hey." Nathan said to both girls as he walked in. Throwing his keys on the table, he kissed Haley's forehead. "Is this dinner?"

"No, we're having chicken; this is for Brooke for tomorrow." Haley tilted her head signalling toward the other woman.

"Brooke, you know you're going to have to learn how to make this thing?"

"That's what I tried to tell her but she doesn't seem that bothered." She gently hit away her husbands hand as he started picking at the array of things she'd chopped up in front of her.

"What if she wasn't here?" Nathan questioned Brooke; opening the oven, ignoring Haley's protest.

"Why's she not going to be here? We're family, she's stuck with me."

"Family huh? I don't see a ring on the finger Brooke. My brother propose and forget to tell me?"

Brooke scowled at Nathan, slamming the magazine shut. "I'm going to call Luke."

"That was mean." Haley pointed out as Nathan took the vacated stool shrugging. "I told you she's been bringing that up a lot lately."

"He'll ask her when he's ready. What's the big deal?"

"The big deal is they've been together nearly six years. She wants to get married. He knows this. What's holding him back?"

"Maybe he isn't sure she's…"

Haley kicked his shin under the table when she saw Brooke coming down the hall. "Everything okay?" 

"Yeah everything's fine. I'll drain the pasta okay?"

"At least you're doing something." Nathan mumbled, his wife glaring at him. Brooke looking over confused.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well did you even ask Haley, or did you just presume she'd make it?" Nathan bit out watching Haley run check on their own dinner, before moving back to placing things in a bowl for Brooke.

"She always makes it."

"SHE'S right here. And Nathan I offered. Why don't you go watch TV or something until I'm done with this, then I'll finish up dinner okay?"

"He's cheerful." The brunette woman spoke up as Nathan walked out of the room.

"It always takes him a while to calm down when he gets home from work."

"If that's what working for Dan does I'm definitely glad Lucas works for himself."

"I think technically he works for his publisher."

"Whatever, that's really besides the point."

"Well, it's a point I don't want to get into with Nathan in the next room Brooke, so… changing the subject. Are you staying for dinner?"

"No, Lucas and I are going to go out."

"Well, in that case, you're good to go." Haley passed over the dish she'd just covered. "Wait for it to cool then just pop it in the fridge."

"Thanks hon, you're the best. What would I do without you?"

"Learn to cook?" Brooke raised an eye brow in a disbelieving motion, dropping a kiss on Haley's cheek as she picked up her things. "Okay, spend more money on take out."

"True. Okay I'm off then! Thank you again. Goodbye Grouchy!" Brooke called, getting a gruff reply from Nathan as she walked out of the door.

-------

Haley turned sideways in the mirror, placing her hand on her stomach watching her husband in the reflection as he flicked mindlessly through the channels. "Do you think I've gained weight?"

"What?" He answered only half paying attention, one eye on the television as he glanced back at her.

"Am I putting on weight?"

"Uh, no?"

"That sounded like a question."

"What?"

"That sounded like no with a question mark. Like no, I don't know."

"It was no, as in why are you asking me this?" Nathan turned back toward the television, trying to avoid the conversation.

"Two people have asked me if I'm pregnant in the past two days." She tried to laugh naturally, playing it off as an absurd notion as she watched for Nathan's reaction to the idea.

"Oh." His attention was fully focussed on her now, and she could see the question in his eyes. 'No', she wanted to tell him, 'no I'm not pregnant, but would it be such an issue if I was?' Unable to stop herself, she made a point of puffing out her stomach in the mirror, once again watching his reaction in the back of her reflection. "Are you?"

She took a deep shaky breath, trying to avoid the fear that tainted his question. Placing a shaky smile on her face, she turned around, hands on hips. Her playful tone giving him the only answer he needed. "So you do think I've gained weight."

"Well..." He stalked across the room to her, sweeping her up into arms and bouncing her up and down.

"What are you doing?" She giggled, her arms encircling his neck.

"Weighing you."

"You're crazy!"

"Nope, as light as our wedding night. But maybe I should do a closer inspection." He walked over to their bed dropping her down, slipping his hands up her bare legs and caressing her thighs. "No change here either." He said, proceeding to push down her shoulders and hold her hips. "Thin as ever here too." Unbuttoning her shirt slowly he pressed kisses to her stomach. "Still flat." He winked at her kissing his way up her body and pushing her fears to the back of her mind for the time being by pressing his lips to hers.


	3. Chapter 3

**Big huge thanks to Bec for beta-ing this for me, and helping me along the way, because I'm impatient! And for Kristen, and Britt as always for keeping me going! I'm going to try and do a bit of rotational updating with my fics, but I can't promise anything! Just know that none of my WIPs have been abandoned, and I'm always working on them all! Thanks for all your reviews; I hope you enjoy this update! **

-------

** Three **

Ever since she'd sat opposite her husband at the table a little while previous, Haley had found herself unable to tear her eyes away from him. She'd lain awake most of the night doing the same. When she'd brought up the idea of pregnancy the previous evening she'd been carefully watching him, just as she was now hoping to be able to get a grasp on what he might think of the idea, and the fact that she couldn't scared her more than her initial reasoning ever had. She knew they'd been drifting a little, he'd been working a lot, and she'd been preoccupied with her own things, but the fact that she couldn't read him in the way she once could, after only a little under a year of marriage, terrified her.

"What?" Nathan asked eventually, having felt Haley watching him all through breakfast as he read over the newspaper.

"Nothing." She quickly snapped her eyes down.

"Haley." Nathan's tone was harsher than he intended but she was driving him crazy, he'd caught her silently watching ever since he'd woken up.

"I think you should make an effort to be nicer to Brooke tonight." Haley spoke up after a moments silence, deciding that she wasn't ready to bring up anything relating to them yet, least of all when he would be rushing out of the door for work any second.

"When was I not nice to Brooke?" He asked glancing over the top of the paper at her.

"Last night, when you came home from work."

"Oh," Nathan put down the paper and looked over at his wife who was now busying herself with dirty dishes. The fact she was avoiding looking at him letting him know this wasn't what was really on her mind, but going along with it anyway. "Well, she takes advantage of you Hales and it pisses me off."

"When does she take advantage of me?" Haley laughed at the suggestion.

"Making that damn salad for her."

"Oh good lord, Nathan." She turned toward him smiling, shaking her head in amusement. "It takes me all of fifteen minutes and I was making dinner anyway."

"The point is she takes advantage of your giving nature."

"My giving nature," Haley giggled at her husband's choice of words. "You're a bit strange you know that."

"I'm serious. You let her walk all over you Haley." He let out a gruff sigh, his annoyance at Haley not understanding him evident.

"Oh well excuse me for being nice! Maybe I should start acting like an ass to everyone a bit like you have been lately? Would that please you?" Slamming the dish she'd been cleaning into the soapy water she turned around to him eyes blazing. Another day, another argument. Lately it seemed the only time she got a strong reaction from him was when she pissed him off.

"Well if it meant you weren't complaining to me about Brooke putting you in an awkward position when it comes to her relationship with Lucas, maybe you should!" Haley's mouth dropped open at his comment and her eyes narrowed.

"Oh, well, excuse me for sharing my life with you, my husband, in the future I'll keep my mouth shut!" The idea of opening up to him was becoming less and less appealing by the second.

"You know that's not what I meant!" Nathan let out an exasperated sigh, jaw clenching trying to reign in his frustrations.

"No, actually Nathan, I don't. Please tell me what you meant."

"I don't want to argue with you about this Haley. I don't wait to argue period."

"Me either." She sighed sitting back down at the table she placed her head in her hands, as Nathan looked on guiltily. He walked over to her and stroked his fingers up and down her back.

"I'm sorry." He looked worriedly down at her shaking figure. "I'll be on my best behaviour tonight, I promise." She stood up wrapping her arms around his waist tightly and resting her head against his chest.

"Do you really want me not to tell you things?" She asked timidly, fear knotting at her stomach as she absentmindedly fiddled with a button on his shirt.

"Of course not." He rested his head atop of hers, breathing in her scent. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get at you, okay?"

She nodded wordlessly and he held her a little tighter, knowing something was going on with her but not knowing what to say to make it better. After a few minutes of the couple standing wrapped up in each other he reluctantly spoke up. "Hales, baby, I've got to go. Are you okay?"

She took in a deep breath before looking up at him, smiling and nodding. "I'm sorry."

He silenced her apology with a kiss, picking up his suit jacket off the chair and kissing her softly goodbye. She watched him walk out of the door before letting the tears that had been building fall.

-------

As she plunged the spoon once again into the carton with one hand, and swiped at her tear stained cheeks with the other Haley didn't think she'd ever been more grateful of a mid-week day off in her life. Karen knowing her as well as she did she'd never believe nothing was wrong, and that would only serve for an interesting dinner that night when it'd inevitably come up in conversation in front of someone it shouldn't. Metal hitting cardboard as she scraped a chunk of cookie dough out of the concoction she let out a sigh. She needn't worry about any problems her and Nathan were having, because if the rate she'd inhaled this tub of ice cream was any indication he'd soon be divorcing her for being an obese cow.

The shrill ring of the telephone brought her out of her thoughts, glancing at the caller ID she thought about letting it go through to the answer phone. Thinking better of it she took a few deep breaths to try and clear her voice of tears before picking up. "Hey Mom."

An hour later Haley pulled her car up outside her childhood home, the one she'd left only a year previous to move into her marital one. She'd been reluctant at first when her mother had called her over to watch her niece for a couple of hours, but now she realised getting out of the house with a pleasant distraction was exactly what she needed.

"Mom?" Pushing open the door she was surprised at the quietness that she was met with as she moved further inside.

"Out here!" Lydia's voice rang from the kitchen through the open back door.

"Hi!" Haley laughed at the mess of dark blonde curls that brushed up against her legs as her young niece clung to her thigh in greeting. "and how are you miss Lexi?"

"Kay." The child grinned before running back into the garden.

"Sit down." Lydia smiled patting the bench next to her. "I was supposed to spend the day with my eldest daughter, but seen as she's abandoned me with her youngest, I thought I'd call mine."

"Nice to know I'm second choice." Haley gave an over exaggerated pout, one the little girl who was playing not far away caught onto and started giggling as she mocked it.

"Never, I was going to call you anyway. I miss having you around here."

"Mom, I moved out a year ago, and I live like ten minutes away."

"Still." Lydia shrugged and Haley shook her head after watching her mother curiously for a couple of minutes.

"Where's Viv anyway?"

"She had to go to the doctors."

"Oh, is she sick?"

"Stomach flu I think, she looked awful this morning so I made her ring up and she got a cancellation."

"I'm sure she took well to you saying that." Haley laughed as she thought of her appearance conscious sister's reaction.

"Not really, but it had to be said."

"You're mean." Haley laughed, definitely pleased to have gotten out of the house. "Remind me to stay away from you when I'm feeling unwell."

"Ah you, my beautiful daughter, always look gorgeous."

"Uh huh. Do you want something?"

"Oh my cynical baby, first you don't believe I miss you, and now you're questioning your beauty. Does that husband of yours not compliment you enough?"

"He compliments me plenty." Haley rolled her eyes, having just started to relax and not wanting to talk about Nathan.

"And how is my handsome son in law?"

"Fine." The blonde answered shortly. "Lexi! Stop it sweetie." She called after her niece who was pouncing at the old dog that lazily walked around the garden, partly out of concern, partly to change the subject.

"She's fine." Lydia rolled her eyes at her daughter. "You worry too much, and don't think I didn't notice the swift subject change there missy."

"He's going to bite her!" Haley blatantly ignored the tail end of her mothers comment.

"Haley, he never bit you and your brothers and sisters and you used to ride the poor thing like a horse when you were Lexi's age."

"Yes, but he's old and grumpy now. Bit like his owner."

"Less of that." The older woman pointed a finger in playful warning at her daughter as she watched her scoop up the toddler in her arms.

"What do you think Lex, is Grandma old and grumpy, huh?" Haley nodded her head eager for the toddler to agree and rile up her mother.

"Ummmm, Yes." Lexi giggled after a few seconds contemplation, burying her head into Haley's shoulder as she giggled at her grandmothers exaggerated shocked expression.

"Mean little girls don't get cookies." Lydia warned turning to go back into the kitchen causing Lexi to tug wide eyed on Haley's hair to get her attention to convey her shock.

"She's lying, sweetheart." Haley assured the little girl following her mother inside. "But we better be extra nice to mean old Grandma just incase."

"Haley Scott!"

"What?" Haley smiled innocently as dance the little girl back and forth, winking at her mother over the child's shoulder.

"I think someone needs a nap" Haley spoke up a while later as the little girl ran her fingers through Haley's hair, laying her head on her aunt's shoulder, babbling incoherently.

"Nooooooo" The little girl squirmed in resistance, tears forming in her eyes.

"Oh sweetheart you're so tired." Haley pressed a kiss to her forehead and stroked the little girl's cheek lovingly.

"Why don't you go put her down in your old room?" Lydia suggested smiling at how comfortable her youngest daughter looked with a child in her arms. "You're good with her."

"Practice." Haley laughed softly, stroking Lexi's back to keep her calm. "Been babies in this house since I was 12."

"Maybe." Lydia tone conveying the word to hold more that it seemed.

"You just miss having a little baby around." Haley spoke up, not wanting to entertain her mother's ideas.

"True. Maybe I'll have to have a word with your dad."

"Oh eww. Please don't say stuff like that around me. Now, come on baby say na-night to Grandma and I'll read you a story."

"Night," The little girl mumbled her tears having subsided as she tangled her chubby fingers into Haley's hair and put the thumb of her other hand in her mouth.

"Oh little girl you're so pretty." Haley lay on her old bed, her niece curled up asleep against her chest. "Want to know a secret, hmm? I want one of you of my own. What do you think, princess, would Uncle Nathan want a baby? I don't know, and I'm afraid to ask. I know you think I'm all grown up, but sometimes grown ups get scared too." She sighed slipping out cautiously from underneath the child. "I love you, angel, I hope you're having some really nice dreams." She placed a blanket over the toddler carefully, surprised by the relief, however small, she felt at just having said the words out loud.

"Ready to tell me what's going on?" Lydia spoke up meeting Haley at the bottom of the stairs, now the child wasn't around to play buffer.

"What are you talking about? Nothing's wrong."

"Haley, you were crying when you picked up the phone this morning, and you've done nothing but avoid talking about yourself all day. I think I know you a little better than you're giving me credit for."

"Would you prefer I admit something's wrong and tell you I don't want to talk about it."

"Yes, I would."

"Fine. Something's wrong and I don't want to talk about it."

"Haley…"

"I'M PREGNANT!" The pair spun around to find Vivian stood in the newly opened doorway, eyes wide with shock blinking rapidly before them.

"What?"

"Oh god I'm pregnant. I can't have another kid! Five kids under ten!"

Haley watched her mother walk her hyperventilating sister into the kitchen, speaking soothing words to the hysterical women. Placing a hand on her stomach she could practically feel her womb aching in want as she watched her sister break down in fear over the thing she wanted most in the world.

"Hey, maybe Mom'll adopt it! She was just complaining about how we don't have any baby's at the moment." She spoke up before her presence could be missed; plastering a smile on her face and shoving her hands in her pockets to stop any tell tale fidgeting as she walked into the kitchen.

------

"Are you okay?" Nathan asked his wife as they pulled into the driveway of his parents' home. She hadn't said more than a few words to him since he came home from work a couple of hours previous, and she'd spent the entire ride over staring out of the passenger window.

"I'm fine." She smiled widely over at him, reaching up and rubbing her thumb across the worry lines that marred his forehead. "Why wouldn't I be?"

He watched her move to undo her seat belt and start to get out of the car. "I don't know, you've just been quiet."

"You usually complain I talk too much." She replied, the smile from before still fixed on her face.

"I'm not serious!"

"I know." She teased back. Watching her smile and joke with such ease he wondered if she really was okay, or just a lot better at pretending than he gave her credit for. If he hadn't been present for her breakdown of sorts that morning, or the way she'd silently moved around the house getting ready tonight he'd never of presumed anything was wrong.

"My sister's pregnant." She said trying to sound casual, as she kept the same trained eye from the night before on him whilst they stood waiting for the door to be answered.

"Which one?" His body language completely nonchalant on the subject.

"Vivian."

"Again? Hales did they not give the birth control talk in your house?"

"Hadehaha" She mocked as the door opened and her mother in law embraced her.

_"Wait so, let's go over this one more time before we go inside." Haley said turning to Nathan who'd just turned off the car in his parents drive way. They'd been dating for a little over a month now, seeing each other most every day, __even if it was just Nathan coming by the cafe whilst she was working, as well as going out on dates at least a couple of nights a week. _

_A couple of days ago they'd sat in the same position outside her own house and he'd mumbled out a dinner invitation issued by his mother. _

_"Karen and your dad were high school sweethearts. After graduation they went off to different colleges, but stayed together. Then while at school your dad, met your Mom and she fell pregnant with you and your brother. He was too much of a coward to tell Karen himself, so Keith did, which your dad still claims was because he'd been in love with Karen even whilst they were dating. Karen and Keith started seeing each other when she moved back to tree hill after college, eventually getting married, and now y'all share a family dinner together once a month?" _

_"Uh yeah..." Nathan gave a shrug and a small laugh at his girlfriend's desperate attempts to understand his family dynamic. _

_"Your family's a whole other kind of crazy to mine. Is there like, lots of tension?" She nervously pulled at a stray strand of hair. _

_"Sometimes." He turned toward her placing a comforting hand on her thigh. "Hales we don't have to do this if you don't want. I know I kind of sprung this whole family dinner thing on you, but Karen must have been talking to Mom about you, and she wouldn't let it go until I agreed to ask you to come." _

_"No, I want to." She assured him taking a deep breath and reaching to open the car door. Nathan's hand stilling her movements and turning her toward him kissing her sweetly. _

_"I've never done this before..." He said resting his forehead against hers._

"Kissed me? I'm pretty sure you have." She let out a coy giggle, eyes sparkling as they danced in front of his. 

_"Brought a girl home." He corrected. "Not since high school anyway, and there was never any formal introductions then." He paused, his eyes travelling over her face, eyes, cheeks, nose, lips, before settling back on her eyes. "You really mean a lot to me Haley." _

_"You mean a lot to me too." She assured him, her turn to press her lips to his. "And I promise, no matter how crazy whatever happens in there isn't going to change that." _

_"How do you do that?" _

_"Do what?"_

"Know what I'm thinking without me saying it." 

_"It's a gift." She gave a little shrug and grinned. "Maybe a little of a curse, but if I have to have it for anyone, I'm glad it's you..." _

_"Me too." _

_"Now come on." She grinned at him getting out of the car, latching onto his hand when she met him on his side and they walked up to the house. "Your house is huge." _

_"It's not that big." Nathan shrugged pushing the door open as Haley scoffed at his statement. _

_"You and I have must have different opinions of what's big then." He stopped at that, turning to face her closing the little distance there was between them, smirking. "What?" She asked self consciously backing up a little but keeping her gaze trained on him. _

_"So this is the reason you've been missing your rehab sessions." Dan Scott's voice boomed into the foyer of the Scott manor. _

_Haley shot Nathan a silent look, questioning the truth behind the older mans statement. Nathan smiled reassuringly at her, wrapping a protective arm around her waist and pushing a stand of hair behind her ear before turning to his father, features hardening. _

_"No, Dad. The reason I've not been going to those sessions is because they're a crock of shit. So leave Haley out of this."_

"Haley, hmm." Dan walked toward them and Haley couldn't stop herself shrinking into Nathan's side. "Well, it's nice to meet you Haley." 

_Although feeling awkward Haley couldn't bring herself to be rude and turn down the outstretched hand. She'd met boyfriends parents before, but she'd never felt quite as judged as in this moment. _

_"Hello." Her voice coming out more timid than she'd intended as his gaze bore into her. She was taken aback by the likeness in the intensity of his stare to his sons, but where Nathan's warmed her, Dan's left her shivering. _

_"Where's Mom?" Nathan asked stiffly, pulling Haley with him as he moved further into the house. _

_"I'm here!" Deb called, Nathan rolling her eyes at the way she carried a tea towel looking as if she'd actually cooked something. "Oh, Haley! You came. I'm so glad." Deb walked forward embracing the shocked girl who blinked rapidly at Nathan in surprise. _

_"Thank you for inviting me, Mrs Scott."_

"Oh, Mrs Scott, nothing. I've been trying to tell you it's Deb for years, but now you're dating my son I think I'm going to have to insist on it. Come in you two, everyone else is here." 

_"You know my Mom?" Nathan questioned so only she could hear as they were ushered into the dining room. _

_"She comes to see Karen at the café. I've told you this." Haley followed Deb into the room, smiling in response to the greetings she got from Karen's family. _

_"Mommy?" Emily, Karen's youngest piped up looking in confusion at Haley as she walked into the room. "Why's Haley here?" _

_"Because she's Nathan's girlfriend sweetie." _

_"Like Brooke?"_

"You have another girlfriend?" Haley joked and Nathan rolled his eyes. 

_"Brooke is Lucas' girlfriend Em, not mine. And Haley's nothing like her. Thank God." _

_"Oh Nate, you know you love me really." Brooke spoke up coming into the room behind them, causing the couple to turn toward her. The brunette winked at Nathan before turning her attention on Haley. "You're pretty!" _

_"Um, thank you." Haley answered unsure, her cheeks burning. _

_"No! Really! You're really pretty, and not in the caked on make up way he usually goes for. I'm Brooke, but I'm guessing you knew that." _

_"I'm Ha-" She was stopped by the bubbly brunette hugging her. _

_"Haley I know! Oh you're short! Thank god, I'm so fed up of looking up to talk to people!" _

_"Brooke let her go." Lucas laughed placing a hand on his girlfriends shoulder. "It's good to see you again, Haley." _

_"You too Lucas. It's been a while." She could see the look in his eyes as she smiled up at him, acutely aware of how Nathan grabbed her hand when his brother entered the room, but distracted by the way Lucas was looking at her, his eyes silently begging her not to expand on her previous statement. _

_The dinner passed by pretty much pain free. Brooke and Karen keeping Haley talking enough to keep her distracted from the looks Nathan's father kept throwing her way or the barely disguised insults the males over the age of eighteen passed around the table as dinner conversation. _

_"So, Haley is it?" Dan spoke up as the main meal was being cleared away, the first words he'd directed at Haley since the greeting when she'd entered the house. "How old did you say you were?" _

_"Um, I just turned 22." Haley answered, at the same time Nathan spoke his fathers name with a warning tone. _

_"A little younger than my boys then. Are you from Tree Hill?" _

_"Born and bred." Haley nodded, aware that the rest of the table had fallen silent to watch the exchange. Karen had even made excuses for her kids to leave the room. _

_"Did you go away for college."_

"Oh, no sir, I attended the local university for a while but um, personal issues prevented me from finishing out my degree." She couldn't help but shift around in her seat feeling under interrogation. 

_"I see. Did you know the boys growing up then?"_

"Um, I vaguely knew Lucas. He dated a friend of mine." 

_"You did?" Brooke piped up looking curiously at her boyfriend who just nodded shortly. _

_"And Nathan?" Dan prodded, his tone conveying the question was anything but as simple as it seemed. _

_"Well," Haley laughed uncomfortably. "I knew of Nathan, I think everybody in this town knows of your son, Mr Scott." _

_"Yes, I suppose we do hold a kind of notoriety in these parts. An appeal one might say. Do you agree?"_

"I, um, I'm sorry but I don't really know what you're asking me."

"He's not asking you anything." Haley winced at the tight hold Nathan had on her hand as he pulled her up from the table. "Thanks for dinner Mom, we're leaving." 

_"Oh Nathan..." Deb pleaded with her son to sit back down while Haley shuffled uncomfortably from foot to foot, locking eyes with Brooke who gave her a sympathetic smile. _

_"Now son, I'm just trying to get to know your little girlfriend here. Isn't that the point of bringing her here?" _

_"The point of bringing her here was to meet my family. But it turns out she already knew everyone of any importance to me." Nathan sneered tugging on Haley's hand once again moving further toward the door. _

_"Nathan, please stay." _

_"Mom, I can't. I'm sorry. I won't subject her to this." _

_"Subject her to this?" Dan sneered. "When exactly did you become so eloquent and heartfelt son? It's endearing really." _

_It was Haley's turn to tighten her hand around Nathan's hoping to convey some comfort to him. _

_"Mr Scott. I understand this isn't my place, but I really think you should give Nathan more credit. He's a wonderful man, and I think you should respect him more than to talk to him in that way. As for your early question. Yes I suppose there is a certain appeal when it comes to your family, but I didn't see that when I was fifteen and saw your sons around school, and I most certainly don't see it now. If you spent less time snipping at him, and more time getting to know him, you'd realise your son has much more appeal from just being himself, than your money or power could ever bring." She turned her eyes from where they had been trained on the icy blues of Dan and over to warmer orbs of his wife. "Deb, thank you for having me for dinner, I'm sorry if I stepped over some line right now, but I care a lot about your son and I couldn't stand here and listen to he be spoken to in that manner, it's just not in my nature. Nathan, if you're ready I think we should leave now, or if you want to stay I definitely think I should go." She released her hold on his hand and walked out of the room. The members of the Scott family watching in awe at the retreating petite figure of the only person they'd ever seen stand up to Dan Scott. The man himself smirking impressed by the fire he'd seen ablaze in her eyes. _

Nathan had told Haley later that that was the moment he'd fallen in love with her, although he'd not uttered the words to her until a couple of months later. She'd been the first person in his life who'd stepped in and stood up for him where his father was concerned; whose worry for him transgressed the fear they had for Dan. The irony of it all was now, almost two years later, the petite blonde was still completely unaware of what a monumental moment in the family history she'd been part of, and to this day Dan felt a begrudging respect for his sons wife, although he'd rarely let it be known.


	4. Chapter 4

_Thanks for your reviews! I'm really glad people are getting into this story! This part mostly focuses on the past, but as the story goes on we will be focusing more on the present I know there's still alot of unanswered questions, so please just bare with me! Big thanks to Bec, and Kristen for all their usual help!_

**Four **

Letting out a low groan she rolled over and stared at the offensive item. Five am. She wondered if she'd ever get used to five am wake ups on a Saturday morning. Glaring jealously at her husband who'd buried his head further into the pillow, but seemingly had not been woken by the blaring alarm she reached over him to turn off the music that filled their previously silent bedroom. Pulling herself up so she was sitting with her back against the headboard she watched him sleeping for a moment. They were lying on separate sides of the bed again, as was the norm these days when they woke. They still fell asleep curled together, her back pressed into his chest, his arm anchored around her, but some how in the night one or the other would move away and they'd be apart by morning. It didn't take a genius to work out the symbolism of it all.

"Stop thinking so loud." Nathan mumbled into the pillow and Haley turned to look at him shocked.

"You're awake?"

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are." She laughed, one eye popping open looking blearily up at her, a lazy half smile starting on his face. "How are you awake? It's five in the morning!"

"Your stupid alarm," He grumbled closing the eye again and shifting toward her warmth, laying his head against her stomach. In quiet moments like this, where just the little things he did made her smile, she questioned why she ever felt they weren't okay.

"The alarm never wakes you, Nathan." She allowed herself to stay there for a few moments, stroking her fingers softly through his hair. "In fact if this was a Monday morning I'd have trouble getting you up to get to the work on time."

"You were thinking too loud then." He said once again sighing and tugging on her waist lightly trying to coax her down the bed. "Lie down. Go to sleep."

"I can't, I have to go to work."

He mumbled something intelligible as he rolled so he was no longer lying on her, his arm remaining on her waist as he lay more on her side of the bed than his own.

"What?" She laughed, knowing she was driving him crazy by not letting him go back to sleep.

"You need a job that doesn't start in the middle of the night."

"Oh yes, my vastly qualified self will get right on that."

"Don't stop." Nathan moaned dejectedly as Haley moved away and she realised she'd been unconsciously stroking his back. Leaning over she pressed a light kiss between his shoulder blades.

"Sorry sweetie I need to shower, go back to sleep."

"Mm, love you." She turned from where she was just about to enter the en-suite bathroom and grinned at his sleepy declaration.

"Love you, too."

_"Nathan! Stop it!" Haley giggled as Nathan smacked loud kisses to her neck and tickled at the bare skin of her stomach that his hand was met with as it crept under her shirt as they walked into the Scott beach house. _

_"That's not what you were saying last night." She felt her body heat from embarrassment and the sensations his husky whisper in her ear caused, shivering a little when he nipped lightly at her earlobe. _

_"I uh, umm." _

_He laughed at her flustered state as he unwrapped his arms from her waist and walked further into the house. _

_"I can't believe your parents just gave you a house." _

_"A beach house," He corrected walking into the kitchen and opening the fridge in search of something edible. "I think they just got fed up of having me under foot. I'm not going to complain; now we have somewhere to be alone." _

_"Ooooh__ yay." She grinned and hopped up on the counter as he winked at her over his shoulder, before taking a strawberry out of a palette in the fridge and walking over to stand between her legs to feed it to her. _

_"Not good?" He laughed as she pulled a face at the sour tastes. _

_"Not good." She agreed, and leaned back a little on the counter when he put his hands either side of her leaning over to kiss her softly at first before deepening it eagerly. "Mmm, so there's nothing good to eat here?" She asked pulling away from him reluctantly. _

_"Only you." He smiled at her wolfishly and she dissolved into a fit of giggles. _

_"Oh you're lucky you're pretty, babe." She stroked at his cheek, giggling more still when he scowled at her. _

_"Handsome, Hales. You're pretty. I'm handsome." _

_"Yes you are." _

_"Glad we agree, now come here pretty girl and let me kiss you properly." She let out a startled yelp as he pulled her toward the edge of the counter her legs wrapping loosely around the back of his. "I've wanted to do this since I picked you up." _

_"So what are you waiting fo-"_

_Before she could finish he'd eagerly attached his lips to hers pulling her tightly toward him. They stayed that way for a few minutes until air became an issue and one pulled away. _

_"So there's really nothing edible here." Haley asked blinking a little as he rested his forehead against hers staring into her eyes. _

_"Always thinking with your stomach, James." _

_"Hey buddy you're the one who asked me to cook! I said do I need to bring things, you said, no we have things. I don't see things!" _

_"My mom said she was going to stock the place out, apparently she forgot." He looked questioningly at her when she let out a loud laugh. "What?"_

_"You're a grown man who's Mommy shops for him." _

_"So?"__ He huffed defensively, turning away from her to get a drink. Sighing the blonde dropped over the counter and walked the small distance he'd made between them, laying her head on his back she wrapped her arms around his waist. _

_"I'm sorry." She felt him expel a breath, relaxing a little in her embrace but making no move to turn. _

_"You're right though, it's pretty pathetic." _

_"I didn't say that. You've had a rough year, its understandable your Mom would want to take care of you." _

_"She never did before." He mumbled barely audible. _

_"What?" Haley asked trying to coax him to turn in her arms. _

_"Nothing." _

_"Hey." She slipped round him so she was situated between him and the sink. Reaching up she guided his face to look down at her. "Talk to me." _

_He watched her looking up at him, her eyes wide and caring; he reached out and stroked at the side of her face. She looked so young, innocent, untouched by the bad things in the world, so beautiful, as she looked up at him with her eyes wide and a small, a concerned smile playing at her lips. Since the night a couple of months ago at his parents' house they hadn't spoken much about his family. The times the subject had come up he'd successfully managed to steer the conversation elsewhere, or distracted her by other methods. He knew it frustrated her, on a lot of levels it frustrated him too. He'd never felt like this about anybody before, and he knew that if there was anybody he wanted to let see him, flaws and all, this was the person. He was scared, scared that if she saw how broken he could be, she wouldn't look at him the way she was now, open, honest, loving. He was scared if he took those final steps to let her in completely he'd never be able to let her go. _

_"Nathan?" Her voice brought him out of his thoughts as she brought her own hand up to the one that was resting on her cheek, bringing it down between them, lacing her fingers with his own. _

_He guided her out onto the deck and sat down on a lounger, pulling her into his lap. They sat quietly for a moment, watching the waves crash on the beach before them, both having a slight deja vu of their first date. _

_"Have you ever been in love?" He asked her softly, brushing her hair behind her ear so he could study her profile. _

_She turned to look at him, wondering how to answer, had she ever been in love before? "No." She answered quietly, settling further into his embrace, turning her gaze back to front. "I thought I was a couple of times, but I wasn't. Have you?" _

_"No. I didn't exactly grow up in a family where you learnt to love, you know?"_

_"I think I had the opposite problem." _

_"What do you mean?" _

_"My parents are just so in love. They're always touching each other, and kissing, and laughing, and they've always been that way. Sure it was embarrassing when I was younger but it's nice that they love and want each other so much. When I'm in a room with them, I see it. I FEEL it. It's real. They're been married to each other most of their lives, yet when they look into each others eyes, you can just see the rest of the room disappearing around them. So every time I've thought I might love, I've sat back and questioned it, when I look at this person, does nothing else matter? When I'm with this person, am I happiest I've ever been in my whole life? When I think about my future are they there beside me? Does this person make me whole? If they don't? Well, I'm not willing to settle for anything less that than. Even if it had meant waiting forever." _

_Nathan watched her for a moment, taking in everything she said. The way her eyes lit up when she spoke about her parents, the wistful smile on her face, the way she was playing with his fingers where they lay clasped at her waist. When he was with her, nothing else mattered. When he looked at her, everything else went away. When he thought about his future, he knew, even if he felt like he was settling for less than his dream, it wouldn't be as hard if she was there. "I love you."_

_She turned to him stunned silent for a moment, before a single tear fell down her cheek and a bright smile spread across her lips. "I love you, too." _

_--------- _

_They lay on the bed, the sheets covering their entangled legs, their bare chests pressed together as they repeated three words between kisses. She rolled off him pulling the sheet up to cover her breasts as she nestled into his shoulder. "That was good__." __She giggled, and her body shook a little as his chest vibrated with his own laughter.**"**_

_"Yes it was." He agreed pulling her closer still, he'd never enjoyed the aftermath of sex as much as he did with her, but then, he supposed, he'd never made love before. _

_"Wow, it got late quick." She said glancing over at the clock that was blinking on the other side of the bed. "I didn't notice."_

_"We were kind of busy." He pointed out and she grinned. _

_"Oh yeah. I remember now." _

_"Really? Or do I need to remind you?" He moved so he was above her, pinning her arms above her head with one wrist whilst the other massaged at her breast. _

_"Mmm, Nathan stop." She said; her words not supported by her actions as she arched up into his hand. _

_"Why?" He ducked down nipping at her neck. _

_"I have to go." _

_"Why?" He licked alone her collar bone, before sucking roughly at the skin. _

_"I… God that feels so good… I have work in the morning." _

_"Stay here." He murmured huskily against her skin. _

_"I can't." _

_"Why not?" _

_"Because I have work." She reluctantly moved herself from out of him, laughing lightly at his put upon look as he dropped his body back on his side of the bed. _

_"I'll take you to work in the morning." _

_"Karen saw you pick me up." _

_"And?"_

_"And if she sees you drop me off, and I'm wearing the same clothes, it's not going to take a genius to work out that we spent the night together." _

_He stalked across the bed, brazenly naked toward her t-shirt and panty covered form. "Haley James are you ashamed of me?" She didn't have time to answer his ridiculous claim before he'd pushed away the jeans she'd just picked up and pulled her back onto the bed, her legs straddling him in order to stay up right. "Stay with me?" He asked her again, he watched her hesitate and massaged lightly at her waist and held her gaze. "I love you." _

_"Oh well if you love me I suppose I have to." _

_"Damn straight." He answered pulling down to kiss her eagerly. "Now, why did you put on clothes, I'm just going to have to take them off you."_

_"I was leaving." She answered rolling her eyes. _

_"You were never leaving." He responded cockily tugging her t-shirt over her head. _

_"I have to sleep." He nodded. "I mean it Nathan." He nodded again; smirking at her as he flipped them over, urging her to lift her hips he could rid her of her panties. "Nathan.."_

_"Yeah, sleep, I know, Hales." He returned to his earlier assault of her neck, his mission to leave a mark on her. _

_"Haley?" He said suddenly detaching his lips from her. _

_"Yes?" She mumbled, her voice and eyes foggy with lust. _

_"Are your parents going to be around your house tomorrow?" _

_"What?" She propped herself up on her elbows, blinking, confused as hell as to why he was talking about her parents instead of getting back to…that. _

_"Your Mom and Dad. Will they be at your house tomorrow?" _

_"I suppose so, in the afternoon at least why?" _

_"I just have to ask them something." _

_"What?" _

_"Nothing." He returned to her neck, his hands working her breasts. _

_"Nathan, what?" _

_"Quiet Haley, I'm busy." _

_"Nathan….Oh." She let out a low hiss as his mouth found her nipple and flopped back onto the bed. Questions could wait. _

_---------- _

_"Nathan, are you awake?" Haley asked as she sat on the edge of the bed dragging a wide toothed comb through her freshly washed hair. _

_"I thought you needed sleep." He mumbled in response yawning and shifting toward where her body should have been, opening his eyes in confusion when he was met by nothing but sheets. _

_ "..and I got some, no thanks to someone's grabby hands." His eyes were open now, blurry but open and his tiredness did nothing to stop the smirk forming on his lips as he looked at her, hands clasped behind his head. "You promised to drive me to work, well home, and I can drive myself to work, but I need to go home and get changed."_

_"So if you go straight to work I can have another 20 minutes sleep?" He cocked an eyebrow in question and she shook her head. _

_"No point in answering that Mister because I'm going home. Next time I'll bring my own car I promise."_

_"Next time?" _

_"If you're a good boy." _

_"If that's the reward, maybe I'll just have to be." He started to get out of bed, but she stilled him moving so she was sat near his chest rather than his feet. _

_"Nathan…"_

_"Haley…" _

_"Do you want to talk about what you said last night?" _

_He gave her a blank confused look and she sighed. She'd been hoping she wouldn't have to spell it out, she didn't want to him to feel like she was pushing him. _

_"About your Mom..." _

_"Oh." _

_"If you don't want to talk about it that's fine, I just want you to know you can talk to me about anything. I want you to feel you can tell me things, Nathan." She paused, encouraged by the fact that he was still looking at her and hadn't moved away. "I love you, and I want to be here for you. I am here for you."_

_"I know." He answered after a couple of moment's silence, finding that as she prodded he wanted to tell her. "My Mom..." He sighed, "God I've never spoken about to anyone about this, even my brother." _

_"It's okay..." She moved so she was sat fully on the bed, her legs stretched out in front of her and he shifted so his head was in her lap, her fingers running through his hair coaxing him on. _

_"When I was a kid she wasn't around much you know, and when she was she tended to try and over compensate. With Lucas especially, she said I got too much attention from Dad and it was Lucas' time to get spoiled a little. Yeah, a thirteen year old having weight sessions and 5mile runs in the morning, doesn't really seem that much like showering with affection to me, but she saw it that way I guess, and worried Lucas was getting neglected…." He stopped pulling away from her, he'd just let out something he'd been holding inside for years, just a few sentence showcased his resentment not only toward his parents but toward his brother too. "Her being motherly is just bringing it all to the surface, I guess." He moved off the bed and started pulling on clothes. "C'mon we don't want you to be late for work." _

_She watched him nervously, his mood having changed so quickly she hadn't gauged it. "Nathan.. I didn't mean to push you."_

_"You didn't." He walked over and sat down next to her. "I wanted to tell you, I just, one step at a time, okay Haley? This is all really new to me." _

_"Okay." She nodded sending him a small smile before he turned toward her and kissed her softly. _

_"Good morning." _

_"Good morning." She giggled back and he smiled, yes, he was definitely happiest when he was with her it all faded away. _

_"Are you sure we have to leave right now." He kissed her again, deeper this time. Letting out a disappointed moan when she pulled away. _

_"Yes, we do. Maybe if it wasn't for this." She pointed to portion of her neck that was exposed by her shirt which was showcasing the top half of an impressive red mark. He smirked wondering how he'd missed that before__"I wouldn't want to put Karen out of business by scaring off all her customers! Mammoth hickey's aren't exactly appetising." _

_"Oh I don't know, I kind of like it. Show's your taken." She rolled her eyes and stood up pulling him with her and out of the room. _

_--------- _

"What's up man?"

"Hey." Nathan nodded at his brother from his place at the kitchen table as Lucas walked unannounced through the backdoor, barely looking up from the paper he was reading. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought I'd better give a heads up before I spoke to Dad." The blonde grabbed the coffee pot pouring himself a mug before he sat down. "My publisher has brought my meeting forward, so I have to fly out tonight meaning..."

"Tomorrow's golf game will just be me and Dad." Nathan said with a sigh.

"Yeah, Listen, I was thinking I could tell Dad I wanted to postpone the game or something, that I really wanted to play so..."

"Luke, I don't need you there to play buffer okay? I spend five days a week with the man without you there. I can take care of myself." Nathan cut eyes at his brother across the table. Half of him pissed at Lucas for presuming he needed to be there. The other half pissed that it was probably true.

"That wasn't what I meant! I just thought it'd be best."

"You heard him last week Lucas. He spent most of the dinner telling us how he was going to take us to school on the green. If I missed this because I was on my death bed he'd call me chicken shit."

"I just thought I'd offer.

"Yeah? Well, thanks but no need."

"Yeah, so, uh…" Lucas groped around for a subject to diffuse the tension running rampant in the room. "You and Haley's anniversary next week right? You still keeping the trip a surprise?"

"Yeah, she thinks she's working Friday day, but I talked to Karen and she got someone into cover, so drive to Charlotte Friday, we're booked into the hotel for two nights, and come back Sunday evening."

"Sounds good. Her mom still trying to convince her you've forgotten?"

"I think so; she's been not so subtly dropping hints about it all week." He laughed, and smiled. "I finally broke last night and said to just book a table in town or something, I didn't really care, man I thought her eyes were going to fall out of her head they went so wide."

-----

"What's up with you?" Haley laughed as Brooke slumped down at the café counter just as the breakfast rush was dying down.

"Lucas is leaving."

"Monday?"

"No, tonight," The brunette pouted, huffing and put her elbow on the counter resting her chin in her palm. "And he didn't ask me to go with him."

"Brooke, honey, I told you, no matter how many times you make Lucas watch Sweet Home Alabama he's not going to rent out Tiffany's one evening and tell you to pick out a ring."

"He might." She smiled gratefully as Haley put a cup of coffee in front of her and sipped at it for a second. "Okay so he probably won't, but I'm getting restless here Hales."

"No. I'd never noticed!" The blonde smirked, mocking her friend who looked ready to throw the hot liquid in her direction. "Did you ever think maybe if you backed off a bit he might come to the conclusion he wants to marry you on his own, Brooke."

"It's been six years, Haley. I thought he'd propose when we graduated college, and then I thought he'd propose when he asked me to move here, but no; Birthdays, Valentines, Christmas, they come and go, and no ring. I don't get it. We have a house here, an apartment in New York. We share real estate for Christ's sake! That's a commitment right there. I just want a ring, the pretty dress...""

"The vows?" Haley suggested biting her lip trying to stifle a laugh at her friend's dramatics.

"Eh….Okay. I'm stopping, I swear, no more engagement talk. What do you say you and I go to New York too? Lucas will be holed up in meetings all weekend; the apartment will be all ours. We can have a girlie trip, shopping, drinking. Your friend Peyton lives in the city too right? She was so much fun at the wedding we can give her a call!"

"I can't sweetie, I have to work. And I thought you did too, I thought the reason you weren't flying out with Lucas was because you had some society big wig coming into the boutique on Monday."

"I know, I do," Brooke sighed. "Next weekend?"

"Wedding anniversary." Haley reminded with an apologetic shrug, walking off and making small talk with a customer as she refilled their coffee cup.

"I can't believe you've been married a year. Are you guys doing anything special?"

"I don't think so. I've got the weekend off, and we'll probably go out to dinner. It's a year, Brooke. It's not that big a milestone." Haley leant back against the counter after walking back over to Brooke.

"Honey, I'm still surprised you got him to alter, every year is a bonus!"

She knew Brooke was joking. She knew she didn't mean anything by it, but still her stomach turned uncomfortably as she watched the girl laugh. She wondered if they were doing as well as she thought in hiding the cracks that were starting to form between them. If there really was more to his working late night after night, and her not being able to just tell him how she was feeling.

----

"Are you still going golfing tomorrow?" Haley wiggled her feet where they were resting in Nathan's lap, trying to draw his attention away from the television.

"Hmm?"

"Tomorrow, are you still going golfing with your dad?"

"Oh, that. Yeah I'm going." He answered distractedly, not moving his eyes from the screen.

She dropped the book she'd been reading and withdrew her feet from his lap, moving across the spare seat of the sofa that was between them and sitting into his side, her legs drawn up beneath her. "Are you okay with that?"

He looked over at her for a moment, expressionless; taking the hand she'd been using to stroke at his jaw and pushing it away. "I'm fine."

She let out a sigh dropping further into the seat. Looking at him for a few silent moments, the stiffness of his jaw, the way his hand clamped around the remote. He was clearly upset, but he seemed to have no intention of talking to her about why. "You know, Nathan, you used to tell me things."

"What are you talking about?" His tone reeked with frustration and she hoped it was due to his worry about tomorrow and not at her taking an interest.

"When things worried you, you'd tell me."

"I'm not worried."

"Nathan, I know you, I know your relationship with your father, and I've seen what can happen when you guys keep score over something especially with Lucas not being there."

"Haley. Just leave it. It's..."

"None of my business?" She supplied with a scowl. "Why are you pushing me away, Nathan."

"I never said it was none of your business! Stop putting words into my mouth! Tell you what, Haley. You tell me what's got you so twisted lately, and I'll tell you how I feel about tomorrow."

She looked at him for a moment, his eyes were steely challenging, his lips were pursed in a thin line, and he'd moved over in his seat to put as much distance between them as possible.

"I'm going to bed." She pushed herself away from him and onto her feet, swallowing the lump that was forming in her throat; she wasn't going to cry. At least not till she got upstairs.

"Yeah of course you are." He mumbled picking flicking distractedly through the channels.

"What?" She stopped, and turned, watching him from the doorway.

"Nothing."

"No, come on Nathan, you keep doing that, starting something and then pulling away."

"Haley, it's a Saturday night okay. I have to get up in the morning and play golf with my dad who I know is going to pick me apart the whole time, I just want to watch TV, have a beer, relax."

"With me?" She hated how desperate her voice had become. She hated that she needed him to tell her that he wanted her, that he needed her, but right now she wanted to know that no matter how many times he pushed her away, how many fights they ended up having, he still meant what he said a year ago, when he promised to love her forever.

"What?"

"You didn't mention me." She felt the tears she'd been fighting prick at her eyes and willed them not to fall.

He turned his gaze from the TV to her nervous form. He never knew what to do with her when she got like this. She was never like this before, so desperate for affirmation of his feelings. He told her he loved her, he was here at home with her instead of at some bar with his buddies. Wasn't that enough to imply he wanted to be here with her. "Are you going to tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"What's going on with you? Haley I'm not stupid I know something's on your mind, but you can't stand there and have a go at me for not telling you things when you're not talking to me."

"You don't ask me!" How was she supposed to tell him she wanted to have a baby, when they spent half their time arguing lately and he'd stopped telling her what he was thinking?

"I'm asking you now aren't I?"

"To avoid talking about yourself..." She whispered, not sure if he heard her. She wanted to push him, but she was afraid; afraid if she pushed him he'd push her, and she wasn't naïve enough to think this was something she could just spit out at him and expect him to just go along with it.

"Come here." His features softened as he watched her, her lip between her teeth, her eyes shiny with tears, the last thing in the world he wanted was to hurt her, or have her doubt he loved her.

"No."

He couldn't help but laugh as she crossed her arms in stubbornness. "Would you come here?"

Reluctantly she plodded across the room dropping in the seat next to him, inwardly cringing at her childish actions but doing nothing to halt them.

He reached over picking up the book she'd dropped before pulling her feet into his lap. "Read." He told her holding out the book and turning back to the TV. "It's Saturday night, I want to have my beer, watch TV, and hang out with my wife. Okay?"

She sent him a small smile, and he went back to his previous channel hoping; both lost in their thoughts on how once again they'd been so eager to divert the subject from themselves, the other hadn't opened up either.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Big thank you to everyone who is taking the time to read and review my fic! Please let me know what you think! Special thanks to Kristen, Britt and Bec as always!**_

_**Five**_

_They were sat the same table they'd shared their first date, it wasn't on purpose, pure coincidence. Although the restaurant choice was not and he certainly wasn't going to complain about the turn of fate. Even in his agitated state he couldn't help the soft smile that graced his features as he watched her. The low candle light was lending a golden sparkle to her deep brown eyes, as they danced with amusement at the story she was telling. Her hair was down and straight, and the breeze from the near by ocean had blown some over her cheeks in a way that had his fingers itching to move across the table and push the strands away, stopping them from hindering his view of her delicate features. His gaze lingered on her full lips, enthralled by the way they were moving around the words she was speaking. He could get lost watching her. He'd tried to deny it at first, the thought terrifying him. He'd never had much interest in things outside of himself, people especially. Quickly though it had become a comfort, knowing that no matter what happened besides, if he came to her, and watched her, everything else would disappear. He remembered her speaking similar words to him the night they'd first said I love you to each other, and it was in those moments that he knew it would come to this. He'd never imagined he was the type to propose to someone, especially this young, especially this quickly. But then he'd never thought he'd fall in love either. He figured he'd find contentment, maybe marry eventually, but he never thought he'd propose. He thought marriage would be a step in his life he'd eventually come to, not something he wanted. _

"_Nathan, are you even listening to me?" Haley sighed, watching her boyfriend's obviously distracted state. He'd been acting strange all evening. A lot of people had actually now she came to think about it. Karen had practically pushed her out of the door following the last customer, insisting on cleaning up herself. Then her mom had accosted her when she'd walked in the door offering eagerly to help her pick out an outfit for her date. Something she'd specifically told Haley she'd never do again after witnessing her meltdown over picking out her outfit for her and Nathan's first date. _

"_I'm sorry." He apologised taking her hand in his and stroking his thumb over the back of her hand. "You're just very distracting. Has anybody ever told you that Haley James?" He watched her roll her eyes, but even as she scoffed at the sentiment a dusty pink graced her cheeks. He tried to focus on her again, settle the nerves that were fluttering around his body. He'd already unintentionally bitten her head off once this evening. They'd been walking to the restaurant from his car, and she'd tried to put her hand into his jacket pocket for warmth. Terrified she'd feel the ring box through the lining he'd pushed her away, instant guilt rushing through him at the confusion and hurt that shone in her eyes. He'd been tempted to hug her to him in an apology, but he was sure she'd be able to feel the way his body was shaking with nerves. No, not nerves, anticipation, he reminded himself. He wasn't nervous, he wanted this. _

_Her eyes were drawn to their entwined hands lying on the table, taking in the way his hand dwarfed her own, feeling her cheeks still flushed from his compliment. She worried sometimes about his lines, the ability he had to melt her with words. Then again, if it wasn't a line, it was a touch, a kiss, a look. He just possessed the ability to turn her to goo. She giggled at the thought and he gave her a curious look to which she just returned a coy smile. "Are you okay?"_

"_What? Uh, yeah of course." _

"_Are you sure? You seem really distracted tonight. If you want we can leave, it's okay really. You could just drop me home, I'm a little tired anyway, or I could even get a cab."_

"_What? No! Hell no, you're not taking a cab!" His words came out louder and harsher than he'd intended, he silently cursed himself as her brow furrowed, and she cocked her to the side studying him. Consciously lowering his voice he quickly back-pedalled the conversation. She couldn't leave, not tonight, and she definitely couldn't be pissed off at him for what he was planning. "I just mean, of course I don't want to go home, and definitely not without you." _

"_Okay then, if you're sure." Her body language didn't change to match her words, and he tried to think of something he could say to let her know he meant it. She knew him too well, which was the reason this was the first time they'd spent any time alone together in two weeks, since he'd decided this would be the night he'd propose. A couple of months prior he'd gone to her parents and brought up the idea. Why he'd done it, he wasn't sure exactly. All he knew was the James' had treated him as nothing short of family since the first time he'd spent more than five minutes in their home, and out of respect to them, and knowing Haley the way he did, he wanted to do things properly, so he'd taken the traditional route of asking their permission. At first Jimmy James had been reluctant, not outright saying no, but letting his reservations at his 22year old daughter who'd never been out of state marrying be known. Nathan promised that he'd never stop Haley experiencing anything she wanted, and coupled with Lydia's reassurance that she'd never known Haley to be happier, Jimmy had slapped Nathan on the back, smiled, and welcomed him to the family. He didn't really think about the act of the proposal until a week or so after that, he knew he wanted it to be special, and initially he thought that had meant a date. A birthday, an anniversary, something significant. But her birthday just passed before they met, and he'd never been the patient kind. Eventually he just selected a random weekend when he knew she wasn't working and he had nothing important planned. Then had come the hard part; the ring. He'd sucked up his pride, and prayed that she'd learned how to keep her mouth shut in recent years, and asked Brooke for help. Since their first meeting the girls seemed to have instantly bonded. Haley clinging to someone else who was teetering on the madness of the Scott family, and Brooke finally finding someone her own age to hang out with in Tree Hill._

_After two days of what Nathan was pretty sure was the closest he'd ever came to hell, they'd finally found the ring. Brooke had had to stop off a small specialist boutique to pick up some antique lace for a dress she was making, and Nathan found, as was becoming second nature, himself glancing into the jewellery display case next to register. As soon as he'd seen the antique solitaire princess cut diamond in a delicate white gold setting he'd known it was the one, the ring was obviously worth a lot of money, but it wasn't flashy or attention grabby in the way the others Brooke had tried to get him to go with were. The brunette relented after a little badgering about it not being big enough, and talked to the shop keeper into getting the ring sized to fit Haley's finger. He wondered now, in this oddest of moments, how Brooke had known what size it needed to be, he'd never thought to ask, but right now he suddenly felt he needed to know._

"_Nathan, what is wrong?!" Haley's voice had gone passed caring into exasperation. The first time they'd been alone together in weeks and he kept spacing out on her. _

"_I'm sorry." He smiled, hoping it'd be enough to stop her pursuing her lips and squinting across the table at him. This really wasn't going to plan._

"_Uh huh."_

"Do you want to get out of here?"

"You mean like I suggested a good ten minutes ago? Have you been paying any attention to me at all this evening?"

He cringed when he realised he hadn't. He'd intended to lavish all the attention in the world on her, but all he could remember from the past few hours was trying to place the words he'd planned to use when he asked her, the words that seemed to have escaped him as soon as he'd pulled up outside her house and he'd yet to claim back. "I'm really sorry."

She sighed at the sincerity in his voice, her annoyance calming a little. He obviously was sorry, but she didn't see the pattern of the evening changing anytime soon. "It's fine, lets just get the cheque and you can drop me home okay? You're obviously not in the mood for this tonight. It's okay,. Like I said before I'm kind of tired anyway."

"_No, no! Come on Hales, please. Come home with me at least? You can have a bath, relax, go to sleep. You're always saying you sleep better at my place." If he could just get her into the car with him, he could salvage this, but he had to do it tonight. "Please."_

_Giving a slightly baffled look at his pleading, she just nodded her compliance causing him to grin widely as he motioned for their bill before eagerly leading her out of the restaurant. _

"_Um Nathan, you missed the turning." Haley spoke up as she turned in her seat, watching as the Scott beach house becomes smaller through the back window._

"_I know, just uh, trust me okay?"_

"_Okay… but I still want that bath." He smiled at that, thinking if things went right maybe she'd even let him join her and the earlier promise of just sleep wouldn't hold up._

"_You'll get it.. I'll even run it for you."_

"With bubbles?"

"With bubbles." He nodded laughing and she looked at him startled, it was as if he'd left whatever had been bugging him behind at the restaurant. 

"_Okay then." She turned back to look out the front, just settling back into her seat when he pulled up into a parking spot and jumped eagerly out of the car, turning up on her side of the car and opening the door before she'd even had a chance to unbuckle her seat belt. _

_Adjusting her eyes to the darkness it suddenly became clear to her where they were. This was the place they always parked when going to what had earned the nickname of their place. The quiet stretch of beach she'd lead him to on their first date. It had become a place they'd taken to spending time alone together, especially before his parents had given him the beach house. The first time they'd kissed, the first time they'd made love, even the first time they'd fallen asleep together had happened in the past few months on this particular stretch of sand. _

"_Shit." She was broken out of her thoughts just before they were about to step onto the sand by Nathan's curse, holding up a finger he signalled for her to wait a second as he turned and rushed back to the car. Squinting after him in the darkness she tried to work out what exactly it was he was going back for. Laughing aloud when the thought that he was just going to up and leave her flittered through her mind. As her laughter died she couldn't make out his form in the darkness and as silly as she knew it was she couldn't stop herself calling out to him, just in case. "Nathan?"_

"I'm coming!" Nathan scrambled around in the backseat of his car, he'd thrown his jacket carelessly back there after leaving the restaurant, and just before reaching the beach he realised the ring had slipped out of the pocket.. Frantically fumbling around in the darkness he finally brushed his fingers against the plush velvet. Closing his eyes in a silent prayer of thanks he quickly slipped it back into the inside pocket and jogged back over to where Haley was. "Sorry."

"_I thought you'd left me." She joked as she slipped off her shoes, and he pulled her body close to his side, thankful the ring was on the other side so he wouldn't have to unnaturally let her amble along the sand alone. _

"_Never." He promised, the sincerity of the statement shining in his eyes. He wondered if she saw it, if she knew._

_She closed her eyes and sighed, relishing at the feeling of the sand tickling her toes. She kept moving her eyes closed, tucked into his side, there was a slight bite in the air but it didn't bother her as much as it would of if she didn't have him to snuggle up to. _

_He watched the light smile playing at her lips, the moon bouncing off the ocean in just a way that it seemed to shine directly on her. Any other time he'd of wanted to kick his own ass for thinking something so sappy, but right now that was what he wanted, cornball romance. "Haley.."_

"Hmm?" She turned to him, her eyes fluttering open. 

"_I uh.."_

_She looked up at him curiously as he stood, lips parted as if ready to speak but no words coming out. He stepped away from her, the chill that had not bothered her before suddenly seeming to settle over her. His body rigid with nerves, she suddenly thought she knew what this was all about. The excuses to not meet up the past couple of weeks, the drifting off during dinner, the impromptu trip to their spot. "Oh my god."_

"_Just, uh let me say this." He said, thinking she'd come to the right conclusion._

"_Oh my god. You can't do this."_

"_What? Why not? Haley would just let me say this."_

"No, come on lets go home." She tugged at his hand but he stood strong causing her tug to work against her and she stumbled back toward him.

"_No, we're not going home. Haley, just stay here for a minute." He begged her and she looked back to him tears shining in her eyes._

"_Stand here so you can break up with me? No, Nathan, god if you have to do it why here."_

_He stood silently watching her. His mouth a gape, eyes wide with shock. She thought he was going to break up with her?_

"_I'm going." She said after they watched each other for a few silent moments. Her wishing he'd just say something, him desperately trying to think of what to say to make her stay._

"_Wait!" He called after she'd only taken a couple of steps, jogging over in front of her he dropped down on one knee, reaching into his pocket._

"_What the –" He reached up placing a finger on her lips trying silencing the words that had started to form there._

"_Haley. A year ago I thought my life was over. I lost everything I'd ever thought I'd wanted, the only thing I'd truly cared about. Then one day I walked into the café that had been a second home to me in this town, and I saw you. How I missed you all those times before I'll never know, but maybe it was fate. Maybe I had to meet you then, when I was ready, when I wouldn't screw this up." Tears were streaming down her face but she kept to his silent request to stay quiet. "And maybe I can't promise I won't now, but I will do everything in my power to make this work. Forever Haley. I love you, and I want to be with you forever, you're the only person I've ever truly loved, and I'm never going to stop loving you. I CAN promise that. So, Haley James, will you do what you've been doing since the first day we met and give me a reason to get up in the morning. Give me that love you talked about that night in the beach house, the real kind, and I promise, I'll give you that back, every day. Just say you'll be my wife?" He offered the ring up to her and she blinked to trying to clear the tears to look at it properly._

"_Nathan I…" He'd been hoping for Yes, just one word, anything more than that had him worried. "You said steps."_

"What?" He looked at her like she'd grown a second head, here he was, on one knee, on the beach, at night, a diamond ring proffered in her direction, and she was talking about steps?

"You said you wanted to take things one step at a time! This isn't the next step! We haven't been together that long, and god you still have all these questions about what you want to do, and we're young Nathan, we're really young and.."  


"_Oh." He listening to her rambling, and felt his heart break he never thought she'd say no. He started to take the box back and began to lift himself up from the ground when she threw her self at him, both losing their balance and landing him on his back in the sand her on top of him._

"_I mean yes."_

"Yes?" He asked looking up into her eyes from where she hovered over him a big goofy grin on her face.

"_Of course yes. Yes! Yes! YES!" She screamed eagerly pressing her lips to his, her happy tears splashing onto his face. _

"_Oh thank god." He laughed pulling away to slip the ring onto her finger._

-------

Haley stood in the doorway of her living room watching curiously as her mother picked up a sofa cushion and looked under it before putting it back and sitting down.

"What are you doing?"

"Checking for socks." Lydia stated taking the offered coffee cup from Haley's hand, simply smiling in thanks as though she'd said the most obvious thing in the world.

"Checking for…Mom, what?" The younger woman settled down at the opposite end of the sofa to her mother, throwing her mother a confused look.

"I've been married long enough to know that a big bunch of flowers like that translate as I'm sorry, let me back in the bedroom the sofa's wrecking my back."

Haley rolled her eyes shaking her head at her mom, unconsciously fingering a bud in the bouquet of flowers that sat on the table next to her. Nathan had brought them home with him on Sunday evening after his golfing day with Dan. She'd felt her heart swell when her obviously emotionally wrought husband pushed past whatever had happened that day and presented her with the beautiful flowers and a heart felt I'm sorry. After an evening of contented cuddling on the couch, and ignoring the elephant in the room that had been clear as day the previous night they'd managed to push past whatever tension there had been before and the past few days had been more relaxed than they'd experienced in months. She wasn't sure if it was the fact that it was the first time they'd fought about something real, rather than spatting over inconsequential things, hinting at the fact that they were both hiding issues of their own. Or their looming anniversary was reminding them both of easier, happier times, but she wasn't going to complain. They deserved to be happy on their anniversary, and she'd promised herself they'd talk about things later. After all, they had a lifetime.

"No ones sleeping on the sofa, so you needn't worry. Nathan and I are fine, and besides I'm not mean enough to make him sleep down here, that's what the guest room's for." Mother and daughter shared an amused smile, as Nathan's voice rang out in greeting as the front door clicked. "Speak of the devil. We're in here!"

"Hales are you… Oh hi." Nathan gave his mother in law a surprised smile in greeting stopping whatever he'd intended to question his wife on as he walked into the room.

"Ah, favourite son in law, come sit down, we're just discussing your vacation to the guest room."

"What?" Nathan gave Haley a startled look. He was under the impression they were fine.

"Ignore her." Haley shook her head, glaring a little at her mother, giving Nathan's hand a reassuring squeeze as he sat down. "She's taking pleasure in picking on me!"

"I was not, I was simply admiring Haley's flowers. Wondering what she was blaming on you to deserve them." 

"Mom! See, picking on me!" Nathan gave his wife a look of mock sympathy, eyes twinkling in amusement at the exaggerated scowl she was sporting. The easy vibe between Haley and her parents was something that he'd struggled to understand for along time. Even though he himself had always felt comfortable with the James', but the idea of a child not harbouring some kind of resentment toward their parents was completely foreign to him.

"Just wait girlie 'til you two have children of your own. Teasing them mercifully is one of the things that makes it all worth while." Haley features immediately fixed into a plastic smile as her mother's words hit a raw nerve. Excusing herself she stood up and walked out of the room leaving her mother and husband alone.

"And how was your day?" Lydia asked after they'd both watched Haley walk out of the room.

"It was good, Dad's still not happy about my taking tomorrow off but if it wasn't that it'd be something else." Although his tone was playful, they both knew there was truth to Nathan's words.

"It'll be worth it." She assured him with a smile. "Haley was complaining about Karen giving her tomorrow off at such short notice, said she'll have nothing to do. I've never known someone to be so put out by a day off of work in my life! Always been that way though, you'd think with a brain as big as hers she'd be better at keeping herself entertained! You might want to tell her tonight so she doesn't whine your ear off about it."

Nathan nodded his head in agreement, he'd thought about doing that anyway. Knowing Haley's ability to sense when he was hiding something, and her inquisitive nature usually had her jumping to conclusions, right or wrong, if he tried to surprise her with anything, he was kind of surprised she hadn't picked up that he was planning something sooner.

Hearing Haley moving around in the kitchen Lydia turned to she was looking more directly at her son in law. "I want to ask you something, but I don't want you to tell Haley I asked."

"Um, okay."

"Is Haley okay? She's not seemed quite like herself lately. I've tried to ask her what's going on but she tells me she's fine."

Nathan paused for a moment, wondering how much Haley would have told her Mother about the way they'd been with each other lately. As far as he was aware she'd been keeping it all as close to her chest as he had. Brooke hadn't made any snide comments so he was sure she was in the dark about it all. He lied. "I hadn't really noticed."

"She's quiet." The older woman pointed out, looking to Nathan for confirmation.

"Maybe a little.." He shifted uncomfortably under the loaded gaze. Even though he knew it wasn't accusing he was overcome with the urge to undo his tie and unbutton the top buttons on his shirt and divert his eyes.

"You know, I felt so relieved when you and Haley started getting serious."

His eyes immediately snapped back onto his mother in law, confusing shining. He'd probably had more conversations with his wife's parents in the past couple of years than he'd had with his own his whole life, but he didn't think he'd ever heard Lydia's tone so cautious.

"She got a lot of offers for college, you know. She's always been intelligent, head strong too, so we weren't surprised when she got accepted to pretty much every school she applied. She applied all over, paid all the application fee's herself, wasn't always the home body she'll have you believe she is now. Then the offers started coming in and she got scared. She started asking me about when she was younger and her brothers and sisters went off to school or moved away, little memories she had of me going a little crazy as the nest got emptier. All the time I was trying to reassure her to do what she wanted, I was suddenly realising unlike before when there was always at least another kid or two to go, this was it. She was the last."

Even as he tried to work out where this conversation was going and what Haley's education had to do with their relationship, it was on the tip of Nathan's tongue to ask why it took her so long to realise Haley would be leaving too? Painful stories his wife had told him of being home alone most of her junior and senior high school years whilst her parents travelled the country coming to mind, but he still didn't understand how his coming about lessened her guilt so he swallowed the words and waited.

"She probably told you she stayed home for school because we couldn't afford to send her away?" She paused looking for confirmation before continuing. "That's true to a degree but if she'd really wanted to go she knows we would have worked something out, we always did. She hated the idea of being a strain though. Got so angry when the topic of loans came up she disappeared to her friends for two days." They shared a slightly uncomfortable laugh at that, both thinking how typical it was for Haley to lash out at the idea of people bending to her will rather than not. "I think I might have not supported her as much as I could have. Selfishly I wanted my baby home, I encouraged her to try some of the bigger instate universities and I don't know if you know but she was planning to transfer when I got sick. She didn't think twice about dropping out, and I think I cried more the night than I ever have before. My beautiful, bright, potential filled daughter putting her life on hold for me. From that day on I worried so much that she wasn't going to be fulfilled in this town, that she'd resent me."

"She'd never resent you." Nathan spoke up immediately, all the while watching the door for signs of his wife coming back. The air in the room was thick with the knowledge that Haley was only a few feet away and wouldn't be happy with the idea of them talking about her.

"I know, but I worried." She gave a small shrug and half smile. "As soon as I was well enough to fight her I tried to get her to go back, go away, whichever she wanted, I wasn't going to stop her again, but it was gone, whatever spark had driven her before she wasn't there anymore, and it broke my heart. Then one day she starts smiling more again, talking a mile a minute, becoming more of the girl I remembered, and it was you." 

"I don't think..." Nathan sense of discomfort doubled with her words. He wasn't sure what Lydia's point was in saying all this, but he was sure she hadn't intended to feed into his fears, the problem was intent or not that was happening.

"It was Nathan, and I needed you to know that. The first year of marriage is a toughie, especially when you haven't lived together before, or known each other all that long like you and Haley, but she's been so much happier with you." She took his hand clasping it between her own. "You promised me you'd make her happy, and you do, so don't you doubt that. I'm only asking because if there's something going on with her, I know you'd know. I'm probably just being a worrying mother hen. Even though she's probably been the most mature of my children since she hit double digits she'll always be my baby so I can't help but panic when I sense something's wrong." She patted his hand lightly, smiling brightly. "Well that's enough seriousness for one day."

"Seriousness?" Haley asked walking back into the room, clearly more relaxed than when she'd made her hurried escape.

"None of your concern, Missy. Now I'm going to go home before your father sends out the search party. Since he retired he's lost the ability to spend more than a couple of hours alone I swear!"

"He just likes being with you, Mom."

"Shame it doesn't go both ways." Lydia gave a playful wink before standing up and hugging them both goodbye separately.

"What do you want to do for dinner?" Haley asked after her mother left.

"Why don't you just sit down for a minute." She sent him a confused look when she did as he asked and he proceeded to get up and walk out of the room.

"Nathan?"

"Just hang on a minute!" He called back, his footsteps heavy as he bounded up the stairs.

"Why?!" She called out and he just laughed in response, shouting back that she needed to learn some patience.

He walked back in, his tie having been thrown off, his shirt un tucked his t-shirt poking out from the undone buttons. She couldn't help but smile at how effortlessly sexy he looked. Before she had a chance to go along with her thoughts her attention was drawn an evenlope in his hand. "What's that?"

He shrugged, smirking and passing it over to her. "Anniversary gift."

"Uh honey, you're about three days early."

"Well in about three days we'll be too late, so will you just open it." He laughed at the cautious look in her eye as she took it from him and opened it up.

"It's a reservation confirmation, for this weekend…"

"I thought you deserved a bit of a break. We both do, so I thought we'd spend a weekend together, alone. Get away from everyone here. I love our friends and family, Hales. But they're complicated, and they make our lives complicated. Our wedding was great, but I know you were talked into doing a lot of things you might not have really wanted, and as soon as I heard my Mom talking to Karen about throwing us a party I knew I wanted to make sure it didn't happen again. I don't want to celebrate it with anybody but you."

Tears pricked at Haley's eyes as she nodded smiling. Sometimes he was just so thoughtful; it was a side of him people seemed to always question whenever she told them the sweet things he'd done for her, which maybe made it even more special. "Me too."

"Good." He replied simply, putting his arm around her shoulder and pulling her across the small gap between them, tipping her face toward him with his other hand to kiss her softly.

"I guess this is why I have the day off tomorrow?"

"Yep, Karen and your Mom gave me a bit of a hand with the planning."

"Sounds familiar." Haley laughed, knowing that the night of their engagement the two women had also helped conspire to get Haley where Nathan needed her to be at the right times. "I love it, Nathan, it's the perfect gift. Thank you."

She moved so she could extend her upper body a little pressing her lips to his in gratitude. Breaking the kiss he spoke up cockily. "It is isn't it. I hope you've got me a damn good gift, Hales. Going to be hard to top this one."

He watched her smile brightly and tried to just be glad she liked his gift but he couldn't shake the unease his conversation with Lydia had brought about. Not only did he feel unsure about the idea that Haley's contentment came from being with him, but he found himself selfishly glad that if it was the case that Lydia was the reason Haley stayed home, he was grateful for that. He'd known Haley could have achieved a lot with her life from early on in their relationship, her intelligence clear, her people skills effortless. He remembered her talking about going back to school when they first got together, but the more serious they got, the less it was mentioned, and then when they got engaged she never brought it up again. He'd tried once or twice but she'd seemed completely disinterested. She seemed content in their life, but as best as he could tell so did he and yet he questioned their life a lot. Never her, but the life they'd built together.

"So are we leaving tomorrow morning?" He watched her studying the details of the information in the envelope. That had been the plan, but he'd just had an idea.

"Early afternoon, I have a couple of things I need to do in the morning."

"Okay," She nodded not even looking up at him, even though he was sure she could feel him watching her.

"Haley?"

"Yeah?" She glanced up surprised to see his eyes had darkened a little and were focusing on her intently.

"You know I really love you right?"

She nodded and sent him a small smile, wondering where that had come from, and wondering why his need to confirm that to her made her feel suddenly scared. "I love you, too."

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	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you for all your reviews. I hope this update was worth the wait. I seem to have snapped out of my funk now so hopefully it'll continue! Please be sure to let me know what you think! Thank you to my usual girls (Bec, Britt, Lori and Kristen) for keeping me going! Bec thank you for beta-ing! **

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**Six **

"Just look at the damn map."

"I'm looking at the damn map! But wherever the hell we are is not on the DAMN map, because you Mr. -_ 'Don't worry about it baby I know a shortcut' -_ drove us off the damn map!"

Nathan looked straight out ahead of him, even through his frustration he couldn't help but be amused at the way Haley's body was bouncing agitated around in her seat as she threw glares at him, and her stopping mid-shout to mimic him had laughter bubbling in his chest. They'd been driving a lot longer than they'd planned. Haley had map quested directions to the hotel they were staying at, but half way through the list of lefts and rights Nathan decided it was taking too long and he knew a better way, turning off the main road and driving down a lane.

"Let's just stop and ask for directions." Haley sighed pointing out a gas station up a head.

"No." All laughter gone Nathan was adamant they wouldn't be stopping

"Men…" Haley rolled her eyes and folded the map back up in her lap. "Pull over."

"What? No. We're almost there."

"Like hell we are, we've been almost there for like two hours, Nathan! Pull over!"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't need directions." He moved the map from Haley's lap twisting and turning it in his own. His eyes moving to it and then back to the road and back again.

"Would you just pull over!"

"I'm fine."

"Oh for the love of – I'll go in and ask! You can even hide in the backseat so I'll just look like another stupid woman driver got lost!"

Abruptly Nathan pulled the car over to the side of the road causing Haley to smile. Finally he was going to do something logical! Noticing that they were still a good distance away from the gas station she turned to question him.

"Where are we?" He asked gruffly his eyes not lifting from the map as he tried to pinpoint their destination.

"Are you seriously asking me that?" Her eyes went wide in shock as she shook her head. Had he not been listening to a thing she was saying! "Just drive up to the gas station!"

"Fine." Huffing he slammed the map aggressively down on the dash board causing her to shake her head. It was kind of amusing, how prideful and so typically male he was sometimes.

"Do you want me to go in?"

"No." She bit her lip to stifle the laughter threatening to spill over at his grumpy tone. All he needed to do now was pout.

As he cut off the engine she undid her belt and slid across her seat as far as possible, turning toward him. He watched her movements cautiously. "You look worried." She laughed and he couldn't help but smile. Glad to see his mood was picking up she grinned back at him. "Do I scare you?"

"Terrify me." He answered; even though his tone joked his eyes seemed to bore into her in a way that made her breath hitch her throat. She only had a second or two to try and work out what he was saying before he pulled her into his lap, her small form fitting easily into the space between his body and the steering wheel that his long legs afforded. Their lips merged together instantly and they only pulled away when breath became an issue. "I'm sorry."

"What for?" She pulled back to look at him, her head cocked to the side as her thumb brushed lightly at his hair line.

"For being an idiot about getting lost. I just wanted to do this for you, for us. I wanted it to be perfect."

"It will." She promised. "You wouldn't be you if you didn't get lost on one of your special short cuts." Noting his forced smile in response she pressed on. "Nathan, you did so well with this gift! It's what we need; it's going to be perfect. It is perfect, getting lost and all. I promise."

They'd both set off with the mindset that this wasn't going to happen. Those quiet moments where they both knew something was playing on the others mind but they didn't ask what. Those moments where silence held a bite and their bodies tensed under the others touch.

"Come on." She opened the door, determined to not get lost in the feeling, and climbed off his lap onto the concrete tugging on his hand for him to follow. Once he'd locked the doors she wrapped her arm around his waist, his falling naturally around her shoulders. "Quicker we find out where we're going – sooner we get there."

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Reaching up she carefully removed the grips she'd put in earlier from her hair shaking her head lightly, causing the previously teasing tendrils to get lost in the mass of curls that fell around her shoulders and down her back. Taking in a deep breath as she watched her reflection carefully and picked up the curling iron she'd plugged in before getting changed and separated a section of hair, winding it around the barrel attempting to re-define the style. Butterflies turned in her stomach and her hand shook a little. Why had she ever thought this would be a good idea? Seductress had never been a role she played in her marriage. From the first time they'd made love she had no complaints about their sex life and he'd assured her the same, but her lack of experience and insecurities had meant he'd taken on the more dominant role. Although he'd allowed her set to the pace, always asking her before trying anything knew, he'd always initiated for a long time. Even now when she did it was near always the same, lying next to him in bed she'd reach over and scratch lightly across his chest, nipping lightly at his earlobe, before kissing down his neck. It wasn't that she didn't want him as often as he did her, far from it; it was all just still new to her. Until she'd begun seeing Nathan sexuality had never been a big part of who she was. Being a virgin in her 20's, her friends had presumed she was waiting for marriage but that really wasn't the case, she was waiting to want it. Sex in its abstract sense was something she'd thought about, but it wasn't until she'd kissed her husband for the first time that she'd understood what people were talking about when they spoke of desire, and need, and want for another person.

"Haley?" Nathan's questioning voice travelled over the murmur of the TV and through the door.

"I'll be out in a minute!" She promised hoping he'd stay where he was instead of coming to see what was taking her so long. It was late Saturday night and soon their first year of marriage would officially be over. The night before they'd arrived at the hotel long after they'd expected. Having stopped to get something to eat when they finally got back onto the right road, after settling in the room they'd taken a walk around the town, an ease that escaped them lately when they'd do the same in tree hill settled over them. Amidst jokes of being a boring old married couple they hadn't stayed out long, preferring to get back to the hotel. They'd made love and fell asleep in each others arms discussing what to do with the rest of their weekend.

This morning Nathan had woken Haley with breakfast he'd ordered while she was still asleep. How he'd managed to not only wake before her but manage to get food to their room without alerting her still confused her. After breakfast he told her to get dressed but wouldn't let her know where they were going. The previous night he'd caught her staring at a poster for a local art and music festival, knowing it wasn't his type of thing she hadn't suggested they go but he knew her well enough to know she'd love it, so they'd spent a good portion of the day there, looking from stall to stall, listening to music, holding hands and exchanging kisses, the picture of the perfect young married couple. The boredom that had been battling all day with watching her animated expressing and excited babblings eventually winning in the early afternoon and he began not so subtly hinting that they move on. They wasted the day easily and enjoyably, surprising them both with how successful they were at pushing their problems to the back of their mind. Calling on his old basketball contacts Nathan had booked them into one of the most exclusive restaurants in town for dinner, causing Haley to complain that he should have told her where they were going, the black dress Brooke had made her a few months prior was beautiful, but she felt instantly underdressed in the room full of high designer garb. He'd laughed, pulling her chair out of her, and leaning down to kiss her softly before moving across the table to his own. Joining their hands he looked into her eyes and told her she could be wearing sweats and she'd still be the most beautiful woman in the world. A blush rose as she smiled back, when he looked at her that way she believed him. She couldn't help but smile when she remembered the shocked, put upon look that had came across his face when she pushed away his advances when they'd returned to the room. Laughing she'd promised him his patience would be rewarded and flicked on the TV, pouring him a drink from the mini bar to occupy him before taking a bag from her luggage and slipping into the bathroom.

Unplugging the curling iron she slipped her feet back into her heels, after securing the straps she turned back to the mirror and studied her reflection. She'd added to the make up she'd been wearing earlier, giving her eyes a heavy lidded, smoky look, and on her lips she'd used a nude plumping gloss, giving her already plump lips an extra boost, the shine drawing your eyes down to them as they fell into a natural pout. She brushed a dusting of bronzer across her cheeks and fluffed at hair. Closing her eyes she breathed deeply reassuring herself she could do this and headed for the door. She'd brought lingerie for him before; under her wedding dress had been an intricately woven white Basque with matching underwear, and stockings and suspenders Brooke had talked her into that he'd been presently surprised to be greeted with when as removed her garter at the reception. But this was different, this wasn't something he was going to uncover as he undressed her, when her lust would do a good job of overpowering her embarrassment, he was going to be lying there, waiting for her, watching her.

"You know." He spoke up as she cracked the door open, his eyes not straying from the television as he spoke. "This time last year I was fighting the urge to drive over to your parent's house and climb in your bedroom window."

She laughed despite her nerves, and moved further into the room. "You wouldn't have had any luck if you had. Brooke and my sister were camped out under my window anticipating you and my aunt had given me a sleeping pill so strong I don't think I completely woke up until we arrived at the church. Thank god we had an afternoon ceremony or my dad would have had to carry me down the aisle."

Her babbling had drawn his eyes away from the television and immediately this thumb padded heavily at the off switch, a hiss escaping his lips as the air rushed out of his lungs. She'd literally taken his breath away.

Fingering the thin shoulder strap self consciously she looked up at him and smiled shyly. "You like?"

He nodded and motioned for her to move forward, holding out a hand to halt her movements before she reached the bed and motioned for her to turn around. Thin cream straps lead the way to the cream and gold lace balconette bra that pushed her breasts up and out, the lightly tanned skin seemingly ready to burst out of their confines with every breath. From the base of the bra flowed the same soft lace, which skimmed at the top of her thighs, the front parting in the middle with every move she made showing off the matching fitted boy shorts; and when she turned he saw that they cradled her ass in a way his hands were itching to do, her legs extended by the heels completing the vision she made.

He held out his hand, pulling her over to the bed and motioning for her to climb on, manoeuvring her by her hips so she was straddled across him on her knees. Brushing her hair off her face he cupped her cheeks in his hands, holding his eyes intently on hers. "You look amazing."

She let out a shuddered breath in relief before smiling brightly, when he looked at her with such intent, his eyes darkening as they showed a mix of lust, and love, and longing she believed him. Closing the gap between them she captured his lips between her own. "I love you."

"Me too, baby, so much. Me too."

She lay half on him, half on the bed as they basked in the after glow. His hand stroking softly at her breasts through the cups of the bra they'd yet to get around to removing, but if his wandering hands were any indication that wasn't going to be the case for much longer. She turned questioningly toward him when he started to laugh.

"Damn, did I rip it?" Confused she followed his gaze down to her left breasts where the delicate lace was sporting a tear down the top half of the cup.

"Last time I buy you anything." She joked and he shook his head disagreeing, pouting dejectedly as he pulled her so she was lying flat on top of him.

She opened her mouth to say something but was distracted by her phone buzzing on the nightstand next to them. She moved to reach and get it but he stopped her.

"Leave it."

"Nathan, it might be important, they wouldn't call this late if wasn't important. Everyone knows where we are." Before he could stop her she'd grabbed the phone off the side table and answered returning to lie beside him as she spoke.

"Brooke wants me to put it on speaker." She told him as she took the phone from her ear and did that, holding the phone between them.

"Hello favourite married couple!" Brooke's voice bubbled over the line, clearly she'd been drinking.

"This better be important Brooke."

"Well of course it is Nathan, silly! It's midnight – or just after at least – and I wanted to be the first to say Happy Anniversary!...What? No. Luke! No... Okay well your mean brother-slash-brother-in-law is telling me to leave you guys alone to get back to your hot lovin' so I'm going to get mine."

Haley laughed at the way Nathan blanched at the suggestion toward his brother's sex life.

"You guys are the happiest couple I know! I love you both! Have fun! Oh, and remember those flavoured condoms aren't always known for their protective value!! Byeeee!"

"Flavoured condoms?" Nathan perked up questioning Haley who was sat with her eyes fixated on the bedding. "Hales?"

"Are we?" She said quietly, her eyes not moving, the phone still in hand.

"Are we what?" He cursed whatever it was Brooke had said to upset her, as he tried to get her to look at him.

"Happy." It took her a moment to say it, up until the moment the word left her lips she wasn't even sure she would. If there had been any noise in the room she wouldn't have been heard, the phone dropped from her hand, the slight thud its light weight made as it hit the mattress drawing the couple's attention. Their gazes focused on the small item, anything to avoid looking at each other.

"Are you?" He asked finally and she shrugged.

"Most of the time."

"I love you." He spoke quickly, fearing she doubted that, fearing it was him that made her feel unhappy.

"Oh, Nathan, I know, I love you too." She closed the gap between them and locked their eyes. "But I feel like such a fraud."

"Why?" He tried to put his arm around her, needing to comfort her when the tears shone in her eyes, illuminating them in the dark room. She shrugged his arm off and shook her head, but he took some relief in the fact that she didn't increase the distance between them.

"We play pretend too well."

"I don't..." he started but the protest died on his lips when she shook her head, her eyes begging him not to lie to her.

"We both know it. We're so good at pretending that sometimes I can even believe it's not true. That sometime in the past four or five months something big didn't change, that this wall didn't erupt between us. God, some day's Nathan I feel I don't know you at all."

"You know me."

"Do I?" Her voice was breaking with the tears now, and one or two had escaped onto her cheeks. "You don't talk to me anymore. Not in the way you used to. Everyone thinks we've come away to celebrate a year of our perfect marriage. Maybe it's not fair for them to assume that we're perfect, but somedays…" She paused for a second hating the confused hurt expression he sported, hating herself for letting it get this far "…somedays I'm not even sure we're okay."

"We are." Her words chilled him, fear building inside. He knew he'd been preoccupied lately, and he knew something had been on her mind, but the fact that she doubted them had never occurred to him. He hated that his issues affected her like this, and all he wanted to do was make it better. "We are okay."

"Then talk to me!" He looked over at her pleading, her legs pulled up underneath her, the starched white sheet around her waist, her upper body barely covered in lace, her eye make up smudged from tears, her hair a post coital mess. He tugged at her, pulling her against her reluctance and into him, smashing her small body into his side tightly.

"What do you want me to say?" He asked her, her tears now soaking at his chest, her body shaking against him as he rocked her gently trying to soothe her.

"The truth, Nathan, I want the truth."

"The truth is I love you." He promised and she let out a laugh that was somewhere between disbelief and offence.

"I don't doubt that, I don't. But I don't know what you want from me anymore."

"I don't want anything – I just want you."

"And I want you – all of you, I need you to tell me what's going on with you Nathan."

"Then tell me what's going on with you Hales, please." He wasn't trying to avoid it this time, he wanted to know, he'd never seen her like this. She'd always been so strong. But right now in his arms she looked broken, and he wanted nothing more than to fix her.

She pulled away so she could look at him properly, her fingers stroking along his chiselled jaw, it still astonished her how he'd become her everything. "I can't have what I want right now."

"I don't understand." She smiled and nodded, her fingers continue to stroke his face.

"I need things to be better for you first." She stopped, correcting herself, "for us first, I want things to be better for us first."

Part of him wanted to shake the cryptic message out of her, her tears seemed to have stopped but her smile was sad, and she was obviously pained to be saying these things. He wanted to understand, to give her what it was she wanted; to help.

"Tell me." It wasn't a request.

"A baby."

The way his eyes widened and he went stoic under her touch told her what she needed to know. He looked as if he couldn't breathe. He blinked once, twice, before opening his mouth to say words that didn't come.

"I guess that's my answer." She slipped away from him, suddenly aware of her scantily clad form and reached for his dress shirt that was crumpled at the foot of the bed, slipping it over her shoulders. "It's okay. I knew."

"I..."

"It's okay. You don't want children right now, and the way our relationships been I can't fault you for that. It wouldn't be fair to bring a child into this. But you asked me what I wanted, and I really, really, want this."

He wanted to tell her that if she wanted a baby they'd try. That she was wrong in thinking their relationship wasn't up to it. But he couldn't lie to her, not about this. They'd spoken about having children, and in an abstract way he'd always thought they would, but confronted with the reality he wasn't sure he wanted a baby. Now, or ever.

"College." He blurted out and she looked at him confused. "I want you to go back to college."

"I want a baby, Nathan." She knew she'd told him it was okay, but she needed to talk about this.

"Your Mom, she told me about all these schools you got into when you were younger, and you used to talk about going back. Maybe it would change your mind?"

"Change my mind?" Her tone was completely different now, harsh. "So you don't want a baby?"

"You said you knew."

"I meant now! I knew now wasn't the time!" Her eyes were wide with shock, inside she was pleading she was reading him wrong, but the way he'd stopped looking at her, the way his right hand fingers twisted at his wedding band told her she was right, that maybe he wasn't such a stranger to her after all because she was pretty sure she reading him crystal clear. "You don't ever want children do you?"

"I don't know." He couldn't look at her when he said it, but he was pretty sure he'd heard her heart break.

"You know I want be a mother." Her voice rang with disbelief and shock. "We've spoken about having a family before. You said you wanted it."

"I thought I did." He tried to hold her hand but she snapped it away.

"How can you know, in a matter of minutes from me bringing it up that you don't? How can you go from telling me since we got together that you wanted children too, to deciding you don't in the space of a few words, were you lying to me?"

"I've never lied to you." His eyes bored into her, pleading with her to believe him.

"Then be honest with me, like I've been begging you to for months."

"I'll think about it." He said finally after moments of them staring at each other, unspoken words hanging heavily between them. "Having a baby, I'll think about it."

"Don't force yourself." She spat back, wincing when he laid a hand against her thigh.

"I want to."

"Have a baby?" Her eyes lit up and for a second he considered going along with it before reluctantly shaking his head.

"To think about it."

"Oh." She didn't know what to say.

"But you need to think about college, okay?"

"You mean your get out of jail free card?"

"God, no, hang on." He walked across the room and rifled around in his bag, bringing a rolled up brochure over to her and laying it on top of the bed. "I went to pick this up this morning. I planned on giving it to you tomorrow. I want you to be happy Haley. I want you to be fulfilled, and I think finishing your degree would help with that."

"Having a baby would help with that." Even as she said it she knew it wasn't fair. She didn't want to make him guilty for being honest, but it hurt, her heart was breaking and the person she loved most in the world, and who claimed to love her too, was doing it.

"That's not fair Haley." He sighed; running a hand through is hair.

"Nothing feels very fair right now." She countered, she didn't know whether to scream at him or cry. She really wanted to pretend, but she couldn't do that anymore.

"Just think about it, and I will too. I love you, I want you to be happy, and if I can do this for you I will, but I need to think about it."

"I don't want you to do this for me, Nathan." She raised herself onto her knees as he sat back down on the bed and clasped his hand between her own, her tone and expression softer than it had been since she'd admitted to wanting a baby. "I want you do this for us. I want you to WANT this for us."

"I'll think about it."

She sighed, it was the best she could for ask, even if it was worst she could want. Fingering the corner of the brochure she nodded. She knew she should push him more on what had been going on with him lately, but with her own secret having rocked their stability more, and her dreams dying before her eyes she couldn't bring herself to do it. "Then I will too."

They both moved under the covers, lying flat on their backs staring out into the darkness, his voice eventually breaking the silence. "Happy Anniversary."

"Yeah, you too." She mumbled through her tears, turning so her back was to him, praying he wouldn't notice. He moved across the bed, and wrapped his arm around her drawing her too him. He wanted to apologise, he just didn't think it would mean anything right now, so he held his breath as he tightened his hold on her, only releasing when it became clear she wasn't pulling away.


	7. Chapter 7

**Big thanks to Lori for beta-ing and all her help! Don't think I could of written this without you hon! **

**Seven **

He watched her from the doorway as she sat at the breakfast bar in the centre of their kitchen. A cup of coffee in front of her, her hands folded neatly on the ledge. He was almost certain she didn't know he was there as she snuck glances at the college course brochure that sat amidst the pile of magazines and catalogues before her. She slipped it out and was half way through turning the first page when she let out a grunt, shutting the brochure and pushing it away with such force it went flying off the counter. Grabbing a magazine off the top of the pile she practically tore it open. It would have been amusing if it wasn't so heartbreaking to him. She'd been so angry this past week, she hadn't expressed it to him, not directly, but she was snappy and skittish. He wished she'd yell or scream at him, instead of letting it weigh down on her like this. He knew he'd hurt her. He hated that he'd hurt her, but in the long run it was better he was honest, and he hadn't been lying when he'd promised her that he wanted to think about having children.

"Hey."

She jumped at the feel of his unexpected hand on her shoulder. "Hi, I didn't know you were awake."

"Yeah, I have to be at work soon."

"Oh. I didn't realise it was so late." She moved to stand up, escaping from beneath his touch. She felt a pang of regret at the hurt look that crossed his face. She felt like they were stuck in a ridiculous limbo right now, maybe even more so than they were before. She'd been trying really hard not to be angry, to lash out. A part of her, a huge part of her, was happy that he'd felt able to be honest with her, that he hadn't lied, that he'd told her he loved her and exposed a part of himself to her that he knew she wouldn't necessarily like. Something she knew he'd struggled with since their relationship first began. But another part of her, a part that was battling the other for dominance, felt betrayed and hurt. "Do you want me to make you breakfast?"

"No, toast is fine."

"Okay." He shook his head as she walked over to the opposite side of the kitchen.

"Hales.."

"Yep?" She looked up from where she'd be pottering around.

"Uh, your car's booked in for a service today."

"Yeah I remember." She nodded and smiled, and he smiled back.

"Should we uh, talk." He said finally.

"You have work." Her smile gone, her tone closed off.

"Right.."

"Are you done thinking?" She couldn't help but ask a couple of minutes later, looking over hopefully.

"No..You?"

"No."

"Right." He nodded drinking his coffee, and she turned away and looked out of the window.

Silence engulfed the room again and Nathan watched Haley as she fixated on scrubbing the plate clean. He was used to her bouncing around in the morning, talking animatedly about her plans for the day, making fun of his askew tie and plopping herself down in his lap to say a proper goodbye. Her morning personality was something that had taken a while for him to get used to, but he'd grown to love it. It was simply a part of her, and his day was always off to an easier start by experiencing it. Of course he knew that things hadn't been perfect in a while. His wife was right when she'd claimed they pretended too well, but in the past week, the week he'd spent watching her try and pick up the pieces of her heart from his own revelation, he'd been watching her closely. Closer maybe than he had in a long time, and he was starting to think that in his selfish obsession he'd missed how bad things really were.

"Come here for a minute." She turned to where he was smiling at her patting the seat beside him and rolled her eyes. She'd made a point of moving to the other side of the room. In the same way she'd been making a point of working late, or going to her mom's, or having Brooke over. She knew she was close to breaking point with him, she could literally feel her blood heating when he walked into the room.

"I'm busy."

"You're not." He laughed as she started pulling the dishes she'd already cleaned back to the sink.

"Don't tell me what I am, and what I'm not, Nathan." She gripped onto the edge of the sink trying to reign her anger in. She glanced up at the clock, counting down the minutes until he'd leave. He was honest, he was honest. Her new mantra rang in her head as she tried to stop herself screaming at him.

He stood up and walked over to her, massaging at her fists to get her to loosen her grip before leading her out of the kitchen and across the hall into the living room. "We need to talk."

"You have work." She gritted out as he pushed her lightly urging her to sit down.

"We need to talk." He repeated sitting down next to her.

"Hales, baby." They both winched as his choice of words hit. Baby. "This past week you've been really distant."

She let out a scornful laugh at the irony. "Well you'd know from distant wouldn't you?"

"Haley.."

"What! Nathan do you honestly expect me to just sit here and listen to you tell me how I haven't been paying you enough attention this past week. I'm sorry but I don't know if you remember admitting you'd been LYING to me our entire marriage last weekend!"

"No, Haley, no." He shook his head gripping her wrists with his hands attempting to get her to turn to look at him. "I didn't lie."

"Omitted the truth, whatever." She glared at him, not wanting to listen to his defending himself. She wasn't ready for this, even if he was.

"No," he shook his head, "not that either. Please, Haley, you need to think about this from my point of view..."

"You know what, no, I don't want to think about this from your point of view. I don't want to hear you excuse yourself. Explain yourself. The way I feel right now, I don't care. I'm sorry. I just." She pulled away from his grasp and shrugged standing up. "I don't care."

He watched as she stood up and started to move toward the door. He debated for a second just letting her walk away, leaving the moment at that but he couldn't. He was desperate for her to understand him. The fact that she still felt like he'd lied to her cutting deep. He'd never lied to her. "I'm not making excuses."

She stopped upon hearing him speak up and turned back to face him, but she didn't say anything.

"Children are a really big step Hale.."

"Oh my god! I know that!" Her eyes went wide in shock, her hands gesticulating wildly. "I'm not planning on bringing one home tomorrow, it's the fact that having a child with me seems to be your worst nightmare!"

"Haley…" He stood up so he was standing in front of her, he reached out to take her into his arms, stopping and giving her a sad smile when she flinched away, folding her hands defensively across her stomach. "Children were always in your plan, okay? The way you grew up, it makes sense, but I.."

She held up her hand signalling for him to stop. "Nathan. Stop. I told you, I can't hear this right now."

"Haley please." He begged

"No." She shook her head before turning and walking out of the room. She knew she was being selfish, she knew talking about his childhood was hard for him, and of course she understood that it affected the way he was now, but in her hurt and angered state she couldn't help but feel like he was making excuses for himself instead of taking responsibility for the pain he'd caused her.

He watched her walking out of the room and ran his hand through his hair in frustration. His own hurt mingling with his guilt knowing this cold attitude was down to him. She'd been the only person he'd ever felt able to be honest with, and she'd always been so open to hearing what he had to say. He knew she wouldn't judge him, but now because of how she felt over something he'd said she'd hardened and all he wanted at this moment was to fix that.

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Purposely driving onto the lot via the opposite side to her husband's office Haley pulled her car up to the service annex. She felt ridiculous when she glanced around before opening the door. As if he wouldn't recognise her car anyway.

"Can I help you Ma'am?" A man possible a little younger than herself that she didn't recognise walked over to her, wiping his grease stained hands on a rag.

"Oh, Hi. I'm.."

"Beautiful." The guy broke in, winking at her. Haley laughed at his cheese ball antics and smiled bashfully back at him.

"Thank you."

"Well, just being honest."

"Actually I meant for making me laugh, but yes thank you for that too."

"You don't laugh much?"

"Not as much as I should." He shook his head in exaggerated disbelief.

"Well, that's definitely a shame. Maybe I could help you out with that. I'm Kevin Jackson."

"Haley." She shook his outstretched hand, purposely omitting her last name as her finger found its way into her hair and she smiled coyly. This guy obviously didn't have any idea who she was, and she'd been feeling so down on herself this past week that she was enjoying being able to bask in an attractive man's attention for a few moments.

"Well Haley, what can I do for you today?"

"My car's booked in for a service."

"Oh really, well tell you what, I'll do my best to do that job for you myself, Haley. Don't want a pretty little thing like you getting hurt now do we."

"Well I'd appreciate that." Haley teased back, leaning against her car, her lip pulling between her teeth before she smiled over at him.

"I'll be right back, you don't go anywhere." Kevin smiled at her before walking into the building where his name had been called from a moment before.

"Wouldn't dream of it." She laughed watching his retreating figure.

Nathan walked out of his office, smiling properly for the first time in days. He'd spent the past couple of hours doing nothing but sitting at his desk alternating between throwing and catching a mini basketball, and staring at the picture of him self and Haley that sat at his desk. Finally something had clicked about five minutes before hand, and he thought he might finally know what he could do to get her smiling again.

"Seriously man, you should see this chick, hot as hell and clearly interested in me. Of course. They all want the KJ love." He stood in the doorway from the offices into the workshop. Watching as the young man he'd hired a couple of weeks beforehand boasted over a woman he'd met on the job. As long as it didn't affect his work Nathan wasn't bothered, and so far Kevin had been nothing but hard working, a bit on the cocky side, but a good kid.

"Yeah, whatever K-J." One of the older mechanics laughed at the new recruit's bravado, shaking his head in amusement. "You go get your woman."

"You stayed." Haley looked up from where she'd be playing with her phone and smiled.

"Of course." She slipped her phone back into her pocket as he closed the distance between them and started asking her questions about the car, all the while making a point of complimenting her.

"Hey Bill." Nathan walked in and over to one of the long-time employee's.

"Mr Scott."

"Has my wife brought her car in yet?"

"Not to my knowledge sir, did you want me to call up to you when she does?"

Nathan's attention was lost half way through the question as he looked up and saw a familiar car in front of the garage. Squinting a little to make sure he was right, he saw an unmistakable blonde head being thrown back in laughter; the young mechanic he'd just seen walk out putting his hand on his wife's arm while smiling down at her. He let out a low growl. A mixture of rage and possession ran though him. How dare this guy touch his wife; make her laugh so openly when she'd barely even cracked a smile at home all week. "Fucking Punk"

" Jackson." Haley looked up at the sound of her husband's voice and immediately put distance between herself and Kevin who'd straightened up a little in the presence of the bosses son.

"Mr. Scott. How are you today?"

"Fine." Nathan ground out fixating on the way the younger man edged back toward Haley. "You can go inside now."

"Oh no sir, it's fine. I've got this. Right Haley?" Haley's eyed went wide as she looked from her husband, back to the mechanic.

"Has he Haley?" Even through his jealousy Nathan couldn't help but me amused at the deer caught in the headlights expression Haley had been sporting ever since he'd walked out.

"Umm I…"

"Really sir, I can handle this." Haley closed her eyes and cursed under her breath when she felt the man put his hand on her shoulder.

"Take your fucking hand off my wife, and go _handle_ something inside." Nathan snapped, he'd had enough. Haley's eyes had lost their wide stance and were now boring into him like she wanted to be anywhere he wasn't, and this kid pawing her was not helping matters.

"Wife? I, Uh, shit. Sorry. See ya!"

The coupled watched the man run back inside, before Nathan let out an amused laugh. "He was sure he was onto a good thing with you."

"Maybe he was." She spat back turning away from him she reached into the car to get the keys and handed them over to him. The smug grin she was greeted with irking her. "What the hell are you grinning about?"

"Let me drive you to work." He offered as he called over someone to take the car to where it needed to be.

"I'll walk." She took off doing just that but he followed after her quickly.

"Hales come on. It's on the other side of town, and anyway I need to talk to you about something." She yanked her elbow from where he'd grasped it trying to lead her where he wanted.

"Get off of me." She spoke back at him, making a point to annunciate each word so he knew she was serious.

"Haley." He called after her stalking figure and she stopped and turned back at him.

"I really don't want you touching me right now."

"That's rich, you don't want me, your husband, to touch you, but you seemed to like that grubby little good for nothing's hands just fine." The minute the words left his mouth he regretted them. The last thing he needed right now was to give her another reason to be angry at him.

"See this – THIS is why we shouldn't be talking right now! I told you I can't listen to what you have to say right now, Nathan. Why can't just respect that. I just - " Noticing they'd drawn an audience, Haley stopped mid sentence and took a deep breath to calm herself. Lowering her voice she continued. "I just need to get to work, okay?"

"Let me drive you." Noticing she was about to protest again he closed the small distance between thme and reached over to push a strand of hair behind her ear, looking down into her eyes. "Please."

She pouted a little in contemplation, she was angry at him still, so angry, but he seemed desperate for her to just let him drive her to work. Glancing at her watch she nodded, she'd be late if she walked now anyway. "I don't want to talk though."

They pulled up outside of the café, the drive having been silent. Nathan had tried to engage Haley in some kind of conversation on the ride over on anything and everything, but she'd only reiterated that she didn't want to speak to him.

"What time do you finish?" He spoke up as she unplugged her seat belt.

"Nine. Like I told you earlier." She reached for the door starting to get out of the car. She figured the less time she spent around him; the less likely she was to say anything regrettable. Her lip was sore from biting back remarks on the drive over. Her mantra doing nothing to quench the resentment she was feeling toward him that only seemed to have escalated since his attempts to talk to her about it that morning.

"I'll pick you up."

"No, it's okay. I'll walk."

"At nine? No way in hell."

"Nathan! I'm a grown woman; we live in a safe town. I think I can manage to walk home by myself at nine o clock at night."

"It'll be dark."

"So what! I am perfectly capable of staying safe after the sun's gone down, thank you very much. What do you think I am? A child! Oh no wait, if you thought I was child you'd want nothing to do with me!"

"God, Haley." His grasp tightened on the steering wheel trying to waste some of the frustration running through him. He'd been so excited to talk to her before he'd seen her with that idiot Jackson, and now they were so close to having another argument he could taste it. "Just, let me pick you up okay? I want to talk to you about something tonight."

"What something?" Her curiosity perked and she cursed her inquisitive nature as she stopped herself tearing open the door and leaving him behind.

"A good something," He assured her "but something we need to talk about, so please, just let me pick you up."

"Fine. Don't be late. Now get back to work." She relented

"Can I get a kiss?" He asked and she couldn't help but melt at the hesitancy in his eyes. Before she could let herself think about it she leant across the console and pressed her lips to his. She'd intended to just peck them quickly, but his hand reached up and stroked along her jaw line and her body betrayed her by relaxing into his touch, her lips parting when his tongue sought entry.

"I won't be late." He promised when they drew apart and she nodded averting her eyes as she climb out of the car, not looking back as he drove away.

------

"A puppy?..." Haley scrunched her face up in confusion. "You think we should get a puppy…"

"Yeah" Nathan grinned. "I mean I thought about just bringing one home but I thought you might want to pick one out yourself."

"A puppy…"

"Yeah, Hales, a puppy."

"You think that because I want a child, and you don't, a dog would be a good compromise?" She blinked over at him confused. Not quite believing what she was hearing. He'd sat her down, told her he wanted to talk, and said that although he wasn't ready to say yes or no on the children situation he did have a solution for the time being, and he'd said a puppy.

"Uh, I, Yeah." Ever since the idea had come to him that morning in his office Nathan had been sure it was going to help. Show Haley that he was trying, cheer her up a little, but the way she was looking at him he was starting to realise that wasn't going to be the case.

"and uh, why exactly do you think we should get a puppy?" Haley's bewilderment was quickly moving into annoyance. She rang her hands around each other trying to keep a check on her emotions.

"You always say you miss your dog from your parents house and I.."

"We can't get a puppy Nathan." She broke in, she knew damn well his wanting to get a puppy had nothing to do with her missing the dog she'd grown up with, and if he wasn't going to be honest with his reasoning she wasn't going to listen,

"Why not? You don't even want to listen to why I think we should?"

"No, I don't. Especially if you're going to pretend it has to do with something other than you trying to placate me."

"Play-what you?"

"Mollify, coddle, calm me down!"

"Yeah, alright, I get it." He spat out. He knew she was smart, he loved that she was smart, but when they were arguing and she used words he didn't understand and then seemed to be annoyed when he didn't get it, it made him feel so small.

"We can't get a puppy, because a puppy needs constant attention."

"A bit like a baby then." He pointed out, if he was thinking clearly he wouldn't have said it. As soon as he spoke the words he knew he shouldn't have, but between feeling belittled, and having what he thought was a perfect idea get dismissed without discussion his pride was feeling significantly wounded, and he was nothing if not a prideful man.

"Yeah. Like a baby. Difference is, Nathan, I'm not going to take time off work to stop a dog peeing on the carpet!" She stood up and started to walk out of the room, she didn't want to sit and have him throw her dream back in her face.

"Don't be ridiculous." He stood up putting his hand on her arm to stop her, surprised by the rage in her eyes when she spun around.

"Oh, I'm being ridiculous, you who thinks all our problems can fixed by a dog, thinks I'm being ridiculous!" Her tone was pained but malicious, she was hurt, she wanted him to hurt too.

"Don't talk to me like that, Haley."

"Talk to you like what?" She said, she didn't know what he was talking about. She didn't care.

"Like I'm stupid!"

"I don't think you're stupid! When have I EVER said I think you're stupid."

"What do you always say? – it's not what I say, it's how I say it. Goes both ways sweetheart."

"How is it that you're angry at me?" He watched hands moving around accenting each word. She was clearly wound up.

"I'm mad at both of us!!"

"ME TOO!" She looked up at him from where he was towering above her as they both admitted what they already knew, that each was as much at fault for their own pain as the other. Their eyes locked in a heated gaze, pain, anger, regret, love, even some lust swirling between them.

They didn't say anything for the longest time, just stood, staring at each other, their heavy breathing mingling with the ticking of the clock. She was the first to speak, pulling herself away from his stare and dropping down onto the couch, her hands folding in her lap. "We're not getting a puppy."

"I got that." He sighed sitting down next to her.

"It was a sweet idea." She offered smiling over at him.

"You don't have to say that." He ran a hand threw his hair.

"Oh, Nathan, it was. It's just.. This isn't about a puppy."

"God, I know that Haley." He pulled her hands into his own turning her so she was looking at him. He stroked at the side of her face for a moment, marvelling at how beautiful she was, how much he cared for her. "Look, the idea of having children terrifies me. I'm not going to lie to you about that, it does, and I wish I could tell you that I was ready, that we could start trying to right now, but I'm not."

"But what if I am?" Her voice was timid, the last time she'd asked a question she feared like this he'd broken her heart.

"I don't know. I don't want to ask you to wait. I hope you would but I don't want to have to ask you."

"I'm not going to force children on you, Nathan. That's not going to be good for any of us."

"I'm still going to think about it Haley. I am, I just thought this would be a good way to start. I never even had a fish growing up Haley. I've never had to take care of anything."

"You take care of me." She promised him and he shrugged.

"That's just natural instinct, I don't have to think about that."

"Maybe a baby will be too?" She saw his body start to tense uncomfortable and she cursed herself moving closer to him and laying her hand on his thigh. "I'm sorry. I don't want to push you, Nathan, I really don't mean too, I'm sorry, maybe." She sighed and turned so she was looking ahead rather than at him. "I just should never have said anything at all"

"Don't." He reached up and grasped her chin turning her face so she was looking at him.

"What?"

"Second guess yourself like that. I love you, and if this is something you want, of course I want you to tell me that. I should have reacted better."

"Shoulda, woulda, coulda." She smiled and shrugged a little. "For the record, I love you, too."

"That's good to hear."

"From you too. I've missed you, Nathan."

"I've been right here." He looked confused, having trouble grasping what she was saying.

"I know, but, we haven't really spoken, or touched, all week, and I know it's down to me mostly, I know I've been pushing you away, but I've missed you all the same."

"C'mere." He pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms tightly around her, her head falling into his neck, inhaling his sent. "I've missed you too."

"I'm sorry I didn't listen this morning."

"You were mad, it's okay." He was still hurt by it, but he understood. He knew holding onto it right now would just hinder everything.

"It's not." She shook her head adamantly, causing her cheek to scratch a little along his evening stubble. "I just.."

"Hey, no more apologies. I meant what I said Haley, I do want to keep thinking about this, and I don't want you to get mad at me for bringing it up, but I want you to keep thinking about college too."

"I am." She promised, leaning her head on his shoulder fingers playing at his watch.

"I know, but talk to me about it okay?"

"Not tonight, I will, but not tonight. And you too, I want you to talk about things too. Not like it was this week. I was looking all the time wanting to know what you were thinking, but too scared to ask."

"Yeah, me too."

"I really do love you, Nathan, and if you asked, I would."

"Would what?"

She pulled away so she could look directly into his eyes. "Wait."


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you as always for all you reviews! A big thanks to Bec for beta-ing.**

**Eight **

Haley let out an uncomfortable moan as she pried her tired eyes open and looked around the darkened room for signs of what woken her. Expelling a deep breath she placed her hand on her abdomen; the tearing in her gut making it clear what the cause was. Turning onto her side she drew her knees up to chest, ignoring the way Nathan rolled away from her with the movement. She remembered being happy when she fell asleep. Content, and happy. Now, even half way between waking and sleeping, she felt neither of those things. Biting her lip she was unable to stop an audible pained sigh escaping as the churning vibrated through her. Breathing in and out deeply she shifted pulling off the arm Nathan had anchored around her before slowly climbing out of the bed and creeping across the room into the bathroom. Looking in the mirror she took in her pale, slightly sweated face as she clung to the sides of the sink as if trying to channel the pain out of her body. With unsteady legs she walked the few short steps over to the toilet and sat down, tugging on the pyjama pants and underwear that she was grateful she'd made a point of pulling on a few short hours before after making love with her husband. At the time she'd tried to ignore her reasons, but the blood that stared back at her from inside her panties meant she couldn't ignore it any longer. The reason that her mood had changed so drastically between sleeping and waking. The reason she knew it would. Her period. She'd known it was due of course. In the past month since she'd promised her husband she'd wait for him to be ready she'd had the painful reminder that they weren't trying every morning when she dutifully taken her pill, but this was different. This was physical proof that she wouldn't be having a baby in nine months. 

"God, this is so stupid." She told herself in a hushed whisper as braced her elbows on her knees and her head fell into her hands. She remembered having a conversation with her sister in law about the nightmare she'd been through when they were trying for a baby. How every month she waited with baited breath, praying her underwear would still be clean in the morning. Haley couldn't help but feel selfish for likening her situation to there's. They'd both wanted a baby more than anything, and here she was not even trying, actively preventing, but ending up in tears none the less. Fixing herself she moved out of the bathroom and back into her bed. Gingerly moving against the pain and she slipped between the sheets laying flat on her back.

"Are you okay?" Nathan's sleep laced deep voice shocked Haley as she stared out into the darkness.

"I'm fine." Her voice barely more than a whisper, she turned onto her side to watch him as he let sleep take him over again. She stared at his peaceful face, smiling a little as he unconsciously shifted toward her. She smiled wistfully reaching out to run a delicate finger over his features; she'd meant it when she told him she would wait for him. She loved him more than she'd ever thought it'd be possible to love another person, but it didn't stop the ache, the hollowness, the need she felt for a baby. She'd move on from the anger she'd felt toward him when he first told her how he felt about the idea of a child. She knew he didn't want to hurt her. Still, each night before she fell asleep she said a prayer that the next day would be the one he'd tell her he'd decided. That he wanted a child. It didn't have to be right away, the instant need had diminished since the possibility of it never happening had come into the picture. She just wanted him to say he wanted it. She needed him to say he wanted it. He had to want it, she didn't know how she'd cope with the alternative. She didn't know if she could. Turning so she was facing the other way she slid over until her back pressed against his chest. His arm instinctively wrapped around her and she drew her knees up so that was completely cocoon in his embrace. Physical and emotional pain swirling inside her she closed her eyes and inhaled his scent, basking in the familiar comfort of it all. Maybe tomorrow would be the day they woke up like this again. Maybe tomorrow would just be the day.

----

Walking back into her childhood bedroom Haley was taken aback by the starkness of it. Her mom had called her and asked her to come by and pick up some boxes she'd left there so they could start painting it. It didn't matter that she'd moved out when she got married, or that even before that she'd practically lived with Nathan anyway, she'd still be upset when her parents told her they were turning her room into a study. The spoilt baby in her had kicked in and she'd complained about why had it to be her room and not one of the others. Her mother had logically pointed out that she had her own house not ten minutes away, it was only fair her siblings who lived further away had at least the comfort of their own bedrooms when they came to visit. She'd begrudgingly agreed, but she still wasn't happy about the idea. She was bending down to pick up the last box, already fantasising about climbing into a hot bath, when her phone rang. Checking the caller I.D she smiled and climbed up on top of the bare bed.

"I feel like I'm back in high school." She spoke as a greeting, causing the girl on the other end to laugh in a confused manner.

"What?"

"I'm sitting on my bed in my old bedroom, on the phone to you. It's like a flashback girlie!"

"And you're as strange now as you were ever were then." Peyton's voice was filled with amusement and Haley smiled. She hadn't seen her best friend in a year, since the girl had stood as maid of her honour at her wedding, but they spoke regularly, and their conversation still held the natural ease it did when they were fourteen and spent nearly every waking hour together.

"So, how are you my struggling artist friend?"

"Not so struggling on that front actually. I booked a show! It's just small, and I won't be quitting my job at the club anytime soon, but it's a start."

"Peyton, that's fantastic!" Haley's voice beamed with pride at her friend, as she bounced a little on the bed excitedly.

"I know." Peyton's voice was calmer than Haley's but clearly full of excitement. "How are you?"

"I'm fine."

"Really?" Peyton's prodding caused Haley to sigh. The distance between them, and the lack of connection to the Scott family, had allowed Haley to be more open with Peyton than anyone she'd of felt comfortable talking to in Tree Hill. Although she didn't tell her everything, Peyton was aware of the fact that Haley wanted a child, and Nathan, it seemed, did not.

"Yeah. We're not perfect or anything, and it's all pretty much still up in the air, but we're not ignoring the fact that it's there anymore."

"Have you asked him about it?"

Haley sighed. "I haven't not asked him about it."

"What does that mean?"

"We've been talking, not really about the children issue, but just more talking, more honest about things. If I've had a bad day I'll tell him rather than pasting on a smile because I don't want to add to his stress. Or, if he snaps at me I don't ignore it, I ask him why."

"Are you going to ask him?" Haley resisted the urge to tell her friend to mind her own business. Her whole reasoning behind telling Peyton was to have a shoulder to lean on. To have someone to give her some perspective.

"I trust he'll come to me when he's ready Peyton."

"Really?"

"Definitely." Haley's voice rang with conviction, trying to get across the fact she did believe what she was saying.

"And what about you?"

"What about me?" She'd moved off the bed and was stroking her fingers along the grooves of the old wooden desk that was sat against the window. Smiling as she saw her and Peyton's names entwined with various boys they'd had crushes on or dated over the years.

"Have you talked to him about the college thing."

"We can't afford it Peyton." Her answer was evasive and she knew it.

"If you can't afford to go back to school, how are you going to be able to afford to have a child?" Peyton tried to reason.

"We can't afford both."

"But if you went to school you wouldn't be having a baby right away, right? And then after you'd probably get a job where you made more money." Haley wondered if Peyton was part of the educate Haley brigade herself, she her friend! She was supposed to be on her side!

"It's a not a matter of now or then, it feels like it's either or. We have some money put away, and we make decent money on top of that, we can make it work. It's just, there's no saying that if I go to school we will have a baby after."

"Haley, I really don't believe that he's trying to get you to go back to college so you'll forget all about having a baby. He just wants you to be the best you can. You can do so much more than waiting tables."

"What's wrong with waiting tables?"

"Nothing!" Peyton's frustration rang in her tone. "There's nothing wrong with being a waitress Haley, but you're so smart, do you know whenever I talk to anyone from school and tell them you're still in tree hill and you didn't finish college their jaws practically hit the ground. Everyone saw how much potential you had."

"What does it matter what they think? I'm happy."

"Your happiness seems to be riding on having a child, Haley, and that scares me. It probably scares him too."

"I don't need you to tell me what my husband's thinking Peyton." Resisting the urge to hang up the phone Haley clicked her jaw to try and stop herself saying something she'd regret.

"I'm not trying to…."

Silence hung between them as neither knew what to say.

"Look, Hales, I have to go, I just wanted to tell you about the show. I'll email you all the details, it'd be really great if you could come. Nathan too."

"Yeah."

"Okay, well I'll speak to you soon."

Just before Peyton got a chance to hang up Haley's voice came through the line again. "I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"I know you're only trying to help. I didn't mean to snap. I love that you care enough about me to be honest. I'm sorry."

"You're lucky I love you James…uh, Scott. Man, I don't know if I'm ever going to get used to that."

"You've got a long time to do so." Haley smiled, glad the tension had gone.

"Yeah, I guess I do. Okay Hales, I really have to go now or I'll be late for work."

"Congratulations Pey, you deserve it."

"Thanks, and Haley, you do too." Haley hung up the phone and took one look around her room, replaying Peyton's conversation in her mind as she bent down and picked up the last box to carry out to her car.

------

Placing the glass of wine carefully on the ground next to her Haley sighed pulling her hair up into a messy bun. "Right."

Pulling one of the many boxes that surrounded her into her lap, she laughed as she pulled out a flashing pink birthday tiara. Peyton had bought it her on her 16th birthday and invoked the best friend law to make her wear it around all day. She didn't even know she'd kept it. Unable to stop herself she pushed it into her hair before moving to dig into the box further.

Halting her movements when the doorbell sounded she glanced curiously over at the clock and pulled the tiara off her head. It wasn't late, just after 8, but unannounced visitors were a rarity. Especially on a drizzly Wednesday evening, and even if he'd forgotten his key Nathan was out for a business dinner and Haley doubted he'd be back before she went to bed.

"Haley! Open the damn door!" As soon as she walked into the hallway Brooke's voice rang in Haley's ears causing the young woman to laugh and shuffle her sock clad feet toward the door a little quicker. "I come bearing gifts!"

Grinning at Haley when she opened the door Brooke held up her hands, one containing a bottle of wine, the other a bag of Chinese take out. "Now, Lucas is out of town at his book whatever signing thingy, and a little birdie told me Nathan was having dinner with the devil, and I know you never eat properly when you're just cooking for yourself so I thought we could treat ourselves. I mean we work our pretty little butts off at that health club four times a week, we deserve to pig out now and then."

"Honey you never need to justify bringing me food." Haley laughed turning and walking into the kitchen to grab some plates. "Put the wine in the fridge I just opened a bottle so grab a glass."

"Drinking by yourself on a week night? Haley Scott I am shocked and disgusted!"

"Yeah, yeah." Nodding her head in the direction of the door she followed Brooke into the living room. "Besides, I don't have to work tomorrow."

"Uh, what's with the boxes?" The brunette asked as she set the food and glasses down on the coffee table.

"My parents are decorating my room. Turning it into an office or something, so I can no longer ignore all the crap I was storing there and putting off sorting out."

"How long have you been putting it off?"

"Uh… since we moved in here." Haley laughed sitting down crossed legged opposite Brooke as they both started picking out of the take out cartons.

"Tut tut Haley Scott. Here I thought you were little miss organised neat freak."

"I am, for the most part. Just uh, don't go into the second guest bedroom."

They finished their dinner in comfortable conversation, drinking wine and laughing, and Haley found herself glad her friend had stopped by. She'd been looking forward to a night alone, but as she lay on her back on one of the sofas, listening to Brooke talk about her day from across the room she realised this distraction was just what she needed.

"…As soon as she walked in the door I knew it wasn't going to fit her, I mean seriously Hales, if this woman had a 25inch waist then you and I must be anorexic."

"Well I don't think we're anorexic." Haley giggled, motioning her glass at the table where the left overs were still strewn.

"Clearly." Brooke giggled also, the wine already starting to get to both the woman's heads a little. "So of course she tries it on and starts going on about how I don't know how to adhere to measurements properly and how these days nothing's made to measure…"

"Uh huh…" Haley answered her eyes drifting shut as she basked in the relaxed feeling. After climbing back into bed in the early hours of that morning she hadn't slept long, combined with a full days work at the café it was all starting to catch up with her.

"So I told her if she wasn't such a fat cow who had to lie about her measurements the clothes would fit."

"Uh hu – what?" After a couple of seconds delay the words seem to have registered and Haley's eyes snapped open to stare at her tactless friend in horror. "You said that?"

"God no of course not! This woman reeked of money, she could probably buy every outfit in the store from the change in her purse, but I wanted to!"

"Did she buy it in the end?" Haley asked walking over and refilling her own glass, and then Brooke's.

"Yeah, I have to alter it though – 30 inch waist – thank you very much!"

"The lies!" The blonde made an exaggerated expression of mock shock and the two girls laughed as the she dropped down so she was sat with her back to the sofa Brooke was laid across, opening one of the boxes and poking through, pulling out a photo album.

"I know!" The brunette replied looking over the shorter girls shoulder as she flipped through the book. She placed her hand out to the stop on a picture of a group of children Brooke could only assume were Haley and her siblings. "Where's this taken?"

"Oh, um, you know that nature reserve at the end of Hemel Street? There used to be a playground in the centre of it."

"There was?" Flipping onto her stomach Brooke plucked the album from Haley's hands and started flipping through it herself. "It was probably nice to grow up here huh?"

"I guess. I didn't know any different…"

"Well, take it from someone who didn't have free reign of a small town growing up, it was nice."

"You didn't exactly grow up in the hustle and bustle Brooke." Haley pointed out resting her head back against seat cushions.

"Trust me, the suburbs of a busy town are not the same. Playgrounds like this would have been over run by kids drinking and doing drugs."

"Um, actually." She turned so she was facing the woman she was talking to. "I think that's why they closed that park down."

"Haley!" Brooke whined pushing lightly on the shorter woman's shoulders. "Don't tell me stuff like that, you'll ruin my quaint little image. You know part of the reason I agreed to move here with Lucas after college was because it sounded like a great place to raise our kids."

"You guys spoke about that kind of stuff back then?" Haley asked shocked, belatedly realising that her and Nathan hadn't been together much longer than Brooke and Lucas would have been at their college graduation. "Having kids I mean."

"Well, no, not really." Brooke lay back her head rested against the arm rest of the sofa, Haley's head resting on the side of the seat almost touching hers. "But by the time we graduated we'd been together like two years, and before then Hales, I'd never even made it to two months with a guy. Not exclusively. I mean, I was truly head over heels in love with this guy, but when he asked me to just up and leave California I was scared. I grew up there, I went to school there. I'd never even come back to visit with him when we were at school. But then, god you know how he is with words, the writer in him I guess, then he spun me this story of this beautiful story book town, a town he obviously loved, and I loved him, so I figured I'd love it too. I wanted my future with this man, I wanted to get married, have kids, spend forever in that town he was so in love with." A small smile played on both girls lips. Brooke basking in the memory of her feelings, Haley surprised by just how much of a romantic her friend could be. "So we moved out here. It was for a trial at first, I told him I'd give it six months. I didn't even need two, I felt so at home here, more than I'd ever done in California, so by the time he finished his book, and my line started to gain attention we decided rather than move out to New York we'd have a place here and a place there. And what can I say, so far, so good. Well except we're not married."

Unable to stop herself Haley turned around hugged Brooke. "I'm sure it'll happen hon."

"Makes one of us." Brooke pouted draining her glass and placing it on the table. "I just don't know why Haley. Six years is a long time! You and Nathan weren't even together a year when you got engaged."

"Almost." Haley threw in helplessly, draining her own glass while she thought of something to say. "You know maybe it's about his parents."

"Whose parents?" Brooke replied clearly lost in her own thoughts.

"Lucas' "

Intrigued Brooke propped herself up on one elbow. "What do you mean?"

"Well, let's face it, we all know they aren't the picture perfect couple Dan's campaign manager will have you believe. Maybe Luke's afraid."

"Nathan wasn't." Brooke continued to pout as she reached for the wine bottle and poured the rest of its contents into the two girls glasses.

"Nathan inherited his own Dan-Deb issues, trust me."

"Oh?" Brooke cocked an intrigued eyebrow but Haley just shook her head.

"I had a nice buzz coming on before you ruined it Brooke Davis!" She spoke up eager to divert the subject from herself, and onto less thought provoking topics

"No no no! Brooke Davis doesn't ruin anyone's buzz! Drink up girlie, I'm going to get the other bottle."

"Brooke!" Haley called after Brooke as she watched the other girl jump off the sofa, stumble a little and then run out of the room.

"Turn it up!" Brooke called over the already loud music as she rooted around a box of Haley's things. The birthday tiara she'd discovered and claimed early placed haphazardly on top of her rich brown locks. Pulling an item out of the box she squealed in delight. "Oh my god – you were a cheerleader! I was a cheerleader!"

Haley turned from where she'd been sorting through a different box and couldn't stop herself from laughing out loud as she watched Brooke wave the blue and white pom-poms over her head.

"That really doesn't surprise me."

"Gooooo….." Brooke stopped half way through her drunken cheer. "What was your team?"

"Ravens."

"Gooooooo Ravens!"

"…and I'm afraid I wasn't a cheerleader Brookie – Some of Taylor's stuff must have got mixed up in mine. Just another thing the two of you have in common."

"What do you mean just another thing?" Brooke asked not stopping in her efforts to revert back to her high school days. "What else do we have in common?"

"Umm… Lucas."

"Lucas?" Brooke stopped walking over to Haley who was laid on the floor making a cats cradle with a band she'd found.

"Uh huh. My big sister took your boyfriend's virginity." A loud burst of laughter bubbled up from Haley's chest as she heard how the sentence sounded.

"She did?" Brooke stood, hands on hips, pom-poms still held and Haley continued to giggle as she took in the spread legged stance. Ten years on give Brooke Davis pom-poms and she's sixteen again ready to cheer on the team. "Why didn't I know about this?"

"I don't know, it guess it kind of slipped my mind, my sister slept with _a lot_ of people in high school!" Haley laughed watching as Brooke shrugged her shoulders, swinging the pompoms in the air as she attempted a haphazard high kick. "Besides, I only ever saw the two of you have two conversations that lasted more than 5 minutes. One was when you were negotiating how best to get me to lower the neckline on your bridesmaid dresses, and the other was after Nathan got done reaming you both for nearly giving me alcohol poisoning at my bachelorette party. And that includes said party and the wedding."

Brooke flung her body back onto the couch and sent Haley an apologetic smile as she remembered how both her and Taylor had spent the night adding extra shots to Haley's drinks, completely oblivious to the fact that the other was doing the same thing until the bride to be passed out at one of tables in the club and they'd been unable to wake her. "Yeah….. You know I really am sorry about that right?"

Haley laughed and nodded. "Yes sweetie, I know. Don't worry about it. I still say the detox did wonders for my complexion for the big day!"

"Nathan still glares at me whenever I offer you a drink."

Haley giggled. "He tried to get me to replace you in the wedding."

"He what?!" In her drunken state Brooke misjudged her weight as she pushed herself forward to look at Haley, toppling off the sofa and on top of Haley's sprawled figure.

"Damn, Davis, I always knew you wanted me."

"Yep, you got me. I'll stop trying to get Broody to marry me, you divorce the grouch and we'll have a civil ceremony on the beach at sunset."

Giggling Haley pushed at Brooke's shoulders trying to get the girl to roll off her.

"Sounds beautiful." Startled the girls heads turned over the doorway of the room where Nathan was lounged clearly amused by the sight before him.

He'd been surprised walking up to his door to hear the low pulse of music coming from inside his home, he'd expected Haley to be in bed. Curiously he'd pushed his way into house, calling out that he was home and making his way toward the room where the music was coming from. Clearly oblivious to his presence he watched Haley giggling as Brooke dove on top of her and the two burst into rambunctious laughter at something. He leant against the doorway and just watched them for a minute or so. He'd been in an awful mood driving home. Dan had insisted he accompany him on a dinner with some business associates and the old boys club wasn't really his scene. Not to mention the digs his father had been making all night had been eating away at him. He'd been looking forward to just having a shower and climbing into bed, but he couldn't help but grin at his wife's inebriated but clearly happy state.

"Nathan!" Pushing Brooke away Haley jumped up, fumbling a little around the boxes as she made her way across the room and jumped into his arms, kissing him soundly while Brooke hooted, hollered and cackled in the background.

"What?" He asked, suppressing a laugh at disgusted look that crossed her face when she pulled away.

"Yuck! What the hell did you have for dinner?"

He opened his mouth to reply when Brooke came barrelling up behind Haley. Slinging her arm around his wife's shoulders and sending them both flying forward, his arms the only thing stopping them from hitting the floor.

"I know what we should do!" The bubbly brunette kept on, undeterred by the fact that she was squishing Haley between herself and Nathan.

"Let me breathe?" Haley suggested giggling, clinging onto Nathan's shoulders to stop from slipping onto the floor.

"Oh." Gaining her footing again Brooke stepped back, before grinning. "No! We should go dancing!"

"It's nearly midnight on a Wednesday night Brookers where are we supposed to go dancing in Tree Hill?" Haley's arms moved to encircle Nathan's waist, her head resting against his chest, the alcohol catching up with her as she yawned, closing her eyes.

"I think the only place you two need to go is to bed."

"Noooo." Brooke sat down on the sofa and pouted folding her arms. "I don't want to go home."

"We all know you're not going home. I know you have a bag all packed in your car Brooke Davis." Haley laughed when the knowing twinkle shone in her friends eye. Clearly she was right.

"Okay, so I do. Nate-y why don't you go and get my bag for me?" It was more an order than a request as she lent over the side of sofa and pulled her keys from her bag, dangling them off her finger as she stayed stretched out on her stomach.

Nathan was about to protest when Haley stood on her tip tops and popped a kiss to his lips. "Please babe, I'm going to go set up the guest room for her."

"Might as well call it the Brooke-can't-stay-in-the-house-by-herself room." He grumbled, begrudgingly moving out of his wife's arms and out in to the drizzling rain.

"So did you sleep with her too?" Nathan stopped in his mission of unbuttoning his shirt when the voice he wasn't expecting startled him. Turning he look at Brooke who was lying across the middle of his bed on her stomach, her head propped up on her hands.

"Get off my fucking bed, Brooke." He growled. The drunken antics had been amusing at first but now he just wanted to sleep. He'd manage to set Brooke's car alarm off when getting her bag out of the backseat, and ended up having an angry encounter with his next door neighbour. Probably saying more than he should of when his annoyance from earlier in the evening had been brought to the surface.

"Your fucking bed?" The pretty woman giggled. "You know most people say marital Nate, but your way is much more…descriptive."

Ignoring his glare she continued. "So did you?"

"Did I what?"

"Sleep with her?"

"Bed's ready Brooke." Haley walked into the bedroom, sitting on the bed next to Brooke's head stroking at her hair.

"I want my answer first."

"Answer?" Nathan shrugged as his wife's questioning gaze.

"I have no idea what's she talking about."

"Did you sleep with the slutty sister, too?!" Brooke climbed onto her knees in exasperation.

"Oh. Taylor." Haley explained, walking over to her dresser and pulling out a t-shirt of Nathan's to sleep in. Pulling off her own shirt, and putting it on before tugging off her jeans.

"No, I never slept with Taylor." Nathan shook his head in annoyance, he hated when people other than himself or Haley were in their bedroom.

"So just my boyfriend."

"Your boyfriend and half our high school!"

"Nathan!" Haley warned, causing Brooke to burst into laughter.

"You can't get mad! You totally said something exactly like that earlier!"

"Shush, go to bed." Brooke continued to giggle but complied, kissing Haley's cheek and then Nathan's as she walked past.

"G'night!"

"Little lipstick, right there." Haley laughed, walking over to Nathan and rubbing at his cheek with her thumb.

"Hey, come here." He grabbed her wrist as she started to move away and pulled her to him. Wrapping his arms around her waist, hers instinctively reaching around his neck. "Did you have fun tonight?"

"Yeah, I did. Unexpected, but fun. I guess I'll just have to sort those boxes tomorrow. How was dinner?"

"Not so unexpected." He replied, tangling his hand in his hair and leaning down to kiss her. "Coming home to you makes it better though."

"mmmm, you make it better, too."

"Make what better?" His hand stroked lovingly at her cheek, as her eyes fluttered shut.

"Everything." He watched her, her eyes shut, leaning into his touch, her skin flawless, a small smile playing on her lips. He was about to say something else when her lips parted in a yawn and he decided against it. Leading her over the bed he pulled back the covers and allowed her to climb in.

"I'm going to have a quick shower. You get some sleep." She mumbled sleepily back him as he laid a soft kiss on her forehead and walked out of the room.

Twenty minutes later he climbed into bed beside her. Watching her eyes fluttering beneath her closed lids. She always looked so peaceful in sleep and he wondered what it was she was dreaming of. He'd meant it earlier when he'd told her that coming home to her made everything better. Even when they'd been fighting, or ignoring each other, he'd rather be with her than anyone else. He was glad Brooke had come over, he'd been worried about her being alone all night. He'd noticed the way her mind clearly drifted when she thought he wasn't watching her, when her thoughts got the best of her, and although he knew what he had to do to stop the lines that marred her perfect forehead in those moments he also knew he couldn't do it. Since realising that his relationship with his parents was part of the reason he was hurting his wife his resentment toward his father had increased in a way he never thought possible. Every time Dan threw a thinly disguised insult his way it not only hurt for him, but for Haley too, and what they might have had.

"Nathan?" Her sleep laced voice broke his thoughts and he noticed her eyes had opened.

"What baby?"

"Hold me." She whispered before her eyes shut again and he eagerly agreed, moving so his body was pressed against hers. His hand rested on her stomach and he imagined the idea of it being swollen with a child they'd both created. The intense fear, and rush of pride that mingled inside of him at the idea both confused and terrified him. He'd wanted a lot of things he never thought he would since meeting Haley. He'd done things he never dreamed he would. He wanted to give her everything she wanted, but he wasn't ready to agree to this. He'd been the child of a selfish parent. Of two selfish parents, and although he knew Haley would be the best mother anyone could ask for, he wasn't so sure he could be even a decent dad, and he wasn't going to subject any child of his to what he'd gone through. He definitely wasn't going to subject any child of Haley's to that.


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry it's been so long guys! I didn't intend for it to be, but I wrote a fic for a challenge and I also haven't been able to write as much as I like. Hopefully it won't take so long for the next part! Thank you all so much for your reviews, I've lost count of the times I've read over them! **

**Big thanks to _Bec _for the beta-ing – she makes it readable! **

**Nine**

_"Peyt, I don't know about this…" Haley said again, stopping and looking at the house in front of her. It was barely ten o'clock and already groups of teenagers were falling all over the lawn. _

_"Hales, come on, you promised." _

_"I know, but, look we weren't even invited." _

_"I was!"_

_"Yeah you were, but we..." She motioned to herself and Mouth, "we weren't." _

_"I told Luke I was bringing you guys Hales, it's fine. I promise! Beside, he's already told Jake you're coming and he said he's really excited to see you again." _

_Haley sighed, Jake was Lucas' best friend and the blonde couple had made it their mission to hook their two reserved friends up over the past year. They'd been on a couple of dates but it had never really gone anywhere, they hung out sometimes though, and Haley knew Jake still had a thing for her. _

_"Or you could just stand in a corner and perv over Nathan Scott." Peyton's hazel eyes twinkled in amusement at blush that took over Haley's face, as she looked around her to see if anyone had overheard before glaring at Mouth who was sniggering quietly. The one high school stereotype Haley had ever truly invested herself in – crushing over the star of the basketball team who didn't even know you existed. _

_"Peyton.." Ignoring Haley's warning tone the taller blonde sent her friend a pleading look. Haley let out a sigh, she was going, like she always knew she would, she could never deny her best friend anything. Linking her arm through Mouth's they followed their friend in her pursuit of her boyfriend. "Fine." _

_"When she finds Lucas she won't care if we leave, and we'll try and catch that movie Bevin and Skills are going to." The boy promised her, even as she nodded in agreement she doubted him, she knew well that Mouth loved the glimpses into the inner circle Peyton dating a Scott afforded them, and Peyton being the good friend she was would try her damnedest to make sure Haley was having a good time. _

_"Stop mooching on one couples time for another. They'll really appreciate that Mouth." _

_"Well Haley if you'd just give in to our mutual attraction we wouldn't have to mooch off anyone." Haley rolled her eyes and gave Mouth a playful shove as they entered the Scott beach house. Rolling her eyes as he grinned back her. _

_"Oh My God." _

_"Wonderful." Haley muttered under breath, shaking her head at Mouth before turning toward the voice. _

_"What are you doing here?" Her sisters disgusted tone both annoyed and worried Haley. She had every right to be at this party, but the distain in her older sister's voice only fed into the girls paranoia's about not being welcome. _

_"What are **you** doing here, Taylor? You graduated last year for gods sake, aren't you a little old to be attending a high school party." _

_"Aren't you a little fat for that outfit?" The older girl sneered back, laughing under Haley's withering stare. "I'm here because I was invited – by the host's. It's a graduation party for my friends Haley. You'd know, if you had any real friends, that you can go away to college and still keep in touch." _

_"I have friends." _

_"Riiiight. You mean like the friend who left you here to go find her boyfriend even though she knows you hate me. Or the one that's standing by silently? Such a gentleman there Mouthy." _

_"Leave him out of this." Haley snapped, throwing Mouth an apologetic smile. "Infact, leave me out of this. Maybe we should go, Mouth." _

_"Yeah you go, back to your books and your perch at the top of the stairs. I've always wondered; why do you always sit there anyway?" _

_"So I can hear all about your life and gets tips on being a vapid whore." A chorus of oooh's rang out from the audience Haley hadn't even been aware had gathered. Great, as if escaping Taylor's proceeding reputation hadn't been hard enough for the past couple of years, now she was going to be that girl who fights with her sister at parties. _

_"Better a vapid whore – than a frigid bitch." Taylor replied, practically snapping her fingers for the girls to follow her when she turned around and walked away. _

_"Yeah love you too, big sis." Shaking her head Haley turned to Mouth and gave him an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, she's…well you know, she's Taylor." _

_"Don't worry about it." The boy put his arm around Haley hugging her to his side. _

_"Hey guys, where'd you go?" Peyton called walking back over to them. "Don't worry about what?" _

_" Taylor." Haley said simply, shrugging off Mouth's arm, and running her fingers down her fitted strappy tank top, before shoving her hands in the back pockets of her jean skirt. Did she look fat? _

_"Oh, her." Peyton rolled her eyes and scoffed in disgust. There was no love lost between her best friend's sister and herself, and neither made a point of pretending otherwise. "You know as well as I do tomorrow she'll be your best friend again. She just has to keep up her reputation as the big bitch on campus." _

_"Yeah and here's her protégée now." The trio looked over to where a red head girl had walked threw the door, gaining the attention of everyone around her in the process. No one could say Rachel Gatina didn't make an entrance. _

_Haley watched as her sister ran over and wrapped her arms around the younger girl, she whispered something in the red heads ear that had the girls looking over at Haley before cackling. Uncomfortably Haley eyed the door, wanting to be at the party even less than she had walking in. _

_"Hales? Are you coming?" _

_"Hmm?" Haley was snapped out of her thoughts by her friends calling her name. "Coming where?" _

_"Luke's out back. Come on." Glancing over her shoulder at where her sister and her minions still seemed to be stealing glances at her between murmured words Haley nodded mutely and followed her friends through the maze of hallways. _

_"Hey Tay?" Taylor stopped mid giggled and turned in the boys lap to the person who'd called her _

_"Yeah?" _

_"Isn't that your sister over there talking to Jagelski." Looking over Taylor rolled her eyes as she watched her younger sister awkwardly flirting. _

_"Yep, that's her." _

_"Guess Jake's onto a good thing for tonight then." One of the basketball team laughed. _

_"What did you say?" Taylor twisted to glare at the person who'd spoken _

_"Well she's your sister." Jumping out of the lap she'd be happily sat in Taylor crossed the small distance and swung her palm across the boys face. "My sister is nothing like me. None of you better even LOOK at my sister do you hear me? She's too good for all of you." _

_Nathan smirked and rolled his eyes. "That goes double for you, Scott." _

_"She looks like a big girl, Taylor. I'm sure she can handle herself." _

_"You think I'm joking? Touch my little sister and I'll make your life hell. Not to mention Rachel's one of my best friends." _

_"Rae knows where she stands. We're two of a kind, she doesn't care. Don't worry, I always come prepared." He picked a condom of his pocket and threw it at her. "Little sis'll be protected fine." _

_"Stay the fuck away from her." _

_"Don't get your panties in a twist, James. Unlike when you were trying to screw me and my brother, I don't go for jail bait." _

_"Fuck you." _

_"You wish. You tried baby, you failed. Shame you only got the little brother." _

_"I thought Lucas was older." Someone spoke up from the group causing Nathan to cackle. _

_"That's not what I meant." _

_"Grow up Nathan." Huffing Taylor turned and stormed off, stopping only to drag the boy whose lap she'd been sitting in with her. _

_Haley was trying to listen to the story Jake was telling her. She really was, but as she smiled and nodded along, sipping at the beer he'd immediately got for her when he saw her she couldn't stop herself glancing over his shoulder to where Nathan Scott was lounged surrounded as always by a group of girls and boys eager to appease to his every whim. _

_"So what do you think?" _

_"Sorry what?" Haley blinked trying to focus on Jake's warm brown eyes as opposed to the shouldn't-be-legal-for-a-teenage-boy muscles that were bulging in her peripheral version. _

_"I was just saying we should get together before I leave for college. I know we don't know each other that well but I'm going to miss you, Haley." _

_A sense of guilt rushed over Haley as she smiled sweetly, turning purposefully so Nathan was out of her eye line. "I'm going to miss you too, Jake." _

_"Hey Jagielski who's your girlfriend?" _

_"She's uh..." _

_"I'm not his…"_

_"I mean uh…"_

_"She's Haley." Peyton laughed from where she was perched on Lucas' lap as she watched her friends stumble through their definition. . _

_"She's Taylor James' sister." Lucas added before returning his attention to Peyton's lips. _

_"Oh really?" Tim sidled up to Haley, anxious to see whether see whether she was a less picky version of her sister. _

_"Um yeah." Haley eyed the boy cautiously before looking back at Jake who'd been distracted by a friend and over at Peyton who was attached at the lips to her boyfriend. _

_"I'm Tim." Reluctantly Haley took his hand, squirming under his roving eyes. _

_"Leave the little girl alone." A cocky laugh rang across the deck and Haley was surprised when Tim backed away from her immediately. Averting his eyes from where that'd be roaming her figure since she first caught her eye. "She's wearing too many clothes to be like her sister, and I think you're scaring her." _

_"Um, uh, thanks." Haley mumbled out, her eyes wide with shock when she realised a minute or two later that Nathan's eyes were still fixed on her. She was sure anyone in a five mile radius could hear her heart thumping in her chest. Putting down the cup in her hand she ran her sweaty hands over the skirt. _

_"No problem." Getting up and walking over to her Nathan smirked at the small girl in front of him who was now fidgeting intently with the hem of her tank top, her cheeks flushed and obviously not from the warm summers air, her eyes focusing anywhere but him as she ran her bottom lip through her teeth. "So you're Taylor's sister?" _

_"Unfortunately." Haley said with a nervous giggle. Rolling her eyes in her head at what a love sick fool she was acting like. _

_"Not a big fan?" _

_"She's my sister." She caught his eyes for the first time and gave a small smile as she shrugged. _

_"Right, so what are you a freshman?" _

_"Sophomore. I uh, came with Peyton." _

_"Don't worry I wasn't about to throw you out" Placing his hand on the wall behind Haley Nathan turned a little and smirking, raising his cup at Taylor was glaring at him from her place on the other side of the living, just through the glass doors. _

_"What's your brother doing talking to Haley?" Peyton asked Lucas as she caught sight of her friend sandwiched between a wall and the schools biggest player. _

_"I don't know." Lucas tried to pull Peyton's lips back to his, clearly not interested in whoever his brother had set his sights on for the night. _

_"Should we rescue her?" Twisting so she watch the scene properly Peyton's feet danced a little as she tried to decide whether to go over. _

_"Rescue? He's not the devil Peyton." Twisting a curl around his finger the blonde boy tried to regain his girlfriends attention. _

_"No, just his spawn." _

_"You do realise we're twins, right?" Lucas turned her so she was facing him again, laughing at the glare she threw at him. _

_"Child of good, child of evil." Peyton stated simply, laughing in a way that her curls bouncing before silencing him with her lips. _

_"Hey Baby." Paying no need heed to the younger girl Rachel eagerly slipped in front of her boyfriend, pushing her nearly completely exposed cleavage tightly to his chest. _

_"Rae." Their mouths met in a hot, dirty, kiss that everyone around them could see was a prelude to sex. _

_"Haley there you are!" Haley wasn't exactly sure where Mouth had come from, or where he'd been half the night but as she swallowed back tears of embarrassment she was definitely glad he'd chosen that moment to find her. As he took her hand and pulled her inside the house Haley threw a glance over her shoulder. Nathan didn't even seem to remember he'd been talking to her as Rachel wrapped her legs around his waist and he backed up against the wall Haley had previously been leaning against. _

_Taylor__ watched as the skinny boy led her obviously heartbroken sister through the party. She'd tried to tell Rachel to just leave it when the girl had fumed around Nathan's flirting when she'd spied it. That nothing was going to happen and Nathan was just trying to piss her off. Rachel hadn't cared, although they both knew that they slept around on each other they were each others number one, and that meant when the other was around they were it, and Nathan hadn't said one word to her since she'd arrived. _

_"Your brother is disgusting." Peyton said as he watched Nathan's hands push up Rachel's skirt. "It's a good job that wall's there or we'd all get a view of his girlfriends underwear." _

_"I doubt she's wearing any." Laughing she turned and pressed a kiss to his lips. _

_"I need to find Haley." _

"Son." Dan greeted Nathan as he walked into his office unannounced.

Looking up from where he'd been reading through some papers Nathan suppressed the urge to roll his eyes as his father stalked into the room without warning. "Yeah dad, come right in, don't worry about knocking I'm not busy."

"No, you never are." The older man shook his head, an obvious look of distain on his face as he leant against the wall just inside of the doorway. "At least you're not on the phone with the wife this time. Really Nathan that girl has you on quite a tight leash don't you think."

Letting out an annoyed sigh Nathan ran a hand through his hair. Nothing could ruin a perfectly fine day like a visit from Daddy Dearest.

"What do you want?" He said finally after a moment of the father and son holding each others blue eyes with steely glares.

"I've bought a table for the Children's hospital and labour ward fund raiser on Saturday. I expect you and Haley to be there." Before the final word was out of his mouth he was already turning to leave.

"We can't, we have plans." Nathan through out before his father could leave the room. The idea of spending the night with his family was bad enough – the fact that he seemed to have no choice in the matter made him more determined to not be there.

"Doing what?" Dan asked turning and fixing Nathan with a curious gaze, the smirk that played on his lips showcasing that he clearly didn't care either way he'd be getting his way.

"Being somewhere that doesn't involve kissing your ass." Nathan spat out, picking up a pen and starting to make notes on the papers in front of him, hoping the other man would get the message that conversation was over.

Dan sighed shaking his head. "We're going to have a nice night out as family Nathan. No ass-kissing involved."

Scoffing Nathan looked up and shook his head, leaning back and putting his feet up on his desk. "My life has, and always will be, about kissing your ass, Dad. I don't see why this night would be any different."

"You had your chance at something bigger and better, Nathan." Dan sighed and shook his head, a mix of pity and sympathy gracing his features only serving to piss Nathan off further. "You chose this life for yourself; the little wifey, working in the family business. This wasn't ever what I wanted for you."

"Why do you always have to bring Haley into things?" Nathan's arms crossed across his chest as he glared angrily across the room. An eerily similar smirk to his fathers crossing his lips as the anger dissolved and a smug look replaced it. "Just because my wife doesn't have to drink herself into a coma to pretend she loves me. They should have just given you the ticket for free, I'm sure by the end of the night Mom's bar tab would have covered it."

"You ungrateful piece of…" Walking fully into the office he pushed Nathan's legs to the ground and leant over the desk so he was staring into Nathan's eyes, blue boring into blue as his nostrils flared with anger. "You wouldn't be able to do anything if it wasn't for me giving your insolent ass this job. I'm getting an award and I expect all my family to be there, smiling and happy. You don't show up, I'll be taking the cost of the table from your pay check Nathan, and it wasn't cheap, and seen as I know how much you make, I know you can't afford it. Be there at 8, it's formal."

",,,so you just invert those numbers and you're done." Haley put the pencil down and smiled at the confused boy next to her. "Do you get it?"

"Uh." Robbie looked over at her and then back to the paper scratching his eyebrow. "I think so."

"You'll do fine," The blonde promised, laughing a little. "You practically had it down anyway. I don't know why you were so worried."

"Because.." Karen started walking past the table and ruffling his hair, "My little future NBA star here is off the team if he doesn't pull his grades up. The school may be okay with C's, but your dad and I mean it when we say B's young man."

"Ah Ma," Laughing at the glare her eldest son threw her way Karen continued to walk past them and up to the counter.

"Now Karen, that was mean." Brooke smirked as she sipped at her coffee.

The older woman feigned innocence. "What was?"

"Embarrassing him in front of his crush like that. Poor boy."

"Poor boy? Poor Haley!" The two women laughed as they watched Haley try and explain something to Robbie, who seemed more inclined to study her profile than the sheet of paper she was pointing things out on. "That son of mine's been ready to drop everything to follow her around like a lost puppy since he was 7 and she started babysitting for us."

"Must be the type." Brooke stated, the words dying on her lips as Karen gave her a hard curious stare.

"Type?"

"Well, that was Nathan in high school right?" Even as she said it Brooke was sure she shouldn't have. "Play boy basketball star."

"Brooke Davis! My son is not a play boy!" Karen's mouth opened in shock. Was he?

"Uh, well. I just meant he's always with a different girl...um has a lot of girlfriends?" Brooke smiled sheepishly unsure of what to say that wouldn't dig her further into the hole she was currently in. "Ah crap, He's an attractive boy that's all I meant."

"Mmmhmm." Shaking her head Karen turned deciding it was best to leave the subject, and Brooke breathed a sigh of relief when her attention was drawn by the phone ringing

"So are you going to this thing?" Nathan asked when the phone picked up, not waiting for a greeting.

"Well hello to you too, little brother."

"By three and a half minutes – get over it." Nathan practically growled, not in the mood for brotherly verbal sparring "Are you going?"

"Where?" Lucas' laughter rang out. He couldn't help but be amused by his brothers obviously agitated state.

"The kiss Dan Scott's ass jamboree, where'd you think?"

"Yeah I'm going." Huffing rang the through the line and the elder of the pair steeled himself for his brother to take his frustrations out on him. "I saw Mom this morning and she asked me to go."

"And of course you couldn't say no. You always were a Momma's boy Luke."

"She needs us there, Nate." Lucas replied trying to not to rise to the bait. He knew his brother well enough to know that he was lashing out at whoever was there as was generally the case when their father had done or said something to get to him.

"It's her choice. She lets him do it to her, Lucas. She should have left him years ago."

"Why do you have to say that?" Resting his head in his hands Lucas was glad he was sat at his desk at home as he let out a shuddered breath. Granted they might not have the perfect family life but wishing their parents apart wasn't something he wanted to do.

"Because it's true!" A crash came through the line and Lucas could just picture his brother pushing things off his desk his face contorted in anger.

"Most people don't wish their parents divorced."

"Most people don't have our parents." Nathan replied with a satirical laugh.

As he let out an annoyed sigh Lucas' breath was clearly heard down the line as he tried to calm himself. "We're a family Nathan, we all have to be there."

---

"Home for dinner!" Karen told her son who mumbled a response as he slipped his backpack over his shoulder, and meandered out of the café. "Say thank you!"

"Uh, yeah thanks Haley." Robbie turned, glaring at his mother before sending a sweet smile at the blonde.

"Not a problem." Haley laughed, bumping Brooke's arm in attempt to silence her when she gave the boy a knowing look over his head. "Just call me at home if you need anymore help, but I think you've got it now."

"So what do you think about Saturday?" Brooke asked when Robbie had let and Karen returned from the table she'd been cleaning.

"I'm sure it'll be interesting as always." The eldest woman replied, and the two brunettes shared a knowing look while Haley looked from one to the other perplexed.

"Saturday?"

"The dinner." Karen supplied, motioning for Haley to sit down when a customer called for attention and walking over herself.

"Saturday?" Haley questioned again and Brooke gave her a confused look.

"The charity dinner –" Off the blondes continuing bewildered look Brooke elaborated. "Dan's getting some award and we all have to go and pretend to be the happy picture book family his campaign manager pimps us to be."

Haley brought her thumb up to her mouth a bit on it lightly, obviously she was supposed to have a clue what was being talked about.

"Didn't Nathan tell you?" Brooke asked.

And there it was. Obviously her husband hadn't bothered to inform her that they had to attend this event on Saturday night. An event that she knew the idea of would send him into a tail spin of neurosis; he hated family gatherings bad enough when they were free to act as they chose. Add the pressure of it being a photo op for his father and he tended to be in a mood for days. "I guess it slipped his mind. So what exactly is it?"

The door chimed and Haley smiled apologetically at Brooke before standing up to greet the customer.

"Hi! Can I help you?" The red head before her slipped her sunglasses onto her head and looked at Haley for a moment without saying anything, if it wasn't for the fact that Haley herself was struck with a sense of familiarity she'd of been uncomfortably squirming under the taller woman's gaze. Instead she was trying to work out where she knew this person from.

"Uh, yeah. Sorry, this place hasn't really changed much has it."

"Well I don't really know from when, but the give or take ten years I've worked here it hasn't changed that much so..." As the woman before her started to turn to look around, Haley had to tell herself to stop looking at her. Maybe she should just ask her? "Did you want a table?"

"Oh, No." She threw Haley an obviously fake apologetic smile before continuing. "We rang in an order; Gatina."

Haley's stomached flipped, of course that's who she was. Rachel Gatina. Going to Tree Hill High at the time she had and not knowing who Rachel Gatina was, was about as likely as not knowing who Nathan Scott was. "Let me go see if that's ready for you."

"Who was that?" Brooke asked when Haley came back to the counter, having watched Haley interact with the red-head the entire time.

"Remember how I told you about high school. And how Nathan was like the king."

"Yes." Brooke laughed, scoffing at the idea of anybody bowing down to Nathan. As far as she'd ever been able to tell he really wasn't all that big of a deal.

"Well, that would be his queen."

------

Closing the book and drumming her fingers lightly on the cover Haley glanced casually around her living room, stealing glances at her husband every now and then as he obliviously watched a sports news show across the room from her. Ever since they'd both arrived home she'd been waiting for him to bring up the fundraiser. After Brooke told her that Lucas only found out about it himself the day before she decided to give Nathan the benefit of the doubt and let him have the opportunity to tell her that night. Now hours, and numerous hinted openings later, her patience was running thin.

She sighed loudly and sank back into her chair in an effort to gain his attention. He looked at her questioningly for a moment before returning back to the television. He didn't look particularly tense she surmised as she gave up the pretence of not looking at him and took to studying his strong profile. He hadn't been on edge all evening as she'd come to expect when he had any sort of run in with Dan. Knowing her husband the way she did she was sure knowledge that they had to spend Saturday night playing happy families, in his father's name, would near definitely have caused some kind of confrontation between the two. When Brooke and Karen had asked her about the function earlier that day she'd played it off but had been annoyed, annoyed that Nathan had neglected to tell her something everyone else clearly knew about. Then she'd been worried, worried about the way Nathan would have reacted when he found out. Worried that it would bring back the stormy Nathan of the past few months. She cocked her head to the side a little, almost as if she thought gaining a new physical perspective on him would allow her to see something she'd been missing. He still looked perfectly calm and she wondered if she didn't suspect would she even know anything was wrong? At least when he'd been biting her head off at every turn he'd been making it obvious something was going on with him. Stoic Nathan wasn't something she was particularly used to and definitely wasn't comfortable with. Standing up she dropped the book down on the chair and walked across the room, sitting down crossed legged on the sofa cushion next to Nathan so she was facing his side. It didn't take more than a couple of seconds for him to look at her, eyebrow raised in a question, and she just smiled. "Hi."

"Hi?" He answered back confusion clear in his tone before he returned his gaze to the screen.

"Can you turn off the TV for a minute?" Haley asked sweetly, her hand motioning toward the set as though she thought he wouldn't understand.

"I'm watching something Hales." She bit back the urge to snap at him when he answered her without turning toward her.

"Please?" She added with barely a hint of strain in her voice.

Glancing at her he saw her eyes were squinted slightly in determination, although really wanting to watch the next story he knew better and flicking off the television, he'd look online later.

"Thank you." He shrugged, and she closed her eyes breathing out a sigh before giving him a supportive smile. "Is there something you want to talk about?"

"You were the one who asked me to turn off the TV, Hales." He looked at her confused, confused, relaxed and a little amused she noted with an eye roll.

"Maybe something about… Saturday." She prodded, and felt a guilty sense of satisfaction when his shoulders stiffened.

"Oh, yeah. Dad's got this…thing." She moved closer a little and rubbed his shoulders to ease the tension, pressing a kiss on the side of his jaw.

"Brooke told me. We don't have to go, we can make an excuse. Blame me." She suggested nudging him forward a little so she could slip behind him and work his shoulders more fully.

"We have to go." He sighed, relaxing under her touch.

She nodded, despite the fact he couldn't see her. "Is there, um, a reason you didn't tell me about it." She asked hesitantly, regretting it immediately when his muscles became rock hard against her fingers.

"I only found out today." He supplied starting to edge away from her but she pressed down on his shoulders keep him in place and started edging his t-shirt up his body.

"How'd that go?" She asked, despite selfishly wanting to press on with the why he hadn't told her issue.

Nathan pushed her hands gently away and tugged the shirt over his head. He looked over his shoulder at her and wondered what he was supposed to say. Of course she had to know it hadn't gone well. She'd been privy to many a live round of their father/son hostility not to mention the things he'd told her, but he was still burned by her brushing him off when he'd tried to explain how his relationship with his parents made him question having their own children. Until that moment he would have unquestionably told anyone that asked that Haley understood him, that any communication problems they had were at his fault. His inability to open up despite how understanding she'd been in the times he'd done so. Now he found himself even less inclined to tell her what had happened than he would have been before; the fear of not being good enough, of her viewing him differently, was coupled with the fear that she just didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to hide things from her, he wanted to be able to talk to her about today, and all the things he'd been psyching himself into opening up to her over before hand, but watching her expectant face as she studied him, with a slightly hardened take on her usually open caring expression he shook his head a little. He decided a distraction tactic was his best approach.

"Trying to get me naked?" He smirked tossing the shirt from his hand onto the floor.

"No." She rolled her eyes as he tugged her round him and into his lap. "I just thought the whole massage thing would work better without the t-shirt."

"That's a shame." He pushed her hair out of her eyes, and she blinked, trying her best to stay firm against the kisses he began pressing across her jaw.

"Was it bad?"

"Was what?" He asked, pushing the strap of her top aside to kiss her shoulder.

"The conversation with your dad?" She shivered as he sucked and nipped at her neck, she could feel him smirking against her skin.

"You don't really want to talk about my dad now do you?" She couldn't help but moan lightly as he slipped his hand beneath her shirt and massaged the sides of her waist, gripping her to him. She knew well what he was doing, using sex as a distraction technique was classic Nathan Scott style, and every time he did it she promised herself the next time she'd stand strong against it. They'd been doing so much better with talking, or so she thought. Now as he raised his hands higher and unclipped her bra she realised that they'd never really spoken about what had him so distracted before she'd dropped the baby bomb. He coaxed her arms up so he could pull her top and bra off and she couldn't help but lean into his touch. Why did she feel like it was one step forward, and two steps back?


	10. Chapter 10 fixed

**First of all I want to say thanks so much to those of you reading, extra thanks to those who reviewed – as some of you may know I received some not-so-nice feedback from people after the last update, and all your encouragement really helped me in not letting it get to me, and pushing forward with this story. I love to know what people think of my work, and always welcome constructive criticism, but if you are just going to attack not only my story, but me personally, because of something you believe will happen I'd prefer you didn't contact me, and just stopped reading. I appreciate every reader of my story and would hate to lose anyone, but it's just fanfiction folks! It's not worth insulting people over!**

**Now enough of all that seriousness! Thank you to everyone who's reading - I hope you like this next part….**

**Big thanks to Lori for beta-ing, and to all my girls who helped talked me off the ledge hehe!**

* * *

**Ten**

The attention that came with being on Nathan's arm was something Haley wasn't sure she'd ever get used to. His height, stature and classic good looks effortlessly drew eyes to him wherever he went, and walking into the tastefully decorated ballroom that evening it was no different. She drew her shoulders back and breathed in, in an effort to elongate her body. The strapless chocolate brown dress she was wearing hugged yet skimmed her curves, the soft layers just brushing the top of her knees, and up until this moment she'd felt it had complimented her petite form perfectly, but under the stares and amidst the whispered words she felt the need to tug up the neckline, and down the hem. 

Sensing her squirming a little beside him Nathan looked over at his wife and smiled. "You okay?"

"Everyone's staring." She whispered looking up at him, and he chuckled lightly under his breath.

"They're jealous."

"Of what?" She laughed, trying to pull them out of the doorway but he kept a tight grip on her waist holding her to him.

"Me. I'm with the most beautiful woman in the room." She looked up, a sarcastic reply already on her lips when she saw his eyes boring into her intensely and was taken aback by the way that he seemed to truly believe his words. A year of marriage and sometimes she still couldn't believe someone like him, who could have their pick, would choose her. His lips descended on hers and she turned, her hands resting lightly on his chest as she savoured the moment. He'd been distant all week, if he wasn't working late, he was giving her dismissive answers when she carefully prodded on how he felt about this evening. She'd suggested various excuses that they could give to not attend, or to leave early once they were here, but he'd simply shrugged and claimed it wasn't worth the effort. Remembering where they were she pushed her hands against his body, prying her lips from his. A blush rising to her cheeks as she saw that the eyes which had been on them before were still looking, quickly she scanned the tables in search of their family. Catching Brooke's amused gaze she slipped out of Nathan's arms, entwining their fingers, and dropping her gaze to floor, wishing she'd left her hair down so she could use it hide her burning cheeks she pulled him behind her as she tried to get to their table without meeting any of the guests eyes.

"You know you two you're not really newlyweds anymore; you can't get away with that stuff now." Keith joked and Haley's blush deepened as she sat down in the chair Nathan had pulled out for her.

"Can you blame me?" Nathan smirked, as Haley rolled her eyes at his side.

"Oh leave them alone." Karen warned her husband who continued to grin knowingly at the young couple.

"Real classy entrance there kids." Dan's voice arrived at the table before any of the occupants had noticed his presence, and Haley's hand immediately found its way to Nathan's thigh in a plea to try and ease some of the tension he was instantly riddled with.

"Leave them alone, Dan." Deb spoke up, picking up a glass of champagne from a tray as one of the waiters walked passed before she sat down. "You look lovely tonight, Haley."

"Thank you, so do you." Haley responded truthfully. Internally her mother in law may be a mess, but externally she was always as put together as they came. High designer clothing, flawless figure and expensively cut hair. She was sure many a woman in this room looked at Deb as a figure of aspiration; she was someone who'd raised a family, had a successful career, and never appeared to break a sweat. Nobody seemed to care enough to try and look past the paper thin veneer.

"Ummhmmm." A cough from the other side of the table demanded attention.

"And you look gorgeous too Brookie." Haley laughed, craning around Lucas who was sat beside her so she could smile widely at the brunette who grinned smugly back.

"Well of course I do, but it's nice to hear it." The table rang with laughter, some fake some genuine, and the evening was officially off to a start.

Their table seemed to be a beacon in the room as people came by to congratulate Dan, and exchange false pleasantries, brushing shoulders with the Tree Hill elite. People Haley hadn't seen since her wedding – and even then they'd only been a name on the list of people Deb insisted they invite - came over and asked her and Nathan how they were.

"You must be so proud of your father." An older woman told Nathan as she sat down next to him in the seat his mother had recently vacated.

He sent her a tight smile in return, and nodded his head curtly in agreement. Haley wondered if she was the only person who could see the vein pulsing as his temple.

"It's a very worthwhile cause." Haley spoke up, laying her hand comfortingly on her husband's forearm that was resting on the table, strained from his tight clutch on the tumbler of scotch he held onto.

"Oh yes dear, definitely. And how are you two? You seem well." The woman, who Haley still couldn't name, laughed and winked. Signalling that she'd witnessed their earlier publicly displayed affection.

"We are." Smiling softly Haley reached up a hand to play with her hair, trailing it down her neck to fiddle with the gold necklace that sat there when she found no stray strands.

"To be young and in love. Well, if you kids will excuse me I have to be getting back to my table. Dinner will be served soon. Be sure to tell your mother to find me later Nathan."

"Will do." He stood up, the picture of the perfect gentleman as he waited for the woman to leave. Picking up his glass he drained what little was left in it before leaning down and whispering in Haley's ear. "I'm going to the bar."

Closing her eyes and breathing deeply she nodded silently, he might as well stay up there as much as he'd been back and forth the little time they'd been seated.

"Here." Slipping into Nathan's seat Brooke passed Haley a fruity drink. "You look like you could use this."

"What is it?"

"It's non-alcoholic don't worry. I figured you were driving." Haley followed Brooke's cocked head over to the bar where Lucas and Nathan were laughing with a group of men. How he could look so at ease in a situation she knew he despised was beyond her. It didn't matter how expensive the dress on her back, she was sure she stuck out like a sore thumb in this crowd; the daughter of a man who worked for the power company and a stay at home mom, who made her living pouring their coffee and cleaning up their leftovers. She wouldn't want to fit in, she hated it, the games they played to each others faces, the lies they spread behind each others backs.

"I could do with something stronger."

"You could always get a cab back with us?" Haley smiled at her taller friends offer but shook her head.

"I told Nathan I'd drive, it's fine."

"Cause God forbid he leaves his precious car anywhere." Brooke replied with an eye roll. "So when do you think the food will be served, I'm starving."

Eyeing Brooke's bright red figure hugging dress Haley laughed. "I'm surprised you've room to eat in that thing."

"Thank you." The blonde blinked at her friend's response.

"I don't think it was a compliment Brooke." Karen piped up from across the table where she and Deb had just sat back down.

"Or an insult!" Haley rushed in. "Just an observation."

"Well, I thought it was a compliment." Brooke grinned, and the women broke into an easy conversation as an announcement was made that dinner would be served shortly, and speeches would follow before the dancing started.

"…. As well as instigating this evening for us all to enjoy while we raise money for the fund he has also been responsible for us raising double what we made last year, he is also your mayor, so on behalf of the staff, patients, and families of the St Johns children and maternity wards we'd like to give this award to Mayor Dan Scott."

The room erupted into a polite applause, as Dan stood up, pressing his lips softly to Deb's before shaking his brothers and Lucas' hand, and then with a reluctant Nathan's; the picture of the perfect family man, as he made his way onto the stage to give his thanks.

"Mom, please." Haley gave Lucas a small sympathetic smile, and watched Brooke squeeze his arm reassuring as he eyed his mother who was draining not only her own champagne glass, but any others within reach as she smiled a little too widely to be genuine, her eyes trained on her husband.

Everyone at the table was aware of looks they were receiving, being watched as they watched, their reactions being gauged as they kept up appearances of a proud family unit, despite the tension that hung thickly between them. As she watched her husband's emotionless face, and his drunken mother's pleading looks and hushed pleas coming from between her beaming false smile for him to do the same, Haley felt her heart break a little. This wasn't a family, not the way she knew them to be. Instead of feeling the love, you felt something else, something darker. Instead of laughter, the Scott's were known for thinly veiled insults, and rashly thrown punches. Coming from a close family herself she hadn't expected anything less than to take on Nathan's family when she married him. She'd heard many a rumour about the Scott's growing up. They were practically royalty in Tree Hill, especially once Dan had become mayor, and you couldn't live in the town without hearing both good and bad, and maybe it was naïve of her, but despite it all she hadn't been prepared for what she received. Brothers who despite their closeness openly resented things the other had achieved, a mother-in-law who drinks and who knows what else to cope with the pressure of keeping up appearances, and a father-in-law who'd ruined a little bit of every member, his choices and actions sending ripples both positive and negative through the lives of everyone he touched.

As Dan began to speak of the importance of family, and his own trips to the children's ward thanks to his rambunctious boys Haley felt Nathan's entire body tense beside her. She had to reluctantly admit that the drink he'd consume had done it's intended job of keeping him subdued for the evening so far, the tension at the table had been exceptionally high, everyone on tender hooks waiting for someone to stop and say or do something that would garner them the wrong kind of attention, but the rose tinted view of his childhood had struck a nerve in Nathan. She gave up a reassuring smile before turning back to the front of the room, reaching under the table to clasp his hand tightly in her own. It took a few minutes for his fingers to relax around hers, returning the grasp but she'd kept a firm grip, silently letting him know that she was there for him whether he wanted it or not. Growing up on fairy tales, and a home that despite its lackings had at all times been full of love, Haley always believed that good prevailed over evil, and love was always enough to correct even the worst of situations. She'd vowed to herself a long time ago that her love would rescue Nathan from his turmoils, the ones she knew, and the ones she didn't. Despite his efforts, whether he wanted to make them or not, she knew him well enough to know that what she knew only scratched the surface of the things that lurked inside his mind. The regrets, and painful memories, the mistakes and missed chances. Some of which were directly due to the people around him, some indirectly, some maybe not at all. She was aware he had his demons, from early in their relationship she'd known there was more to him that she'd ever imagined from a far, but she loved him in spite of them, maybe to some degree due to them, because they made him who he was, the man she loved more than she'd ever dreamed possible. Loving who they'd made him didn't stop her wanting to save him from them, especially when, like now, his eyes took on the look of a lost child as he watched the man who'd shaped him.

"…but my children aren't children any longer, and this fund has a special place in my heart because I'm expecting them to give me grandchildren in the new future, and it's my mission to have them delivered in a brand new wing so donate generously, we're running out time."

As the room broke out in laughter Haley felt the breath leave her body, and her hand slump in Nathan's lap. Without even trying Dan Scott had made his first stab into Haley Scott's heart. Tears gathered in her eyes and thoughts of Nathan's pain faded a little into the background as she grabbed blindly for her water to cover up how shaken she was.

"Oh that's all on you married girl. I'm happy being the fun aunt for a good few years yet!" Brooke joked, and the table laughed easily, smiling over at the young couple.

Nathan watched and winced as his wife laughed and smiled uncomfortably, he tried to close her hand in his own, hoping to have the same reassuring soothing power her hold had had on him but she pulled her previously limp hand away like it burned. Of all the things his father could have said, of all the pain he was expecting this night to inevitably cause, he never thought the b-word would come into it.

"Oh leave them be. They're so young – I'm sure they want a few more years to just enjoy each other." Nathan smiled gratefully at his aunt.

"And I'm way too young to be called Grandma." Deb slurred out with a loud cackle, and Nathan would of rolled his eyes as Lucas laughed along loudly, coming to their mothers rescue as she received odd looks from the people around them, except for the fact that Haley was still pale and silent. He remembered the way she'd looked a little while earlier when she'd been talking to Keith and Karen about helping Robbie, clearly no need for her to fake it as she radiated pride and excitement as they'd filled her in on the improvements he'd made, the thirst for learning he seemed to have developed. He loved Haley most like that free, and happy, uninhibited, the way he'd been drawn to her. The idea that his family could do anything to dim that light within in her caused a rage to build inside of him, it was quickly quenched by self loathing when he realised if he'd given her the answer she wanted his fathers words would have warmed instead of hurt her.

Dan left the stage and the band started to play as Nathan watched unsure of what to do when Haley politely excused herself, Karen and Brooke both sending curious glances after the blonde as she walked away.

"Where's she going?" Nathan shook his head in Brooke's direction when he saw her move to stand up.

"She had a headache coming on before we left the house, I'll go check on her." The fact that Brooke had made the joke about Haley's having a child first, and why she was shocked by her sudden exit made it clear to Nathan that she didn't know why his father's comment would cause a reaction in Haley. A sense of relief filled him at the fact that their problems weren't being used for family gossip, but he worried about the fact that Haley obviously wasn't sharing her pain with anyone; they hadn't talked properly about it in weeks.

"I can go." Brooke insisted, sensing there was more to the situation than was being let on.

"No, I'll go, you can.." Nathan titled his head to where Karen and Lucas were talking to Deb in hushed whispers.

"Yeah.." Brooke answered sharing a sad knowing smile with Nathan as he left the table.

Walking out of the small cubicle Haley was grateful to find the bathroom empty. She'd been sure Brooke or Karen would follow her out and the last thing she wanted to do was explain why she was so shaken up. It was ridiculous, she told herself as she looked into the mirror and wiped away the smudges of mascara that lay against her porcelain cheeks, to be so hurt by a throw away comment. A comment that nobody outside of her and Nathan would think twice over, but she honestly felt physically sick when her father-in-law had uttered the words.

Since promising Nathan that she'd give him time to think over the baby question. Promising herself she'd let him come to her, that she wouldn't push, she'd done her best to push it to the back of her mind, throwing herself into her life and keeping busy, constantly doing two or more things at a time; anything to stop her dwelling on the what ifs and maybe. If she was talking to anyone but herself she'd remind them how young they were, how they hadn't been married long, how a baby was a big responsibility, one both she and Nathan needed to be completely ready for, but she never expected to want something so bad her heart ached for it. Although always wanting a family she never thought she'd have such a need for it so young. She'd seen a woman her age pushing a stroller down the street yesterday, her hand on her expanded belly as she talked softly to the child she was pushing, and she'd near burst into tears. All the work she'd done to convince herself, Nathan's support or not, it really wasn't the right time flew out of the window as she'd watched through the open door of the cafe as the woman smiled and laughed with her child, and a man walked up behind them, reaching over the woman to brush his hand over the child's head before joining his hand with the mother's that lay on her distended stomach. The antagonism of this evening should have easily done the job of distracting her from everything. But the more she'd worried about Nathan as she watched him fake his way through the evening the only ways he knew how, the more her mind had circled the memory. She wanted to be able to show him that a family wasn't like this, that it didn't have to be hard and painful, that you could love unconditionally and be happy doing so.

Taking a final look in the mirror she breathed deeply and walked toward the main room, she shook her head when she spotted Nathan at a table with Dan, his father's hand resting on his shoulder, portraying the image of a proud father, but from here Haley could see Dan was pushing a little too strongly, willing with force for Nathan to stay where he was.

Looking over at the bar she saw Lucas stood alone and walked up to him. "Hey you."

"Hey yourself." Lucas gave Haley a half hearted smile as he called over to the bartender and ordered her a drink.

"You okay?"

"I guess." Looking over her shoulder Lucas watched as Karen and Keith stopped his mother ordering another drink and let out a long sigh. "I thought she was doing better."

Placing her hand over his hand Haley gave it a reassuring squeeze. "I did too. I'm sorry."

"Did you finish that book?" Sensing Lucas need to talk about something other than his mother, especially in their current situation, Haley herself took the distraction topic happily.

"I did! It was so good! I couldn't put it down, Nathan's been feeling neglected."

"I was the same way, so was Brooke! We'll have to start setting them up together when we want to read."

"Sounds like a plan to me. Anymore not yet released books for me?"

"I'll see what I can do." Lucas laughed at the excited squeal Haley released.

"I love the perks of having an author for a brother in law! The best I can offer you in return is first cup of coffee out of a fresh pot."

"You're perk enough yourself Hales." He assured her and she grinned. Ever since they'd met in high school through Peyton the pair had shared an easy friendship that only grew since she'd gotten together with Nathan, their similar personalities, and a shared love of literature always gave them something to talk about. "Anyone who can keep my brother reigned in is worth their weight in gold."

Haley was about to respond when she found herself being flung against his strong chest.

"Sorry!" Smiling thanks to Lucas for keeping her upright Haley turned toward the voice.

"It's really no…" Her words drifted off as she saw who had bumped into her. "problem."

"Oh it's you!" Taken a back by the fact that Rachel seemed to recognise her Haley gave Lucas a confused look. "You're Taylor James' sister right? I realised after I'd left the café yesterday. Hazel, isn't it?"

"Haley."

"Haley, right." Teetering effortlessly on her high heels despite the glassiness alcohol had given her eyes, Rachel nodded. "I'm Rachel."

"I remember."

"How is Taylor these days?"

"She's doing well thank you." Haley couldn't help but smile genuinely, in spite of the evenings events at the thought of her sister. Despite the tumultuous relationship they'd had growing up, since their mothers illness the sisters had become close, and of all her siblings scattered around the states, it was Taylor not being home that Haley missed most.

"God, I remember how angry you used to get when we'd take over your bedroom getting ready." Rachel laughed. "So, little Haley James, what are you up to?"

"Scott, actually." Haley responded flashing her wedding band, internally scowling, feeling like the too plain girl with too big hips that Rachel and Taylor always used to make her feel like in the latter years her sister had lived at home and they'd still shared a room.

The red head looked shocked from Haley and back to Lucas. Walking past the Scott's table she'd seen a stunning brunette talking to Lucas' mother and had presumed she was his date for the night. She hadn't been around for most of the event, and had been informed by her mother that both Scott brothers had brought dates. She looked at Haley and shrugged, from what she knew of Nathan's dating records in the years since high school the brunette was definitely more his type if Haley James was the other option.

"Isn't that a bit strange?" She piped up eventually, gaining a strange look from the pair in front of her. "I mean from what I remember in high school he was all hot and heavy with your best friend."

"I'm not her husband." Lucas laughed, squeezing Haley's arm, and signalling that he was going back to the table when he spotted his brother coming up behind them. As soon as Lucas had moved Nathan was up behind her, wrapping a possessive arm around her waist.

"No, I'm the lucky one." He said easily, bending down and whispering an apology in Haley's ear for not having found her earlier. Leaning between the two girls without releasing his hold on Haley he kissed Rachel's cheek. "It's good to see you Rae, your parents didn't mention you were here."

"I only just arrived, had another event I had to attend. Wow, so Nathan Scott married, can't say I saw that one coming."

"Me either." He joked, and Haley's eyes wandered as the two old friends shared pleasantries. With the conversation not being focussed on her, and her husband seemingly at ease Haley's mind was back to fixating on her own pain, wishing they were anywhere but a crowded room full of people she didn't know, that thought they knew her.

The beginning strands of the song that was their first dance at their wedding started up and Nathan looked down at Haley, a frown forming as he saw she was fixated on an empty spot across the room, so distracted he wouldn't be surprised if she no longer heard the music, much less recognised the song.

"It was really nice talking Rae, but you'll have to excuse us, this is our song." He jostled Haley's shoulder a little, leading her onto the dance floor when she apologised for being a million miles away, and said a polite goodbye to Rachel.

"I'm sorry." He said as she laid her head on against his chest, his arms wrapped around her. Dancing wasn't exactly his forte but he knew she loved it and he had no objections to holding her close, whether it be swaying to a slow song or feeling her move against him a deliciously teasing way when Brooke convinced them all they needed to go to a club.

"For what?" She spoke against his chest, feeling safe and untouchable for the first time all night. She closed her eyes and listened to the familiar words float around them. Ironically as they'd stood in the middle of the dance floor alone on the day of their wedding dancing to this song it was the first time she hadn't felt on show, despite a room full of silent eyes being focused on them, and just like then she was taken to a place where it felt as though they were the only two people in the world.

"What my dad said, Hales I.."

"It's not your fault. It's no ones fault. He made a joke and I was over sensitive, that's all. It doesn't matter."

Reaching down he cupped her chin in his hand, guiding her eyes up to look at him. "It does matter."

She nodded slowly before looking down again, moving even closer into his body, and they moved silently for a while.

"So… you haven't told Brooke."

"I didn't really see the point. It's our business, Nathan." Truth was she'd thought on more than one occasion of speaking to Brooke about things, but it hadn't felt right, not while they were in such limbo over the matter; not when she'd have to disclose things about Nathan that weren't her own to give; to explain why she was in position she was.

"I.." Looking down at top of her head where it lay against his chest, Nathan tried to work out how to say what he wanted. "Thank you."

Startled, it took no coaxing this time for Haley to adjust herself in his arms so she could look into his eyes. "Thank you?"

"I know Brooke's your friend, and I know you two talk a lot, but if she knew, Luke would know, and my Mom would know. I don't want to ask you not say anything but... I just need time Haley."

Time was becoming to be a word she despised, time to think about things, time to open up. She felt like she was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. "I know, I won't say anything."

"Thank you." He whispered again, leaning down as she raised on her toes so they could share a soft kiss.

"Are you okay?" Haley asked suddenly as she drew back. "I know things have been hard for you tonight, I don't want to make this all about me."

"It is all about you." Nathan insisted and Haley shook her head, opening her mouth to say something before cut her off. "I can deal with all this Haley, I'm used to it. But tonight you were so happy when you were talking with Karen and Keith, and one sentence from my dad and your whole mood changes."

"It wasn't his fault. It wasn't your fault." She added before he could protest. "I'm just in a weird place at the moment, but I'll be okay. We'll be okay."

"I know we will." They danced silently for as one song changed into another and Nathan wondered how to bring up something that had been on his mind all night. He'd wanted to say something before they came out but had been too distracted. "You really seem to have caused a turn around in Rob."

"He's a smart kid, just needed a push."

"You're good at that."

"At what?"

"Knowing what pushes people need and giving them to them." Haley gave a shrug, not really knowing to say, as Nathan spoke hesitantly on. "There's an open-day at the university next week."

Haley stiffened in his arms. She'd been looking into going back to college, like she'd promised him she would, and she couldn't deny helping Robbie had given her a sense of satisfaction she hadn't felt in a long time. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"I'll go. But you have to come with me."

"Of course I'll come with you. You won't regret this I promise." Nathan held her tightly to him, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. He'd been worrying about how she'd react to the idea, he never expected her to agree right away.

"I'm not making any promises. We've still got a lot to talk about."

"I know, but it's a start. This'll be good for you Hales, good for us. I know it."

"Yeah..." Haley answered, trying to ignore the ominous feeling that settled over her.

"Haley… you don't have to do this." Sensing her hesitancy he tried to think of something reassuring to say.

"No, I want to." She did, she just couldn't help but feel like she was giving in too easily.

"Good." He relaxed a little at the conviction behind her words.

"We do need to talk more though, Nathan. About everything."

"We will. I love you Hales."

"I love you too."


	11. Chapter 11

**I am_ SO_ sorry. I never intended for it to be so long between updates, the only excuse I have to offer to you is that I've had such a bad case of writers block with this update and I'm not even sure why! Hopefully it was just this particular part and I'm over it now, and the next update will be out much sooner! I'd promise but that'd likely end up with the opposite result than any of us want! Until then.. **

**Big huge thanks to Lori for beta-ing and all the girls who kept me from throwing my computer out of the window when that damn blinking cursor taunted me! **

**Eleven **

* * *

Hanging up the phone Nathan typed the name of the man he'd just hung up with into a vacant appointment block. An italicised phrase written next to tomorrows date caught his eye and he leant back in his chair staring at it. He'd tentatively written it in before he'd even spoken to Haley. Making sure his day was completely free in the hopes she'd be willing to attend the college open day with him. Picking up a stress-type ball Haley had brought him as a gag gift when he'd first started working there, he threw it up in the air a couple of times before aiming it at a make-shift basket he'd attached to a filing cabinet on the other side of the room. He watched as it effortlessly flew across the distance and his thoughts wandered to how he'd built himself up to ask her, spending hours of the time he should have been working in this exact position, or staring at the wedding portrait that sat on his desk amongst a couple of other pictures his wife's delicate form graced. He'd practised how he would ask, and the arguments he'd present her with. Thinking of ways he'd convince his head strong wife that looking into her options was best, explaining how he wanted more for her, wanted everything he knew she was capable of achieving.

He hadn't expected the simple okay he'd received the night of the charity dinner, and after he'd gotten over the shock he'd wonder if it were too easy. Although always wanting to do what was expected of her he'd never known Haley to do anything she really didn't want to, even when it came to him. She knew her own mind better than most. Better than him, he knew that for sure. She'd been so adamant around the time of their anniversary that going back to school wasn't for her, avoiding the topic at all costs in order to evade another fight, and he wondered if now she was entertaining the idea simply to indulge him. The past week had been busy, the rise in Dan's public profile thanks to his charity award had meant he wasn't around the dealership so much, and he'd typically pushed all his duties down onto Nathan, meaning he'd been home later and later and had lost any opportunity to discuss things with Haley. She'd told him earlier in the week that she'd switched shifts so she'd be free all day, so he was certain they were still on for it. He just hoped they'd have time to talk about things before they went. The last thing he wanted was to cause a bigger rift between them by pushing her into something she didn't want, or wasn't ready for.

He was drawn out of his thoughts by the sound of voices and laughter in the corridor outside his office.

"Thank you Daddy – Daddy Dan." A familiar seductive laugh followed the breathy voice before his fathers own gruff laugh joined in.

"Rachel, it was one thing for you to call me that when you and the boys were kids, but really, it takes on a whole other meaning now." Nathan's eyes narrowed in disbelief as he heard his fathers response, was he flirting with her? Unable to stop himself he pushed back from his desk and walked over to the door. Looking out he was greeted by the sight of Rachel, Mr Gatina, and his father, who were stood in the doorway of Dan's office. A pair of keys being dangled from Dan's hand into Rachel's palm. 

"Ah Nathan, son," Dan spoke up when he spotted his son looming in the doorway. "we were just sorting out a lease for Rachel whilst she's in town. Come and say hello to Gregg."

Almost having to remind himself not to slouch in the way he would have done ten years ago, as his father ordered him about like a sullen teenager Nathan walked up the corridor, and shook the older man's hand.

"It's good to see you again, boy. I spotted you at the fundraiser last week but didn't get a chance to talk. How've you been? I was so sorry to hear you weren't playing anymore. I was hoping you'd bounce back from that injury."

"Have to put the effort in to get over these things Gregg. Something my Nathan's not too fond of." A strong hand made its way menacingly onto Nathan's shoulder as his father joked with the other man, and Rachel watched the younger Scott's face cloud over with a familiar look of barely concealed anger she'd at one time been more than accustomed to.

"Why don't you two catch up, and Nathan can help me with the car? It'd be nice for us to catch up too." Rachel suggested, grabbing Nathan's hand and pulling them away from their fathers before she got an answer. It wasn't like she was expecting them to turn down her request.

"Thank you Rae." She joked when they'd gotten into Nathan's office and he'd shut the door behind them, making his way to his chair and sitting down. He looked up and glared at her as he grunted his response, causing the red head to hold her hands up in defeat and roll her eyes. "Or not."

"God she's really not changed since high school." Rachel said picking up a photo frame

"Who?"

"Your wife." A bubble of laughter escaped along with the word, and she had the decency to send him an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, but I still can't believe you have a wife."

"Well I do." He reached over and snatched the picture back possessively.

"I can see that." She picked up the wedding portrait this time. "And no invite for little old me?"

"Like you would have come." He held his hand out and she laughed at his action before passing the frame over.

"I might have – Just to see if it were really true. She's definitely plainer than I would have expected."

"What are you talking about, Rae?" He snapped back, almost unintentionally, his fathers jibe had put him in a bad mood and although he'd be happy to waste some time catching up with an old friend, her insulting Haley was not going to be part of that.

"Just not what I'd have figured for your type." Rachel answered cautiously, sensing that she was edging toward a line she wasn't allowed to cross. She surprised herself by how easily she could still read his mood. "Or what I knew it be."

He looked down at the picture and a warmth spread through him as took in Haley's beaming features and the couple they made. As far as he was concerned she was as far from plain as possible. Even first thing in the morning without a scrap of make up on he'd notice another thing about her that mesmerised him. He'd joked with her once that it felt like she was hiding these parts of herself for him to discover just to keep him on his toes, but he could honestly say her beauty took his breath away. Some days even more so than the last.

"Type or not, she's the one I married." His tone was clipped, and told her not to push any further, she wondered whether it was Dan who'd put him in this mood or he was simply that protective of Haley James. Scott. She corrected herself, laughing a little under her breath. Haley Scott. Who'd have ever seen that one coming?

"Yeah, I get that," She smiled over at him hoping to lighten the mood. "so uh, how've you been Nate?"

"Fine, Good." He answered willing himself to relax. He wondered if she even knew the smile she was giving him was flirtatious or it was just habit by now.

"So, how long are you in town for?" Nathan asked eventually after a few moments of uncomfortable silence where they both looked aimlessly around his office trying to think of something to say.

"Not sure yet." She shrugged, perching herself on the edge of the desk and flicking her hair over her shoulder, smirking at him. "I'll be around long enough to catch up don't you worry. Find out how Nathan Scott the ultimate player, became Nathan Scott – family man."

Nathan flinched a little at the insinuation of a family, a couple of months ago it wouldn't have bothered him. Haley and Lucas being what family meant to him. But with Haley's need for a family of their own weighing down on him it took on a whole new meaning.

"I'm not sure about that – but catching up sounds good." He sent her a small smile, his bad mood letting up a little. He'd cursed her presence when she'd ushered him into his office, feeling the need to be alone and dwell and curse out his father's words, unsure of how much more of it he could take. But now he was grateful she'd been around to drag him away. He didn't know if it was the fact that they'd been here a million times before, he'd rant and rave, lash out, and she'd take it, listen, and suggest he worked off some pent up energy on her, she knew this side of him, of Dan. Or the fact that she'd brought up Haley, and despite the off-handed insults, and the protective rush that ran through him at them, he'd felt a calm wash over him at the mention of his wife. "We're having some people over to dinner next week, you should come."

The casual way he tossed 'we' into the conversation through Rachel a little. The Nathan Scott she'd known thought rarely of anyone other than himself, and here he was naturally referring to being of a unit.

"Here's my number at home." He scrawled the digits down onto a piece of paper and winked at her before handed it over. "Give me a call in the next couple of days and let us know if you're coming. If you're sticking around for a while you might as well have some cool people to hang out with."

"You were never that cool, Nathan."

Puffing his chest out, he let out a sceptical laugh, shaking his head. "You used to think differently. I'll call and get the car brought round."

"Don't worry about it, Dan already did. I'll speak to you in the next couple of days." She smiled over at him and held the paper up to signal she'd call, before hopping off the table and sashaying out of the room.

-----

"I feel old." Haley grumbled to Nathan as they walked further onto the universities property, taking in the sight of students, and prospective students, mulling around the grounds, and the booths set out to entice you with all that they had to offer.

"You're not old." He laughed as she glared up, walking ahead and picking up a course book off the first table. She knew he was right, at 24 she wasn't old, but the last time she'd been on this campus she'd been 20years old. A twenty year old with a year and a half of college under her belt and the world at her feet. Maybe she'd never dreamed big, but she'd dreamed bigger than turning her part time job from high school into a career, she'd expected more from herself and admitting that was something she didn't know if she was ready to do. Something that being back here was throwing in her face. She never regretted for a second taking time off to help her Mom when she got ill, but that's what she'd always planned on it being. Time off; not dropping out completely.

Her intellect was something she'd always be quietly sure of. While the other girls had panicked about the test in the bathroom before the last bell while they applied another layer of lip gloss and fluffed their hair as they explained how they just couldn't study enough because of some boy or friend drama she'd always been prepared. Learning had come easily to her, and she'd used this to her advantage. She worked at it like others would a natural flair for athletics, not taking it for granted and just coasting by, but honing it until her natural flair became a practised art.

She'd always had a thirst for knowledge, her constant why's and how's had driven her parents and siblings to distraction when she was growing up, but nothing ever sat right with until she could understand it. Or at least that was how she'd lived her life for the first eighteen years, dreaming that maybe it was ticket out, to a world beyond the small town stereotypes and the shadows of her more attention grabbing siblings and friends. But then fear had set in, the idea of moving away, of leaving the people, the town she knew so well she could almost say what tomorrow would bring before it happened, and the person people saw her as. Haley James – smart girl. She was a big fish in a small pond at Tree High Hill when it came to academics. She had an identity in this town, be it the smart girl, the tutor girl, even as Taylor James' sister, or the youngest of James clan she was someone. At the ivy leagues she'd applied to she'd just be another girl with a perfect GPA who'd worked hard through high school to get where she was, but now she was there, she didn't who she was. So she'd played it safe, like she always did, and stayed close to home, trying to work up the nerve, the courage, the identity, to become something, someone, more.

The dilemma of that final push had been taken out of her hands by her mom's illness, and she'd on occasion guiltily felt almost grateful for it, the two years of her life with her friends scattered around the country, the looming question of what she wanted to do the rest of her life hanging over her head had left her in an uncomfortable uncertain place, being a person she never knew she was. Someone who was insecure. Someone who was afraid. Someone was lost. Feelings that hadn't left her until Nathan. Because even if she wasn't sure of who she was, he knew her….somehow, and he loved the person he knew. And she loved him for that, more so maybe than any of the other million reasons she loved him.

"Haley?" A voice broke her from her thoughts and she turned around to face the person addressing her. Surprised that she hadn't even felt it when Nathan had walked up beside her, resting his arm around her shoulder. She grinned when a short elderly gentleman came into view.

"Professor Thatcher." The older man smiled over at the young woman who smiled widely along with her greeting.

"I thought that was you but I wasn't sure. I have to say I never expected you to come back here. One day I'm writing you a sparkling reference for a transfer, the next thing you're missing from my Great American Authors seminar."

"Yeaah, it was a pretty hectic time."

",,and your mother?" He asked with a sympathetic gaze.

"Oh she's fine now." Haley promised, "better than ever!"

"I'm glad." Professor Thatcher smiled honestly at Haley before his eyes travelled up to Nathan.

"Oh, gosh, I'm so rude. Professor Thatcher – This is my husband, Nathan Scott." She gestured to her side, smiling up at Nathan. "Nathan, this is Professor Thatcher, the best thing about this place, there should be a booth dedicated solely to him."

The two men exchanged handshakes and greetings, and Haley stifled a giggle at the blush that rose on the older man's cheeks, his hand moving to the rim of his glasses. "Husband eh? I guess you broke the two date cycle?"

"What?" Haley spluttered as the professor chuckled and her husband gave her a curious look.

"I overheard you being talked about more than once, and the boys always said that you could ask out Haley James, and she'd probably say yes, but you'd never get past a second date."

"I.." Haley began but trailed off. Was that true? Between her one serious high school boyfriend her senior year, and meeting her husband at 22 had she really not been out on more than two dates with a guy? She suddenly felt very sheltered and inexperienced, and not all that old anymore.

"Works for me." Nathan joked. "Boosts my ego."

Haley couldn't hold back a snort. "Like you need anymore ego boosting, babe."

She turned to her old professor who was taking in the sight before him, the woman he saw seemingly much more confident and at ease with herself than the girl he remembered. "His head gets any bigger we're going to have to think about renovating the entry way to house to accommodate it.."

"Haley!" Nathan laughed as his wife just threw him a dazzling smile in response, wrapping her arm around his waist as she turned back to her conversation partner. He'd not been able to gauge her mood all morning; her sister had had a prenatal appointment the day before and Haley had been watching the children for her. When he'd gotten home there was a message telling him that Vivian and her husband and decided to stay in the city for dinner, and she'd be home late. When she'd gotten home she was quiet and slightly withdrawn, and he'd decided against questioning her on if she'd really wanted to go the college the next day. Although she hadn't told him he knew she must be finding it hard to watch her sister's developing pregnancy, especially as Vivian seemed to have decided that Haley would be her confidant this time, citing that she hoped sharing the experience would help bridge the gap from sisters into friends as she'd watched the two youngest James girls do in recent years. 

"You look familiar, Nathan, were you ever a student here?"

"No sir." Nathan shook his head. "I went to Duke."

"Ah, a blue devil.." Speaking of the school's mascot seemed to trigger something in man's memory. "Of course, you're Mayor Scott's son."

"Uh, Yes sir." Nathan replied, hoping that was where his recognition was end and he wouldn't push on to his failed basketball career.

"My son went to Duke, a good few years before you I'd say though. Class of 94."

"Yeah." Nathan laughed in relief but it could easily have been taken in the context of the conversation. "That was a while before me."

"I suppose it would have been. The students stay the same age and I just get older. – Are you thinking of coming back Haley?"

Blinking a little when the conversation was turned back to her Haley swallowed the questions that were swirling in her mind due to how she'd felt her husband stiffen at the mention of his alma mater, noting how the tenseness in his stance had come before the mention of his father.

"Um," She shook her head willing herself to focus on the conversation. "Yeah, I'm looking into it."

"Completing that…teaching degree was it? Or do you have that now?"

"Yeah, it was teaching, and no Sir I, uh, haven't made it back to school yet."

"And you decided to come back here rather than one of those fancy big schools you were talking about when you were here?"

"Well, my life's in tree hill now, even more so than before." She answered, and she caught the way Nathan's gaze bore into her as she said. "Besides, this school isn't so bad."

"I like to think we're nice enough." Professor Thatcher leant over and patted her on the shoulder, and nodded at Nathan. "Well I'll let you kids get back to looking around. You let me know if you do come back Haley. Be a pleasure to see you in my classroom again."

"Thank you."

"It was nice meeting you." Nathan spoke up glancing briefly away from Haley.

"You too son. You've got yourself a very special girl there." He smiled at the young couple before turning and walking off.

"He seemed nice."

"Yeah, he is." Haley nodded, flicking through the course book in her hand as she took a few steps forward. Turning when she noticed Nathan wasn't following her, the same intense gaze he'd fixed her with since she'd spoke of her life being in tree hill still boring into her. "What?"

Nathan looked around at the bustle of people surrounding them and held his hand out for hers, pulling her away from the crowds toward a secluded bench when she put her hand in his.

"What?" She asked again, pure confusion etched on her face.

"Would you want to?" His serious tone puzzling her more.

"Would I want to, what?"

"Go to a bigger school," He questioned, his hands clasped around hers. "A better school. UNC? Duke? Somewhere out of state?"

"Oh." She shrugged, taking a deep breath before she continued, ground she hoped to avoid treading on needing to be brought up for her to answer. "Nathan, babe, I.. I don't even know that I want to go back to school. You know that."

"But we're here.." Only a little while ago he'd felt soothed by how comfortable she seemed in the environment. Easily teasing him as she spoke with an old professor, how she'd used the word yet when they spoke of whether she'd returned to her education. His fears that she was doing it for him suddenly weighing down on him again.

"I just, wanted to see.."

"What?"

"If I wanted this." She said with a shrug, and a half smile. "You seemed to want it so badly for me and I.."

"So you're here for me?" He interrupted, his stomach flipping as his fears were confirmed.

"No, not exactly." She looked out ahead of them, taking her hands from his and ringing them in her lap. "I'm here for me too. I don't know whether I want this. And if I do whether I want to teach, or something else. But if I do go back to school. Here's fine. Here's more than fine. I don't need to go to a big fancy school. Besides we couldn't afford it even if I wanted to."

"We could work something out." He put two fingers at the side of her jaw, turning her face so she was looking at him. "If you want that, we can do it. I'll do whatever I can to give you what you want, Hales."

She'd promised she wasn't going to do it. She wasn't going to bring it up. She was even going to try her damnedest not to think about it. She was going to look at the courses, work out how much more she had to do to get her degree, maybe even look into something other than teaching. She was going to look and see what she could do with her future. Even if it was a future without… But he was pushing so hard. Too hard. "You know what I want, Nathan. We both know what I want, and it's not a fancy education."

He looked at her, the tears building in her eyes, taking in the pain that shone out from behind the chocolate brown orbs and he swooped in, drawing her closer to him as his lips met hers. He didn't know what to say to comfort her, but he hoped she could feel how much he wanted to, to comfort her, and how much he wanted to give her what she wanted, even when he couldn't.

She pulled away from him, he still didn't say anything and she didn't know what else she could say. They hadn't really talked about her wanting a child. He'd pushed the college issue and she'd been too scared that if she asked too often for an answer it would be the one she wasn't sure she could bare to hear. She loved the way he kissed her, the way he held firmly but delicately, almost if she were so fragile she'd break in his arms, and then kissed as if she were anything but. But it wasn't enough right now. She'd felt the love in his kiss, she always did, but at that moment it didn't comfort the way she knew he wanted it too.

"When I was a child, I never really knew what I wanted to be." She started quietly, her lip wedged between her teeth as she tried to work out how to proceed. "I've told you this before…"

He nodded, remembering a similar conversation one evening as they'd walked along the docks, they'd been together a couple of months and apparently her parents had been on at her to look into finishing her education. The symmetry of the situations was not lost on him.

"I knew I wanted to go to college, sure, I enjoyed school so why not? Learning things was great as far as I was concerned." She stopped, sending him a sheepish smile as she revealed that geekiness that raised its head now and then. "But I didn't dream of careers, and job titles. I dreamt of a husband I loved, and a house with a white picket fence, and yard full of noisy kids. My noisy kids. And I have most of that now, and I love the life we've got, Nathan, I do. I just want the rest, I can't help it. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise." She winced at his harsh tone turning away from him, but he was having none of it, twisting her body back so he could look into her eyes. "You've got nothing to apologise for. Haley, Look, I know I've said it before and I really do want to be able to tell you you can have that. I want to be able to give it to you. But I just don't know that I can. But you need to know that this…" he motioned around them. "..college, wherever you decide to go, it's not an either or situation. I don't want you to think if you let yourself do this, I'm taking it as a sign that you've moved on from the idea having a family. Okay?"

Haley wasn't sure how to answer; the thought that the college stuff might just be a distraction technique had plagued her. She'd practically said as much to Peyton.

"Are you mad at me?" He asked tentatively, and she smiled, reaching up and brushing a hand through his hair and down his jaw.

"No, I'm not mad, I'm just.." She willed herself not to cry, not sure if she was grateful for the fact that they were having this conversation in public so she couldn't break down, and it couldn't escalate into a fight, or whether that was what they needed. "I'm just confused. I'm so confused."

"What about?"

Us. The word popped into her mind before she could fight it, and she took in a sharp intake of breath as it registered. She didn't mean it, she'd always wanted him. Even before she knew him she wanted him. And ever since she'd known him she loved him. She'd just always wanted a baby too, and the life she'd played pretend at all those years ago. "I don't know."

"Do you want to go home?" He asked hesitantly, damning himself for ever suggesting she come here in the first place. He hated to see her cry, he felt physical pain as he watched her fight the tears. He wanted to make her happy more than he'd ever wanted anything. He'd promised himself he'd make her happy, he'd promised her parents he'd make her happy, and most importantly he'd promised her he'd make her happy, but lately he just seemed to make her cry.

She breathed deeply and shook her head. "No. I want to look around."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I told you I'd think about college, and I have, and it might be a good idea, and before I make any decision I want to know all about my options. Research has always served me well up until now." She attempted the feeble joke and he rewarded her with a half hearted forced laugh.

"Research… you're such a dork, sometimes."

"Well I'm your dork so get used to it." He stood up, pulling her up with him.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." He promised her and she smiled up at him quickly before they walked further into the crowd.

"I guess I should see what other kind of courses they offer." She headed over to a booth they hadn't been to yet, releasing his hand as she strode ahead.

"What else would you want to do?" He asked, trying his best to stop thinking about what had happened, and what might happen, and just live in the moment.

"I don't know, that's why we're here right?" She replied, avoiding looking at him as she spoke.

"You know.." His voice lowered, and she looked at him briefly her shoulder with a cocked suspicious eyebrow, knowing the tone all too well. "If you really wanted to see if teaching was for you I think I could help you out there."

"Oh, and how do you propose to do that?"

"You, a tight skirt, glasses, a shirt you're bursting of, and a little naughty school room action." Her eyes widened, as she looked around to see if anyone had heard the words he'd just murmured into her ear, and she burst out laughing. It might not have been the reaction he'd been hoping for her but she wasn't on the verge of tears and she could look him in the eye again. "What? You're the one who said you needed to research!"  



	12. Chapter 12

**I know – I know – it's been over a month, I'm so sorry – thanks for bearing with me!. Real life has been getting in the way lately, but hopefully things will calm down and I can start updating more often! Big thank you to Lori for beta-ing for me and all her input. For those fans of the flashbacks in this fic the next update includes one!**

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** Twelve **

Sweeping her eyes around her living room as if to do a last minute head count Haley stood up, motioning to her husband to sit back down. She knew exactly who it was, and despite how ridiculously it made her feel she wanted to see her before he did. To open the door. To stake her claim. Ever since Nathan had thrown her for a loop that morning by announcing he'd forgotten to tell her but had invited his ex-girlfriend to join them for dinner she'd been fighting this internal battle to stop old grudges resurfacing. Maybe Rachel had been an oblivious bitch in high school, but Haley herself had been a sharp tongued book worm, and Nathan a self proclaimed player. People change. They were adults now. A husband, a wife, an old friend. The doorbell rang again and she breathed deep to resist the urge to snap at her husband as he questioned what was taking her so long. If he had any idea that she was stood in the hallway adjusting her breasts so they sat higher in her dress she could just imagine the smug look and teasing words he'd have. Not that he could talk, he'd only ever met one of her ex's and they'd had to leave the club because he'd told Lucas if the man looked in her direction one more time he was going to go over there and finish what was being was started. A small giggle escaped her lips at the thought. The only thing it would have started was Matthew out cold on the floor, her husband surpassed any of her ex's in height alone, never mind physical stature.

"Hi," The woman looked momentarily startled that Haley answered the door before handing over the bottle she was holding and walking inside.

"Oh, Hi." Rachel looked around the hall for a moment, before sending Haley an uncomfortable smile, and putting her jacket into her outstretched hands. "Nice place you have here."

"We like it." Nathan answered as he walked up behind the two women. Haley pursing her lips at the fact he'd chosen to come out when she'd been perfectly capable of greeting his guest herself. Their guest. They were their guests, not his and hers, she was their friend. Ignoring her own thoughts she stepped in front of him as he moved to hug the redhead, pushing the jacket she'd taken into arms.

"Put that away would you, sweetie." She sent him a sugary sweet smile. One that she hoped told him she still hadn't forgiven him for the last minute addition to their dinner party. It wasn't the guest she was opposed to. Well, not entirely. It was the last minute change. If it was one thing Haley liked it was control. She'd planned this evening to a tee. Brooke, Lucas, Nathan, Herself, Amanda, and Stephen. It was the end to weeks of work on her and Brooke's part to pair up the man who worked with Nathan at the dealership with the young waitress who'd become a close friend to Haley, and by default Brooke, since she'd moved to Tree Hill six months before. Both girls were convinced they'd be the perfect couple. Taking in the scantily clad form before her, not quite sure how a top that was clearly expensive could look both delicate and trashy at the same time, she could guess things probably wouldn't go quite to plan.

"Why don't you come through, Rachel, dinner's not quite ready yet, so we're just having a drink, wine?"

"Sure. Red." Her reply was curt and Haley resisted the urge to shake her head, instead sending a glare at her husband's back as he hung the other woman's coat up.

"So! Everyone, this is Rachel." Haley ran her hands threw her hair as she walked into the room after ushering Rachel in. "Rachel this is, Amanda, who I work with, Stephen, who works with Nathan..." She trailed off into an uncomfortable laugh as she watched Amanda take in the way the man's eyes trailed up Rachel's exposed legs, settling on her cleavage as he stood up to greet her. "You um, obviously know Lucas, and this is his partner, Brooke."

" Davis. I love your clothes." Brooke gave Rachel a dazzling smile, and patted the free seat next to her on the sofa.

"You do? Tell me more…" Both girls laughed, and catching Haley's wavering smile before she turned Lucas sent Haley what he hoped was a supportive one. Walking over to the drinks cabinet Haley poured Rachel a glass of wine and breathed in deeply. She wanted everyone to get along of course, but watching Brooke welcome Rachel into the fold with open arms had caused a knot to form in her stomach. She didn't expect any different, knowing Brooke to be the type of person to give everyone a fair chance upon meeting them, but childishly she'd hoped her best friend would feel an immediate unease around Rachel, that she'd notice something instantly off putting about the other woman that would allow Haley to give in to the part of her that was eager to view Rachel just as she had seen her in high school. Draining her own glass she quickly refilled it before walking back over to sofa and handing Rachel her glass.

"Thanks." Rachel's smile seemed genuine and Haley couldn't help the guilt that stirred up inside of her as she told herself once again how ridiculous it was to feel the way she did. She barely knew the girl all those years ago, she definitely didn't know her now. "We were just discussing our favourite designers. Who do you prefer Ellie Saab or Stella McCartney?"

"Oh, uh fashion's not really my thing." Nervously she pushed a strand of her behind her ear. "I kind of just let Brooke dress me."

Rachel opened her mouth to say something, before a burst of laughter came out, causing Brooke to look at her curiously, and Haley's nerves to peak. "Oh God. I just remembered that god-awful poncho you used to wear in high school all the time until Taylor burned it in my fireplace."

A blush instantly appeared on Haley's cheeks, and her eyes focussed on the bottom of her glass. Rachel's tone was playful enough but it brought back so many memories of scornful words from her elder sister as Rachel had stood in the background smirking and nodding along. She had to remind herself of how different Taylor was now, how much she loved her sister, how close they'd became. Giving a smile that she hoped was stronger than it felt she laughed. "Is that what happened to it? All I knew was I got up one day and it was gone."

Brooke raised an eyebrow at Haley, questioning more why her usually vibrant friend was acting so timid and squirmy in her own home, than the story at hand. If she didn't know better she'd have thought Haley had a crush, the shy way she was behaving, the inquisitive way she kept looking at Rachel every time her head was turned. Not that Brooke herself had much experience being shy around a crush – she'd always been more the direct type.

"Hey Rae!" The raven haired girl watched as both Rachel and Haley's heads snapped immediately in Nathan's direction as he called across the spacious living room. "Come over here and tell my brother that he doesn't know what he's talking about. It was junior year we went skiing."

"Are you okay?" Brooke asked as Haley slumped down in the seat next to her when Rachel got up and moved to join the conversation on the other side of the room.

"Fine, why wouldn't I be?" Haley knew her answer would be more convincing if it wasn't accompanied by her throwing the rest of her drink down her throat, and glaring in her husband's direction. She'd really have to stop doing that or she'd be drunk before she'd even served the first course.

"Uh huh." Brooke answered, getting ready to push the subject more when she was cut off.

"I think dinner's probably ready. Could you tell everyone to move into the dining room?"

"Let me help." Following Haley as she stood up, Brooke placed a hand on her shoulder sending her a concerned look.

"It'd be more help if you get them into the other room before my husband fills them all up on drink." She motioned to Nathan who topping up everyone's drinks, as he laughed loudly with his brother and Rachel, Amanda watching nervously from the edge of the group as Stephen all but gave up feigning attention on her and instead was focussed on Rachel's breasts. Smiling sadly Haley called out to her friend. "Mandy, can you help me in the kitchen?"

"What do you need me to do?" Amanda asked, rubbing her hands and waiting for directions as they entered the kitchen.

"Oh, nothing really, I just.." Haley trailed off, not wanting to say that she'd purposely called her away from her semi-date leering over their latest guest. She knew Amanda had noticed but she didn't want to rub salt in the wound. "…wanted some company."

"You're a bad liar Haley Scott." The other woman stated simply as she reached for the plate Haley was holding and placed it on a tray. "But you're a sweetheart so it's okay. Your friend's..interesting."

"She's not my friend." Haley cursed herself for her sharp response. She couldn't understand why she was so on edge, why Rachel's presence had thrown her for such a loop. The woman had done nothing more offensive than dress a little more scantily clad than Haley would deem appropriate for this type of get together. Maybe she did seem to be throwing a spanner in the works of her matchmaking scheme, but Stephen and Amanda weren't a couple, and from what Haley had seen Rachel had made no special efforts to gain his attention. "I mean – I don't know her all that well. She went to school with Nathan."

"Stephen seems to like her.."

Freeing her hands Haley walked around the island and wrapped a comforting hand around her shoulder. "I'm sorry. I don't know if it makes it better or worse, but I really do think he likes you."

"Just not as much as he likes Rachel's breasts."

"He has expensive taste. It's something to note." Haley winked, bumping Amanda's hip as she went back to preparing to serve the meal. "I don't think she's going to be around long if that's any consolation. I'm sure you guys can get back on track."

At least she hoped she wouldn't if the strength of tonight's reactions were anything to go by. She and Nathan had enough things to be dealing with without Haley turning into an insecure fourteen year old who didn't feel like she could measure up to the head cheerleader.

"Thanks Hay, but it wasn't like we were serious or anything, it was only one date. I'm not going to be the one he settles for."

Haley watched as Amanda picked up a tray and headed toward the dining room. She wondered if settling was always a bad thing, after all had Nathan not settled for her, for their life instead of the high flying one he'd always expected. Would she be settling if he told her he didn't want children and it would just be the two of them for the rest of their lives? Was loving someone enough to stop it from being settling for less?

Nathan turned to look at his wife as she sat in the seat next him. Even as she smiled and let out a laugh at something his brother said to her he could see that her eyes seemed to have dulled since she'd served the meal. Reaching under the table he laid a hand on her thigh, not missing the way she stiffened against his touch. Leaning over he spoke softly in her ear before pressing his lips softly against her temple. "Calm down, you've done great Baby."

"Thanks." Her voice came out softer than she'd intended, and she breathed deeply against the familiar feeling of tears building up inside. She'd wanted tonight to go well, perfect even. They'd always done so well with not letting their problems affect them in front of other people, and although she'd promised herself back in that hotel room on their anniversary that she wouldn't pretend anymore, she wasn't the type of person to break down in tears in a room full of their friends. To admit how insecure she was in her marriage. Admit that the presence of a high school girlfriend was unsettling her more than she knew it should.

She stifled the bitter laugh that bubbled up inside as she listened to Rachel talk about how she'd dropped out of college, and Nathan tell her that Haley had too, but she was thinking of going back. Her husband could be so damn clueless. She reached down and picked up his hand, dropping it from her lap into his own. He gave her a confused look and she wondered how he'd feel if she stood up and announced they were considering having a baby. As soon as the thought came into her mind she couldn't stop her eyes trailing across the table to Rachel, who was managing to simultaneously hold a conversation with Nathan and Lucas, and flirt outrageously with the man sat next to her. She couldn't stop herself conjuring up an image of Rachel's body swelling with Nathan's child. She was struck with an uncomfortable memory that she'd forgotten about until now, of walking into the bathroom to find Taylor and Rachel huddled over a pregnancy test, waiting for the results to develop. Her sisters arm wrapped snugly around the pale looking red head. There had been many rumours that floated around the halls of THH of Rachel Gatina being pregnant with Nathan Scott's child but she'd never stopped to wonder if any of them were true until now. Did she have a right to ask?

"You're really quiet Hay, you okay?" Haley's head snapped up and she smiled what she hoped was a natural smile at Amanda.

"She's just savouring this amazing food." Brooke jumped in winking at Haley who gave her a subtle grateful nod, she'd been watching her friend all night and something clearly wasn't right. As soon as Haley got up to get the next course she'd be ready to jump up after her.

"Would you just leave it, Brooke." Haley all but slammed the tray she'd taken out of the oven onto the side as she glared at her friend. "I'm fine."

"Yeah, you're really acting like it. Tell me what's wrong." Brooke pleaded, holding her hands up in surrender when Haley batted them away as she tried to help set things up. "Haley.."

"Brooke, I'm fine. I just want to get this food out." Watching as Haley's hands came up to massage at her temples rubbing away her building headache Brooke sighed in defeat.

"Okay, okay. I'll leave it. For now. But Haley, don't lie to me. Please." Although she had a lot of friends her friendship with Haley meant the world to Brooke. She thought of Haley like a sister, something they hopefully one day would be, and the idea that Haley was suffering and didn't feel she could confide in her wasn't something she wanted to entertain. Walking over she placed a hand on her the shorter girls shoulder, and smiled, before picking up some food to take out. "I'm here when you're ready to talk about it."

"So, uh, um.." Haley tried to focus on the woman in front of her, she knew she'd been too quiet during dinner so far, gaining curious looks from her husband and brother in law, and a kitchen ambush from her best friend, but she'd avoided talking to Rachel to the point where it veering on rude. She tried not to react to the mild version of foreplay that was happening before her eyes between Rachel and Stephen and focusing on being the polite hostess. She wasn't a stranger to PDA; Brooke made it more than obvious when she wanted Lucas, company be damned, and her own husband was known to get a bit too handsy with a few drinks in him whatever the situation, but the sight before her held a car crash quality she wasn't really familiar with. She couldn't tear her eyes away, but she couldn't look either as the red head draped her body over the man next her. Her breasts pushed against him, her fingers running up and down his arm as she whispered so closely in his ear Haley was sure she saw teeth graze lobe. "How long will you be in town, Rachel."

"All depends." Rachel answered not looking at Haley, but at Stephen who'd turned to look curiously into her eyes at the question. Winking at him she looked across the table and spoke with a dismissive joking tone that belied the signals Haley had picked up in her body language that this wasn't a comfortable topic. "My mother's the one that wanted me home. Once she realises she's not going to marry me off, or convince me I'm a career girl at heart she'll let me go I'm sure."

"Won't be long then. Your Mom could never handle you for long, Rae." Haley turned shocked to her husband, but not before she saw the redheads smile falter slightly, and her eyes cloud over darkly. His tone was playful on the surface but had a harsh tinge beneath it. It wasn't menacing, not exactly, it held something she couldn't quite place, but the hard gaze he was fixing across the table showed Haley that he knew he was hitting a nerve by saying it. She kicked his shin lightly under the table. "What the hell?"

"Sorry, foot slipped." She wasn't sorry, she didn't pretend to be as their guests looked over at them confused. She wasn't sure exactly what had just gone down in the silent exchange between her husband and the woman opposite her, but she knew their guest's feelings had been hurt, and her husband was showcasing that side of his personality that, on the rare occasions she saw it, always put her at unease.

Nathan resisted the urge to get up and storm off from the table. Although Haley hadn't noticed Rachel had been picking apart their life all evening. What may have seemed like innocent comments to the others he knew her well enough to know was her showing that she was still scoffing at the idea that he was happy and settled, in Tree Hill of all places. He understood where she was coming from, always having sworn to her, and anyone else who'd listen, that once he was out of this town he was never coming back, but the disrespect she was showing Haley, by sitting in their home and picking fun at the life they'd created wasn't something he was going to sit back and let her do. Feeling both the heated glare from his wife to his side, and Rachel across from him he picked up his drink, draining its contents and digging into his food deciding it was best he just keep his mouth shut for the time being.

"I'm sorry about the Stephen thing." Haley said hugging Amanda goodbye as they stood in the doorway, a groping Rachel and Stephen having just driven off in the man's car. "I hope it didn't ruin your evening?"

"Don't be silly." Slipping into her coat the taller girl smiled, reaching into her pocket for her keys. "I had a great time, Haley, thanks for inviting me."

"Of course. Drive careful ok?"

"Yes Mom." Laughing the girls hugged again, and Amanda shouted a quick goodbye to Lucas, Brooke and Nathan who were laughing loudly in the living room.

"Is she okay?" Brooke asked from Lucas' lap as Haley sat down next to Nathan, slipping off her shoes and pulling her legs up underneath her, her husband appreciatively eyeing the large expanse of her thigh that came into view as her dress rode up.

"Disappointed I think, but okay."

"Your friend… is an idiot." The brunette woman pointed out, causing Nathan to lazily shrug, his arm draping over Haley's shoulder, pulling her against him. Her body stiffened slightly before she leaned against his chest, a yawn escaping her lips.

"An idiot who's on to a sure thing tonight." Luke laughed harder when Brooke's hand thumped at his chest.

"and what a sure thing he's in for." Haley pushed away from Nathan, staring shocked at the leering look in his eyes as he held his beer bottle up in his brothers direction and they air toasted to his ex girlfriend's slutty ways.

"God!" She muttered her under breath, pushing to her feet and walking out of the room. Lucas letting out a shocked laugh as Brooke climbed out of his lap. Slapping the back of Nathan's head as she walked past.

"I take it back – you're the idiot!"

"Oh and what a sure thing he's in for." Haley mimicked her under breath, slamming a dish into the soapy water and placing it on the side to load into the dishwasher. "Oh and you would know wouldn't you husband dear, not only do you have the personal experience, but all those ones to compare it too as well. I mean you're just something of a sex connoisseur aren't you. Idiot."

"I agree – on the idiot part I really wouldn't know about the rest. Need a hand?"

"You could put those left over's in the fridge."

"Done – so, going back to college huh?"

"I don't know, maybe, I'm thinking about it." Sighing Haley closed dish washer and pulled herself up onto the counter.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It was kind of supposed to be a secret." Haley watched as Brooke shut the fridge and sat down on one of the high chairs around the island. She noted the hurt look in her friends eyes and wanted to tell her it all. About college, babies, the arguing. She'd promised Nathan she wouldn't though, and she didn't want to tell her friend a bunch of half truths about why going back to college was such a complicated issue for her.

"Nice of Nathan to announce it at the dinner table then."

"That's my husband. Mr. Sensitive."

"What's going on Hales?" Brooke asked after a moment's silence, her head propped on her hands. "You've been acting strange all evening, way before the college thing."

"Noth-"

"Don't tell me, Nothing. I know you better than that Haley Scott."

It was on the tip of her tongue to keep denying it, to pretend like everything was fine, that any changes in her personality that night was down to the stress of wanting everyone to have a good night, but as she looked at her friends open face, silently begging her to confide she couldn't help herself. "It's Rachel."

"Rachel who went home with Stephen, Rachel?" Cocking her head to the side in a questioning manner, Brooke noted how Haley broke eye contact and focussed on her hands which she was ringing in her lap.

"Yeah, that Rachel." Hoping off the side, Haley started wiping down her already clean counters, turning away from Brooke as she spoke. "Do you remember those girls in high school. The ones whose mere presence made you feel too short or too fat or too…something.., Rachel was that girl for me. Best friends with my sisters, girlfriend of the boy I liked, effortlessly perfect it seemed."

"But you got the boy, Haley. You married him. If you think that her being in town means…"

"No it's not that." The blonde cut her friend off, turning so she was leaning against the side. "Rachel just makes me feel.. fourteen again. Paranoid, and insecure, in a way that just isn't me. I feel so petty, and stupid, and ridiculous acting the way I did tonight, feeling the way I do. But.." She stopped herself before she said anymore. Before she told Brooke how this was just the worst time possible for Rachel to come back into their lives. About the jealously that had bubbled inside her listening to her husband laugh, joke and reminisce in a way he never did with her anymore.

Standing up Brooke walked over and stood next to Haley, putting her arm around her shoulder. "High school was along time ago Haley. Maybe Rachel's changed? And even if she hasn't, people like her aren't the ones that people feel jealous over anymore. It's people like you. Beautiful, smart, married to a man who adores her.."

"Happy.." Haley added trailing off quietly, the uncertainty in her voice hanging heavy in the room as Brooke tightened her hold.

"Is there something else Hales?"

"I…"

"Brooke.. Oh sorry." Lucas stopped short entering the kitchen to find his sister in law in his girlfriend's arms. Obviously in the middle of something. "I'll come back."

"No, no, it's okay." Haley stepped out of Brooke's embraced and smiled at Luke, setting about once again tidying her clean kitchen.

"Hales.."

"Brooke. I'm fine." Haley willed her friend not to push the issue, hoping that by tomorrow she'd forget, but knowing that the next time they were alone Brooke would push the issue.

"What did you want babe?" Brooke asked relenting under Haley's gaze.

"If you're ready I think we'd better go. It's getting late." Lucas looked from one woman to the other, wishing he'd accepted Nathan's offer of another drink before interrupting.

"Yeah okay. Give me a minute?" The blonde man nodded, walking out of the room, and Brooke closed the distance between her and Haley.

"Talk to me, Hales, please."

"Not tonight, Brooke. Just.. not tonight." Nodding at Haley's tired words Brooke hugged her goodbye after making her promise to call her in the morning and headed out in search of her boyfriend.

After Brooke and Lucas had left Haley ushered Nathan up to bed, saying she just needed to finish picking up in the living room before she joined him. As soon as the door had shut behind their friends he apologised for saying what he had about Rachel but Haley was too tired to listen. Too many emotions had run through her that night, and she could practically smell the fight brewing in the air if they started to speak about it. She hoped that by the time she got upstairs he'd have crashed already. Unfortunately that wasn't the case as she walked into their room to hear the showering running in the bathroom. She used to love going to bed with Nathan. The familiar way they moved around their room doing the things they had to. They could have closed their eyes and never bumped into each other had they wanted to. But they didn't, they used to purposely brush against each other, fingers skimming, chests rubbing against backs. He'd stand behind her as she removed her make up, his lips skimming the back of her neck, telling her how she shouldn't wear make up. She didn't need it, and it just prolonged how long it took them to get to bed at night.

She heard the water turn off, and quickly snapped from her reminiscing and swiftly changed her clothes, heading for the bathroom to brush her teeth.

"All tidied now?" Nathan asked, stepping out of the shower cubicle and pulling a towel around his hips.

"mmmhmm" She nodded, answering around the lilac plastic in her mouth, unable to stop her hairs trailing over the reflection of his chest. "I thought you'd be asleep by now."

"I was waiting for you." He stepped forward, closing the distance between them but she slipped away before his chest could make contact with her.

"You're all wet." She said answering his hurt look. She racked her brain for a safe topic. "Did you find out about getting the time off?"

"What time off?" He gave her a blank look that had anger building inside her.

"For Peyton's show." She searched his face for any sign of recognition. Pushing past him annoyed when he continued to look at her blankly. "To go to New York at the end of the month."

"I thought I told you we couldn't go." He finally clicked onto what she was talking about, and could clearly remember telling her it just wasn't feasible to get the time off of work. His dad was already breathing down his neck about the time he had taken off.

"You said you'd ask!" He followed her into their bedroom, watching as she walked over to her vanity running a brush roughly through her hair.

"I told you I wouldn't be able to get to the time off, Hales." He tried to keep his tone neutral, aware that something had been going on with her all night, and he'd already said the wrong thing earlier in the living room.

"You said you'd ask!" She repeated, louder this time, her hands resting on her hips.

"All the weekends I've taken off for you lately…"

"For me?" She stood shocked, what did he mean for her!

"Our anniversary. Last week." He watched the colour drain from her face before being replaced with an angry blush.

"Last week… Last week!" She threw her hands up in exasperation, not believing that he'd throw the time he'd taken off to go to the college under his insistence back in her face. "Oh that's real rich Nathan! We both know last week was so much more for you than it was for me."

"What the hell does that mean?" His asked, the neutral tone gone replaced with a sharp bite.

"You're just so supportive aren't you? The perfect husband wanting so much for his wife. What about his wife's wants? What about not announcing to our friends I'm going back to college! What did you think that if you told everyone I'd just go along with your plan and forget about what I want."

"It slipped out Haley, okay! I didn't mean to tell everyone," He really hadn't, he hadn't even thought about it being a bad thing until she reacted now, and he felt awful for saying it now he realised he had, "and you seemed so excited about school."

"You see what you want to see, Nathan." She said sitting on the end of the bed, her head in her hands. "I want a baby. Pushing me to go back to college doesn't make it go away. Ignoring it doesn't make it go away."

"I'm not ignoring it." He sat down next to her, staring straight ahead at the closed door.

"Really? Because we never talk about it. Anytime I even hint at bringing it up you change the subject. You have me promise to talk to Brooke, but who am I supposed to talk to. You?"

"Yes." Of course him, of course he wanted her to confide in him. He wanted her to tell him everything.

"Fine, let's talk.."

"I don't.." Want to, he thought but didn't have the heart to say it.

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

"No, baby, come on." He reached out and held wrapped his large hand lightly around her slender wrist, imploring for her to understand that he was still here for her. "I'm not ignoring it. I think about it all the time. I want to make you happy."

"You need to stop thinking about it in terms of making me happy, Nathan. I don't want an obligation baby, or a child you're going to resent. I want a baby we both want, a baby we both love. "

"I know you do, I do too." Her face lit up and he had to force himself to continue. "Which is why I keep thinking, and not talkingto you about it. Because if we have a child it has be right for both of us."

She looked at him with tear filled eyes and didn't have anything more to say to him right then, she wanted selfishly to demand he stop thinking and give her an answer. To tell him that if he cared enough to want a child they both wanted, rather than one only she did, he must be ready. He was already thinking of their baby before they were conceived, but she knew throwing it all back in his face would just make things worse. Pulling out of his grip she climbed into bed, closing her eyes and willing the tears not to fall as she listened to him shuffle around and felt him slip in beside her. As the silence engulfed them she shouldn't stop her mind reconjuring the images that had accosted her earlier. Rachel and Taylor huddled over a pregnancy test, and the imagined swollen stomach on Rachel's perfect body.

"Nathan.."

He let out a sigh of relief as she spoke to him, moving closer to her. "Yeah?"

"Was Rachel, I mean, did you… In high school was Rachel pregnant?"

He reached up, snapping on the bedside lamp before propping himself up on his arm, staring down at her shocked. "What are you talking about?"

"Tonight, I um, remembered something." He silently told her to continue and she sucked in a deep breath, her eyes focussed on the shadows they were leaving on the ceiling. "She um, took a pregnancy test at our house once, I guess I never really thought about it until now."

"Oh.."

"Was she?"

"We uh, had a scare, well one that I knew of at least. She was never pregnant Haley. I've never got anyone pregnant I promise you that. Even if she had been, chances are the baby wouldn't have been mine."

She knew he meant it to comfort her but she felt like she was going to be sick. As a child he'd been so careless that he'd chanced fathering one of his own, but now as an adult he was obsessed with preventing a child he'd no need to question the paternity of, a child who's would be mother was more than ready for it to be created. "You can't though can you."

"Can't what?"

"Promise me that you've never got anyone pregnant. You've told me yourself you slept with girls whose names you never even got. How do you know something didn't happen?"

"I.. Haley I don't know what to tell you. You're right I guess. What does it matter? The past doesn't matter."

"So if in ten years time someone turns up at our door claiming to be your child they wouldn't matter."

"Haley you're being ridiculous! I don't have any children, if I ever have any children they'll be ours, can't we leave it that?" He didn't know where any of this was coming from, yes he has a past before her, but she'd always known that.

"I.." She wanted to tell him that they couldn't, that it mattered; they had to talk about this. She also knew she was acting crazy. She was well aware of the fact that her husband had slept with a lot of people before her, she knew that when you had sex you risked pregnancy. "I can't do this right now."

Nathan watched as Haley threw back the covers, grabbing her pillow and walking out of the room, switching off the lamp on her way. He remained half lying, half sitting on their bed, staring down on where she had laid. No matter how irrational she was being he hated how hurt she'd looked as she said those things, hated more that something he'd done had fuelled that feeling inside of her. Dropping to lay back he stared at the ceiling for a few minutes, listening to the door of the spare room creak open then shut.

"This is ridiculous." He muttered to himself after ten minutes of tossing and turning, and followed the path his wife had taken.

"Hales?" He called out into the darkness, knowing she was awake from the faint sound of sniffling that could be heard. "Come back to bed baby."

"Go away, Nathan." He sat next to her on the edge of the bed, brushing her hair off her face.

"I love you, Haley. I know I have a past, but it doesn't matter anymore. You're the only one I married. The only one I ever loved. So come back to bed, please. We both know we don't sleep well apart."

She looked up at him, his face appearing clear to her despite the darkness, and shook her head. "I can't."

"Okay." She expected him to get up and walk out of the room. Instead he walked round to the other side of the bed climbing in next to her and pulling her reluctant form against his, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Goodnight Hales."


	13. Chapter 13

**Wahoo, an update and it didn't even take me a whole month! I'm slowly getting back onto form people! Thank you for all your reviews I'm really invested in this story and am so glad to hear so many of you are too! Thank you to Lori for Beta-ing and hours of help and Kristen for her hand holding! **

**Oh and, Sorry to those of you who were looking forward to it but the flashback got bumped back an update because this update went a slightly different place than I planned.**

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**Thirteen**

Throwing her purse down on the sofa Haley collapsed next to it, letting out a satisfied moan as she stretched her aching limbs. She was so tired. Last night's dinner party had taken it out of her both emotionally and physically, and although Nathan had been right when he'd said they slept better together and crawled in beside her in the guest bedroom, she'd still slept horribly. Tossing and turning, her dreams tormented by the picture of all the women he'd had before her, most just faceless forms symbolically dancing in and out of her mind. Other's like Rachel clear as day with pregnant bodies, or new born babies suckling at their breast.

She'd been up before him this morning, working the opening shift at the café, and had spent a good fifteen minutes just watching him sleep. She hadn't meant to react as strongly as she'd done the night before, storming out of their bedroom and pulling away as he'd tried to comfort her, but everything was coming down on her so hard and fast she felt like she couldn't breathe. She knew that the registration date for classes was closing in and even though she wanted to make a decision, had thought over the positive and negatives a million times, she felt as though she'd been giving so much more than she was getting. He didn't seem to want to talk about having a child, much less give her any idea of how he was feeling on the matter. It felt as though the only time she was allowed to bring it up was when she was breaking down, and she'd learnt a long time ago that if she was crying he'd give her the world for her to stop. She didn't trust the things he'd say when they were screaming at each other, or when the tension was bearing down on them so hard she thought they'd suffocate.

Karen had dragged her into the backroom half way through her shift and demanded to know what was wrong. Wrapped up in the elder woman's maternal warmth Haley had felt herself ready to spill it all out, Nathan had implored she not talk to Brooke, not Karen, and although she was Nathan's aunt Haley had had a relationship with her long before she'd gotten together with him. Taking a deep breath she'd gotten ready to tell it all when she found she couldn't. Tears pricked at her eyes as she realised she couldn't go against her husbands wishes that they keep things to themselves until they came to some kind of an understanding, and even though the night before he'd blurted out that she was considering going back to college, she still couldn't go against the promise that she'd made. Struck once again by just how different she and her husband were she'd broken down into tears. Shocking Karen so much that she'd closed the café for a half an hour attempting to calm the petite blonde down. Knowing that the older woman wouldn't just let things go Haley had told her about her disappointment in not being able to visit Peyton. About how she hadn't seen her best friend in so long, and this could be the beginning of everything falling into place for the other woman and she wanted more anything to be there to see her friends dream coming true. Giving Haley a look that told her she didn't believe that was all there was to the story Karen had pulled out the rota and blocked the time off for her nephew's wife, making her promise that even if Nathan and his pig headed father couldn't work it for him to go with her she should go by herself. She was clearly in need of some time away.

Pulling herself off the sofa she dragged herself into the kitchen, hoping that the things she'd left soaking the night before would be miraculously cleaned and put away, but not being surprised to find them where she'd left them. Her husband was definitely not a morning person, and although she knew if she left them there now he'd likely have them put away before the night was over she wanted to erase the reminders of last night as quickly as possible. Picking up a wine glass she glared at the lipstick stain that didn't want to come off. As she scrubbed it harder she recognised the shade as Rachel's and despite feeling like an impetuous child kicked open the lid on the bin and dumped the glass inside. Karen was right, she should go by herself. She wouldn't even wait to talk to Nathan about it; she'd arrange it and tell him the news when he got in. A bit like he'd dumped the news that Rachel was coming to dinner into her lap mere hours before she arrived. Walking back into the living room she grabbed the phone off the stand and dialled Peyton's number.

"You are not going to believe who was in my house last night. I mean literally in my house, at my dinner table, flirting with my friend. Rachel Gatina!... From high school! God! And you should have seen her Peyton, she hasn't changed, skin to clothes ratio has got larger if anything, and oh my god she went home with this guy who works with Nathan and…"

As Haley took a breath the person who'd picked up the phone's laugh came through the line. A laughter that sounded nothing like her blonde friends. "Hang on a minute."

Screwing up her face in confusion Haley leaned over to the base checking that Peyton's name was displayed on the ID. She heard the mysterious man call out for Peyton, calling her baby and telling her he'd be home later.

"Hales?" Peyton's familiar voice came through the line, confusing Haley more as it confirmed she'd dialled the right number.

"Who was that guy picking up your phone and why was he calling you baby?" Haley prodded curiously.

"Hello to you too." Peyton laughed a little uncomfortably telling Haley that she was avoiding answering her question.

"Peyton.."

"It was Chris." Peyton answered with a sigh that told Haley she hadn't wanted to answer.

"Chris? Who's… Chris the creep who works at the same bar you do and who you said wouldn't stop making perverted comments and wouldn't stop trying to sleep with you?"

"He's not a creep." Peyton defended, looked around the apartment checking that the click she'd heard was the main door closing behind her boyfriend before continuing. "Most of the time."

"High standards there Peyt. Dating a guy who's not a creep most of the time." Haley rolled her eyes, trying to put together how a man her friend had done nothing but rant and rave about was now so comfortable in the other woman's home he answered the telephone.

"Oh shut up. Now what was this you were scaring my boyfriend babbling about?"

"Boyfriend?" Haley shrieked down the line. She couldn't remember the last time Peyton had a boyfriend. She dated, a lot, but commitment hadn't been a strong suite of her friends since her freshman year of college. "Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer you have a boyfriend and didn't feel fit to tell me. Your BEST friend!"

"Okay, Calm down." Peyton laughed, shaking her head and Haley could picture her sitting down and drawing her feet up beneath her. "I don't think I've heard you squeal like that over the word boyfriend since I told you I was dating Lucas and you thought it was your in with Nathan."

"Be quiet." Haley mumbled, embarrassed at being taunted by her childhood fantasies. "And how did this become about teasing me! You're the one with the new luvah."

"Oh Lord. Haley Scott he is not my '_luvah_'."

"Maybe so, but he's your boyfriend." Haley continued to tease her best friend, half because she genuinely enjoyed knowing her friend was squirming on the other end, and also partly because immersing herself in Peyton's happiness was better than wallowing in her own pity.

"Yes okay, he's my boyfriend! Happy now?" Laughing as Haley giggled back that she was Peyton shook her head. The past few conversations she'd had with Haley there had been something missing in her friends laugh, and the feeling that she wasn't quite listening to everything she was saying to her. "So, why'd you call?"

"Oh, well, two reasons. One being to talk to your new luvah." Haley's eyes sparkled as she listened to the mumbled huff she got as a response.

"Nerd."

They shared a laugh before Haley continued. "The other being hotel recommendations."

"What?"

"I know you keep telling me the crime level in New York is vastly exaggerated but I don't think I want to spend the night on the streets when I come to view your fabulously debut."

"Dude! Seriously?!"

"Of course seriously! You're finally doing something about making your dreams come true Peyton, of course I'm going to be there. You came to my wedding didn't you?"

"Okay, totally not the same thing, but I'm so happy you're coming Hales!"

"Wouldn't miss it…" Smiling Haley knew she'd made the right decision.

"And you can forget about hotels you and Nathan can stay here."

"Right," Haley's smiled faltered once again before she continued, "about that, it's uh, just going to be me I'm afraid."

"Oh, well that's okay!" Peyton felt like asking why but if there was a reason Haley needed to talk about she knew she'd have more chance getting out of her face to face. "Better than okay even! It'd be a bit cramped with the four of us anyway."

"Four?" Haley prodded wanting to know exactly how seriously Peyton and her apparently not-so-creepy boyfriend were.

"I'll explain when you get here."

"Oh, you will." She promised grinning.

"Would you stop it?"

"Stop what?" Haley feigned innocence enjoying her usually calm friend getting riled up, about a man no less.

"Do you know when you're going to get here?" Peyton asked in a blatant attempt to change the subject.

"Nope. I still have to book my ticket."

"Okay, well call me when you know and we'll work out what time I should come meet you and stuff. I have to go."

"Back to your luvah?" She giggled, picturing the annoyance that was building on Peyton's face.

"To work Haley, to work.."

"To work with your luvah?" She drawled again.

"Hanging up now!"

"Saying Bye now! Love you!"

"Love who?" Nathan called as the door closed behind him and he heard Haley's voice from the living room.

"Oh Peyton." She stuck her head round the doorway into the hall to smile at him in a way she knew she wouldn't have been able to if he'd come home a half hour earlier, her mood vastly improved by her time talking to her best friend and she concluded that maybe this was exactly what she, what they both needed. "I was just telling her that I was going to her show."

Taking off his jacket and hanging it on the hook beside him he gave her a confused look. "What?"

"Peyton's art show. The thing we spoke about last night." She reminded him, watching as he undid his tie and shoes, toeing them off.

"The one I told you we couldn't go to?"

"No, the one you told me you couldn't go too. I'm going by myself." She threw the phone onto the table walking into the hall, standing before him.

"and you didn't think to discuss this with me?"

"You know what Nathan, no, I didn't. She's my best friend and something great is happening for her and I want to be there."

"I can't get the time off work." He ran an exasperated hand through his hair, feeling like they were having this conversation for the millionth time.

"Hence why I said I'm going, not us." She rolled her eyes. She knew he couldn't get the time off, they'd just fought over it or had he conveniently forgotten that already.

Nathan watched in shock as she turned away from him, heading into the study and began typing away at the keys. There had been a time when she wouldn't start dinner without making sure it was what he wanted first and now she was planning a weekend away without even consulting him.

"You can stop looking at me like that." She said without turning, able to feel his penetrating gaze.

"Like what?"

"Like you can't believe I'm doing this without you." He stood silent shocked for a minute at how well she knew him. Lately it felt like they didn't know each other at all and dispute being hurt that she seemed eager to spend time away from him he found comfort in the fact that she knew how he was reacting to it all without him telling her.

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"What do you think Haley?"

"Hmm?" Forcing herself to look at her mother in law Haley blinked clearing her mind before answering, "Sorry, um, Yeah, blue for the living room sounds nice."

They'd been at the country club for an hour now, Brooke, herself, Karen and Deb, seated around a table having lunch and she was really starting to scare herself. The whole time she'd barely torn her eyes away from a table in the corner of the room, a woman was sat with two children, a baby and a toddler, and what appeared to be a frazzled looking nanny. Even as the toddler cried out for his 'Mama's attention the perfectly put together older woman just continued to eat her lunch, and after a placating pat on the head sent his attention across the table. Haley wasn't sure exactly what she was feeling, jealousy, upset, annoyance, anger that someone could bring two children into this world and yet appear to have real desire to raise them. She knew she shouldn't judge. She didn't know their story, she didn't even know the second woman was definitely a nanny, but her emotions were overriding her logic in the same way they seemed to all the time lately, and she just desperately wanted to go over there and tell the woman to wake up and realise how lucky she was.

It had begun to scare her, how often that happened now. Her eyes drawn to a family, or child, imagining herself in the mother's position, a mix of emotions rushing over her. She'd wanted this for a while now, in theory forever, but since it had become a reality that she might not get the family she coveted it had become an obsession. She dreamed about, thought about it, pined for it, and it terrified her. She was slowly becoming a person she didn't recognise, the type of person she promised herself she'd never be. Even if she had a child she didn't want to be over bearing with it. Her parents had always had lives outside of her and her siblings and that was good for them, but already she was beginning to lose contact with the rest of her world for an idea that might never come. Trying to focus on the conversation that was happening around her she clung to the knowledge that soon she'd be away from this place; that she'd spend time with Peyton being young and carefree and she wouldn't think about babies once.

"That's a beautiful ring, Deb." She heard Brooke saying as she tuned back in to the conversation around her.

"Oh, thank you, Brooke." The older woman laid her hand against her chest clutching the diamond. "It was my grandmothers and I thought I'd lost it years ago. I just found it the other day. I have to say I always thought one of my boys would give it to the girl they intended to marry. Here you should try it on."

"Probably be my only chance." Brooke sighed, eagerly taking the jewellery and slipping it onto her bare wedding ring finger. Sending a bittersweet smile as she looked over at Haley and showed her. "It's so pretty."

"It suits you." Deb smiled, and Haley watched the pain that briefly crossed the brunette's face. Reaching over she grabbed Brooke's right hand and clasped it comfortingly, feeling bad for neglecting her friend's pain. Peyton had a boyfriend she knew nothing about, Brooke was torn up by the fact that Lucas still hadn't proposed and she'd not even noticed. Once again she made a silent promise to be less single minded, willing herself not to glance back over at the table where the baby was now screaming.

"I'm sure he'll propose one day, Brookie." She repeated the words she said a hundred times before as she watched Brooke slip the ring off her finger and hand it back over to Deb.

"and even if he doesn't honey it doesn't matter." Karen tried, and Haley hoped Brooke wouldn't react badly knowing the brunette woman was just trying to help, but how touchy Brooke could be on the subject. Karen had arrived shortly after Haley this afternoon who'd gotten there first, and immediately questioned how she was and if she'd booked the tickets as they hadn't worked together since the day earlier in the week when the she'd been witness to Haley's breakdown.

"Oh, he will, even if I have to force him down the aisle myself." Deb answered completely seriously and Haley eyed her mother in law curiously, the woman had been surprisingly lucid this afternoon something the other three had fretted over when the blonde woman had suggested a public lunch between the four of them. "I always thought it'd be Nathan I'd have to do that with. If I was lucky enough to see him again.."

She trailed off and Brooke looked over at Haley who shrugged, her eyes narrowing questioningly at Deb.

"I don't understand.."

"Oh honey, before you came along I didn't think I'd ever see my youngest again." Deb answered more casually than the statement warranted. "Lucas, I always knew he'd come home, but Nathan… He swore to me when he was fourteen the day we dropped him at college would be the last time he'd step foot in this town and I believed him, all four years he never came home for a holiday, we always had to go to him, or arrange to go away."

Haley had known her husband had never planned on living in their hometown but she wasn't aware he'd been so against coming back at all.

"But Haley wasn't the reason Nathan came home right?" Brooke asked curiously. "I mean, Luke told me he came home to rehab and then met Haley, never left, got married. Bitch" She added jokingly, and Haley tried her best to smile as she processed what she was being told.

"The only reason Nathan came home was because Dan dragged him here. I thought he was going to kill himself rather than come back, he ruined any chance he had of playing again because he was completely determined to not move home."

Haley was desperate to prod for more, ask what had happened. She knew the same story Brooke did. That after he got injured, had moved home almost right away, but here her mother in law was implying there was so much more to story. Things that she seemed to take for granted that Nathan had confided in Haley. The young blondes lip took its familiar position between teeth as an uncomfortable feeling stirred in the pit of her stomach. She'd always known there was more to the story than he just got injured and decided to move back home. She'd hoped that the things he'd confided in her, about the painful time with his dream had been ripped away from him, had left her with a clear enough picture of what had happened to know all she needed to. Had hoped that his having this secret about his past didn't hinder how well she knew him.

"If it wasn't for you, Haley, I think I would have lost my son forever."

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Both knew the other wasn't asleep, but pretended otherwise as they lay flat on their backs staring into the darkness of their bedroom. They almost touched, lying so close together that their body heat jumped the small distance of mattress that separated them. She licked her lips, and he swallowed silently, her lips parted his name forming and dying deep in her throat before she'd uttered a syllable. The ceiling blurred a little and he fought the urge to blink, scared that somehow she'd hear his eyelids closing. Scared that if he shut his eyes he'd fall asleep, that he'd have to face tomorrow and the future that plagued him so now.

Her feet were tingling, her body falling asleep before her mind, as she thought over what her mother in law had said that day. How could she know so little about the man she'd married? Could she love him knowing only what she did? She felt pain stab at her heart at the thought. Of course she loved him. God, how she loved him.

His heart jumped in shock when he felt the sheets rustling beside him, the slight unexpected sound booming into the silent room. He felt her hand reach across, the light weight of her body pressed against him felt ton heavy with the impact it had. All breath escaped his lungs as she let her fingers trace feather light across his collarbone. He felt his body reacting, knowing the signs as she pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, and then at the side of his jaw. This was Haley's way of asking him to make love to her. With her. Before propositioning him to bathe with her, and dressing up in sexy lingerie this was the way his virgin bride's way of seducing him. As she continued to trail kisses along his jaw he corrected himself. She hadn't been a virgin when they married, no, he'd taken that from her months before. In a way he'd known wasn't worthy at the time, worthy of her or them, but had now come to hate himself a little for. He'd wanted her so desperately, sought the comfort she could bring him after a day of fighting his demons that he hadn't stopped to think as he'd stripped her of her clothes, and laid her down. In retrospect he remembers the trembles that he'd put down to the cold, the slightly more slanted look her eyes took, one that he now knew meant nerves. She's told him a hundred or more times that she doesn't regret it, that it doesn't matter if it was on the beach under the stars, or on their wedding night in a fancy hotel suite, what matters is that it was with him, the only man she's ever truly loved, the only man she ever will. She can insist forever, but he doesn't think he'll ever forgive himself, or maybe even to some degree her, he knows he'll never forget. When he thinks back to their first time he doesn't think of how she arched into his touch, or the whispered pleasured sigh she breathed into his ear seemingly louder than the waves that crashed behind him. He only remembers the blood, the sharp intake of breath that he'd taken for pleasure at the time, but now realises was pain as she adjusted to him being inside of her. The fear in her eyes when she realised he'd figured it out, the fact that she hadn't told him she was a virgin. Hadn't trusted him to make it better. Perfect. Everything she deserved.

She moaned a little at the familiar taste of his skin as she sucked lightly on his neck. The feel of his large calloused hand reaching around, and slipping beneath her pyjama top, his thumb stroking the base of her spine urging her on. They hadn't made love in over a week. Not since before the night when she'd questioned the possibility of his fathering a child in his past. He'd tried once, Wednesday night, when she'd been sat combing the tangles from her hair after a shower. He came up behind her kneading at her shoulders and kissing just the spot on her neck that would have usually made her putty for his will. But the repulsion at the fabricated image of his ex girlfriend's pregnant form, which had haunted her night and day, outweighed the arousal that shot through her, and she'd eased his hands from her body. Turning off the lights and climbing between the cool crisp sheets. She'd missed him, the taste of his skin, the pressure of his lips against hers in more than an obligatory peck. As her lips travelled the familiar path, repeating the moves a year of marriage had taught her would make him feel good and that she felt confident with, something was missing. She'd only ever made love. Even at times when things were more frantic or rough, even before they'd told each other I love you, she'd always felt the connection in their couplings. Even in recent times when they'd been fighting and keeping things from each other when they'd physically expressed how much they loved, wanted and needed each other everything else faded away but the person that meant everything in the world to them.

He didn't know that he wanted her right then, a feeling he wasn't familiar with, had never really experienced, but despite the way his body reacted to hers a part of him was willing himself to push her away. Her skin glided softly over his as she sought out places she knew he enjoyed being touched, or kissed, and a small groan escaped from his lips. He'd been craving this, the feel of his wife's hands and lips on his skin, of having her in his arms, so why now that it was happening did he feel like it wasn't right? He'd watch her this week, sensing the distance between them growing, the one that had already been too big. The one that he'd already hated and tried to think of ways to make things better. The things he knew he had to tell her died within him before he'd even processed the thought. A physical touch had been shrugged off apologetically forcing him to admit things he didn't want to. Making him see that he'd been lying to himself in thinking things were getting better, that there was so much more to admit.

She straddled his form, keeping her face low as she kissed his chest, and shoulders, avoiding looking into his eyes despite her natural inclination to do so. She wanted to feel him inside of her, completing her, but she couldn't bring herself to look at him. She loved his eyes. His beautiful eyes that she'd seen so much in, but had yet to discover all the secrets to. She knew there was so much more to her husband than he let her see. Had hoped that she'd spend her life getting to know his secrets, that it didn't matter if she didn't know them right away. She hated those secrets now, a year into her marriage when sometimes she felt as though she was living with a stranger. Those things that had intrigued her, those things that shaped him into who he was now only served to frustrate her, she gave herself to him so completely that it didn't matter that he couldn't do the same, anything he could give was enough. Or so she'd thought.

He moved completely inside her this time as he turned them over, their bodies joined, and let out a contented sigh. He'd never felt so at home as he did when they were like this. He didn't know if it was because he was the only man she'd been with, the fact that he had stretched her body, coaxing it adapt to him, to fit him like a glove, or if was meant to be this way. That her body was made to hug his, to meld with his. Normally from this position he'd hold his eyes with her own, his mind uncensored conjuring up thoughts of seeing into her soul, and other things he'd swear only his sap of a brother would think or say, but not tonight, tonight as he fell into a familiar rhythm he couldn't look at her. If he looked at her and saw what he could sense she was feeling. The pain he knew was raging inside of her, he'd pledge everything in the world she wanted, but he knew he couldn't keep those promises. It hadn't escaped him, the times they'd made love since she'd ask him to have a child with her, that this was how it would happen. That they'd join together, becoming one, and create a baby while expressing how deeply they loved one another. He'd had sex for many reasons in his life, boredom, need, want, anger, revenge, frustration, but never love. Not until her. He'd worship her body in the way he hoped she knew he worshipped her. She was so beautiful, flawless from her head to her toes and he should know, he'd explored every inch of that perfect skin, but her outer beauty paled in comparison to what he knew was inside. A heart so pure he felt guilty and unworthy of every look she gave him that told him he possessed it.


	14. Note

Hi Guys

I'm sorry this isn't an update, just quick note.

Firstly I'd like to thank you all for your reviews and support! I love hearing what you think!

Secondly, and the main purpose of this note, is to apologise for how long it's been since I've updated, and also to say it'll likely be a while more. As it is the end of term things at school have been really hectic, with assessments, and assignments piled on. Not to mention I've been doing a few more hours at work to help me through the xmas shopping-party period!

It's actually been really frustrating, not being able to write when inspiration strikes, and I'm hoping it'll all come together in a big burst when time allows! I finish school next Friday for two weeks, and the plan is to get updates out over Christmas but as of now I have no idea how busy I'll be over the break, so there's a real chance it might have to wait until January.

Once again I'm really sorry – I know how frustrating it can be when there's big time gaps between updates of stories, and I really mean it when I say it's just as frustrating not to be able to find the time to write!

I hope everyone has a great Christmas – or whatever you are celebrating, or not celebrating at this time! I promise I'll get an update up as soon as possible!

Dawn (BabbleBaby) x


	15. Chapter 14

**Oh my gosh you don't know how excited I feel posting this, I felt like I'd never get an update done! Like I said in my AN school and life have just been hectic lately, but I found the time (Even if it does mean it's now 5am as I write this, and I have an assignment due - ooh priorities hehe), and here you have it! I hope it's worth the wait! Happy New Year! As always mucho thanks to Lori (_Lorilozz_) for betaing and encouraging and surviving all my freak outs! And Kris too!**

**Oh and as it's be so long a reminder - italitcs are flashbacks! **

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**Fourteen **

_"That's it?" Nathan asked, looking at the bank statement in front of him, and then glancing at the housing listings that sat next to them. His strong naked back rippling with tension as he sat boxer-clad in the beach house kitchen, trying to get off the phone before Haley arrived. His financial advisor's voice continued to come through the line but Nathan had already heard what he needed. "No, yeah... I understand. Thanks Karl, I'll call you within the week."_

_Hanging up the phone he was seconds away from sending the papers flying across the kitchen. Swiping his hand across the large oak circle and sending the papers onto the floor and up into the wind that was travelling through the open sliding door, when he heard a key in the lock and melodic humming travel through the house. A slight smile forming on his lips knowing exactly who it was. Despite the fact that she spent most nights at the beach house with him she refused to officially move in. Being the kind heart she was she wanted to continue living at home with her parents, and paying them the small amount of rent they allowed her to, until they were married. When they'd first gotten engaged she'd given her mother money despite the fact that she never stayed at home, but after the first month Lydia refused to take it. Stubbornly Haley had spent every night the proceeding month at her parents' house. Something he didn't remember fondly - the two of them curled up on her single bed hadn't been too bad, despite the fact his feet hung off the end, but she'd felt too uncomfortable to have sex with her parents down the hall and he definitely didn't like the way it had eaten into their sex life. Now they'd come to an agreement that as long as Haley spent one night a week at home her parents would take the money – which Lydia had informed Nathan she'd been saving all along to give back to Haley once she moved out – that Haley had insisted on contributing to the household ever since she'd began working full time. He usually stayed with her but she'd been feeling tired the day before and said she was going home and straight to bed after work, and he'd been out with some of his buddies so they decided it was best he come back to the beach house instead of waking her up when he got back._

_She stopped, startled by his presence for a second before she beamed at him. Walking over she kissed him quickly before putting up a finger and signalling for him to wait a second. He watched silently as she walked across the kitchen, still humming a song he vaguely recognised and filled a vase with water, her beige short clad butt swinging slightly from left to right as she placed the flowers she'd been carrying inside it before turning round and smiling at him once more as she walked over, dumping her large bag on the ground beside him she immediately straddled his form pressing her lips to his. "Good morning fiancée"_

_He kissed her back, letting his hands travel up her back, stopping when they reached her hair where he softly played with the ends of her curls. "Morning yourself."_

_"We're getting married a month today!" Her eyes lit up with glee and he smiled softly back at her, nodding at her exuberance as she bounced up and down slightly. "Married!"_

_She giggled and he couldn't stop the deep chortle that escaped him. She looked so happy, so angelic, so beautiful with the light from the beach travelling in behind her, catching the golden strands of her hair like a halo as she grinned once more dipping her lips to meet his._

_"I missed you." He said, unsure if he'd even thought it before the words left his lips. With anyone else he would have regretted it instantly, letting somebody know you needed them so much that one night apart affected you, but with her he knew she already knew so there wasn't any point in lying. He'd asked her to marry him because he didn't want to spend a day apart from her for the rest of his life, and whether it made him a pansy or not he was determined that she would know that forever._

_"Missed me?" She laughed, climbing off his lap and picking up her bag, pulling out an assortment of breakfast foods in Karen's Cafe take out bags. "It was only one night – but for the record, I missed you too."_

_"You should have came back." He walked up behind her, pressing his body into her back, reaching around and picking at a muffin that she'd just put down on a plate, her hands still moving despite the way he had her trapped against the counter. "I couldn't sleep."_

_"Aww baby, you couldn't sleep without me?" She teased, pushing the plate to the side before turning in his arms and jumping up on the counter, spreading her legs for him to step between. He pouted a little and shook his head, causing her to laugh at his childish expression before she popped a sweet kiss on his lips. Resting her hands on his shoulders she leant forward so their foreheads were touching, their eyes staring into the other. A playful glint shining her brown orbs as she smirked. "Well in 30 days you'll never get to spend another night apart from me – does that scare ya? Does it?"_

_He laughed at her taunting leaning in and kissing her, running his hands down her body and lifting her off the counter as she wrapped her legs around him. No that definitely didn't scare him. Not at all. _

_"Nathan." She laughed between kisses as he backed up a few paces, the pressure of his lips on her skin letting her know exactly what he intended. "Nathan, we don't have time for this."_

_Reluctantly he sighed, letting go of the hold he had on her legs and letting her down so she was on her own two feet. Tugging playfully on his earlobe she laughed that laugh again, the one that had attracted him to her in the first place, and turned back to their breakfast. "Now I was going to bring you breakfast in bed, but you ruined that plan by being awake, Why are you awake?"_

_"Uh, because we're going to look at houses today." He stated obviously, picking up a plate and taking it over to the table, discreetly picking up his bank statements and slipping them under one of the many bridal magazines that sat on the table, making a mental note to put them some place safer as soon as possible._

_"Well I know that, Nathan, but for as long as I've known you you've never gotten up a minute earlier than you really had to. At least not without some added incentive." She blushed at her own innuendo causing Nathan to shake his head amused as she sat down beside him. Picking up one of the listings she glanced over it as she forked some eggs into her mouth and sighed. "I really hope we find something today, it really is our last chance if we want any hope of moving in after the wedding. Although we're probably still looking at living here for a while even if we do, and I know.."_

_She trailed off and he looked at her to see her eyes downcast to her plate, her lip between her teeth as she played with her food in silence. He knew why she'd done it, what she was going to say. She knew he didn't want to rely on his parents any longer than he had to, to be indebted to them more than he needed. It was part of the reason he insisted they pay for the wedding themselves, despite the fact that Haley's simplistic tastes were being over run by his mother's abundant ones meaning the price tag was getting bigger by the day. She knew because he'd told her, but he'd also bitten her head off when she'd said something about it the week before. He hadn't meant to but being reminded that he was a grown man, a grown man who'd had a marginally successful career, a grown man who was about to marry the woman of his dreams, who was still living off his parents was a raw nerve for him, and the looming responsibility of being her husband, of wanting to be completely able to support her in the way she deserved, was making it rawer as the days went on._

_"What time are we supposed to meet the agent?" He asked changing the subject, and could see her body visibly relax as he did so._

_"Umm, in about forty five minutes so you better get your ass in gear honey!"_

_"Yeah Yeah, I'm going." She rolled her eyes at the way he wolfed down the rest of his food, dumping his plate into the sink before he walked out of the room. His voice echoing down the halls minutes later as she was finishing up her own breakfast. "Hales!"_

_"What?" She shouted back, smiling to herself as she stood over the sink washing the plate. Loving the domesticity of it all. Although having a shouted conversation wasn't exactly her favourite way of communication the fact that they were in their own space, alone, able to do so, thrilled her almost as much as the fact that pretty soon it really would be their own place. Their own home as husband and wife._

_"C'mere!"_

_"Busy!" She said, but dried off her hands softly padding through the house and up the stairs._

_"Just Co... Hi." He smirked at her as he turned to see her stood in the doorway of the bathroom._

_"Yes, darling?" She cooed, chastising herself for the blush she knew appeared on her cheeks when he pushed down the boxers he was wearing, standing in the bathroom in all his unabashed naked glory._

_"Join me?" He asked her, expecting nothing but for her to do as he asked as he slipped inside the shower cubicle. She looked down at her watch, and then back at the hazy view of his naked back through the frosted glass regretfully shaking her head as she walked back into the bedroom._

_"Where'd you go?" He called seconds later and, his head popping out to look for her._

_"We've got to be across town in forty minutes, Nathan, you rarely take twenty minute showers alone much less when I'm in there with you. Go. Clean. I'll get those hard to reach places for you later!"_

_She winked at him over her shoulder before walking out of the room, both of them wishing the next thirty days away as quickly as possible_

_"Why are we here?" Nathan grumbled as they turned onto Riverside following the road down to the house number Haley had given him._

_"Because there's a house I've been assured is perfect for us." She looked up from the papers she'd been reading to see him looking around them, a horror-struck expression on his face. "Look honey, I know you'd rather we lived somewhere like where your parents do, and the houses we looked at in that area really were beautiful, but you're not playing basketball anymore," She bit her lip nervously as his grip on the steering wheel became harsher, she hadn't wanted to bring it up again. They'd spoken about money when they first started looking at houses and he'd told her it wasn't an issue, but she knew between the wedding, and the house they were going to eat in to whatever money it was he had left over from his short lived career. She wanted be able to contribute to the life they were about to start together, someone had to be sensible, and right now she was the only one of them working. "and even if we can afford to buy the house, how are we going to keep it on a waitresses salary."_

_"We won't be living on your salary." He grunted, parking outside the house and looking over at her. "I'm going to get a job, Hales."_

_She smiled dotingly at him, "I know you are, of course you are, but until you work out what you want do we have to be realistic about my wage being the one that's coming in each month. I might not be able to keep you in the lifestyle you've become accustomed but I'm happy to be your sugar-momma for a while."_

_She grinned, unbuckling her seatbelt and leaning over to kissing him softly. "C'mon, I think that's her."_

_Following her lead he got out of the car, shoving his hands in his pockets as they walked over to a tall brunette woman stood on the lawn of the house, he knew she'd been joking with her sugar momma comment, but he'd never envisioned himself a kept man, and he knew himself well enough to know he wouldn't be comfortable being so, even if it was just while he was looking for something._

_"Hi – You must be the Scott's, I'm Shelley. I think Tiffany told you she was going on vacation so she sent me to show you guys around."_

_"Uh, Scott and James actually." Haley said, reaching out and shaking the woman's hand._

_"Oh god I'm sorry." The flustered woman thumbed through her notes, mumbling to herself._

_"Don't worry – we're almost 'the Scotts'" Haley couldn't help the grin that formed on her lips as she said it, glancing up at Nathan whose arm was now slung over her shoulders, pleased to see a smile on his own lips. "We're getting married next month."_

_"Congratulations!"_

_"Thanks." Nathan's voice rung with pride and Haley felt butterflies dancing in her stomach. She loved when he thanked people for their well wishes before she could, or agreed on the sweetly embarrassing moments where people told him he was doing the right thing by not letting her get away. She loved that he was as happy that they were getting married as she was. They were both so happy right now, she couldn't imagine ever feeling any other way with him._

_Her phone rang and she reached in the pockets of her shorts to pull it out, scowling at the caller ID. "I'm sorry I better get this."_

_"Take your time." Shelley smiled, turning her attention to Nathan when Haley walked to the edge of the lawn for some privacy. "So, have you guys been looking for a house long?"_

_"Uh, since about last October."_

_"So, about eight months. Have you put any offers in?" She asked conversationally, and Nathan shook his head, about to answer when Haley's voice rang across the yard._

_"I don't care what my mother in law said! I want the flowers I picked out – It's a wedding not a funeral!"_

_"Bridezilla?" The estate agent asked jokingly, regretting it instantly when Nathan's eyes turned to her ablaze._

_"No." He answered gruffly. "More like mother-of-the-groom-zilla. I'm just going to check on my wife."_

_"Fiancée," Shelley corrected, her playfully laughter stopping instantly when Nathan gave a look that told her he wasn't amused, mumbling under her breath as she watched Nathan stalk across the spacious green. "Oookay."_

_"You alright, baby?" He asked as Haley slammed her phone shut, aggressively shoving it back into her pocket. She closed her eyes breathing in and out deeply for a moment._

_"I'm fine,"_

_"Are you sure because..." He reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder, and she smiled up at him, albeit it a little tightly._

_"I'm fine, we're sorted."_

_"Get the flowers you want?"_

_"Yep, for now at least." She mumbled the last bit, taking another deep breath._

_"Hales, just tell my Mom where to go, it's our wedding, not hers. I want you to have your dream day."_

_"I know, but I don't want to upset her Nathan, and the wedding is going to be so beautiful I know it. Besides, as long as I'm marrying you I am getting my dream wedding." They shared a tender kiss, breaking apart when the sound of someone clearing their throat could be heard._

_"I'm sorry guys but if we're going to make your other two appointments we need to get a move on."_

_"Oh, of course." Haley blushed, embarrassed to have forgotten where they were, while Nathan shook his head. He really didn't like this woman._

_They were stood outside their last viewing of the day, a similar situation that had been happening all day playing out again. Haley was stood away from him and the realtor with her phone plugged to her ear. He could tell from her body language it was his mother she was talking to. Unlike the rest of the world, out of his parents Haley seemed completely capable of telling his father where to go, but when it came to his Mom she didn't posses the same ability._

_"I really think you guys are going to like this one." Shelley babbled on, in the nauseating way she'd been doing all morning._

_"Yeah?" He questioned, not really interested in what she had to say._

_"Yeah. It's a new build, purposely built for young professionals and their families, and the area is really up and coming as well, so the value should keep going up." She continued talking but he tuned her out as he surveyed the house before him. There was a spacious green lawn before him, lined with a white picket fence like the one Haley had told him one time that she envisioned. It was still in the part of town he'd preferred have not been in. He knew it was snobbish, especially given the fact that Haley had grown up in this area, but he'd been brought up thinking anywhere south of the river wasn't worth the time of day, and over twenty years worth of thinking that way was a hard habit to break._

_"I am so sorry!" Haley pleaded, hastily walking back over to them. "I swear I'd turn it off if I didn't think they'd hunt me down! Who knew planning a wedding was such hard work?"_

_"I'll remember that for when I get the chance! Are we ready to look inside?"_

_"Definitely." Haley beamed, linking her arm through Nathan's. "I have a good feeling about this one.."_

_"..and this is the kitchen." As they were lead into the spacious well lit room Nathan had to stifled a laugh at the giddy look that crossed his fiancées face._

_"It's so pretty!"_

_"It's a kitchen, Hales."_

_"Don't make fun." She reprimanded him, pouting. "Look at all this light! Does it come with the fittings?"_

_Checking her notes the girl looked up nodding with a smile, smelling a sale in the air. "Everything but the refrigerator and freezer."_

_"I love big kitchens." Haley gushed, walking over and running her fingers along the marble counter tops. "When I was a child the kitchen was always the hub of our house, we'd come in from school and do our homework at the kitchen table while telling my Mom cooked dinner and we told her about our day. I mean, I come from a big family, and sometimes it felt like you never saw everybody, but if you just sat in that kitchen for a couple of hours, I guarantee you'd see most of us at one point or another._

_ "There's a separate dining room also..." Shelley reminded, referring to the elegant room they'd just been in._

_"Oh, I know, and I like that for special occasions, but I really like the idea of having family meals in he...I mean the kitchen." She blushed, realising she was about to tell their realtor she was already envisioning herself in this house, already thinking of it as a home._

_Nathan watched her retell these stories of her childhood to this stranger, enjoying the images it conjured up. Wondering if buying this house would give them as happy a life of their own._

_A phone rang, and it took a second for all three to realise it wasn't Haley's, but the estate agent's. "Oh, sorry I have to take this. Why don't you two explore and then come to me with any questions."_

_"So what do you think?" She asked him, and he nodded slowly._

_"I liked the upstairs." The upstairs of the house was almost split into two. To the left were two reasonable sized bedrooms, and a large bathroom, and a couple of steps up and turning to your right at the top of the stairs lead you to what would be the master bedroom, with an ensuite, and a further box room at the end of the mini corridor. "I like the way our bedroom would be separate."_

_"And like Shelley said that box room would make the perfect nursery." Haley half joked, referring to the comment the other woman had made when she showed them the upstairs, telling them it was the perfect home for them and the beautiful future children they were sure to make._

_"That woman really needs to work on what she can and can't say though, first she presumes we're married, now she thinks we're starting a family." She walked over to him wrapping her arms around his waist, laying her head against his chest as he did the same._

_"I think she's new. She's right though.."_

_"About what?"_

_"We will make beautiful babies."_

_"Oh we definitely could make beautiful babies." He agreed, looking around the room. "It's a nice house."_

_"mmmhmm" She agreed, looking out at the yard through the windows, envisioning the light they could have there. "It's big, without having us rattling around like those houses you had us looking at. Plently of room to grow."_

_"You planning on getting fat on me babe?" She laughed pulling out of his embrace, her hands on her hips as she mockingly glared up at him._

_"Would you love me anyway?"_

_"Oh, it'd take alot more than that to get rid of me." He answered, and her teasing glare melted away, closing the small distance between them she stood on her tip toes placing her lips in their familiar position against his._

_"So!" A bubbly voice broke them apart. "What do you think?"_

_"I really love that house, Nathan." Haley turned to face him where they were sitting in bed talking over whether to call the agent in the morning and put a bid on the last house they'd seen._

_"It's definitely the best we've seen."_

_"The best we've seen? You make it sound like the best of a bad bunch. It was perfect."_

_"If you love it that much Hales, we'll get it." He watched amused as she spoke about the house, seemingly as excited by the kitchen as she'd ever been over him._

_"I want you to love it too." She said softly, pushing a stray tendril of hair behind her ear._

_"I could." He answered her, he might not be as passionate about the house as she was, but he did like it alot, and he was sure he could come to love it sharing it with her._

_"Yay." She clapped giddly, after searching his eyes for a moment, judging his sincerity. She hugged him tightly before sitting back, a serious look on her face. "Nathan.."_

_"Hales.."_

_"What kind of money are we talking about here. I know you told me we'd be okay, and I know you have money left over, and it's your money.."_

_"It's our money." He corrected her._

_"Well, then, can you tell me how much it is, I mean we're about to buy a house I should know how much that's going effect our finances."_

_He sighed, running a hand through his hair, he knew she was right, she deserved to know where they stood. "If we get it at the asking price we're pretty much drained."_

_"Right.."_

_"I honestly thought it was more Haley, but I didn't play for long, and between the wedding, and my, uh, lifestyle when I was playing, and I've spent since.." He trailed off, hoping she wouldn't question him more on how he'd spent the money, he wasn't proud of way he'd behaved after getting injured, didn't want her tainted by the way he'd viewed the world back then._

_"I know there're things you don't want to talk about Nathan." She said, as though reading his mind. "That's okay, I just needed to know. Maybe we can find something cheaper?"_

_"No, Hales, c'mon, you love this house."_

_"Not as much as I love you, love us. There's no point in us buying something we can't afford if it doesn't allow the luxury to live there the way we'd want to. Maybe we should stop looking for somewhere until you're working too. Your parents wouldn't mind us living here for a year or two right?"_

_He scowled at the thought, it was bad enough he had to rely on his parents as a single man, but as her husband he wouldn't allow her to do the same. "No, we'll get the house you want, Hales. We can afford it."_

_"But you just said.."_

_"Just forget what I said for a minute. You want that house. I want that house. I want you to have that house. I'm going to make it happen for you. I told you, if it's in my power I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy. This, this I can do."_

_"You promise?" She asked timidly not wanting to get her hopes up, she trusted him when he said it, that things would be okay, that they could have their dream house he'd make it work, but there was realism behind her suggestion. "I honestly don't mind staying here for a while."_

_"No, I'll fix it. In fact..." He glanced over at the clock, relieved to see it was earlier than he'd initially thought. "I'm just going to go out for a while."_

_"Nath.." Before she had his name out he'd got out of bed, kissing her forehead. "I'll be back in an hour max, don't worry, we'll get the house. I'll call first thing in the morning."_

_"Nathan?!" She call him again, unsure of what had just happened, but he was already dressed and half way down the stairs, shaking her head she lay her head back on the pillow. Even through her confusion she couldn't help the smile that graced her lips at the thought of that house, turning over she tucked the covers under chin, and fell asleep dreaming of the future she was sure her soon to be husband was securing for them._

_"Nathan?" Deb questioned opening the door surprised to see her son in the door way at ten o clock at night. "What are you doing here?"_

_"Uh, is dad home?"_

_"Yeah, he's in his study. Is everything okay?" She called as Nathan walked into the house._

_"Yeah Mom, everything's fine. Sorry for coming by so late."_

_"Oh Nathan don't be silly, it's your home!"_

_"Yeah.." He answered distractedly, hugging his mother quickly before turning to walk to his father's study, stopping and calling for his mom over his shoulder turning to look at her._

_"Yes honey?"_

_"Let Haley make a few decisions okay? It's her wedding. It's our wedding."_

_"What? I.. I don't know what you mean. Of course I know it's your wedding."_

_Sighing he shook his head, knowing if he stayed here and went over this with his mother he'd never do what he came to. "Just think about it.."_

_Knocking on the open door he shoved his hands in his pockets, slightly rocking nervously back and forth._

_"Nate, son, come in. Sit down." Motioning the chair on the other side of the large oak table. "Drink?"_

_"No," He answered gruffly, "I'm not staying long. I just need to ask you something?"_

_"Ask away.."_

_"Is your offer still on the table?"_

_"My offer?" Dan prodded, all the while knowing exactly what Nathan was talking about but wanting to hear him say it._

_"Your job offer." Nathan snapped back, knowing the game his father was playing. "You were right okay. It isn't fair for me to marry Haley without being able to support her, like you said she deserves more than that. Let's face it she deserves more than me whatever the circumstance."_

_"You'll be starting at the bottom." Dan answered emotionless._

_"I know." Nathan answered with matching tone._

_"You'll get the same starting wage as anyone else."_

_"I know."_

_"You won't get any special treatment."_

_"I know."_

_"I didn't want this for you son." Dan's voice broke with emotion as he looked over at Nathan, disappointment for both of them shining in his eyes._

_"I know.." Nathan said quietly, his eyes and tone matching his fathers._

"Haley!" Stopping short at the sound of her name being called the petite woman whipped her head around, her long blonde locks flying over her shoulder. "Hales!"

"Peyton!" Dragging her suitcase behind her Haley tried her best to weave in and out of the masses of people that blocked the small distance between herself and her friend. She wasn't used to this many people in such a small space, and she'd been feeling a strong sense of unease ever since she'd gotten off her plane. The only times she'd been out of state in the past had been with Nathan. Growing up they couldn't afford lavish family vacations and had instead stayed close to home with camping and day trips. It fuelled a need in her to travel, which was why she'd initially been so desperate to go to college out of state, to see the world that was beyond the state lines that confined her all her youth. If she stopped to think about it she'd question whether her unease was due to feeling uncomfortable around the mass of people surrounding her without her overprotective husband by her side, or simply because it brought some things to the forefront of her mind. Questions about the decisions she'd made, questions that had been fighting to be answered for a while now. Stopping herself before she could start thinking about the things she'd come on this trip to escape she dragged her suitcase behind her until she was stood in front of her childhood best friend. Wrapping their arms around each other the two attractive blondes held each other tightly.

"I've missed you." Peyton told her, and Haley nodded against the taller girl's shoulder in agreement. She really did miss her, she always knew it but not as much as she did now she was standing with her.

"Me too – I'm excited to be here!"

"Me too, thanks for coming Hales, it means alot!"

"Hey, I told you, I couldn't miss this. Just promise when you're some big shot rich and famous artist you won't forget who was here at the beginning."

"Haley." Peyton laughed as she led them out of the airport. "At our junior high art show you had a go at Mr. Moody for spelling my name wrong next to my self portrait. It'd be hard to forget you!"

"Well, your drawing was the best, you deserved the credit."

"He put an A instead of an O Hales, everyone knew it was me." She laughed, as Haley shrugged completely unphased by her twelve year old actions.

"That's not the point, you're amazing Peyton. You were then, even more so now, and if anyone at this fancy schmancy art gallery spells your name wrong tomorrow I'll threaten to hit them too."

They laughed together, feeling like the teenagers they used to be as they hailed a cab.

"So what do you want to do – you've got me at your disposal all day."

"Honestly?" Haley asked, causing Peyton to nod back after giving the driver her address. "I've already rang Nathan and left a message to say I arrived okay, now all I want to do is go back to your place, and have a shower and a nap."

"I'm sure we can do that, and if Chris knows what's good for him the bathroom'll be clean and ready for you."

"He cleans your bathroom for you?" Haley raised an eyebrow in disbelief. She was lucky if she could get Nathan to pick his own wet towel off the bathroom floor without asking him to do so, yet Peyton's boyfriend cleaned hers for her.

"Well, it's his bathroom too." Peyton quipped without thinking, only realising what she'd said when Haley turned fully in her seat to look at her.

"Okay I thought it was bad you had a serious boyfriend you didn't tell me about but you have a boyfriend who lives with you and you didn't think it was worth telling me!"

Peyton sighed, she'd hope to save this conversation for later, after she'd poured her friend a couple of glasses of wine maybe. She knew Haley wouldn't approve of how she and Chris had gotten together, and even though she knew Haley would never say it out loud, just knowing her friend would feel that way would slightly taint Peyton's relationship for her.

"Peyton?" Haley prodded smiling, maybe she was a little hurt that the other woman hadn't initially confided in her about her relationship, but if Peyton was living with this guy and joking about the fact it must mean she was happy, and Haley had always worried about Peyton being lonely in this big city.

"It just kind of happened."

"Expand..." Haley made a circular motion with her hand, waiting for the story to unfold.

"I'd just sold a painting to the woman that ended up getting me this show.."

"I remember, you called and told me she'd heard about you from a friend and had connections."

"Right. Well I had to go and work the late shift and I was on a high, she knew what she was talking about and she thought I was good."

"You are good, Peyt, you're great."

Smiling thankfully, Peyton continued. "Chris was working the bar with me that night and he seemed genuinely happy for me when I told him. We'd been working together for a while, and he'd made the fact he wanted to sleep with me very clear, but I don't know I guess he'd seemed sincere that night. He offered to take me out to celebrate and I thought why not you know? Might as well. Anyway one drink led to more, and we ended back at my place. Oh, don't give me that look Haley, you're no virgin, and not all of us get it on tap..."

"I do not get it on tap!" Haley whispered harshly, mindful of the fact they were in a cab, the driver in earshot, causing Peyton to laugh.

"I'm sure he's heard much worse dude. Stop blushing. I'd put money on the fact that Nathan's never turned you down when you want it."

"Whatever – I'm not blushing." Despite her protest Haley dipped her head making her hair blanket over her cheeks. "So you ended up back at your place."

"and well, I guess he just never left. That was about five months ago..."

"Five Months!" Haley's shout wasn't hushed this time, offended that there'd been this secret between them for so long, conveniently forgetting the secrets of her own she'd been keeping.

"Well the first two months I kept thinking I'd get rid of him." Peyton shrugged, before a blush pinked at her own cheeks. A look Haley wasn't accustomed to seeing on her hardened friend. "But now.."

"Now.."

Peyton gave a small, self deprecating shrug as they pulled up at her apartment building. "Now I love him, Hales. I really love him."

"Awwww!" Unable to stop herself Haley reached over and hugged Peyton tightly, which she only embraced for a second before pushing her away.

"Not a word to him though." Peyton warned as they made their way inside the building and began walking up the stairs.

"You haven't told him?"

"I will, in my own time, I'm just not quite ready."

"Well I'm happy for you Peyt." Haley said genuinely as she stood back letting Peyton slip her key into the lock.

"Yeah, I'm happy for me too..." Her words trailed off as both girls burst into laughter at the sight they were greeted with. A tall blonde man in tight jeans was dancing vacuuming the living room, seemingly obliviously to the fact someone had just entered the house singing loudly to himself as he went.

"Oooh if you wanna know if he loves you so it's in his kiss – That's where it is!"

"Haley Scott – I present to you Chris Keller.." Peyton laughed, as Chris stopped singing, practically tripping over the vacuum as he caught sight of the two women. Stumbling to stand up straight and look manly, coughing as if it would erase the high voice they'd just heard singing along with Cher.


	16. Chapter 15

**Woah, been a long time since I've updated twice in one week huh? Here's hoping it's a sign of things to come! Thank you for all your reviews and support – I love hearing what you have to think:) **

**Big thank you to _Lori_, _Kris_, _Ashley_, and _Andie_ for all helping me out with this update, and _Ashley_ in particular for being a doll and beta-ing for me so that I could get this out today. **

* * *

**Fifteen **

"What are you doing here again?" Brooke asked, crossing her arms across her chest and glaring at Nathan who was sat on her porch, a beer in his hand, talking to her boyfriend.

"Hanging out with my brother." He replied, aware but ignoring the brunettes clearly aggravated state. "You're always barging into my house when Luke's out of town. I'm just returning the favour."

"Lucas," She whined plopping herself down in his lap and glaring at the unwanted house guest, she knew she was acting like a sullen teenager but it seemed like Lucas was never home anymore, or when he was he was locked up in his office writing. "I thought we were going to hang out tonight, just the two of us."

"Stop acting like a brat, Brooke." Nathan sneered, he and Brooke had a somewhat strained relationship at the best of times, but with Haley out of town, and having spent the day in meetings with his father this evening definitely wasn't that.

"Hey man, come on." Lucas held his hand up, shaking his head at Nathan, attempting to diffuse the situation. He had promised Brooke they'd spend time together this evening, but when Nathan had called him asking if he wanted to go for a drink he'd heard the stress in his brother's voice and compromised with asking him to hang out at their place. "I'm going to get another beer, you want anything baby?"

Allowing Lucas to lift her off his lap Brooke asked him to bring her a glass of wine before sitting down in his now vacated seat. She stared at Nathan for a moment or two, who glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, shaking his head before focusing his gaze on two little boys playing in the yard opposite who were being ushered inside by a woman he vaguely recognised. Not feeling comfortable with the heavy silence Brooke sighed loudly before breaking it. "When does Haley come home?"

"Monday." He answered shortly without as much as looking in her direction, causing her to roll her eyes. She was trying and she couldn't say the same for him. The more time she spent with Nathan lately the less she understood why Haley was with him. At least when they'd first got together she'd known him to have some charm along with his cocky arrogant exterior, but lately all that seemed to have faded in place of the short tempered, frazzled man that sat opposite her.

"Gee, and I bet she can't wait to get back to you." She mumbled under her breath.

"What is your problem, Brooke?" He bit at her, turning to look at her for the first time since Lucas had gone inside. "You've been acting like a complete bitch since I got here."

"Nate, man, watch it." Lucas warned handing the two their drinks before sitting down. "You can't talk to her like that."

"Yeah, Nate," Brooke smirked, she knew it was childish but with the doubts that she had now and then about Lucas' commitment toward her she liked that he was showing his alliance with her over his with his brother. "Watch it."

"Tell your woman to mind her business." Nathan replied, not missing the darkening of his brothers eyes. He knew he was pushing it, knew that if his brother, or anybody for that matter, came into his home and talked down to Haley their feet wouldn't touch the ground on their way out of the door. He'd had a bad day, he was missing his wife, and Brooke had been glaring at him as though he was Satan all evening and it wasn't helping.

"My business." Brooke answered, standing up and walking over so she was stood in front of Nathan who looked infuriately smug as he tilted his head back to stare up at the irate beauty. "The fact that my best friend has ran off to get a much needed break from you makes it my business."

"She didn't run off," Nathan growled back, a flash of anger passing through his blue eyes, his fist clenching tightly around his beer bottle. He could see Lucas moving to stand out of the corner of his eye and stopped his first instinct to stand and shout back, instead he smirked smugly. "She went to visit her best friend," He put emphasis on the last two words, throwing Brooke's previous allusion to Haley being hers back in her face. He knew it was a low blow, knew Haley thought of Brooke as her best friend also, a sister even, but he got a perverse satisfaction from the hurt look on the woman standing before him. "Maybe you should stop making up fantasies about her needing a break from me and think about why she might be so eager to visit a girl friend out of town instead of hanging out with the ones she has here."

"Nathan Scott you smug son of a bitch you listen to me!" Brooke's hands flew to her hips, her green eyes wide, "Haley is my best friend, and even if she did need to go visit her friend for support the reason she needs that support is you! I'm not as stupid as you seem to think I am! I can tell there's something going on with Haley, and I'd stake my entire company on you being the reason she's not talking to me about it!"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He pushed his hands hard on the side of the wicker seat he'd been sitting in, standing at his full height so he was towering above his brother's girlfriend.

"You know what that's supposed to mean. Something is going on with you and Haley, something she's hiding from me, something that's hurting her and you're to blame!"

"Why the hell don't you get down off your high horse, Davis! What's going on between me and Haley is none of your business!"

"Ah ha – so you admit there's something wrong then." Brooke twisted away from the hand Lucas had put on her shoulder to calm her and turned back to Nathan, "I knew it! I knew there was something wrong and I asked her and she lied to me!"

"That's just you right there Brooke." Both brunettes taking a step forward throwing daggers at each other with their eyes. "You decide there's something wrong with Haley but instead of being concerned for her you're upset she didn't tell you about it! You're so full of – "

"Nathan!" Lucas broke in, pushing his girlfriend lightly so he could move into the space between her and his brother. "I told you not to talk to her like that!"

"Luke, man, I'm sorry, but you need to get her the fuck out of my face before I do something we'll all regret."

"Please tell me you didn't just threaten my girl, Nathan." Lucas' eyes narrowed at his brother, running a hand through his hair, he didn't want to hit his brother but it was getting dangerously close to happening.

"Such a big man there, Nathan, threatening a woman." Brooke pushed Lucas out of her way, never being one to let a man fight her battles for her.

"I'm not threatening you, I'm warning you. Stay out of my marriage." He ran his hand through his hair, breathing deeply before narrowing his gaze onto Brooke. "Mine and Haley's relationship is none of your concern, Brooke. Remember that."

"She's my best friend!" Brooke cried, because to her that simply was enough. Haley was her best friend and she was hurting, which meant Brooke was hurting. Whatever Haley had been hiding from her she'd never figured it was this big, but the angrier Nathan got the more Brooke realised there was something more going on than Haley being pissed that he was working too much. She wished Haley was here now, so she could find out what was wrong and try to help. Just a couple of months ago she thought Haley had it all. She seemed happy, and in love, and had a husband who adored her and had no qualms in showing that. She'd envied those rings that lay on Haley's ring finger to the point where she'd been worried that it'd cross over into resentment, but over the past couple of weeks that had seemed to change. Haley had pulled back from spending time with her, and when she did there were these awkward silences where she could almost hear Haley trying to tell her something, see the words forming on her friend's lips before she'd shake her blonde head and start talking about something trivial. Nathan hadn't been right when he'd said she was making Haley's pain about her, she wasn't, but it did hurt that whatever was going on with Haley she clearly hadn't felt able to talk with her about it. She herself had always reached for the phone to call Haley when something was wrong, knowing her friend had the right words to soothe her if not fix it. Maybe Nathan was right when he said that there was a reason Haley had needed to leave town for support, maybe she wasn't the friend she thought she was.

Sensing his girlfriend's anger dissipating into something darker Lucas stepped forward and wrapped his arm around her, his concerns being confirmed when the young woman sagged against his body laying her head against his chest.

"Nate, I think it might be better if you went home." Lucas said stroking his hand along Brooke's hair.

"Are you serious?" Unlike Brooke, Nathan's anger was still fuelling. Even if he and Haley were having problems, which of course he knew they were but he knew Brooke had no confirmation of her own suspicions. At least until he'd opened his mouth. Even if they were having problems why did the blame lay on his shoulders? Shaking his head he picked up the six pack of beer Lucas had brought out with him before hand. Pushing past the couple he made his way to his car, calling out over his shoulder. "I'll pay you back for these later."

The ball thumped heavily against the tarmac, resonating loudly in the quiet stillness that surrounded him. It was after dark now, and the only thing illuminating the river court was the lights coming from the range rover parked to the side of him. He stood still, dribbling the ball against the ground with one hand, staring up at the hoop in front of him as he took another swig from the beer bottle in his hand. He'd driven around for a while after leaving Lucas', trying to calm down when he'd come across the river court, and had pulled over grabbing the ball that was always in the backseat and got out of the car.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been there, and he still didn't see the point in going home, to an empty house, and an empty bed. He shook his head at the thought, calling himself a pussy under his breath as he threw the ball easily into the hoop before downing the rest of the bottle. Walking over to his car he picked the orange ball up on the way, dropping the empty bottle onto the backseat before taking a fresh one.

She hadn't even been gone one day, and he knew he shouldn't miss her like he did, but as he'd sat in his office at the end of the day, turning off his computer and filing away the reports for the cars he'd sold he realised how much he relied on her. To be able to walk through the door and know dinner would be made for him if he couldn't be bothered to do it himself, to have someone who would willingly sit and listen to him rant about the pressure his father was putting on him, or to complain about a customer who'd messed him around that day. Just knowing he had someone to come home to made the day easier to get through, but today he hadn't had that, and he missed it. Missed her.

His mind played over the argument he'd had with Brooke a little while before hand. She'd claimed to have known they were having problems, but was she not the one to start this all in the first place? It was her phone call to their hotel room on their anniversary; spouting off about how perfect they were that had Haley breaking down into tears before admitting her desire for a baby. If his brothers girlfriend hadn't made that call maybe they wouldn't be where they are now. Silence's heavy with unanswered questions and uncertain questioning gazes when they thought the other wasn't looking. He knew it wasn't fair to think that way, that maybe he even owed something to Brooke for that call. Because the idea of Haley keeping that desire to herself, having now seen how much it meant to her knowing how it would eat away at her, didn't sit right with him. Despite that he felt resentment bubbling in him toward Brooke for thinking she had the right to pry in their private business. There were two people in this marriage and neither was named Brooke Davis. As he thought again back over the conversation he remembered how not once had Brooke, or even his own brother, said that maybe it wasn't all his fault, that Haley might hold some responsibility for the state of their marriage. That it wasn't his entire fault. Aggressively he dribbled the ball across the court.

"Well, well, talk about de ja vu." He stopped dead in his tracks, his thoughts and feet both stopping as he'd caught the ball from where he'd been about to throw it. He turned toward the familiar voice and nodded at her. She was right, this was definitely a re-enactment of the past. The two of them on the deserted court at night. Him angry and resentful, her poured into a two tight outfit, her curves on display for all to see.

"Hey Rae," She smirked at him walking forward and motioning for him to hand her the ball.

"Let me guess, fight with the wife?"

"Nah, she's out of town." He answered simply, not wanting another conversation about Haley that night. He picked up the ball that had bounced over near him, "Why are you here?"

"Your dad then?" She sidestepped his question, contorting her leg so she could unzip her boots, kicking them off to the side of her.

"Getting serious now?" He laughed, and she shrugged, winking at him before once again taking her turn at the basket. "Don't think I didn't notice you didn't answer me."

"Like I said, de ja vu, I'm escaping my mother."

"So you thought you'd revisit the old haunt?"

"Well, unlike you I've not been hanging around in this town for the past few years," She didn't notice the way he froze at that, his gaze hardening. He really didn't need to be reminded of how his life was trapped in this town so small that at 26 his favourite place was the same it had been as a child. "So I've yet to find a new hideaway. What about you? You telling me you haven't found a new place of solace?"

Haley. Her named cropped into his mind immediately, normally she was where he got his solace this days. Apart from when she was pushing him for a baby he wasn't ready for. "Who says I'm looking for solace?"

"You haven't changed that much, Nathan." She replied, motioning to where he was standing. "You're staring up at that hoop like it can solve all your problems."

"Caused more problems than it's solved." He muttered under his breath, the redhead looking inquisitively over at him.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing." He grabbed the ball and headed back over to his car.

"Leaving already?" Rachel asked disappointed as he moved away from her.

"No." He dumped the ball into the back seat and picked up another beer. "You want one?"

"Sure," Taking the drink from him she hopped up onto one of the wooden picnic tables, crossed her jean clad legs and leaned back so her breasts thrust out, slipping her jacket off. "So, why are you here?"

"Just needed to think." He said, watching her, wondering as he had that day in his office if she was aware of her flirtatious body language or was it just part of her act now, maybe it had always been. "You?"

"Like I said, escaping my mother. She's moved on from careers and husbands, my cousin brought her baby over and suddenly she's desperate to be a grandmother. Oh, and she's so disappointed to hear you're not a prospective baby daddy, seemed to have forgotten all about your little Haley when she brought your name up the other day... Nathan..." Her playful tone turned into a confused one as she watched Nathan slump dejectedly against his car, "I was only joking. Well, not really, but I'm not about to ask you to impregnate me."

He could feel the words forming, didn't know why, didn't want to, didn't know how to stop them but they were there pushing up through him until he could taste them on his lips. "Haley wants a baby."

"Oh. Well, uh," She had no idea how to respond, unsure what he was telling her. What did he mean Haley wanted a baby? As in the baby she was carrying – was she pregnant? Were they trying and he was angry at her inappropriate joke about being her baby's-daddy.

"She told me a couple of months ago..."

"Told you what?"

"That she wants a baby. She wants us to start a family." He ran his hand through his hair, the way he always did when he was stressed, "Fuck Rae, you were there, you know what my family was like."

"I take it you weren't expecting this news." She moved toward him hopping on the bonnet of his car.

"I guess I always thought we would. Always knew she wanted too, but I thought it'd be sometime down the line. Not now, not while I still..." He trailed off, not sure if he could tell her anymore, not when he'd already broken his promise to his wife by telling Rachel that Haley wanted a child. She was the first person he'd spoken the words to. Even Lucas, and Brooke, their family and closest friends didn't know. "She'd hate that I'm telling you this."

"She's not here," Rachel said, looking over into the backseat and seeing the empty beer bottles. "Speaking of, maybe we should get you home. You shouldn't be driving."

"I'm fine."

"You've been drinking." She stated, rolling her eyes as she pointed to the leftover bottles.

"So have you."

"Half a beer – and I didn't just spill my secrets to my high school girlfriend."

"You never had a high school girlfriend." He smirked, "You didn't start that until college."

"Shows what little you know." She flirted, hopping down off the car and getting into the drivers seat, the keys in the ignition from where they'd been keeping the headlights beaming across the faded court. "Grab my boots and I'll drive you home."

"And then what..." He called over his shoulder.

"Well, then whatever you want baby." She purred as he climbed into the seat next to her.

"Rae." He warned and she laughed.

"And then I'll call a cab to come pick me up. I don't have my car with me anyway."

"Where were you before you came here?" He asked curiously and she shrugged.

"I think enough secrets have been told for tonight, Nate. Buckle Up."

"So are you excited?" Haley asked, curling her feet up underneath her body as she sipped on the drink Peyton had fixed her, music playing softly in the background as they caught up.

"About tomorrow?" The taller of the blondes asked needlessly from her position lounging on the sofa opposite. Chris had eagerly gone to work an early shift at the bar, to escape the ribbing he'd been receiving all afternoon for his Cher-rendition, leaving the two friends alone.

"Uh huh,"

"Yeah excited, terrified..." She let out a flippant laugh that had Haley smiling at her friend's misplaced nerves.

"Oh don't be silly! I for one can't wait to see your stuff, and Chris said he's really excited too." She added, knowing that Nathan's support tended to make her feel more confident and hoped it was the same for her friend.

"Yeah..." Drifting off Peyton lifted her head up slightly so she was watching Haley for reactions. "About that..."

"What?" Haley asked, crinkling her brow in confusion.

"What do you think?"

"Of what?"

"Who." Peyton corrected, twisting a curl around a coloured pencil she'd found between the cushions. "Chris."

"Oh! Well, he's got quite the vocal range." Haley winked giggling.

"Shut up." Peyton picked up a throw pillow from underneath her and threw it across the room, aiming for Haley's head.

"Honestly Peyt he clearly makes you happy, and that's what matters to me. And that's what should matter to you too. I know what it's like for people to tell you the person you love is wrong for you, Peyton. I'd never do that."

"Does that mean you think he's wrong?"

"No," Haley laughed, smiling a little at her friends uncharacteristic nerves, she must really like this one. "That's not what I meant at all, but it shouldn't matter what I think. I know I joke about best friend approval, but all I need to do is see how happy you are."

"What about you Hales?" Peyton asked after, seemingly happy with the answers she'd gotten.

"What about me..."

"Are you happy?" She asked directly, watching her friend's eyes travel around the room focusing anywhere but on her, obviously reluctant to answer the question.

"Of course I am." Haley replied, a fake smile pasted on her face gaining an eye roll from the woman opposite her.

"That didn't sound very convincing. C'mon Haley, talk to me."

"I'm..." She paused, breathing deeply, wondering why her heart was suddenly beating so loud, so fast. She was sure Peyton could hear it from the other side of the room.

Peyton moved to sit up, sitting indian style on the sofa, her hazel eyes focussed on her friends downward gaze where she was playing with the loose strings of a throw cushion she'd thrown at her earlier.

"I'm scared, Peyton." Haley admitted quietly, tears pricking at her eyes as she admitted it out loud, causing her friend to move and sit on the edge of the over stuffed armchair she was in.

"Of what?"

"I think I'm going to lose him." Her voice could barely be heard over the soft music.

"Nathan?"

"Maybe you were right..." Haley's brown orbs focussed on Peyton for the first time since her happiness had been questioned. Fear and confusion apparent to anyone, much less someone who'd known her years.

"Right about what?"

"When you told me I was rushing into things when I married him. Maybe we should have gotten to know each other better first." She shook her head, her heart breaking from admitting it out loud. Something about being away from Tree Hill, about being with the person who knew how long she'd dreamed of Nathan Scott from a far before he'd ever noticed her, had broken through her resolve to keep these things to herself, that allowed her to push past the promise she'd made with him not to confide about their problems with others. "I love him so much, Peyt, but sometimes I don't think I even know him at all."

"Is this about the baby thing?" Peyton asked shocked, she hadn't expected any of this.

"In part, I don't know, I think it's beyond that now. There is no way we could bring a child into this relationship. No matter how much I want one." She had tears flowing down her face. Peyton's heart breaking as she watched her obviously distressed friend.

"What's happened Hales? Last time we spoke you said things were going well, that you and Nathan were dealing with things, getting better. You were looking into school…"

"We did, are, I don't..." She swiped at the tears that had fallen on to her cheeks, shaking her head at her own behaviour, hated displaying this side of herself, but now that she'd started she didn't know if she could stop. "Peyton I don't even know what's happening anymore. I think I've missed the deadline when it comes to school this year, and it doesn't matter because I can't go to school right now."

"Cause of the baby thing?"

"No! Not cause of that!" Her eyes blazed angrily causing Peyton to physically slink back in her head. Haley bit her lip, sending a tearful apologetic smile, "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap it's just... like I said there is no way we could have a baby right now, but I do need to focus on my marriage. He's unhappy Peyton and he won't tell me why. I see it everyday, but he just won't let me in. God, there's just so many secrets."

"What kind of secrets?"

"I don't know, about his past I guess. He's always hid this part of his life from me, and I thought it was okay because I know he's not happy with whatever he did, or how he acted back then, but I also thought he'd come to terms with it you know? Like it was his past, and that was okay because we've all done things we regret, or made decisions we don't really agree with now..." She rambled on before she needed a breath, and as soon as she did the tears started to fall again. "God, I love him so much Peyton it hurts sometimes, the idea of losing him..."

"You think you're going to lose him?" She asked shocked.

"If I keep pushing him I think I will, but if I don't push him how are we supposed to keep going when neither of us are really happy." She pulled a strand of her hair in front of her studying the ends, anything to focus on to stop herself from crying. "In some ways I really think he's my soul mate. I know it sounds corny, and we used to laugh at girls who thought those kind of things existed but sometimes I swear I look at him and I feel like he can read every thought I'm having, feel everything I'm feeling, and I feel like I can do the same to him...but other times, God, I don't know him at all. He's my husband, and I love him, and I know I keep saying that but I do, I really really do. But I'm just so scared that that's not enough. I'm not enough."

"Hales..." Saying her friends name softly Peyton slipped down into the chair so the two were squashed up together wrapping her arm around her friends shoulder. "Have you told him about this?"

"Sometimes I try," Haley said timidly, in a manner Peyton hadn't seen her talk in years, her confident happy friend seemingly shrinking before her eyes. "He doesn't seem to listen to me half the time, I don't know if he just doesn't hear what I'm saying, or if he just doesn't want to."

"I know back when you first told me you guys were engaged I wasn't exactly a supportive friend, Hales, but he's not the guy I remembered from high school, and he loves you so much. Any idiot can see that."

"I know he loves me." She played with her wedding band as she laid her head against Peyton's shoulder. "I just wish I knew what to do to make him love me enough to be honest, and open, and happy with me." The tears started once again, her voice cracking. "Peyton, I just want him to be happy."

"And what about you Hales – what's going to make you happy."

"Him. It's always been him. He makes me happy, and brave, and when he's feeling his best, he makes me feel like I can do or have anything I want."

"That's really sweet, Hales, but..."

"But I need to be able to be happy outside of my relationship with him." Haley answered needlessly; she knew that, she'd always known that. Deep down inside she was still the logical girl who rolled her eyes at the love struck couples in the halls of Tree Hill High.

"It's good you know that. Hales..." Broaching the subject cautiously Peyton pulled away so she could look down at Haley. "Do you think you guys should go see someone?"

"You want me to go admit my marriage has failed in just over a year to a perfect stranger."

"Your marriage hasn't failed, you're just going through a hard time."

"It doesn't matter either way." Haley sighed. "Maybe it would do us some good but he'd never do it. If he won't open up to me the chances of him opening up to a stranger are slim to none. I just don't know what to do Peyton. I'm hoping while I'm here he'll miss me enough to realise that something needs to change."

"So you didn't come just to see my show." Peyton joked, jostling her shoulder against Haley's and they laughed before hugging each other tightly.

"Woah, woah, un-hand the girlfriend, Scott." Chris smirked, walking in to find the two of them cuddled up in the living room. "On second thought – take your tops off and keep going."

"Shut up, Perv." Peyton glared at him, pushing up out of the chair and popping Chris' shoulder as she walked past, before slipping into normal conversation. "How was work?"

"I'm just going to go call Nathan." Haley smiled at the oblivious pair who were bantering away in the kitchen as she slipped out onto the small balcony that was off the main plan of the small apartment.

Slipping her phone out of the pocket of her jeans she hit the speed dial for home, it was after ten and she knew he had work the next day so she hoped at least that he'd be home by now. He'd told her he wasn't planning on doing anything that night. She waited, listening to the shrill ring and cleared her throat hoping to get rid of any sign she'd been crying. She was worried after spilling her guts to Peyton she'd start crying again as soon as she heard his voice and was almost grateful when the answering machine clicked on. "Hey baby, I'm just calling to say goodnight, and I love you, and I hope you're in bed already and not out getting drunk with your brother, or god forbid his girlfriend because if either of them could drink you under table it's her. Have fun this weekend, and give me a call tomorrow." She waited silently for a moment or two hoping he was there and would pick up, her previous worries about crying if she spoke to him overpowered by a desire to hear his voice, to hear he loved her, missed her, and wanted her. To tell her it would all be okay. "Okay, well I guess you're not going to pick up. I miss you, does that sound silly seeing as you only dropped me off at the airport this morning?...I hope you miss me too, not too much but enough that you'll be happy to see me on Monday...Well, I'm going to go now, I love you, Nathan."


	17. Chapter 16

**I am so amazingly sorry that it's been so long since I've updated! It certainly wasn't my intention and hopefully there will not be that big a gap between future updates until this story is finished! I've had a big case of writers block not to mention life has been super hectic, but I have a big break from school coming up so hopefully I can get on top of some writing during that time! I hope this chapter doesn't seem like it wasn't worth the wait! I know not alot happens – maybe part of the reason for the writers block – but the next few chapters have some pretty important moments that were needed to be set up! **

**I really hope you all like it – I've missed writing this story and hopefully now I'm back on track, and can get to some of the parts of this story that I've been dying to write since I started it! Thank you for all your reviews and support – I can't apologise enough for how long it's been, or thank you enough for sticking with me!**

**Big thanks for **Lori**_(lorilozz)_ for beta-ing, and keeping faith in me even when mine was gone! lol**

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**Sixteen**

Folding up the sheets that she'd been sleeping on for the past few nights Haley smiled softly at the hushed voices travelling through the open plan apartment. She turned under the pretext of setting the sheets at the end of the couch, and watched out of the corner of her eye as Chris wrapped his arms around Peyton's waist, effectively blocking her between him and the counter. She let out a bittersweet sigh as he dipped his head into the crook of her friend's neck from behind and mumbled softly into her ear. Peyton turned and gave him a soft smile, bringing her hand up and tracing strikingly softly across her boyfriends cheekbone. It was clearly an intimate moment, and as much as the little voice inside her head told her to, Haley couldn't tear herself away from the sight.

Chris and Peyton's relationship had been far from what she'd expected it to be. Before meeting him all Haley had heard was that he was self centred and egotistical, traits that she'd definitely seen snippets of this weekend, but she'd also caught glimpses of another part. The part that made Peyton smile to herself when she thought Haley wasn't watching, something that although the only public displays of affection he bestowed upon Peyton were lecherous, made him press soft kisses to Peyton's temple when he thought Haley wasn't looking or the familiarity of their own home overrode her being there. It caused an uncomfortable stirring in the pit of her stomach, an unwanted murmuring in the back of Haley's mind, as she thought of how she used to have the same. A partner whose hands never seemed to leave her body, often asking for more, but at the same time content to just be touching her. When was the last time she'd savoured the feel of Nathan's features beneath her finger tips the way Peyton was doing to Chris', without wondering what was hiding behind those eyes she loved so much? The last time she'd pressed her lips to Nathan's and tasted him without her womb aching for the child she fought within herself every day not admit she resented him for denying her?

She'd barely spoken to Nathan this weekend, they'd played phone tag mostly. He'd called her on the Saturday morning returning her message from the night before. His voice seemed strained as he'd joked that he had ended up drinking with his brother and he was paying the price now as he got ready for work. Told her he missed her, but something in his voice made her question his sincerity. She'd been about to call him back when Peyton had rushed into the living room excited that she'd just received a call to go and give the final okay on the set up for her show. Slipping her phone into her pocket Haley had lost herself in her friend's excitement, letting her worries of home drift to the back of her mind in a way they'd become so accustomed to. It was late Saturday night before she'd even remembered she was supposed to call him back, and she must have looked as anguished as she felt guilty because it triggered her friend to refer back to their conversation the previous evening. Peyton had taken a break from receiving her glowing praise and celebration to question if Haley was alright and ask if she needed to talk. It just compounded Haley's guilt further and she'd not only felt like bad a wife, but a bad friend. She hadn't thought enough about her husband to worry if he was okay and call and check in, and she hadn't covered her own distress enough to let her best friend have a carefree evening and bask in the moment she so very much deserved. When she'd called he sounded exhausted, fighting his hangover through a full day working with his father making his Saturday night only good enough for an early night falling asleep in front of the TV. The most she'd spoken to him had been the previous day, he'd called her to check what time she was due in, and she'd slipped outside onto the small balcony she'd called him from the first night. She'd felt so guilty about confiding in Peyton after promising she wouldn't, that she'd spoken out loud for the first time that it wasn't a baby, or college, or even their past that was the problem. Their present was damaged, and if they didn't fix it soon it was going to be irreparable. She swallowed the words down as she made small talk with her husband, feeling like a fool for doing so. She knew she should be telling him what she'd told Peyton, that he needn't worry about coming to terms with the idea of them having a baby because it wasn't the time, that they had a whole lot else to face up to first. Even as she'd prepared to say the words her heart ached deep inside her chest and she knew she couldn't do it like this, over the phone, hundreds of miles away.

"About ready to go, Hales?" Shaking her head to clear it Haley looked up and smiled, nodding her head.

"Yep, ready when you are,"

"Listen, Haley," The taller of the blondes looked over her shoulder, and Haley followed her gaze to where Chris was nodding his head encouragingly before looking back confused at Peyton. "If you need to stay a little while longer, that's okay with us."

"Stay?" Her brow scrunched in confusion. She was more than ready to get back to Tree Hill, to work, to life, to Nathan. "Why would I stay?"

"I just, I know you and Nathan are having some problems right now," Haley stiffened, her entire body taking a defensive stance. She was well aware of her situation, but being reminded of it by someone – even if that someone was her best friend – put her on edge. She hated that Peyton knew, despite the fact that she had told her herself.

"We're fine, Peyt." She gave a forced dismissive smile and turned, busying herself with pulling out the contents of her purse and repacking it.

"Hales, c'mon, the other night you.."

"The other night I'd had a bit too much to drink – " Haley cut off her friend, turning so her back was too her, her body language stating that she clearly wanted no more with this conversation

"You'd had two."

"You know me – always the light weight!" The fake cheeriness in Haley's voice only made Peyton worry more. "Look, Peyton, I'd had a bit too much to drink, and I'm away from home and I just got a bit emotional. Nathan and I are fine."

"Haley, you were in tears."

"How long have you known me Peyton, c'mon I cry at everything."

"No, you don't Hales, not like that. You tear up and laugh at yourself, and joke it away, but the other night," Peyton paused, moving around Haley as she nodded her head toward the bedroom in signal for Chris to leave, she forced Haley to look at her, "I've never seen you look so... haunted."

"Haunted? Don't be so dramatic Peyton." Scoffing, Haley pushed away from Peyton refusing to look her in the eye. "I had a few drinks, I was a bit upset, it happens. Don't dramatise it into something it's not."

"I'm worried about you." Peyton's voice was strained as she watched Haley flit around the room, pretending so well that nothing was on her mind that Peyton wondered if Haley realised herself just how affected she was by everything.

"Look, Peyton, when you're in a grown up relationship it's not all roses and moonlight, you have problems, issues, you work them out." Shaking her head Haley sat down on the couch, pulling her purse into her lap and rearranging it once again. She looked up at her friend and felt angry at the pity that shone in her eyes. She hated being pitied, especially by someone who just clearly didn't understand. "But then, you wouldn't know about that would you."

"Excuse me?" Peyton's hand flew to her hip as she looked down at Haley's jerky angry movements. "What's that supposed to mean."

"Well, c'mon," Haley looked up at Peyton and gave her what she hoped was a sympathetic smile as she prepared to voice her view. "You haven't had a real relationship since highschool."

"I'm living with a guy now Hales," Peyton pointed out, this time she was the one to get angry as Haley's expression became patronising. "I know the stresses."

"Having a perpetual one night stand is not living with someone, Peyton." Her words went against Haley's tone as she spoke sweetly, causing Peyton's eyes to widen. She'd never known her friend to talk to her like that. They'd fought over the years, what friends didn't, but they'd never used their knowledge of the other person's insecurities against them.

"I know you're hurting, Hales, but I'm not going to let you dismiss my relationship like it means nothing! I love Chris."

"Yeah you love him so much you can't tell him!" Haley scoffed, instantly regretting it as hurt registered on the other woman's face. What was she doing? She didn't want to hurt Peyton. She wasn't mad at Peyton.

"At least I'm not married to a stranger!" Peyton cried, terrified that her boyfriend was listening in the other room and her friend had not only informed him all about her commitment issues, but also that she was in love with him before she had a chance to tell him herself. "You think you're above it all because you married your first love. Because you didn't play the dating game, or have meaningless sex with some guy just because you wanted to, but I'd take my life over yours Haley any day."

"I love my life!" Haley stood up, the immaculately packed contents of her purse falling off her lap and clattering to the floor.

"Are you that far into your lies you believe them yourself? You hate your life! You were always the girl who knew her own mind, never let anyone steer her in another direction, I was there Haley, when you were seventeen and dreamed of everything outside of Tree Hill, when you spoke about wanting more than to become your Mom."

"There's nothing wrong with my mother!!"

"I know that! I love your Mom, she's a mom to me too you know that, but you used to swear blind you'd never be her, cleaning and cooking and running around after her kids and husband and never having time for herself, never fulfilling her own dreams."

"I have my dreams Peyton, I married my dream guy." She really believed that was enough. She hoped that was enough.

"Even if you go with that variation of what you wanted Haley, you don't, you wanted it all, the marriage, and the kids, the career, one out of three isn't having your dream."

"Why are you tearing me down!" Haley could feel tears building up as her friend reminded her of the person she used to be, the things she used to have. She refused to admit that Peyton was right. She loved her husband, and their life, so what if they weren't perfect? Life wasn't a fairytale. They had problems, she knew that. Of course she knew that she'd been obsessing over them for months, but Peyton was talking like that never should have gotten married in the first place and she wouldn't admit that was true. It just couldn't be true.

"I'm not! I'm waking you up!" Peyton clamped her hands down on Haley's shoulders, refusing to let her friend turn away, her eyes focussed intently on hers as she begged Haley to understand what she was saying to her, to believe that she was doing it because she cared. "I love you Haley, and as someone who really loves you I want you to be happy."

"What's that supposed to mean." She was defensive now. She didn't care who was right or wrong, if she was in denial over the state of her marriage, or life, she wouldn't sit here and listen to someone pick holes in her world.

"Nothing, I'm just…" The taller woman's tone was softer now, the anger she'd felt earlier dissipated as she realised just how lost her friend was. How many lies she was still telling herself. She'd thought the previous evening that Haley realised how unhappy she was.

"If that was some dig at Nathan, Peyton, you can go to hell. My husband loves me!" Wrenching free of Peyton's grasp Haley fell to the floor, picking up her spilled belongs and throwing them haphazardly into the bag.

"Your husband picks and chooses which parts of you he wants, Haley!" Kneeling down Peyton tried to get Haley to look at her but she refused. So she spoke on, hoping that something would hit home. "He wants the doting the wife – but doesn't want you to have the family that goes along with that. He wants you to tell him things, but won't do the same to you. He acts like a jealous dick when you run into an old friend from high school, but invites his ex over for dinner without even telling you. Please, Hales, stop lying to yourself."

"You know what Peyton, go to hell." Throwing her back over her shoulder Haley grabbed at her suitcase that was sat at the end of the sofa.

"Haley!"

"No, Peyton, I mean it. You've been against my relationship with Nathan from the start, but you know what it doesn't matter. You're here, I'm there, he's there, and I love him, and he loves me, and yes okay we have a few misunderstandings, but at least I know he wouldn't say things just to hurt me. Some best friend you are."

"Hales! I'm not saying this to hurt you – C'mon, you know I love you, we've been through a lot together. You know me better than I know myself."

"No, Peyton, I don't. This isn't the you I know, the you I know wouldn't stab me in the back when I take time out of my life to come and support you."

"Would you prefer I lie to you? I stayed quiet when you gave up all those great opportunities to stay in Tree Hill for school..."

"I couldn't aff—"

"You were offered scholarships Haley – there's financial aid – your parents would have helped out. You were scared! Like how you were scared when you quit school before you could transfer out."

"My mom got sick!"

"And she's better – and she's been better, and yet you kept waiting on tables in Tree Hill until Nathan came along. This is what you do when you're scared Haley! You make up excuses for things to stay the same rather than risk failing, money, your Mom, a relationship... a baby." She added the last word quietly, she'd hinted to Haley that there might be more to her wanting a child than just her maternal instinct, but to say it now, in the heat of all the emotions, she knew it was risky, but maybe it would stick.

Haley listened silently as her friend tore down the choices she'd made since highschool, She felt her stomach churn and she felt sick, clutching tightly onto the handle of her suitcase. "My wanting a child has nothing to do with my failing marriage. My marriage isn't failing, and if you really knew me you'd know that. If I'm so different, and you don't like who I am now, maybe we shouldn't be friends. Maybe we were naive to think that as we grew up we'd like the person the other one turned into. I'll get a cab myself to the airport. I hope you're a lot happier in your life than you seem to think I am in mine, Peyt."

--

"What's wrong?"Nathan watched Haley as she stared listlessly out of the car window, her heading resting her palm, the same way she'd been doing since he'd picked her up. "Hales?"

"Hmm?" She tore her eyes from the view out of the window that she hadn't even really been looking at and focused on her husband as she realised he'd been talking to her. "What honey?"

"Are you okay? You've been really quiet since I picked you up."

"Just tired." She smiled, ignoring his worried glance as she turned back to face out of the window, the upturn of her lips immediately slipping down. She'd been so angry when she'd left Peyton's apartment, storming down the stairs her suitcase bobbing dangerously behind her. Peyton had been her closest confidant for years and to discover that all those time she'd assured Haley she'd made the right decision she'd been lying was hard to take. She knew there were times when Peyton had voiced concerns when the decision process was happening, but once she'd come to a decision she'd always thought she could count on her friend to see thing her way. She let the conversation replay in her mind before she shifted in her seat, turning towards Nathan who she was surprised to find was sneaking his own concerned glance in her direction. "Really I'm just tired."

"If you say so," He answered, not satisfied with her answer but not wanting to push her into an argument when she'd just gotten home.

"Do you think I'm brave?" She asked suddenly after a few minutes of only their breath being the only sound in the car. She hadn't wanted to ask. Had wanted to push it all to the back of her mind and ignore the self doubt it had caused, but she couldn't help but wonder.

"What?" He looked over at her confused, unsure of what she was asking him.

"Brave. Do you think I'm brave?"

"That's a strange question."

"That's avoiding the answer." She sighed, twisting again to look out of the window. Avoiding the answer usually meant no.

"No, I'm not," She turned back to him and saw the look of genuine confusion on his face. "I'm just wondering where it came from."

"Just something Peyton said. So do you think I am?"

"What did she say?"

"Nathan!" She shook her head, wanting him to just settle her fears so she would have one less thing to gnaw away at her. She'd told Peyton he was the one that made her brave, and she'd meant that, if he believed she was brave then she was. Whatever Peyton might think.

"Sorry." He held his hand in defence, not meaning to anger her with his question he was just curious, it seemed such a strange and random question and made him wonder what they'd spoken about. "Yes, Hales, I think you're brave."

"Why?"

"Why?" His brow furrowed in thought, this hadn't been how he'd envisioned it when he picked her up. He thought she'd tell him about her weekend on the ride up, babbling on constantly in the way that if it was anyone else he'd want to rip his ears off but with her he found endearing. "I don't know. I guess, well, look at what you did for your Mom. You gave up your dreams to take care of her even though you didn't know what was going to happen. That's brave."

"Was it? Or was it just the complete opposite." She sighed, turning away from him to look out of the window again. She knew he hadn't meant to make her feel worse, but he'd used an example Peyton had used to prove she was scared, to show she was brave. These were the two people who were supposed to know her better than anyone and it seemed like they had a completely different idea of who she was.

"Haley – what did Peyton say to you?" He watched as she sank back into the chair, worried about the way she seemed to close off, he'd thought it was a strange question but he never thought it was a mine field. If he knew what Peyton had said he could have planned his answer better. One that wouldn't make her shut him out even more.

"Nothing important."

"Nothing important," He shook his head as she fixated her gaze out of the window, her hands twisting in her lap. "I don't believe nothing important has made you say less than five words to me on a forty-five minute drive?"

"I haven't been that quiet."

"Hales.." He tried to get her to look at him, so he could tell her he was worried, that she wasn't acting like herself, that he knew something had happened, but instead she just breathed deeply before turning to him smiling.

"Enough about me – how was your weekend?"

"What did she say Haley?" He asked again, he hated when she did this – it wasn't even subtle the way she beamed and acted as though she hadn't been looking completely lost a moment ago.

"She just, made me question some things, I'm fine. How was your weekend?" Sensing she wasn't going to tell him what had happened, and feeling his heart clench when he realised he'd be a hypocrite to call her on it he played along.

"My weekend, uh, it was good. I missed you."

"I missed you too." She grinned, and he smiled back. "How's Lucas?"

"Luke? Uh, fine, I didn't see much of him, just a couple of hours."

"A couple of hours? But I thought you spent all of Friday night with him."

"Right, yeah." He'd forgotten he'd lied about where he'd been on Friday night. "You know what it's like when you've been drinking, times hard to grasp."

"If you say so." She laughed, and he cringed at how easily she accepted his lie. Another lie. His hand clenched to the steering wheel as his stomach became queasy for the guilt. He knew he should have just told her he'd hung out with Rachel. After she'd given him a lift home from the river court she'd come inside and waited for a cab to take her home. It was completely innocent and he shouldn't have to lie about that except for the fact that there was always a chance she'd ask what they'd spoken about and having to lie about confiding in Rachel about her wanting a baby and his not being ready would defeat the purpose of having not lied in the first place. If only he hadn't told her not to confide in her friends about the state of their marriage he wouldn't feel guilty about having done so with his.

"I really did miss you Haley." She turned towards him, her brow furrowing a little in conversation at the serious tone his voice took.

"I missed you too, baby." She replied, leaning over to press a kiss on his cheek before settling back in her seat. "A few days and we're lost without each other. What a pair of losers huh?"

"I just wanted to tell you." He laughed, nodding in agreement. "Maybe it is a little pathetic but I miss you when you're gone, I love you."

"I love you too – Now, what's this I hear about you fighting with Brooke?"

"Brooke?" He gulped nervously, if she'd spoken to Brooke and she'd told them they fought did she also tell her that Lucas had asked him to leave after the fight.

"Yeah, I got some crazy text message on Friday night calling you all the names under the sun. I haven't got a chance to speak to her about it yet. What did you do?"

"You presume it's me!" He snapped unintentionally breaking the easy atmosphere that had only shortly been hanging over the car. He hadn't meant to shout at her, he was just nervous and he couldn't feel worse than when he saw she was taken aback by his aggressive tone. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap."

"I think now it's my turn to ask if you're okay Nathan. What's going on?"

"Nothing, nothing's going on I promise." He reached across the console and took her hand bringing it up to his lips kissing it softly. "I just don't want to talk about Brooke."

"Okay, so what do you want to talk about?"

"Tell me about your weekend. How was Peyton's show?"

"It was good." Haley answered reluctantly, she didn't want to think about Peyton, she wanted to focus on what was here, on the things and place she felt safe and secure.

"Yeah? It's a shame I missed it."

"Yeah. She's really talented." Despite her ambiguous feelings relating to her friend and their fight she was still proud of what Peyton had achieved and couldn't stop smiling as she removed the glowing praise she'd received.

"Maybe we can go see her next show, together. Does she have one soon?"

"Oh. I'm not sure, anyway, I'm happy to be home, I don't think I want to leave again anytime soon." She dismissed his idea, licking nervously at her suddenly dry lips.

They pulled up into their driveway and Nathan turned off the car, hopping out and pulling Haley's suitcase from the trunk.

"Home sweet home." She smiled as she slipped her key into the look, turning it and pushing open the door, standing aside so he could take her case in before following. Flicking on the light she stood back against at the closed door and shut her eyes, her nerves calming as she inhaled the familiar scent of her home.

"C'mere." She opened her eyes and smiled at her husband's mumbled seductive tone as he dragged her by her hand into his hard chest. Stepping up onto her tiptoes she pressed her lips to his, happily granting his tongue entry when he sought for more. "God I've missed you."

"Mmm, me too." The kiss intensified and she could feel him walking backwards leading them to the stairs, and undoubtedly their room. Pulling away reluctantly she almost laughed at the darkened tone of his lust filled eyes mixed with the childish pout that adorned his lips. "You go on upstairs, I'll be up in a minute."

"Haley, what could you need to do that's more important than this?"

"I need to call Brooke real quick." She laughed at the aghast look on his face, clearly not liking the idea that calling Brooke was more pressing that having sex with him. "If I don't call her to tell her I'm back you know what she's like she'll call until I answer and if I don't she'll turn up and bang on the door. I'll be quick. I promise."

"Fine, but hurry, I might start without you." He winked, and she laughed.

"Just don't finish!" She called, walking into the living room to pick up the phone, enjoying the care freeness that had escaped them for so long. She knew they had a lot to talk about, knew she couldn't put off telling him that she knew that a baby was out of the question, that they had so much more to face up to, but maybe this was what they needed a night of laughing, and making love, and telling the other how much they missed them while they were apart.

She couldn't help herself tidying a little of the mess that was usually immaculate living room despite her haste to get upstairs. Smiling when she heard Nathan's voice almost whine for her to hurry travel down she quickly hung the small leather jacket she'd picked up under the stairs. The only person she knew who'd own, and fit, into something like that was Brooke. She'd have to remember to give it to her tomorrow.

"Haley!"

"I'm coming!"

"You will be!" She jumped out of her skin as he wrapped his arm around her waist from behind, whispering into her ear, startling her with his presence.

"Oh, promises!" She let out a shriek of laughter as he slung her over his shoulder and took the stairs two at a time. She'd almost forgotten how it felt when they were good, and after this weekend a reminder was just what she needed. What they both needed.


	18. Chapter 17

**I'm posting on the run so this is going to have to be a short one! I'm so sorry it's been so long, I had a horrible case of writers block but knock on wood it's passed now! **

**Big thank you to Lori (_Lorilozz_) for beta-ing and being her awesome self and helping me along! Not to mention the beautiful banner she made me!**

**I hope you all like the update!**

* * *

"I was speaking to Larry Sawyer at Church the other day..." Lydia's words had Haley casting her eyes down to stop from appearing like a sullen teenager by rolling her eyes at her mother, as they sat at the large kitchen table, sipping on cups of coffee as they waited for Vivian to turn up. "Peyton hadn't mentioned to him that the two of you weren't talking..."

"We're not, not talking Mom." The blonde sighed, shifting in her seat to pull a leg up under her, a ghost of a smile reaching her lips as she thought of how young she felt, curling up into herself in her childhood home, talking to her mom about a fight with her best friend. "We just grew apart."

"You only went to see her a month ago, Bub. I don't know how a visit to your best friend can make you more distanced than you were before. You and Peyton have always been close."

"I still don't understand how you even knew there was a problem?" Haley asked, shifting back so her bottom was firmly into her seat, raising her gaze back to the older woman's. A week or so after she'd returned from New York , Lydia had claimed she'd seen a change in her daughter and asked if something had happened on her trip. Although Haley had been suspicious of her mother's connection between her demeanour and her childhood friend she'd been too preoccupied to think too much of it, and simply said that she'd had a disagreement with Peyton, and that she'd realised that maybe a childhood friendship isn't supposed to last a lifetime.

"A mother always knows..."

"That didn't work when I was 16 and you insisted you knew I'd lost my virginity on junior prom night, and it's not going to work now." Haley laughed, shaking her head in amusement at the memory.

"Well, the reason that didn't work was because I misheard what Taylor said, and really it wasn't much of a jump Haley, you had a very handsome date."

"A very handsome pity date – " The younger woman reminded, twisting a strand of hair around her finger. "He was Peyton's cousin."

"Who'd had a crush on you for years."

"He had not." She scoffed disbelieving. At no point had that boy had a crush on her, she'd been in the room when Peyton begged him to take Haley to the dance after the Tom Jennings' appendix had burst a week before he was supposed to accompany her.

"He had, Peyton told me all he'd talk about when he was coming down for the summer was seeing you."

"I really don't believe you." Haley shook her head, running her finger around the rim of her coffee cup, and staring listlessly out of the window. She knew her mother, and knew the run around in the conversation had to be going somewhere.

"You could always call Peyton and ask."

And there it was. "Mother, I'm a grown woman, I can be friends, or not be friends, with whomever I want, and right now I don't want to talk to Peyton Sawyer, or Keller now for all I know with the pace of their relationship." She mumbled the last bit under her breath, scoffing out the last word.

"What was that?"

"Nothing – and don't think I didn't notice you changing the subject. How did you know there was even a problem with Peyton and I to begin with?"

"Well, Nathan.."

Of course Nathan, she smiled, unable to help but feel warmed by her husband's meddling, despite the fission of annoyance that accompanied it. In the month since her weekend away things had taken a turn for the better between them. There were still a lot of issues, a lot of unspoken words, she knew that well, but they both seemed to be doing better in the moment. The future was still a no go area, any reminder of college, or babies, causing an atmosphere to descend over the room, and their fights of recent months, and the reasons for them were still something neither was brave enough to broach, but her home seemed happier again. He was around more, and she was trying not to worry so much about the things she said, or the way she behaved, but to just be herself around him. Something that she'd always said was one of the reasons she fell in love with him, and something that all the secret keeping of late had taken away from her. She knew she shouldn't be so content in the comfort of present, when they still had so many things to work through, but she'd spent months trying to make herself feel comfortable with him again, to like him as much as she loved him, to like herself...

"Nathan..." She prodded Lydia on, trying to keep up a mask of indifference, still not sure if she was annoyed at her husband and mother covert conversations, or flattered by the fact they cared enough to consult each other.

"He came by to help your dad with something, and he just asked if I knew what had happened. Said he'd had no luck when he tried to get you to talk about it, but knew it was getting you down. Don't be mad at him, sweetheart, he just cares." Lydia stood up from the table, squeezing Haley's shoulders and placing a kiss on the top of her head before taking her mug to the sink, "And like the good son he is, he presumed you being the dutiful daughter that you are, would have confided in your Momma."

"I don't think Nathan has confided a thing in Deb in his life." Haley said sadly, pushing a loose strand of hair back behind her ear.

"I meant good son to me." Lydia winked, smiling at her youngest, knowing how much Nathan's relationship with his own parents pained her. "Good job you didn't lose your virginity to that boy that night huh? Who knows what we'd all be missing out on now."

Haley swallowed a little at the lump that began to form in her throat; she loved how her parents had taken Nathan under their wing, maybe even more so than they had her sibling's partners, trying their best to show him that there were parents out there who would afford their children unconditional love. She knew he still found it hard to believe, and knew the way his parents were had a lot to do with the state of her marriage as it was now. The idea of becoming more like Deb and Dan Scott than her own parents filled her with terror.

"Mom..." She asked tentatively, her gaze following her mother's busy movements around the kitchen. Grown children and her mom was still busying around fixing dinners, and making a home. God, she really, really wanted that too.

"Yeah baby?" She got her reply without even a gaze in her direction, but her voice was comfort enough to have Haley continue.

"Have you and Daddy..." She trailed off, and Lydia turned around, giving a questioning smile in her daughter's direction. "I mean, has there ever been a time when you couldn't talk to Dad about something?"

"What do you mean Haley?"

"I mean," Haley reached up and brushed her thumb against the lone tear that settled on her cheekbone. "Has there ever been a time when you just wanted to talk to Daddy about something so badly, something you knew you had to talk about, for both your sakes, but you were scared to..."

"I've never been scared of your father, Haley." With a concerned look Lydia stopped what she was doing and came back over to the table, pulling her chair closer to Haley's before she sat down, taking her daughters hand between her own. She loved Nathan like a son, but she'd seen what being married to Dan had done to Deb Scott, and god help her if Nathan had done something to make her daughter fear him. "Are you scared of Nathan?"

"God no!" Haley responded to her mother's tone, shaking her head desperately to convey her message. "Not like that. He's never done anything to make me fearful of him, I promise. I mean the situation scares you, what could come out if you talked about."

"Baby, a marriage doesn't mean you're going to want to let person in 24/7, 365, but sometimes it means you have to. You won't always like what they're going to say, you might not even like what they're going to see when you do, but do you think your dad and I could have survived raising you all if we didn't talk about things."

Haley shook her heading, knowing her mom was right, she'd always told her not to go to bed on an argument, to talk everything out with your spouse, and not let arguments linger, and secrets build. Advice which she'd adhered to before all became so over whelming. "I know, oh Mom, I love him so much, but that isn't enough is it?"

"It's the easy part Bub, the rest is what really makes a marriage. Are you and Nathan having problems?"

"No." Haley replied instinctively, chastising herself for the lie as it fell from her mouth, knowing everything she'd just said meant her Mom knew well there had be problems with her marriage.

"Honey..."

"I love him, and I love him being married to him, isn't that all that matters?"

"It should be, and it's what it all comes down to the end of the day, it's why you make the effort with the rest."

Was that her problem? Haley wondered, as her Mom hugged her against her, had she just not made enough effort. She'd been lying to herself that things were okay because the present was fixed, but that's why they always went back to square one, they just gave up the effort. They fought, threw out things that had lingering at the back of their minds for months, fought some more, put a band aid over the wound, made love, and pretended everything was okay again.

"That'll be your sister." Lydia spoke up pushing Haley out of her embrace softly when the front door opened, looking down at her face and brushing away some tears. "You go through to the bathroom and fix your face and I'll distract her okay? We can talk more later."

"Okay, thanks Mom."

Five minutes later, her composure regained Haley walked back into the kitchen, to find her Mom's hand on her sister's stomach both grinning from ear to ear. "Ready to go see your baby, Viv?"

"Hay, come here first." Vivian beckoned for Haley to come over and grabbed her head placing it on her belly. "They've been kicking up a swarm all morning – ready for their close up."

"Whoa..." All the air rushed out of Haley's lungs as she felt a thump against her hand, and a ripple as the baby shifted its position. Of course she'd felt people's babies kick before, but this time it was different, it was like the kick the baby gave her hand was the knock she needed. She looked at her sister's face, as she grimaced in pain but then beamed happily. This mythical pregnancy glow surrounding her. Haley wanted that so badly, wanted to feel that kick so intensely it hurt, to feel what those ripples would feel like, to know that was someone growing inside of you, to feel that love, that connection. She'd always wanted it, but it was different now, she had the person she wanted it with. She was ready, but telling him she wanted a baby wasn't enough, she needed him to know it, to feel it, needed to know and feel why he didn't. As much as she wanted she knew they couldn't do it now, because she imagined feeling those things, she instantly pictured him beside her, smiling at she explained the difference between on her side and his, while she complained at the pain as their child kicked her ribs, or cursed him as she had to go the bathroom, once again. She pictured him happy, and it wasn't fair to hold the fact that he didn't want to do it if he wouldn't be against him. The idea that he wouldn't want to share it that with her, to have that with her, was so much worse than the idea of never having it all. Yeah, she was ready, but they weren't. Not by a long shot, and she had to tell him she knew that, that she was okay with that, that he needn't worry about it anymore, because until they worked to be in a place where they were ready, whether he not a child wasn't their problem, the fact that they feared talking about it, and so many other things, that was their problem. Maybe Peyton was right about a few things, as hard as it was for Haley to admit that she could see it now, had seen it then if she was being honest with herself, but she wasn't right about everything. Nathan did love Haley, for Haley, and she loved him for him, all their imperfections included, and she knew they had to face those fears, make the effort the mother talked about.

Smiling at her mother, and sister, Haley made a decision. She'd accompany Vivian to her appointment, and for the first time since she'd been doing so she wouldn't allow herself to feel resentment, because her time would come if was meant to. The she'd go home, and cook Nathan's favourite dinner, and she'd sit him and down tell him it was okay. They didn't need to worry about children, but if we wanted to talk about why he didn't them, she'd be willing to listen this time, and she'd ask him why he wanted her to go college, and they'd talk, really talk.

"You look happy." Lydia smiled, a little confused by the turn about in her daughters mood but not unhappy to see it.

"I'm feeling positive. I think today's going to be a good day. Let's go see my niece or nephew!"

--

"Working hard, Little Brother?" Nathan looked up from his work, surprised to see Lucas at his door.

"What are you doing here?" He motioned for Lucas to come in, and take a seat.

"Dad wanted to meet me for lunch, thought you'd be joining us."

"I already ate." Nathan motioned to the empty burger wrapper on his desk.

"Yeah," Lucas laughed, wishing he'd been so lucky as to eat alone at his desk "So did we."

"Thanks." The brunette man scoffed. The last thing he wanted was to eat with his father more than was mandated by his mothers insisted family bonding times, but as was always the case sibling rivalry lingered, and he wondered if he'd been a part of today's lunchtime conversation.

"I was doing you a favour, Nate. He asked how the book was coming, and then cut me off mid sentence to talk about himself, you know how he is. The only time he ever listened to either of us was when we were playing, and then it was just so he could tell us how he did it better. Even when you were..." Lucas trailed off. You never spoke to Nathan about the NBA. Before Haley came along you were likely to have strips torn off you, and since it was though his brother liked to forget he'd ever been a professional basketball player.

"Dan say anything I should know about?" He hoped the subject of basketball hadn't been a conversation topic. Lucas took a stand, he didn't want to play, he wanted to write, and he succeeded at that. Nathan tried, and failed, and neither was ever sure what was worse in their father's eyes.

"Does he ever? Look, I don't want to get involved Nathan, but Brooke asked me to ask you something..."

Nathan gave Lucas an incredulous look, not knowing what Brooke would ever have to ask of him. He tried his best to forget his brother's girlfriend existed when he wasn't in her company, and was under the impression it went both ways. "Yeah?"

"Is Haley ignoring her?"

"Not that I know of." Nathan answered, racking his brain for anything Haley might have said. As far as he was aware the only friend she had problems with right now was Peyton, and he still didn't know why. He felt awful for it but despite worrying when she'd clam up on the subject, or seem distressed, he was glad to know for once it wasn't his fault. That she wasn't worrying about something he'd done, or hadn't done. Said, or hadn't said. Seeing her hurt in anyway hurt him, but nothing was ever as painful as seeing the person you love hurting from something you'd done.

"I told her she was probably being paranoid. I've been locked away finishing up the book, and she hasn't had any work on..."

"So she's been wanting Haley to come over and take care of her. For Gods sake Lucas one of these days your woman's going to have to learn to take care of herself. "

"Damn, Nate," The blonde ran a hand over his head, he hated talking to Nathan about Brooke, and vice versa, they had no qualms about making it clear they didn't like each other, and their toleration levels were lessening as the years went on. He still hoped one day they'd be able to get along. Hope family tensions could go out with their parent's generation. "I told you not to talk about Brooke like that. And don't talk to me like that while you're at it. Haley's her friend and she hasn't seen her much lately, she's just worried."

"Well, tell her not to bother worrying. Haley's fine. She's just been busy." The past couple of weeks they'd taken to spending a lot of time together, alone, like they used to. She'd sit and read while he watched TV, or she'd try and teach him how to cook something, laughing and ordering take out when things went wrong. If it wasn't for the fact that they both knew they were putting off the inevitable, by allowing her to dodge his questions about what Peyton had said to upset her, and the fact that their futures were still up in the air, he'd of thought they were back to the couple they were when they were first married. He mulled over the thought for a second, glancing over at the pictures of her that sat on his desk, maybe they were back to that couple, happy and pretending to be oblivious to all the bumps that lay ahead, lying to themselves so much that they believed it to be true. Although neither was as naive now to believe those lies anymore, even if they pretended they did for a week or two.

"Uh, Nate..." Lucas asked, and Nathan broke out of his thoughts to see Lucas holding his phone looking curiously at the screen. "Why's Rachel Gatina calling you?"

Snatching his phone out of his brother's hand, he sent the call to voicemail and threw the cell into a drawer. "I don't know."

"You don't know? You don't know why some girl is calling you, but you know enough to know not to answer the call in front of me?"

"It wasn't some girl – it was Rae..."

"Exactly," The stern, daring look in the blonde's eye had Nathan balling his fist tightly. Insinuation was clear and it both hurt and angered him that Lucas would think so lowly of him.

"No. Don't go there Lucas. I swear to god, I've hit you before I'll do it again. Don't even think it."

"I've heard some stuff, Nate, about people seeing you out with Rachel..."

"I've not been out with Rachel; I've met up with her a couple of times since she's been home."

"And does Haley know..."

"Yes, she knows! I'm not cheating on my wife Lucas! Rachel's a friend..."

"I haven't heard you mention her name in years, and now she's calling you. Nate if you're..."

"I've told you I'm not Lucas, and if you hint as much again you won't be walking out of my office, understand me?"

"Calm down! I'm just looking out for you here; Haley's a sweet girl..."

"Yeah, she is, the sweetest, and I wouldn't even dream..." He trailed off, rubbing at his jaw in disbelief. His brother, his best friend, wouldn't let the subject drop. It was bad enough that he thought he'd do it in the first place, but to not let it go when he'd flat out told him it wasn't happening was worse. Moments like this compounded his fears about letting Haley in completely. The person his brother viewed him was someone who could cheat on the person they loved, and he was brother, his flesh and blood, the person who'd seen him at his worst, and his best. Had known what changes he'd made in his life in the past few years, and yet seemed to still view him as the type of person he once was. "You need to leave Lucas."

Hearing the defeat in his brother's voice, guilt surged through Lucas. Deep down he knew Nathan wouldn't cheat on Haley but Brooke had told him that Haley had been keeping secrets, and drawing back, and then a couple of his buddies let slip they'd seen Nathan around with Rachel and he'd jumped to conclusion. "Look, man, I'm sorry. Why didn't you tell me you'd be hanging out with Rachel?"

"Because, I was worried you'd think I was doing something wrong."

"Do you think you're doing something wrong?"

Nathan paused, his stomach lurching as the things he'd confided in Rachel lately, things he knew he shouldn't be. Things about himself, things about his relationship with Haley. He had no fear with Rachel, no worry that she'd view him as less of a man, as less deserving. What it came down to was he didn't care what she thought of him at all. It only mattered what Haley thought of him, that she saw him as being enough for her, good enough for her. "I'm just catching up with a friend."

--

"Honey, can you come in here when you're done, I need to talk to you!" Haley called from her place in the living room. She'd been ushered out of the kitchen, her husband insisting that he clean up after dinner today, stating she'd been cleaning up after people all day. She tried to point out that she had in fact had the day off before realising that she was talking her way into doing dishes and slipped into the living room to devour a few pages of Lucas' latest recommendation, before she put her plan into action. She'd cooked him dinner, now it was time to talk.

She smiled at him as he walked into the room, studying his form appreciatively as his long legs strode toward her, the t-shirt he was wearing forming tightly against his sculpted body. "You wanted to talk."

She nodded and beckoned for him to sit beside her on the sofa, tucking her feet beneath her and twisting so she was facing him. "Yeah, I did, but first how was your day?"

"It was Okay. I worked, unlike some lucky people." He teased, and the grin she gave back faltered slightly. She was loving the playfulness that had crept back into their relationship lately, and she second guessed herself for a moment on whether or not she should talk to him about the revelation she'd had earlier that day. "Luke stopped by, I think you should call Brooke, she seems to think she's done something wrong, has she?"

"No." Haley shook her head, biting at her lip, Brooke hadn't done anything wrong but Haley hadn't wanted to talk to her. Just before she'd gone away Brooke had realised something was going with Haley and she was nothing if not persistent. She could give in and tell Brooke, a part of thought it would make her feel better, but she'd told Peyton and that had only served to make her question a relationship she never thought she would. "I'll call her tomorrow.

"How was, uh, yours?" The falter in his voice told her all she needed to know. He knew she'd gone with her sister to the hospital, and that would normally mean an evening of heavy silences, and Haley snapping when he tried to be sympathetic. She hadn't wanted that; him to pussy-foot around her and treat her with kid gloves whenever the subject of babies were broached.

"It was good. I realised a few things."

"Really, like what?" He was looking around the remote, unknowing of the conversation to come, and she reached over stroking his arm to regain his attention.

"Babe, we're not done talking." She giggled, smiling, doing her best to put him at ease.

"Sorry." He gave her a sheepish smile, giving up his search when he turned to see the sincerity shining in her orbs. "What's up?"

"Things have been better for us, lately, right?" He nodded, they'd both voiced that before, talking about how they didn't want to fight anymore, how they loved each other, how happy they were to be together, but that was usually where it stopped. "And I don't want to ruin things, but, we need to talk properly Nathan."

"About what?" He asked, despite knowing. If not the specific topic then the types of things. The things he himself had been thinking they needed to talk about, the topics that had tension filling their home at a wrongly switched channel, or a thoughtless word.

"All of it," She shrugged a little "eventually, all of it, but tonight I want to talk about children."

"Haley..." He stiffened beneath her still stroking touch, and she could feel him preparing to pull away so she moved closer toward him.

"I know." She nodded, smiling softly, "I know that you're not ready, I know that you're not sure if we are ready..."

He watched her, confused, as she smiled, and spoke seemingly without any regret in her tone. Usually when she said those things she was tearful, and angry, and the hurt pain just radiated from her to the point where it practically crippled him. He swallowed looking regretfully at his feet at the memory.

"And you're right."

"What?" His eyes snapped to hers, and she continued to smile at him, reaching forward and brushing her hand through his hair.

"Not about your reasons, not about worrying that you'll not be good at it, but about not being ready. You're not ready, and I'm not ready either, and we, as a couple, we're not ready. We're doing better, definitely, but we're not doing great, and a baby would just complicate things more."

"I, I'm not saying I don't agree with you Hales, but why today?" He was confused and worried; he'd tried before to explain his opinion to Haley and she'd clammed up on him, not wanting to know, not being able to hear it. He understood why. At the time she'd be reeling, and hurt, and he'd understood that but he also understood that she was still hurting, and worried that the subject would cause her to go into herself the way it had in the past, because he wasn't ready to give her the answer she wanted. He knew he wasn't.

"When we were at Mom's, Vivi's baby kicked," She paused, surprised by the emotion welling up inside of her. She let out a breath to calm herself, letting out a small sheepish self deprecating laugh at the end, being sure to continue smiling as she went on. "I've felt people's babies kick before, I've felt Vivian's babies kick before, but it was different this time. I wanted to know what it felt like for her so badly, it was the first thing that came to mind, and it just stayed there, It was probably no more than a few seconds but it felt like hours."

"I'm so, so..." Sorry. He was, he hated that he was doing this to her, that although he had the power to stop this pain it wasn't the right thing to do.

"Don't, don't apologise, just let me explain please..."

He nodded, sending her a reassuring smile, still unsure of what she was trying to say to him.

"But the thing that really lingered with me was that as much as I wanted to feel that, what I wanted more was you to feel that with me. You to be awed and excited, and terrified all at the same time, but all I could imagine you feeling was fear." He cast his eyes down not wanting to look her in the eye because it was true; when she spoke about him being beside her as she carried his child what he felt in this moment was fear. "I've always wanted children in the abstract sense but it was never a reality thing until I met you, it's your children I want, our children. Someone who's the best of both of us, and as a couple we're not ready to give that to a child. I'm selfish. I want to know you better; us better. I want to know me better."

"What are you saying?" He asked her confused.

"I'm saying, the pressure's off. We don't need to worry about babies right now. I still hope one day it will be something we'll do. Something you'll want. Something I'm truly ready for. But I know now's not the time. For you, for us, and I don't want it to be this thing between us like it has been since our anniversary. I don't want you to worry that you're hurting me by not being ready; that I resent you or hold it against you, because I don't. You were right, and I was wrong."

"Baby..." He tentatively looked into her eyes, stroking at her jaw and guiding it upwards so her eyes were completely looked on his. "I don't want you to..."

"I'm not; I'm not just saying it. I'm not thinking it because I'm worried it's a deal breaker for us. I really mean what I'm saying, Nathan, all of it."

He felt like he could breathe all of a sudden, as he saw the honesty in her eyes, heard it in her words. He loved her so much for being able to understand his reasons without having to hear his explanations, for being able to admit they were flawed, but in a hopeful way that just made her, her. "I love you."

"Oh, I love you too, trust me, I'm starting to realise just how much, But...

"But..." And I love you but never seemed a good thing, and suddenly that pressure was bearing down on top of him, making his chest feel tight.

"But just because the baby thing's off the table, it doesn't mean we don't have a lot of work to do. I still want a future with you that involves children some day, and before we think about that we have so many other things to face up to. We have to make in effort in this marriage, it's not going to be as easy as we both thought it would be when you proposed on the beach that day, but I think we're worth dealing with our problems, don't you?"

"God, yeah, of course I do." He pulled her the small distance that brought her into his lap, and pushed her hair out of her face. "We're worth it."

"Good, I'm glad you think so. We really need to make some changes, Nathan."

"I know."

"Maybe we should think about seeing someone..." She trailed off, instantly regretting her words at the fear that crossed his face. "Okay, no professionals, but promise me, everyday we'll talk about something real. What we're feeling, or thinking, or worrying about."

"I promise." He held her tightly against him, and she buried her head in the crook of his neck, kissing the join.

"Good," She lay her head against his chest, pulling his arms tighter around her, cocooning himself in his safe embrace before she spoke her fear out loud "because sometimes Nathan, I worry that I don't know you."

"Of course you know me." His mouth went dry as he thought of what had transpired in his office with his brother earlier, he stood by his thought that he could talk to Rachel because he didn't care we she thought, but he admitted now what he couldn't then, that he probably was doing something wrong by confiding in her over his wife, and it wasn't fair on her, or on him, and he wanted things to change; he wanted to one day have those feelings that Haley spoke about, because the alternative was not having her, and she was only thing that kept him going.


	19. Chapter 18

-1**I'm sorry this has taken me so long to get out. I can't make up any excuse worthy of the time it's been! I will say for a big portion of the time I didn't have access to my files, and I've spent so long planning out the pace of this story I felt lost without my chapter notes! I hope it is somehow worth the wait and I appreciate all your continued support. I wouldn't blame you for giving up on me by now, but I'm so glad you haven't!! Big thank you to Diane (**_ParadiseBlue_**) for beta-ing for me and making sure it's readable! Also to the girls for their much needed confidence boosts!**

* * *

**Eighteen**

"I want to be able to support us, Haley." Nathan growled as he looked over at his wife who was rolling her eyes as she sat up on their kitchen side, legs crossed beneath her Indian style. They were having one of their nightly talks, the ones in which they were supposed to bare their souls to one another, although they were both aware they hadn't quite reached that stage yet. Haley had neared it tonight. Broaching a subject she'd had sitting on the back burner for a while. It was clear to her every day that her husband hated going into work. His mood soured, and his shoulders stiffened, as the end of his breakfast drew closer, and the hands of the clock ticked on towards the dreaded time he'd have to kiss her goodbye and drive across down to his father's business, and how it took him at least an hour to get rid of the layers of armour he cloaked himself in to face the day. She knew why he did it. She knew for all his modern male traits like how he spent longer on his hair than she did at times, and offering to do his fair share of work around the house, deep down he was incredibly traditional, and stubborn, and male. Meaning he felt he had to be the breadwinner, the provider, the number one of the household. He'd often talked of her quitting her job all together, even before he brought up returning to school, and she broached the subject of babies, he'd made it clear he didn't want her work to be a chore, but a choice. Although he'd never voiced it, it always lingered after that, that was why he worked for his father. A man who she couldn't remember him not spending hours coming up with excuses not to spend time with.

"There are more ways to support me than money, Nathan."

"What is that supposed to mean?" He bit back defensively. He wanted her to need nothing more than him to get through the day. He needed for to need nothing more than him, and the suggestion that maybe he wasn't sent a pain straight to his heart. He thought this was what this whole thing was about. This opening up, and sharing, and honesty. About being there for each other emotionally.

"Don't be like that." Her eyes were no longer reflecting her annoyance, but had softened and were accompanied by a similar tone of smile gracing her lips. "I'm not saying you're not here for me in other ways. I'm not playing the put upon housewife here, but I want you to be fulfilled, like you always say you want me to be, and I can't stand watching you become someone I don't know just so you can walk out of the door every morning."

"Don't be ridiculous." He knew she was right, but as was often the problem his pride spoke before he did. He didn't want to push her away, he'd been trying so hard not to. Especially because there were times outside of what Haley had jokingly referred to as their couples therapy where he did talk about these things. About the way the idea of facing Dan each day made him want to down a quart of liquor, and how seeing Dan's account be the one that sent the funds into theirs each month made him to want to tell the bank to block the transaction. The guilt came from the fact those conversations weren't with her.

"Ridiculous, really?" She sighed, raking a hand through her long blonde locks before piling them on top of her head messily and securing it with a band. She'd known he wouldn't take this well, could pretty much have told you the conversation word for word before it even happened, but she was going to persist. If only for the immature urge to not be the only one made uncomfortable by their new found sharing "Because it's just gone nine. You've been home about three hours and even as you glare at me like you want nothing more than to come over here and stitch my lips together, this is the first time I've felt like I'm looking at my husband!"

He held her gaze, searching for a clue of what to say but she stared at him harshly, but somehow softly as she demanded a honest reply without voicing so. He shook his head, pulling a chair from the table and sitting down on it, their eyes never moving from one another's. He couldn't tell her she was right, not without her rightly expecting him to follow up with an explanation for why he felt the way he did, but explanations that no matter how entitled she was to he knew he couldn't bring himself to give her. To explain how years before he'd sworn Dan Scott out of his life, only to come grovelling back to him on her behalf. He didn't want her to feel the obligation he knew she would, the guilt she'd take upon her shoulders. He did it for her because he wanted to, needed to, because she meant that much to him, and if he thought she'd understand that maybe he'd be able to tell her so, but he knew his wife. He knew she'd only see herself as the catalyst for his pain, be unable to see past the part she played, to make it bigger, and twist it into a way he didn't see it, but he could understand how she'd get there. Because no matter how perfect they each saw each other, they were both fragile, self-deprecating people who didn't understand when other people held them to high esteem, didn't understand why they were worthy of it. He'd never understood why she'd feel that way. Wished she could see herself the way he saw her, the way most people that met her saw her, but despite the things he held back from her in these conversations he really was as honest as he could bring himself to be, more so at times than he thought he could be, and that included with himself. Meaning he had to admit her faults along with his own and they laid their pains on the table. "Can't you just accept this is what our life is?"

"No more so than you can accept it, Nathan, and you haven't accepted it." She pointed out, no one as strong as he did accepted pain, they could live with it, fight it, resent it, but they never accepted it.

"I accepted it a long time ago, Haley." He didn't even look her in the eye as he lied.

"You don't fight something you've accepted, sweetie," She stopped, willing him silently to look up at her, to see the compassion in her eyes, to know she was saying this for him, when he continued to avoid her gaze she shook her head sadly before continuing, hoping her words would be enough, "And your way of fighting is shutting down. Is pushing everybody and everything away that has the chance to hurt you. Don't you think I know that? You're my husband, Nathan, I want you to be happy. We keep saying we have be happy ourselves to be happy together but you just seem intent on me being happy, and not worrying about yourself."

"You being happy makes me happy." He looked up at her, and her heart swelled a little at the conviction that lay deep in the sea of blue she could so easily got lost in and forget it all like she had so many times before, but she wouldn't this time. She didn't want to this time.

"It plays a part I know it does, but we need to be whole people before we can be whole together." She laughed, the tension in the room alleviating slightly as she heard her words she'd just spoken. "God, that was corny."

"Yeah," He smirked, laughing a little with her. "Just a bit."

"But you know what I mean." She continued before the safe feeling disappeared and they stopped talking and went on like nothing had happened just because the air wasn't as thick and demanding. "You need to be happy, Nathan, you not us."

"I'm happy."

She raised an eyebrow at him, before rubbing her hands over her eyes. They were going around in circles. Every night it felt like who ever was in the spotlight felt the need to repeat those two words over and over again, like if they made the other person believe it maybe it would come true.

"We're young, we've got our lives ahead of us, but don't you want those lives to be the best they can be?"

"Lives?" He questioned, a nervous swirling beginning in his stomach as he took in her use of the plural of the word. Lives, as in separate, apart from each other?

"Lives as in we're two people." She answered quickly, somehow immediately knowing where his was mind was going as his gaze snapped up towards her from where he'd returned to looking at the floor. She was coming to realise just how insecure her husband could be, how much of a mess of a little boy was left inside the man before her. "But our life together. So many more years of our life together. But for now, we are young, we're just starting that life, and these are the times we need to be selfish and do what we want for ourselves. To give us the perfect life down the line, whatever it brings, the happier we are, the happier our life together is, the stronger we can be. Make the little things count, right? Make day to day good and the years will take care of themselves?"

"Wasn't that our problem to begin with?" He asked her, they'd spent so long pretending if they just got through today, if they made it through without a fight, or saying the wrong thing that maybe tomorrow would go over the same.

She could taste the sharp taste of blood in her mouth as her tooth tore the skin on her lower lip which was wedged firmly beneath it. Shifting, she unwound her legs and hung them before her, her feet dangling mid-air as they failed to hit the tiled floor. He had a point but it wasn't exactly what she meant. "I said good, Nathan, not easy. Continuing working for Dan, that would be easy. Not putting aside this time to be open with each other, would be easy. Not talking about what the other does that makes us hurt, or mad, or sad, that would be easy. Being good is being able to talk about it, being able to understand it maybe? To comfort each other over it, to move past it, so that it isn't a problem tomorrow, or at least not as big of one."

He wiped at his mouth, unsure of what to say. She was right, as she generally was. There was a big difference between easy, and good, and he'd known that even as he questioned it. But easy was, easy, he could do easy. He wasn't as familiar with the good. The good in his life was her, being with her made him feel good. Knowing she loved him made him feel like a good person. Having her choose to spend the rest of her life with him meant that for all the bad ones he must have made some good choices in life, but besides her he didn't have a lot of good. Had never experienced a lot of good, had never really chosen to. He knew he could do easy, his whole life he'd been making the easy choices, taking the easy route, he just didn't know he could be good apart from her. He definitely couldn't be without her, and he worried his fear would lead to that happening. He wondered if that feeling would ever go away, whether they'd ever be strong enough for him to not question it, to just know she'd always be there. He wondered if that fear would ever let them get to that place. "I don't know what to say, Haley."

"I just want you to tell me you love me, I want you to admit to me I'm right. That you hate going to that place everyday. To be honest and say that without being married to me you wouldn't have chosen to work for your father…"

"You know all those things are true." He stood up, walking towards her, her legs instinctively parting for him to stand between, her head tipping back so their eyes locked on each others. "I do love you, baby."

"I know." She nodded, wrapping her arms around his neck and shifting forward so their bodies touched. "But most of all, Nathan, I want you to admit you're unhappy."

He tried to pull away but she held his legs between her feet and tightened her clasp behind his neck. "Haley…"

"No, Nathan, I want you tell me you're unhappy, and that you want to change it. That you're not okay with living life like this."

The familiar feeling of discomfort spilling over into anger grew inside of him and he used his excessive weight over her to push past the embrace she'd locked around him. He paced across the room, looking back when he heard the familiar thud of her slipping down off the counter.

"Don't do this, Nathan." She begged, the distance that lay between them similar to the emotional one she'd been sure was starting to lessen but now seemed as large as ever as he closed down before her eyes.

"Don't do what?" He spat back at her, anger taking over even as told himself not to raise his voice to her, that it wasn't her fault he felt this way.

"Don't push me away."

"I'm not."

"You literally walked away from me, Nathan." Her own voice was beginning to sound angry and she stopped herself before letting it take her over, them both reacting that way would do neither of them any favours. "It doesn't take a psychiatrist to see the metaphor there."

"Here we go again!" He raged, shaking his head and avoiding her gaze, his breath coming out in heavy agitated sighs.

"Excuse me?"

"Psychiatrist," He repeated, his eyes narrowing as he at her, challenging her in some way. "I'm not going to see a shrink, Haley!"

"Where the hell did that come from?" She blinked confused, she may have used the word first but she had no idea how the conversation had gotten onto this topic.

"Well, that's what you want isn't it? You think we need to see a professional, you said it outright once, and you're always referring to this as our couples therapy."

"Oh for God's sake, I'm just trying to make things a little easier by joking about it. Yes, I did bring it up. One Time. And you said you didn't want to go so I let it be!" She threw her hands up in the air and her tongue twisted in her mouth as she tried not to say anything she'd come to regret. "You're being a little sensitive, Nathan."

"Isn't that the point?" He sneered, slamming his hand against the wall and she closed her eyes. She didn't fear him physically but she hated when his feelings took over his body like this, when she could see him practically shaking with anger and his fists balled looking for the nearest target. "To stop closing off our emotions, to share them, to feel them."

"The point," She stopped, swallowing and reminding herself that tears didn't help anything as they gathered in her eyes and she took a deep breath before continuing. "The point is to be honest, to deal with that honesty, and not avoid the feelings that stir up. You're not angry at me, you're angry at what you're feeling, and maybe you should think about why that is. Why me suggesting you might want more in life than working for your dad who you make no secret of your feelings about, makes you feel something that sends you into this rage."

"Well, clearly I don't need a shrink because apparently I have one living in my house!"

"Now who's being ridic…" Haley's words stopped short when the doorbell sounded and rang through the house, causing the young couple to look back towards the entrance before sharing a look, each daring the other to take the easy way out of answering the door instead of continuing the conversation.

Whoever was at the door persisted, this time choosing to bang their fists repeatedly against the oak.

"I'll get it." Nathan sighed, not sure if the gratitude he felt for the chance to get away from this conversation outweighed how much he didn't want to see anyone right now. Opening the door he immediately got his answer

"Hey, little brother." The blonde grinned, walking into the house without being invited. "Don't I get a hug?"

Reluctantly he let the older girl embrace him, eyes widening as he caught sight of the bright pink suitcase that lay behind her. "Hello, Taylor."

*****

_"Get out." Taylor didn't bother to knock as she entered into the room she'd been told the groom and his party were getting ready in, not sparing a glance at the other people around them as she found her target. He looked up at her from where he was sat in a chair, hunched over his wrists as he clumsily fixed his cufflinks. If she wasn't here on a mission she'd have been amused, she'd known Nathan most of her life and she'd never seen him look anything less than self-assured._

_"Nate?" Cooper questioned, looking over at his nephew who nodded his consent for them to follow what the blonde had asked._

_"It's cool." He stood up, feeling unnerved by the way Taylor's icy gaze followed him as he walked across the room and shut the door as the others left. "Did you want something, Taylor?"_

_When she didn't respond, and the harshness lessened in her eyes and was replaced with something he wasn't sure of but got a sense of sadness from, his blood ran cold. Could Haley have decided not to go through with it? He never should have listened to his mother when she insisted upon this grand ceremony despite the intense urge he'd had ever since she'd agreed to get married to drag her off to the justice of peace and seal the deal before she could change her mind. "Where's Haley?"_

_"She's in the bridal suite. Don't worry. She hasn't come to her senses." Most people would have said it as a joke, even if they felt otherwise, but Taylor James was nothing if not brutally honest and her words were laced with the disdain she clearly felt for the situation._

_The soon to be in-laws stared at each other, before Nathan shook his head sadly and broke the eye contact. He wanted Haley's family to approve of him, and despite the reservations a lot of them had expressed over how quickly the young couple had gotten engaged, all but the one before him had accepted that this failed hometown hero really did love their baby girl. Normally he wouldn't let it get to him, but he knew the reason Taylor was the only one holding out boiled down to the fact she knew him better than any of them. At least the person he used to be, the one he was so desperately trying to move on from. "What did you want, Taylor."_

_"I warned you off Haley a long time ago," The blonde said slowly, leaning against the window ledge, her back to the man she spoke to as she stared down at the familiar faces excitedly congregating outside of the church._

_Nathan had no memory of the night Taylor was speaking of, the one where he'd apparently spoken to his fiancée for the only time during high school. The night her maid of honour informed him when they'd met again after he and Haley started dating, that he'd broken the young tutor's heart even though he'd barely known her name._

_"I'm not going to tell you to leave her alone again. Even if that's what I really want to tell you, because being Haley she's found a place in her huge heart for someone even as pitiful as you." The words were like a knife through Nathan's heart, and as big a part of him that wanted to call Taylor a bitch and send her out of the room, there was a big part of him cheering her on for it. She was right, he was pitiful, and only someone like Haley would be able to open their heart up to him. From one person who loved Haley and wanted to protect her to another he inwardly applauded the woman before him for her honesty, for the warnings that rang loudly behind her words and through her body language._

_"I'm not going to hurt her, Taylor." He broke her off, before she continued on a laundry list of his faults, he may agree with her, but this was his wedding day, the day he got to prove to everyone that he was worthy of Haley's love, that she in all her infinite wisdom had chosen him to spend the rest of her life with, and he hoped that by doing so everyone else would be able to see some of the good she swore she saw in him everyday._

_"I believe you don't want to." She turned to him, her eyes softened, and even a small smile playing at her lips. "I believe that you love her, I believe that she loves you, and I really do believe, Nathan, that you see how amazing my little sister is, but I don't think you're going to be able to not hurt her, I don't think the two of you will work. She's sweet and innocent, and delicate, and you, you're anything but."_

_"Taylor, you of all people should believe me when I say I'm not the same person I was back when we knew each other." He pointed out, her reputation had been as bad and as big as his own, and if anybody could understand what it meant for Haley to see past that it should be the woman before him._

_"I also know better than anyone how hard it is to change. How it's a battle every day not to slip back into what comes easily. How being selfish just becomes part of who you are, and it's a struggle even at the best of times, and Haley doesn't deserve to be your guinea pig for trying to put someone else first for once, Nathan."_

_"She's not. I love her."_

_"Who doesn't." Taylor replied with just as much conviction as Nathan's reply. "The problem comes in the fact that she loves us. She doesn't hold back like we do either, so she feels the little things, she gets hurt so easily, Nathan, and I don't think you know that yet. I don't think you know her as well as you think you do."_

_"I'm marrying her, Taylor, of course I know her."_

_"I've been her sister her whole life, and it's only recently I've seen that behind that strength she seems to have, despite how easy things appear to be for her, she's not that person she projects to the world most of the time."_

_"I know her, Taylor." He repeated, "I know her better than you think. I love her for who she is, not for who she tries to be. I'm the one who holds her when she cries, or comforts her when she's had a bad day. I love your sister, Taylor, and she loves me, we're getting married in an hour, and nothing you say to me now is going to change that."_

_"I didn't come here to change that, Nathan. I came here to warn you if you hurt her, I'll make damn sure you're hurting too. For Haley's sake I want us to at least be able to be civil to one another, but even if I'm laughing at your jokes, and smiling and playing happy families, I'm watching you. I'm listening to everything you say to my sister, every look you give her, and you make her cry one tear I will never forgive you for it, and I will do anything and everything in my power to make sure she doesn't cry over you again."_

_Nodding slowly, Nathan watched how with her last words the young woman got up and walked past him without a second glance, as her hand hit the knob he stopped her. "Taylor?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"How does she look?" He asked, unable to stop the giddy grin that tugged at his lips at the prospect of seeing his soon to be bride in such a short amount of time._

_The two shared a smile, possibly for the first time ever, as they thought of the young woman in a room just the other side of the building. "Breathtaking."_

*****

"I'm starting to think your husband is avoiding me, Hay." Taylor said, walking into the living room and placing another bottle of wine on the table, Brooke eagerly leaning over and filling her glass while Haley shook her head and held her hand over hers as the brunette tried to fill it.

"No more for me thank you. I've got the opening shift at work tomorrow, plus I don't think Nathan would be too pleased to come home to three drunken girls in his living room."

"And doesn't that just prove how times have changed." Taylor quipped, causing Haley to roll her eyes and Brooke to giggle.

"That's right, you know all the stories of the dark days of King Nathan. I heard some stuff from that Rachel girl when we all had dinner a while back, but I'm sure you can tell much juicier stories now he's not here."

"Rachel who?" The older sister didn't fail to notice the stiffness that crept back into Haley's stance, as she stood up and started busying herself clearing the little mess they'd made that evening. Nathan and Lucas had arranged to meet up with some buddies earlier in the week, and so Taylor had decided to tag along for the girls night in Brooke and Haley had already arranged. The younger James had been worried at first, given that the other times the two had been in the same room sparks seemed to fly, so much so that in the run up to the wedding the bride-to-be had suffered nightmares of the two getting into a catfight mid-ceremony.

"Gatina, and I really don't think Nathan's avoiding you, Taylor. You kind of did drop in on us unexpectedly!" When hurricane Taylor had blown into their home the night before, insisting that she stay in their guest room and not back at their childhood home because there's only so many times you can walk in on your parents fooling around when you understand what's happening before you actually go through with gouging your eyes out, it hadn't been at the best of times for the young couple to have a visitor, but ever the consummate host Haley had kissed her sister on the cheek and fixed her something to eat, while Nathan murmured that he needed to blow off some steam, kissed Haley's forehead and headed out returning home a couple of hours later only to go straight to bed, then rushed through breakfast this morning before heading to work, and then straight out with his buddies. Haley knew she wasn't even being subtle, as she skipped back in conversation topic, but she'd always had trouble lying to Taylor. Even before she'd matured into someone Haley would consider a friend, there was something in her sister's eyes that worked like a truth serum on her, and Rachel Gatina was a not a subject she felt like being honest about.

She could easily lie to Brooke when the girl hinted that Lucas had told her Nathan had been spending time with his ex-girlfriend. Had no trouble insisting she knew all about it and was fine, she was secure in her relationship and knew Nathan felt nothing for his high school girlfriend any longer, but with Taylor it was different. Taylor had been more vigilant of Haley than she liked to let on back during the small amount of time they'd attended the same school, or social gatherings, and had known all about Haley's crush on Nathan. She also knew how belittled Rachel had made her younger sister feel when they were teenagers. She'd never believe that Haley didn't remember the times Rachel mocked her for sitting home reading on a Saturday night while she and Taylor were slutting themselves up to bar hop on their fake id's. Or the slurs the redhead had made about the size of her hips, or the cut of her hair, or the perverse enjoyment that the older girl had obviously gotten by talking crudely about her and Nathan's relationship in front of the naïve younger teen.

"My Rachel's in town?" Taylor hadn't failed to notice the change in her sister's demeanor once Brooke had mentioned Rachel's name. Instead of continuing to lounge in the overstuffed arm chair, Haley was now fluttering around the living room, tidying the small mess they'd made, and clearly avoiding eye contact. "Hales?"

"Yeah, that Rachel."

"God, your Rachel, Nathan's Rachel, the girl got around, huh?" Brooke giggled, and Haley shook her head, clearly most of the wine they'd drank tonight had been consumed by the only brunette in the room.

"She was my friend." Taylor rolled her eyes, picking up a few things and following Haley out into the kitchen, leaving Brooke to flick through the TV alone. "She drank a lot, didn't she?"

"Please, Taylor, don't start anything. She's just annoyed that Luke went out tonight. He's been away a lot lately so she's just upset he went out with the guys instead of spending time with her."

"You don't seem upset Nathan's gone out?" Taylor wasn't blind, or stupid, especially not for signs she was looking for. She'd told Nathan she'd be watching him and she meant it, and the two people she walked in on the night before were not a happily married young couple. The tension was rife in the small home, and she had a feeling it wasn't just her Nathan was avoiding in not being home much over the past 24 hours.

"Nathan doesn't travel for work, I see him every night." Dropping some bottles into the recycling Haley turned back to look at her sister, seeing a question in her eyes she chose to ignore. "Plus it's nice to spend some time with my sister. I've missed you, Tay, you should come home more often."

"I might have to seeing as it seems you're so poor on spreading the gossip. Why didn't you tell me Rachel was back in town?"

"Must have slipped my mind." She knew she wasn't being very convincing. If she could remember to tell her that Mrs. Morgan two doors down from their parents had bought a new dog, she could of course remember the fact she'd had dinner with her sister's best friend from high school, and if the obviousness of her statement hadn't given away the fact she'd purposely held back the piece of information, once again not being able to make eye contact would have done it for her.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Look, Haley, is there something you need to talk…" Taylor was broken off by Brooke walking into the room and handing Haley her glass.

"Luke just called." Under Haley's raised eyebrow Brooke grinned and relented, "Okay I called Luke, but the point is he's going to come pick me up, Nathan's getting a ride with someone else, so he'll be a while yet, but I'm really ready to go home and I knew Luke was driving so I hope you don't mind if I cut out early."

"Of course." Haley walked over and gave the tipsy girl a hug. "I had fun."

"Yeah, me too. Who knew we could get along huh, Taylor?"

"Yeah," The blonde smirked. "Who knew we had more in common than our taste in men."

Brooke's happy face soured, the sore point of the evening had come in Taylor's relishing in the fact that Brooke now knew she'd taken Lucas' virginity. Haley had sworn her to secrecy on the topic before, and she found it highly amusing that Haley had been the one to let it slip herself.

"Okay, let's just move on from this subject, shall we?" Haley interjected, not wanting to have to step back into the role of peacemaker. They were two of the most important people in her life and now they'd proved to her they could get along, she wasn't going to suffer through their bitching any longer. "Do you want some water for the ride, Brooke?"

"Please." The brunette nodded, sitting down at the kitchen counter, the prospect of home had sobered her a little bit but the room was still swaying somewhat.

"Look at you, Hay, such a mom. You know I thought you and Nathan would have a baby on the way now."

"Are you kidding?" Brooke laughed, "I thought that was how she got him to marry her."

Taking a deep breath, her head still in the refrigerator, Haley exhaled slowly and willed the alcohol she'd consumed not to let her cry. This was her sister, and one of her best friends in the world, she knew she should just be able to turn around and tell them that although she would like a child it really wasn't the best time, but she couldn't do it. For all the strides she and Nathan had made, for the very real conclusion she'd come to, and was slowly but surely coming to terms with, that it just wasn't the right time for them to start a family, the ache in her heart was still there, and so the fact that she wasn't having a child still seemed like a failure to her, and she wasn't willing to admit failure, especially not after the ribbing she'd been receiving all evening about being the perfect one, as good natured as it might have been it definitely struck a nerve in the young woman.

"Okay, girls, calm down, I'm only 24 you know and we've barely been a married a year. Besides, if I had an actual baby to mother, who would take care of drunk Brooke." She gave a dazzling smile as she hugged the girl in question, placing the water bottle down next to her.

"So very true. No rush for you to have babies yet!" Brooke turned up to Haley and smiled, climbing down off the seat as a horn sounded outside. "Woah, that was quick."

"Very quick, are you sure he was still at the bar?"

"That's what he said."

"Oh, wait a minute." Watching as the other woman gathered her things Haley had remembered something, ignoring the way Taylor wiggled her fingers at Luke's through the pulled back blinds and Brooke's glaring at the act she slipped out and pulled the jacket out of the hall closet. "Don't forget this."

"Why are you giving me this?" Standing in the entrance way, Brooke studied the leather in her hands. "It's really nice, but it's not mine."

"Sure it's yours. Who else's would it be?"

"I don't know, Hales, but it's not mine. I can take if off your hands if you like but…"

Taking the jacket back, Haley felt an ominous feeling settle in her stomach, the jacket had turned up in her house the weekend she'd been away in New York. When Nathan had insisted he hadn't done anything but hang out with his brother and watch TV, and the clean freak she was she knew she wouldn't have left it just lounging around the house if she'd seen it before then. If it wasn't Brooke's who else's could it be? The answer came easily to her, no matter how hard she tried to resist it. She knew Nathan had spent some time with Rachel lately, he'd been honest with her about that, but if he'd lied about seeing her that weekend had he been lying before? She worried thinking back over what Brooke had said earlier, about Lucas coming to pick her up but Nathan staying and having another ride, and found herself becoming paranoid about the fact that Lucas had turned up so quickly.

"Don't worry, I think I know who it belongs to. Go home and I'll call you tomorrow." Giving Brooke a quick hug she shuffled her out of the door, waving at Lucas, and watching them drive away before shutting the door, leaning against it and holding the jacket in her hands. "Maybe I'm wrong."

"Wrong about what?" Taylor asked, watching carefully at the way Haley seemed to be trying to squeeze the life out of the garment in her small grasp. "Who's jacket is it, Haley?"

"Oh, um no ones." Haley forced a smile and walked back towards the closet, hanging the jacket up neatly.

"No ones? 'Cause you've got that look you used to get when you realised Mom and Dad were going out for the evening and JJ was going to be in charge."

"God, you used to be horrible to me when Mom and Dad weren't around."

"Stop avoiding the subject, bub. Who's jacket is it."

"Um, I think it might be your friend Rachel's." Haley said, trying to appear flippant as she headed into the kitchen, Taylor hot on her heels. Hoping that if she avoided eye contact she wouldn't blurt out that she was pretty sure it was Rachel's, and she was certain the woman hadn't been wearing it the only night she'd known her to be in her home.

"Why do you keep saying her name like that, Hay?"

"Like what?" Haley said, walking back out of the kitchen and into the living room, training her eyes on the infomercial Brooke had left playing.

"Like it hurts you to say it." Nervously Taylor broached a subject she'd been wanting to ever since she came home. Before really if you counted those times she'd heard sadness in her sister's voice. Albeit up until now she hadn't had a specific question to ask, more of a general wondering. "Is there something going between Rachel and Nathan?"

Unable to worry any longer about avoiding eye contact Haley's head snapped over to where Taylor was stood in the doorway. "Why do you say that?"

"Because Nathan's avoiding you, and every time Rachel's name has come up in conversation you've practically turned into a mannequin you've gotten so stiff. You're my baby-sis. I know when you're hiding something."

"I told you, Nathan's not avoiding anybody. You or me, and there's nothing going on between Nathan and Rachel. They're old friends they've been hanging out." Turning once again back to the TV, Haley's thumb made its way to her mouth and she began to gnaw at it lightly. The time Nathan and Rachel had been spending together was something she kept trying to push to the back of her mind, they had enough problems she didn't need to add insecure and jealous to the list but it was hard not to be affected when they were supposed to be entering a new honest and open stage in their relationship, and her husband had gotten extra pal-ey with the anti-Haley.

"You've been letting Nathan hang around with his ex-girlfriend?" Taylor raised an eyebrow in suspicion as sat down on the coffee table in front of Haley, forcing her to look at her.

"Well, why wouldn't I." Haley defended, protesting as much to herself as to her sister. "We're adults, Taylor, men and women can be friends."

"People who spent as much time in bed as those two did can't be just friends, Haley."

Haley cringed and swallowed the bile that rose in her throat. "Thanks for that, Tay."

"I'm sorry," She reached over and stroked Haley's hair the way she had all her life when she felt the urge to comfort her. "I shouldn't have said, I just can't see you being cool with the two of them spending time together, Haley."

"I'm not." Haley's voice was barely above a whisper, and tears filled her eyes, unable to lie any longer as her sister's touch took her back to her childhood. "I'm not okay with it. I don't want him spending so much time with her, with any ex but especially her. I know people change, I mean, you and Nathan are just prime examples of people not being who they were when they were teenagers, but she just walks into a room and I feel like I'm fourteen, and madly crushing on her boyfriend, who doesn't see me, only her."

"But, sweetie, that boyfriend, he married you."

"I know, and I know he loves me, I do, but there's always going to be this part of me that feels like he settled with me, Tay."

"What? Haley, you're crazy. If anyone settled it's him not you - you're amazing!"

"Thank you, but you saying that doesn't change how I feel. I feel like he's going to realise that she's the head cheerleader and I'm still the tutor girl whose name he doesn't remember, and I know it sounds stupid, and I meant it when I said I know he loves me, but, God, something about the woman just brings out all these insecurities."

"Oh, Hales." Sitting down next to her on the couch she brought Haley over to her, the younger girl's feet folding up beside her as she sunk into the embrace.

"We've been having problems."

"About Rachel?"

Sniffling, Haley shook her head. "No, other stuff."

"Like what?"

"I asked him to have a baby with me."

"Have you not been able to get pregnant? 'Cause, honey, you know remember how long it took JJ and Erica and now they have three."

"He doesn't want one."

"Ever?"

Haley shrugged, unable to quite believe she was actually talking about this with someone, the closest she'd ever come to it was with Peyton, and opening up with her had meant a huge fight she wasn't sure they'd be coming back from anytime soon. "I don't know. He says he's just not ready now, but, I don't know.."

"Is it a deal breaker for you?"

"I'm not sure anything is a deal breaker for me where Nathan's concerned, Taylor."

"Haley, that's not healthy."

"I know that. You think I don't know that? Taylor, c'mon I know that, but I love him so much, and the whole baby thing, he's right it's not the right time, I know that now. We're not in the right place as a couple, as people… I thought we were moving on though, that we were accepting that we had our troubles and dealing with them, and that's why I've been trying really hard not to let the Rachel get to me, most of my close friends over the years have been male so it's ridiculous of me to act jealous, or worried because he has a friend who just so happens to be female, but then I realised this jacket belonged to her, and it's not the jacket she wore when she came over, and she's never been to our house again as far as I know. But if she's never been here how did her jacket get here? And how do I ask him without making it seem like I'm accusing him of something?"

"Are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Accusing him."

"No." She said emphatically, shaking her head. "No, I'm not, he wouldn't. He loves me."

"I know he loves you." Taylor nodded, she'd known it all along but it hadn't meant she trusted him anymore with Haley than she had before he loved her.

"I really don't think he's cheating on me."

"You don't think?"

"I know, I know he's not cheating on me, but it's Nathan, and it's Rachel, and I'm insecure, and jealous, and a mess, and I want a baby, and I want to go school, and I want my husband to talk to me, to tell me everything, to not push me away when things get hard, or messy, or uncomfortable."

"Hales." Taylor didn't really know what to say, her sister was painting the most heartbroken picture of her marriage, and despite the raging need in her to go and find Nathan and demand to know what was going on, and why he was letting Haley work herself into such a state, she was scared to break this moment. Haley wasn't one to break down, but when she did she went into a trance, one that if you broke she'd pretend never happened, as she wiped away the tears and found something to busy herself with.

"You can't tell anybody." Haley shifted so she could stare into her sister's eyes, grabbing her hands and holding onto them. "Please, Taylor. About the Rachel stuff, about the baby thing, nothing. Please. Not Mom, not Vivian, not even Nathan."

"Haley, you have nothing to be ashamed of, all marriages go through hard times, and if you say you're trying to sort things out you really should be talking to Nathan."

"I will, but he'd hate me if he knew I was telling you this, Taylor. Please, as my sister, promise me."

"I…" She didn't know if she could, she didn't know if she could stop herself from confronting Nathan about all the things he was doing to make Haley cry, but she knew she couldn't break a promise to Haley either.

"Please, Taylor, I promise I'm going to ask Nathan about the jacket, but in my own time, when I'm ready, and you, you'll get angry, and you'll make accusations, and he's my husband, and I trust him, and I'll ask when I'm ready to okay, please?"

Unable to face the prospect of making Haley cry even harder, Taylor nodded, sighing. "I promise I won't say anything to Nathan."

"Thanks, Tay. I love you."

"I love you too, bub." Holding onto Haley, Taylor felt bad, knowing her sister trusted her so much she didn't see the difference in the promise she'd made to the one she asked, but strangely enough it was that blind trust of the ones she loved that made Taylor feel right in her decision.


End file.
